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Aug 2021 · 79
will they, won’t they?
Lilly F Aug 2021
the wait is too much to bear
each hour passed slower than the clouds
the anxiety ate me alive more than anything
or maybe it was the lack of motivation
or simply the mutual loneliness
whatever is it may be
it eats me alive like an animal picks at the roadkill carcass of his own brother
the same blood running through my veins makes my heart race
and the waiting,
the agonizing, torturous, waiting,
was hell disguised as purgatory.

Aug 2021 · 74
Lilly F Aug 2021
maybe in some other life
we sit across from each other
at the kitchen table
and go over the grocery list

Oct 2020 · 80
i really miss you
Lilly F Oct 2020
sometimes i wonder if you ever loved me.
maybe at some point, when i was happier and whole,
when you would ask me about my day,
when i would ask of yours,
when you would bring me home a sticker from work
and i would always ask you if you had to go back the next day,
when you would pack me lunches with Sunny D,
when i would draw you pictures,
but now there silence when you come home.
i don't see you in the mornings,
you don't bring home stickers,
i don't drink Sunny D anymore,
and my pictures are off the fridge and in the trash.
and i miss you while you're still here.
so maybe i'm the one that's gone.

Jul 2020 · 311
heavenly gifts
Lilly F Jul 2020
i remember you whispering in my ear in mass when we were meant to be reciting our hail marys.
and daydreaming during the homilies of how dangerously strong our love may be if it was let known,
reverberating over holy lands,
overpowering the sounds of church bells.
but only the walls can hear our words over the loudly sung psalms
and only a god can see in the dark.
your love was architectural.
your love built me cathedrals,
your love built me empires.
the soft vibrations of your sweet love words bounced off the stain-glassed windows and silently drew an echo over the room,
through the pews, up to the sacred altar, presented as a gift to all.
a poet you are, my love,
a goddess, even more so,
with your words, you have the power to create
and with your love, you have the will to sanctify.
for churches are divine, and gods are ancient,
but you are you, forevermore, every century.

Jul 2020 · 518
the three words
Lilly F Jul 2020
let me scream these words from the edge of the earth,
from the depth of my heart,
to your pretty little ears,
till my heart swells with the overwhelming, bittersweet pain
and my lungs turn blue.
"i love you, i love you, i love you."

Jul 2020 · 154
Lilly F Jul 2020
it's like i've loved you before i could breathe.
it's like i've loved you since the first time i cried
and i cried because i couldn't find you.
our souls are connected,
veins to veins, with blood and life rushing through us as one.
i gravitate towards you
and if atoms tried to split between us
and break our bond once more, my love,
we may have to disprove the laws of science.
because you and i, we are forever and always,
past, present, and future.

May 2020 · 159
almost there
Lilly F May 2020
the edge of summer
bursting adrenaline
the season flowing through our veins
while we wait patiently
in the fields of spring

Apr 2020 · 369
so sweet you rot my teeth
Lilly F Apr 2020
you were my spring honey
the aftertaste of your lips dripped from my own
from my chin down my neck,
leaving yellow streaks
slowly choking the air out of my lungs
suffocating me with your sweet affection
i think we may need a break

Apr 2020 · 79
Lilly F Apr 2020
you don't see who's really with you
till your in the dark

Apr 2020 · 281
don't fall
Lilly F Apr 2020
shielding emotion with every arrow that slips through my chest
i would rather pull it from its fletching,
ripping through my arteries and ventricles,
as my blood waters the seeds you tried to plant for us,
before i lose control again
and trust me, i'm dying inside
but my face holds a smile as cherry red trickles from my mouth
because at least i didn't fall in love with you

Apr 2020 · 98
no happy endings
Lilly F Apr 2020
with the slam of every door
with the drop of every picture frame
with every octave raised
with every night spent crying
with every morning spent praying
as the noises creep around the corner of the hallway
and that free-spirited
pure and innocent adolescence is spent  
listening to two people fall out of love

Apr 2020 · 187
Lilly F Apr 2020
upon his eyes, i read in the reflection his story
i see the memories, the fearful nights, the noisy mornings
and the nights worth of words appear on his skin as he shivers under my living touch
he isn't friends with the wicked, he's been taken hostage by it
he's not cold, not ruthless,
only perceived this way
by those whose heads live in the luscious clouds of the heavens
while his mind is rooted in the earth
and his eyes
they're empty, pleading, hoping, yet accepting
his pools of polluted oceans hold more trauma than others
and it takes one to know one

trauma shapes you, but does not have to define you.
Apr 2020 · 325
my beautiful poet
Lilly F Apr 2020
you tell me to dream a little dream of you
but do i really have to if i'm living it?
i'd believe everything was nothing if you told me
i'd give up all i have for you
when i'm with you the footsteps we take melt together
beautiful pinks and purples swirling among each other
getting to know one another in beautiful ways
i let you into my mind
and you tread along lightly
you are my peace, you are my tranquility
you are my dream, my love
so when i sleep, let me dream of nothing
because my everything is right there next to me

