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Lilly F Feb 2020
cheering and poorly sung melodies echo throughout the room,
the kitchen is dimly lit with the small flames and smiles of family members I rarely see,
the air is pushed out from my lungs,
the smoke fills the air,
the candles smelling of burnt happiness,
the oil spills on the buttercream frosting,
the pinks and yellows swirl together,
but I can't think of anything besides
"oh god, when will it be over?"

hating my birthday becomes a yearly tradition
991 · Jul 2019
wanting cuddles
Lilly F Jul 2019
I crave human touch
someone to cuddle
it doesn't have to be from a significant other or that of such
but from anyone please, before I drown in this puddle
puddles of loneliness, so late at night
I long for someone to hold me,
squeezing me tight
whoever up there that may be listening, take my plea
and send someone to please lay next to me

my skin feels cold without feeling any loving touches.
Lilly F Nov 2019
starting to feel like "I like you"
is the same as "I'm sorry",
the more I hear it the less meaning it seems to have

© L.F.
words are growing boring
830 · Dec 2019
platonic soulmates?
Lilly F Dec 2019
it seems like we love all the same things,
besides each other

817 · Jun 2019
Sun vs. Moon
Lilly F Jun 2019
the sun rises from its sleep
as it's pure daylight leaps
all from the flutter
and quiet mutter
of your early morning voice
from the subtle glowing
and gentle flowing
of your eyes of sweetened honey
for you make the very sun swoon
it feels obligated to share you with the moon
but every few months one insists on seeing you more
while the other misses the face of the one they adore
and so the feud continues until the next solstice is at its new peaking
this fight rotates like the seasons
and you alone are the only reason
for no one else could make the sun and moon
fight all day into the late noon

© L.F
643 · Jun 2019
only 2:05 AM
Lilly F Jun 2019
sleepless nights
after summer days
frequent sights
of the sun's early haze
and woe is me
for my strength is retired
every night is the same as the next will be
going to sleep shouldn't be hard when you're this tired

© L.F.
written at 2:05 without sleep
632 · Nov 2019
healing you with my hurt
Lilly F Nov 2019
rivers flow from my eyes as
you bathe yourself in them,
letting my tears water your ego

my tears watered your ego
630 · Aug 2019
the way you move
Lilly F Aug 2019
I don't know how you do it but with every
delicate, graceful movement and shift you make
heads turn in your direction

pt 4 from the series of poems I've been writing: what I love about you
629 · Jul 2019
unreciprocated love
Lilly F Jul 2019
I have to fit my hand into yours,
like forcing misfit puzzle pieces together,
just to get you to hold my hand

realizations @1:06 AM
612 · Aug 2019
for the best
Lilly F Aug 2019
I had to cut you off
not from my life
but from the way you use me,
as your drug
your medication
your therapist
your twelve-step program
because your process of healing,
has become your addiction

577 · Jun 2019
never been in love
Lilly F Jun 2019
I've never been in love
though I write of it a lot
I haven't gotten a special someone sent from above
and if I'd ever gotten feelings, I wouldn't take a shot
because I'm not the person I write about being
but it is the person I hope to be
writing is my way of fleeing
my sad and lonely reality

I write about catching feelings
but it's only happened just one time
though it wasn't too appealing
it could've been because I'm still in my prime,
although I don't think I really liked him even from the start
he wasn't like the dream boys I'd write about
and when I lost those feelings it didn't break my heart
he had seemed like something I could simply live without

I've never had a boyfriend
even if my poems tell you differently
I'm not sure who I'll spend my days with till the end
and the people I write of are those I wish I had, coincidently
though I don't wish to have one
at least not now, I think I'm far too young
and most girls I know already have it said and done
but I wouldn't want a relationship so soon sprung

I've never hugged a boy
at least not in a romantic kind of way
I've never met one that made me feel that type of joy
but I'm not caught up in that kind of cliche
I have time to wait for one who's sweet
I'm not in too much of a rush
sometimes I do wish to be swept off my feet
but so far, none have really made me fall, but only blush

so no I haven't been in love
though I write of it a lot
because its something one can dream of
and yes, I wish I've known what that feels like, but no, I have not

© L.F.
Most of my poems consist of happiness, love, and joy, though those things are always out of reach in my real life, it's easy to fantasize.
553 · Jul 2019
the sweetest of the sweet
Lilly F Jul 2019
you are sweeter than pure sugar dancing across my lips
you are made of the sweeteners of life
the flowers in the garden of Eden
the foundation of the Earth
from the lands of milk and honey
to the land we stand on
to the air we breathe
to the sun that warms us
made with God's very hands
the heavens must have been proud after creating you,
the closest thing to a human angel on earth

an old poem i recently found
518 · Jul 2020
the three words
Lilly F Jul 2020
let me scream these words from the edge of the earth,
from the depth of my heart,
to your pretty little ears,
till my heart swells with the overwhelming, bittersweet pain
and my lungs turn blue.
"i love you, i love you, i love you."

