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I waited in vain for your validation
In hopes that maybe you’d see me
The way I saw you, beloved
Sadly, you viewed me like thin air

While I was mesmerized by your cappuccino skin
And the way your hair danced in the wind
You couldn’t give a **** about me
I was just one of many who looked your way

Even as I would ignore you in plain sight
I would beg for your attention in my head
But you only threw crumbs at me
Like I was some lost street pigeon

Keep your linty crumbs for someone else
The hell you think you are?
I am deserving of so much riches
Yet I feel like some vagabond
A Howell Jan 27
to say the least
i’m a little confused
why i gave you

all of my nickels,

all of my dimes,

and every last penny,

but in return i get
nothing but a neon
display

because like your heart
this machine is out of order
Ahmad Attr Dec 2020
Poured so much love in my words in my hatred
Tell myself that I’ve learned, got hurt
Nothing worked, nothing worked
Recited your name, made myself you
Nothing worked, nothing worked
Breathe my life into you, but nothing ever is enough
Told myself that I’ve moved
Didn’t work, nothing ever does
What even are you?
A question I never thought I’ll ask someone other than myself
Deaf to words, blind to songs, mute to kindness
Bathed in darkness, pure of lightness
I want to write a eulogy
A funeral of everything ‘you and me’

But I can’t
I like sitting down for hours and rant
I like sitting through all of your weathers and seasons
I like hating you, meticulously finding the reasons
I like putting my head on your knees
I like seeing you how nobody else sees
I like writing you; from your nascency to your afterlife
And I like you, I can’t help but like being tied to your life
I breathe my life into you but it isn't enough, nothing ever is.
Guss Dec 2020
I scream into the void,
silent, but in my silence, louder than all noise.

Accepting of the role to play
in loving unconditionally.

It’s not our fault it happens.

In love,
we’re all just as innocent
as the day
that we were born.

But I have to ask,
are you still able to hear me?

I lost my compass and my passion.
Yet, I’m sure, you, of all people can hear me.

Can you?

It’s so hard, to keep remembering things. The smoke of fires ember in September brings.

Four broken ribs and my heart to cleave, the spell you’ve cast remains unbroken.

But no pain is deeper, scraping and meeker than the loss of my Chicago stinker.

My pangs are not of love.

For sights, and sounds, and tastes, and smells are nothing. Never mind to touch your body.

I see now where I failed you, it was when I failed myself.

It was as the curse of my pressures rolled and churned about on the inside spaces of my peasant flesh.

In the backwater swamp of myself, a reptile slithered between us, sloshing amongst the putrid remains of its kills.

My own precious vermin.

Free me from this awful spell.

Or **** me.

I don’t care.

But whatever you do,
don’t leave me here.
Inspired by loss. I lost everything over quarantine, my job, my woman, my place. I was living in San Francisco at the time and there was smoke everywhere for week and weeks. I was not my best self and my partner didn’t like what she saw. Now she’s gone.
xandra Dec 2020
every time i imagine your name
or your face,
or any daydreamt aspect of you
interacting with me,
instead of your name,
i will think,
"for what?"
and i think,
it's better this way,
~for both our sakes
xandra Dec 2020
was it how you made me laugh,
or how that laughter decimated
my sense of uncertainty
and lulled me into a temporary constant,
where,
in my ignorance,
a real version of me
fell into a faux version of you.
xandra Dec 2020
there was
one version
of you
who wanted
a version of me;
it was only ever
in moments
like the one where
you let me invade your
dreams,
the same way you wriggled your way deep into
my subconscious thoughts. there was
one version of you
who wanted a version of me
~but not the way that i wanted you to~
Ahmad Attr Nov 2020
I envy the person whom you wrap your arms around
Who gets to hear how your heartbeat sounds
I envy the person who you love with no bounds

I wish you could love me the same
So we could lose ourselves in the rain
Whisper to each other, our names
Love me so much that the world call you insane

But then there you are with your lover
Not the fake one like me but the real one
Whom you press your body against beneath the cover
Whose name dances on the tip of your tongue
I envy the person who gets to hold your hand
Underneath the crimson moon or watching the midnight sun

I wish, I wish to watch you cry and skirl
Your happiness, your dances your twirls
many things holding you back
So, I wish you love me at the end of the world
Will you love me at the end of the world?
Syned May 2020
Come look at my face
Tell me that I'm falling from my grace
If I stay awake
I'll be inside watching all the
The ashes burning down
So I'm sleeping here from underground
A prayer
A savior
Fulfilling my favors
I need some help right now
The world is getting way too loud
I don't wanna keep on living in hell
I don't wanna keep on living in hell
Shield away my kind
Knowing that I'll step out of my line
Trying all the time
To kiss up to a monster that still holds on to my neck
It tells me I'm a ******* wreck
A prayer
A savior
Fulfilling my favors
I need some help right now
The world is getting way too Loud
I don't wanna keep on living in hell
Syned May 2020
like in those cinema movies
baby shot right through me,
swear to god he knew me
*******, got to me,
I was raised on running and
you slow me like Ativan,
I'm never gonna let you go
I already told you so
you're sweeter than honey and a heavenly kiss
Bonnie and Clyde would've never done this
I know that it's killing me slowly
I want you to hold me,
I know that you're trouble
but I could take it double,
I was raised on running and
you slow me down like Ativan,
I'm never gonna let you go
I already told you so
you're sweeter than honey and a heavenly kiss
I'm never gonna let you go
I already told you so
you're sweeter than honey and a heavenly kiss
Bonnie and Clyde would've never done this
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