I told myself
"I will have a great day"
We tell ourselves things that are so cliche
but makes us feel even more isolate.
Despite the positive affirmations
I felt so unmotivated and everything I did or told myself I will do
made it feel like it was obligated.
On a still day
with no wind
the whispers of your breath
my ears are plugged
forgets your name.
Sitting atop a plank,
waves crashing against the wood.
she was always told to be cautious.
Her preciseness and paranoia hath failed her.
There was nothing to see for miles.
Just water, water, water,
The deepest blue that could possibly be seen.
It was enjoyable at first.
The rumble of hunger and the pains of thirst were worth it for the view,
until it grew lonely.
She began to wonder if she would ever be seen.
Spotted by a plane, a ship, anything,
it would be better than being hopelessly alone.
You step out into the world and its tendrils seek to entwine.
It takes away my hopes and all the dreams I once held as mine.
You are faced with expectations and choices so not of your own.
You come to think it not so bad when life is both empty and alone.
It becomes just easier to forget about hope and any form of dream.
Responsible to self and away from expectations endless scream.
You close the world outside behind your safeties solid door.
And give up on love and dream like clothes discarded on the floor.
You accept a life of little value and so too the feel it will never end.
All for reassurance outside consequence wont reach in to offend.
I write of being sad and lonely in many of the poems that I write.
But I am conscious, it is I who cast love and hope out into the night.
I know there are many who have come to feel this way. A loss of something that makes trusting the world and others just so difficult to do. Sometimes finding a light at the end of the tunnel doesn't have the appeal others may expect us to have. Controlling the light switch even in darkness offers a level of security that some of us prefer. Your expectations scare us and it is what made us seek darkness as refuge.
I’m not sure what to make
of silences -
g a p s
revealing the chasm
growing wider with the
of tiny stones
inscribed with pet names
to the echoing (echoing echoing echoing) depths
the distance s t r e t c h i n g
between the nights on which we have
less and less
to say to each other
and my creeping backwards
to the tune of
my own discomfort,
strain the tenuous cords
that bind us still.
The conversations go on,
With the four walls,
As it dampens the silence
Of the isolated winds,
As I dive into them.
How long till it ends or just begins?
i've spent so much time in my bedroom
that i've memorised the walls.
i know every stain
like the back of my hand
because it's become my new every day
i guess my physical presence
was the reminder of my existence
and now that it's gone
i'm no longer present in their thoughts
and so i'm left here
i just need to be able to hug someone
heed the air
for there are particles swooping
like vultures there,
with every breath death does prance
like a playful fawn,
and some ritual dance.
i never thought this bane would come
to this small world i live,
shutters closed, streets numb,
faces masked and souls glum.
stare at the same four walls a day
at least i’m safe, netheless turning
dizzy. read, read, read till my eyes fray;
my ghost is ebbing,
flowing far away.
I'm happy for you
Really, I mean it
There's nothing that I need more
Than to know you're doing alright
But I just... I can't help it...
Within the privacy of my own mind
I remind myself
That I will never have that kind of happiness
I will never get to live like that
And I want it so badly
I can't take it away from you
By letting you in on what I'm feeling
It would seem that some of my favorite people are doing quite well for themselves. Truly, I'm glad for them, but I am reminded of the emptiness inside me that I don't expect to ever be able to fill.