482 · Jan 2020
Lilly F Jan 2020
breathe me in like the drugs you take,
hold me like the cigarette between your lips,
dream of me like I'm the lsd you take before bed,
stare at me with your bloodshot eyes,
while you slur your words at me,
and reach out for me with your shaky hands,
I'll always be here for you
and that's what keeps me up at night,
waiting for you to come back again

© L.F.
432 · Aug 2019
dumb boys
Lilly F Aug 2019
the ones who stain your satin exterior,
with their salty tears
the ones who leave scuff marks, driving into your pastel mind,
with the words on their fake letters
the ones who resurface upon your eyes of a setting sun,
with their convenient after break-up rebound texts
the ones who **** the healing flowers growing on your earthly arms,
with their problems being unloaded onto you recklessly.
I'd rather be alone forever,
than put up with dumb boys.

most can relate.
425 · Jul 2019
dreaming of you at 4:57 AM
Lilly F Jul 2019
I'd say I get lost in your eyes,
but I know them so well
that they feel like home

© L.F.
424 · Jun 2019
dream boys
Lilly F Jun 2019
your ocean eyes, I swim among
while your vocals are echoing smoothy with every word you've sung
your hair like luscious trees
your kindness so strong, every night it brings the sun to its very knees
the thought of you makes my heart brake
not out of sadness, but in some other way you make it ache
I know the thought of you only exists within my mind
but I hope someday, one like you, I will find
oh send my dream boy, waiting for me with an open heart
because in this lifetime the two of us seem to be worlds apart

© L.F.
wanting someone who's everything you dream of, but that person is out of reach.
424 · Oct 2019
quiet whispers
Lilly F Oct 2019
he speaks my name as if it's a soft prayer
that would bring heaven down to earth

387 · Sep 2019
Lilly F Sep 2019
the isolation wasn't poison, but a drug
one that I tried to drown myself into
until my brain would save myself, breathing in more air
panting rapidly,
loving how it felt to be on the edge of letting go
for just a second, to be with the nothingness surrounding me
until the world resumed
my heartbeat became evident
and the unsatisfaction of reality reappeared

373 · Jun 2019
that moment it changed
Lilly F Jun 2019
you looked at me and the sky turned pink
the groud turned peach
savoring the moment without a single blink
the colors become distinctive, aware of each
my knees began to shake
the walls turned blue
who knew you could take
my breath away again, deja vu

© L.F
369 · Apr 2020
so sweet you rot my teeth
Lilly F Apr 2020
you were my spring honey
the aftertaste of your lips dripped from my own
from my chin down my neck,
leaving yellow streaks
slowly choking the air out of my lungs
suffocating me with your sweet affection
i think we may need a break

363 · Nov 2019
Lilly F Nov 2019
wish I had the type of love
that the stars have to the night,
that birds have to the sky,
that bees have to honey,
the type of love that you have for her

361 · Jun 2019
why do i care?
Lilly F Jun 2019
why do you get me so mad
I don't even care about you
I never even liked whatever it was we had
so why do you leave me so blue
when I see you've moved on?
is it jealousy? not of you, but of a relationship
of someone to love, the way people write about in all those songs
but this ****** like a thorn, leaving a rosy marked nip

I never had real feelings for you
and I don't want to be your girlfriend
so I'm confused right now, I'm not sure what's true
I'm drowning in the deep end
obsessing over things that I shouldn't care about
this isn't the song I like to sing
and I'm still not sure why I have a pout
because I'm over you, but for some reason, my heart still stings

© L.F.
not my highest quality poem, but it feels better to talk about real feelings.
360 · Sep 2019
Lilly F Sep 2019
the tears were traitors,
I tried so hard not to cry
repeating the words mom always said,
"boys aren't worth your tears"
but slowly they fell from my heavy lids
one by one, mocking me
while they left their stains of exhaustion
with the streaks left on my cheek,
the tears were traitors

