I apologize to you without knowing my fault Without the sense of you not wanting me to respond I’m careless, persistent & overbearing Because I decided to act impulsively on my feelings It hurts It hurts to know I’m not what you want I’m not You are everything I want I didn’t know you weren’t ready to talk I know too well what that means You’re moving on without me I won’t disturb you Or try to touch your happiness anymore I’ll vanish beautifully as you wish
Contacted them today. I was the last person they wanted to hear from.
5/9/20 7:54 am And nothing else quite mattered The universe around me didn’t exist Not that it cared to know that I existed And I realize I put my heart into treasures of the world And that is what I could describe what love is to me Because it’s hard to let go of words written so beautifully, I suppose The scent of my hair filled the air as I took deep breaths to avoid the tears With each rip of the brittle, old letter, I ripped matter apart, and ripped at the atoms of my heart It fluttered symphonically below and returned back to dust just like us There... The earth still rotated in an universe that never knew we exist
3:08 a.m. 4/25/20 I’ve painted you in colors of the rainbow It reflected every mood that you had put me in I loved it I was spiraling downwards on the color orange It was getting too hot before it even started That’s a hazard And here I am again... Coloring you in black and shades of grey Because everything you have shown was in a haze A void that’s refusing to give You soaked up my white There is bad intentions in your meanings behind your words Not everyone’s intentions are pure Yet, I thought you were different But, I could count how many times I’ve etched that into a poem So, they say the sky is blue and it cries sometimes So, where do I go with this water color blue? Who do I give it too? Not you. I know better now Painting a picture mixed with red, blue and yellow turns out to be unappealing It was never serious This was never serious You were never serious But I was All my shades of blues never counted Thoroughly disappointed I smeared the color red with my fingers I bleed from the color of love Of what I think love is Oh how I give Yellow was always suppose to be mines It was the most beautiful like the sunshine That is what I thought I meant in your life Yet, when the colors of the rainbow mold into one How did black come and tainted my work of art
loneliness is a place i am terrified of getting used to but have been living in it for as long as i can remember.
it is a house that doesn’t feel like home; the only lit streetlight in an abandoned city; the twinkling star in the vast night sky; the last note of a song but one that’s fading away; the room with a bed that hasn’t been slept in ever since a lover was lost in the war.
the echoes of laughter of what once; the lingering touch of our fingers after our hands had let go; the wallflower sitting quietly in the corner of a party.
it is all of these things at once; but i think, most of all, loneliness is a friend who i so desperately want to get rid of—and i do, at times—yet she’s always there; waiting for me to take her back.
Some days, the emptiness isn't even obvious. You're brushing your teeth or putting on your favorite denim jacket or adjusting your wristwatch and it's there, lurking and you don't mind at all. It almost feels normal. Right, even.
But there are days and nights — mostly nights, when it feels colossal, you can't ignore it. There are times when it stares back, it's impossible to pretend it's not there. There are times when it feels out of place and you just sort of wanna dig for what's dead inside, or claw through your ribcages, or crack your chest open — anything, just to get it out of you.