Apr 2020 · 267
Lilly F Apr 2020
if i loved you less,
i may be able to say those three words more,
but you make me forget every language i've been taught

Apr 2020 · 53
two hours left
Lilly F Apr 2020
my eyes droops like the tea bags i drown in my white kitchen mugs
now stained with leftover herbs
as i'm trapped in the walls of my own exhaustion,
the alarm clock like a ticking bomb,
another night without sleep,
another night without a dream,
another night i try to find peace under the stars,
in the deafening quiet,
and just rest.

Mar 2020 · 98
Lilly F Mar 2020
i'd trade in heaven for hell
if it meant staying with you

Mar 2020 · 310
simpler times
Lilly F Mar 2020
the repetitive days grow tiring
so extremely uninspiring
as i remember the times when things were so simple
where we had smiles so big you saw dimples
the dusty chalk left on the porch stairs
the house's unfinished repairs
the creak of the wooden doors
the kitchen's tiled floors
the chipped paint on the walls
and none of it bothered me at all
my mind held no worries
my heart was never in a hurry
oh, to go back to the days
my teary eyes look back in a gaze,
looking back on the shadow that it once was
i want my adrenaline rushing from running too fast
i want the green stained knees from sliding on the grass
i want to taste the salty tears on my cheeks from scraping my knees
i want the calluses from climbing sticky trees
i want the brush burn from going down the static-feeling slide
even if the bruises and scratches make me cry
i would go back in a heartbeat
because those days were oh so sweet
being a kid on Grape Street

Mar 2020 · 111
vick's vaporub
Lilly F Mar 2020
a minty scent fills the air,
a cold feeling is felt on my chest,
a warm towel is placed on my forehead,
tears are wiped from my red cheeks,
my eyelids grow heavy as the aching wears off
and the nostalgia hits

anyone else??
Mar 2020 · 233
my best friend
Lilly F Mar 2020
we must have run out of songs to sing to
we must have run out of ways to make each other laugh
we must have forgotten all the birthdays we spent together
we must have forgotten the days on the recess yard
or maybe we just simply ran out of things to say
because now we're miles away from each other
while sitting in the same room
and i feel an emptiness in my heart,
in the place you dwelled so deeply

Mar 2020 · 271
Lilly F Mar 2020
like a sunflower,
when i can't find the light
i'll turn to you, my friend

Mar 2020 · 300
slowly but surely
Lilly F Mar 2020
one day, earth will take it all back
and you'll be wailing under her vines, as they tie down your limbs
gasping for air as her flowers grow in your lungs,
drowning as her salty waters fill up your throat,
until the only word you can stutter from your helpless, desperate lips
is sorry

inspired by the quote: "she will take it back someday, slowly but surely"
-pink floyd
Lilly F Feb 2020
cheering and poorly sung melodies echo throughout the room,
the kitchen is dimly lit with the small flames and smiles of family members I rarely see,
the air is pushed out from my lungs,
the smoke fills the air,
the candles smelling of burnt happiness,
the oil spills on the buttercream frosting,
the pinks and yellows swirl together,
but I can't think of anything besides
"oh god, when will it be over?"

hating my birthday becomes a yearly tradition
Feb 2020 · 181
rising and setting
Lilly F Feb 2020
a sunrise never promised you a sunset,
but you expected it anyway
as my skies turned gray immediately
in your disappointed eyes

© L.F.
Jan 2020 · 482
Lilly F Jan 2020
breathe me in like the drugs you take,
hold me like the cigarette between your lips,
dream of me like I'm the lsd you take before bed,
stare at me with your bloodshot eyes,
while you slur your words at me,
and reach out for me with your shaky hands,
I'll always be here for you
and that's what keeps me up at night,
waiting for you to come back again

© L.F.
Dec 2019 · 157
searching for answers
Lilly F Dec 2019
I write about you every night,
hoping I might find you waiting for me in my dreams

hopelessly romanticizing
Dec 2019 · 149
what scares me about love
Lilly F Dec 2019
I'm ready and willing to fix you
even if it means giving you a piece of me,
and that's what scares me about love

Dec 2019 · 171
the things you make me do
Lilly F Dec 2019
I always played it safe,
but now I'm willing to risk losing everything
just to try to have something better,
you make me do this

these things never end well
Dec 2019 · 264
moment of realizing
Lilly F Dec 2019
the moment I tried to convince myself I wasn't in love with you,
was the moment I realized I was

Dec 2019 · 830
platonic soulmates?
Lilly F Dec 2019
it seems like we love all the same things,
besides each other