359 · Jun 2019
apologies in advance
Lilly F Jun 2019
I annoy my friends when I talk to them about him
and I don't blame them because I make no sense
the light on the other side of this tunnel looks rather dim
these confusing feelings are too immense
to be placed on their shoulders to carry
"I don't have feelings for him but I'm mad when he's with her"
I can tell they get stressed as my eyes get cherry
but I still deny wanting back whatever him and I were

but I don't want him back, it's simple don't you see?
I also don't want him with another though
I know I'm drinking from a bitter cup of tea
and I'm being selfish, I know, I know
but I don't really care anymore
to my friends, I'm sorry for annoying you
and for making your ears sore
because even I don't even understand, why I don't like them two

© L.F.
353 · Aug 2019
baggage claim
Lilly F Aug 2019
I found the pieces of me that were left
and carried them in the tired bags left underneath my eyes
wanting so badly to leave it all behind
and rest

339 · Aug 2019
expect the unexcepted
Lilly F Aug 2019
you said you'd never leave,
but even I know that sometimes
it rains when it's not supposed to

Lilly F Jun 2019
the boy in the moon
the girl in the sun
make each other swoon
all day till the night is young
they never see each other for too long
the moon appears at daybreak every morning for just a little while
so the birds tweet a sweet song
until the boy in the moon rests, thinking of the girl in the suns smile
dreaming of how she helps him shine
how his stars and her clouds may speak
giving him her light in the hours after nine
in the nights of each week
and when the girl in the sun dreams
she thinks of how lovely the boy looks among the stars
and how her light allows him to beam
admiring the moons craters and scars
and how the boy's sweet shadow reflects
alas they will have to wait till the day
the earth allows them to connect
until then, the two will remain astray
wanting each other more and more
while the ******* the sun weeps and her clouds simply pour

© L.F
338 · Aug 2019
getting harder
Lilly F Aug 2019
I tried to stay in reality
while the sight of you rested upon my eyelids
the thought of you running through my mind
and the feeling of you sends chills up my arms
as I tried to sleep at night

fantasies make it harder to sleep at night, thinking of all the things you wish you had
331 · Jun 2019
once i'm gone
Lilly F Jun 2019
I could ruin the best places for you
because once I'm gone
and you go back to all the places you took me
all the places we dreamt of going
all the places you said we'd go
you can't help but feel me there

I could ruin the best music for you
because once you don't hear me singing the words along with you
the sound will feel empty
the song will grow old
and my voice would echo in your head
you can't help but hear me

you'll never forget about me
and when you bring the next girl around she'll see me
reflecting in your sad eyes
when she hears our songs
when you take her to our places
and oh, like the taste of blood in the mouth,
you can't get rid of me until the bleeding stops

© L.F.
heartbreak follows you until you move on
328 · Sep 2019
starlit nights
Lilly F Sep 2019
like the sky was feeling sad after the sun left
so the moon sprinkled little white gems and sparkles from moondust
to make the darkness feel lighter

haven't seen a starlit night in a while.
325 · Apr 2020
my beautiful poet
Lilly F Apr 2020
you tell me to dream a little dream of you
but do i really have to if i'm living it?
i'd believe everything was nothing if you told me
i'd give up all i have for you
when i'm with you the footsteps we take melt together
beautiful pinks and purples swirling among each other
getting to know one another in beautiful ways
i let you into my mind
and you tread along lightly
you are my peace, you are my tranquility
you are my dream, my love
so when i sleep, let me dream of nothing
because my everything is right there next to me

323 · Sep 2019
colored tears
Lilly F Sep 2019
my tears come in different colors
weeping in teal, the same color as your eyes
crying in violet, the same color that lies under my own
sobbing in pink, the same color of the blemishes on my face
whimpering in gray, the same color as the stressed hairs on my head
wallowing in gold, the same color I swore her heart was.
none of which are primary.

311 · Jul 2020
heavenly gifts
Lilly F Jul 2020
i remember you whispering in my ear in mass when we were meant to be reciting our hail marys.
and daydreaming during the homilies of how dangerously strong our love may be if it was let known,
reverberating over holy lands,
overpowering the sounds of church bells.
but only the walls can hear our words over the loudly sung psalms
and only a god can see in the dark.
your love was architectural.
your love built me cathedrals,
your love built me empires.
the soft vibrations of your sweet love words bounced off the stain-glassed windows and silently drew an echo over the room,
through the pews, up to the sacred altar, presented as a gift to all.
a poet you are, my love,
a goddess, even more so,
with your words, you have the power to create
and with your love, you have the will to sanctify.
for churches are divine, and gods are ancient,
but you are you, forevermore, every century.

