The pain stings deeper than ever before I'm not sure what I've done in this life or a past life to get dealt this hand The winds howl, as the storm surges on inside of me I just want to burry myself then keep on digging Because maybe the darkness or silence will accept me Maybe I cant fight anymore Forgetting what it was I was even fighting for Because I loved, Oh my God did I love Without boundaries or false pretence With pure acceptance and irrefutable forgiveness The love was pure The pain that drives into me, will send me to madness I want to be missed like I miss you Because by God do I miss you Where is my silver lining
So many voices yelling and echoing and cluttering up Every heartbeat with dissonant commands; Discordant rhythms That give chase, pulse racing wildly ahead, But I can never escape because the speaker is
Who taught me these monologues of doubt?
I’m trying to find some dark corner to crawl into And hide From all of the should be’s And didn’t you’s And what if’s And why aren’t you good enough to And why can’t you just fix everything And why aren’t you strong enough To just live And not break at every streak of light Surmounting the dregs of night when the morning returns again And still there is a feeling of falling And not knowing if you should reach out and hold onto something, Or not?
And so you just grip your coffee cup as if it were A solitary rock In the middle of A storm-whipped sea And I really just need to wrap myself around Something that is made of clay And dirt,
Drag my spirit through the veins of the earth, Where the cut-banked canyons rise into a Reddened western sky And release the broad-winged birds to flight.
And everything is quiet
And I know my worth:
No more or less than the brush along the shore. No more or less than the darting shapes across the river’s floor. No more or less than the dusk, Than a gentle touch across my face,
No more or less than love
And how it spills like water over rocks And moves like music through the blood
And how the morning becomes quiet And I am Just Singing softly to my children,
the pain must be becoming more and more unbearable each day, and we have to continue walking away from each other when all we ever wanted was to run towards each other's arms. so how about we do this, my love?
how about we go on with our day, pretend we're going to see each other the very next day, and face things with excitement today? how about we go on with our breakfast, lunch, dinner, and snacks in between, and pretend we're going to dine together tomorrow? how about we sleep tonight without crying our eyes out to the memories of us and pretend that tomorrow, when the sun rises from the east, we'll wake up to see ourselves next to each other? how about we repeat being hopeful every day, looking forward for the tomorrow that holds you and I in one page, until we can no longer remember what we are ridiculously holding onto and we're just truly happy with our lives without each other?