310 · Mar 2020
simpler times
Lilly F Mar 2020
the repetitive days grow tiring
so extremely uninspiring
as i remember the times when things were so simple
where we had smiles so big you saw dimples
the dusty chalk left on the porch stairs
the house's unfinished repairs
the creak of the wooden doors
the kitchen's tiled floors
the chipped paint on the walls
and none of it bothered me at all
my mind held no worries
my heart was never in a hurry
oh, to go back to the days
my teary eyes look back in a gaze,
looking back on the shadow that it once was
i want my adrenaline rushing from running too fast
i want the green stained knees from sliding on the grass
i want to taste the salty tears on my cheeks from scraping my knees
i want the calluses from climbing sticky trees
i want the brush burn from going down the static-feeling slide
even if the bruises and scratches make me cry
i would go back in a heartbeat
because those days were oh so sweet
being a kid on Grape Street

306 · Aug 2019
the way you hug me
Lilly F Aug 2019
warm like the summer sun in the evening
and as tender as the summer moon at night

pt 3 of the series of poems I've been writing: what I love about you
300 · Mar 2020
slowly but surely
Lilly F Mar 2020
one day, earth will take it all back
and you'll be wailing under her vines, as they tie down your limbs
gasping for air as her flowers grow in your lungs,
drowning as her salty waters fill up your throat,
until the only word you can stutter from your helpless, desperate lips
is sorry

inspired by the quote: "she will take it back someday, slowly but surely"
-pink floyd
293 · Jul 2019
act my words
Lilly F Jul 2019
oh love, just for the day
can we act the words in my poems into existence?
the sentences I write, would you please say?
could our lives become consistent?

© L.F.
Invitation to pretend to be the people I write us as.
288 · Jun 2019
the days
Lilly F Jun 2019
another day another wallowing moment
in this unfamiliar skin
searching for the component
that feels missing deep within

another hour another feeling
how they change so quickly
my back tied to the ceiling
lack of control making my stomach feel sickly

another minute another headache
come and go in a blink
I pray that they stop for my sake
too tired to even think

another second another toll
on my head filled with words
needing something plentiful for the soul
ears longing for the sweet tunes of songbirds

the pain beneath my eyes
showing the purple and blue taint
my mind up till sunrise
wearing my exhaustion like a canvas wears paint

© L.F.
286 · Aug 2019
lonely evenings
Lilly F Aug 2019
what does being a hopeless romantic mean?
is it writing poems about people who don't exist?
is it wanting to be older and in love so bad, while just being fourteen?
is it wanting to feel a presence of love, standing in a summers mist?
is it imagining arms around you every night?
is it thinking of someone taking you on long drives?
because it seems like it just might
be a little while longer before we live those lives

wishing I could go back and time while dreaming of skipping forward.
281 · Apr 2020
don't fall
Lilly F Apr 2020
shielding emotion with every arrow that slips through my chest
i would rather pull it from its fletching,
ripping through my arteries and ventricles,
as my blood waters the seeds you tried to plant for us,
before i lose control again
and trust me, i'm dying inside
but my face holds a smile as cherry red trickles from my mouth
because at least i didn't fall in love with you

271 · Mar 2020
Lilly F Mar 2020
like a sunflower,
when i can't find the light
i'll turn to you, my friend

271 · Aug 2019
your arms
Lilly F Aug 2019
one of the only places I feel safe
and your hugs,
as healing to the bones as honeycomb

from a series of poems I've been writing: what I love about you
267 · Apr 2020
Lilly F Apr 2020
if i loved you less,
i may be able to say those three words more,
but you make me forget every language i've been taught

264 · Dec 2019
moment of realizing
Lilly F Dec 2019
the moment I tried to convince myself I wasn't in love with you,
was the moment I realized I was

263 · Aug 2019
moving on
Lilly F Aug 2019
one day I'll be able to watch the ocean
wipe your name away from the sand
without writing it ever again

© L.F.
257 · Dec 2019
grief and regret
Lilly F Dec 2019
grieving over what I lost,
regretting not holding on tighter

248 · Jul 2019
words to sentences
Lilly F Jul 2019
sometimes the shortest sentences
show the most meaning,
from the first "I love you"
to the final "I do"
the words either send chills up your body,
paint a smile across your face,
or, if you're lucky, both

246 · Aug 2019
the way you smell
Lilly F Aug 2019
like the simple, earthy, natural scent
the air gives off when it rains for ten minutes
then the sun comes out

pt 5 from the series I've been writing: what I love about you
245 · Aug 2019
the way you speak
Lilly F Aug 2019
you **** me softly with every syllable,
your vocals do not make me shake,
but make me stand perfectly still
to make sure I don't miss hearing even a mumble
come from between those lips

pt 2 of series of poems I've been writing: what I love about you
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