Dec 2019 · 257
grief and regret
Lilly F Dec 2019
grieving over what I lost,
regretting not holding on tighter

Dec 2019 · 190
life will never satisfy me
Lilly F Dec 2019
wishing I was older
while trying to slow down time

Lilly F Nov 2019
starting to feel like "I like you"
is the same as "I'm sorry",
the more I hear it the less meaning it seems to have

© L.F.
words are growing boring
Nov 2019 · 632
healing you with my hurt
Lilly F Nov 2019
rivers flow from my eyes as
you bathe yourself in them,
letting my tears water your ego

my tears watered your ego
Nov 2019 · 363
Lilly F Nov 2019
wish I had the type of love
that the stars have to the night,
that birds have to the sky,
that bees have to honey,
the type of love that you have for her

Oct 2019 · 424
quiet whispers
Lilly F Oct 2019
he speaks my name as if it's a soft prayer
that would bring heaven down to earth

Sep 2019 · 323
colored tears
Lilly F Sep 2019
my tears come in different colors
weeping in teal, the same color as your eyes
crying in violet, the same color that lies under my own
sobbing in pink, the same color of the blemishes on my face
whimpering in gray, the same color as the stressed hairs on my head
wallowing in gold, the same color I swore her heart was.
none of which are primary.

Sep 2019 · 328
starlit nights
Lilly F Sep 2019
like the sky was feeling sad after the sun left
so the moon sprinkled little white gems and sparkles from moondust
to make the darkness feel lighter

haven't seen a starlit night in a while.
Sep 2019 · 387
Lilly F Sep 2019
the isolation wasn't poison, but a drug
one that I tried to drown myself into
until my brain would save myself, breathing in more air
panting rapidly,
loving how it felt to be on the edge of letting go
for just a second, to be with the nothingness surrounding me
until the world resumed
my heartbeat became evident
and the unsatisfaction of reality reappeared

Sep 2019 · 360
Lilly F Sep 2019
the tears were traitors,
I tried so hard not to cry
repeating the words mom always said,
"boys aren't worth your tears"
but slowly they fell from my heavy lids
one by one, mocking me
while they left their stains of exhaustion
with the streaks left on my cheek,
the tears were traitors

Aug 2019 · 353
baggage claim
Lilly F Aug 2019
I found the pieces of me that were left
and carried them in the tired bags left underneath my eyes
wanting so badly to leave it all behind
and rest

Aug 2019 · 612
for the best
Lilly F Aug 2019
I had to cut you off
not from my life
but from the way you use me,
as your drug
your medication
your therapist
your twelve-step program
because your process of healing,
has become your addiction

Aug 2019 · 246
the way you smell
Lilly F Aug 2019
like the simple, earthy, natural scent
the air gives off when it rains for ten minutes
then the sun comes out

pt 5 from the series I've been writing: what I love about you
Aug 2019 · 630
the way you move
Lilly F Aug 2019
I don't know how you do it but with every
delicate, graceful movement and shift you make
heads turn in your direction

pt 4 from the series of poems I've been writing: what I love about you
Aug 2019 · 306
the way you hug me
Lilly F Aug 2019
warm like the summer sun in the evening
and as tender as the summer moon at night

pt 3 of the series of poems I've been writing: what I love about you
Aug 2019 · 245
the way you speak
Lilly F Aug 2019
you **** me softly with every syllable,
your vocals do not make me shake,
but make me stand perfectly still
to make sure I don't miss hearing even a mumble
come from between those lips

pt 2 of series of poems I've been writing: what I love about you
Aug 2019 · 271
your arms
Lilly F Aug 2019
one of the only places I feel safe
and your hugs,
as healing to the bones as honeycomb

from a series of poems I've been writing: what I love about you
Aug 2019 · 227
never learn
Lilly F Aug 2019
the lines on my notebook pages scoff
as they see me writing your name once again

Aug 2019 · 338
getting harder
Lilly F Aug 2019
I tried to stay in reality
while the sight of you rested upon my eyelids
the thought of you running through my mind
and the feeling of you sends chills up my arms
as I tried to sleep at night

fantasies make it harder to sleep at night, thinking of all the things you wish you had
Aug 2019 · 263
moving on
Lilly F Aug 2019
one day I'll be able to watch the ocean
wipe your name away from the sand
without writing it ever again

© L.F.
Aug 2019 · 432
dumb boys
Lilly F Aug 2019
the ones who stain your satin exterior,
with their salty tears
the ones who leave scuff marks, driving into your pastel mind,
with the words on their fake letters
the ones who resurface upon your eyes of a setting sun,
with their convenient after break-up rebound texts
the ones who **** the healing flowers growing on your earthly arms,
with their problems being unloaded onto you recklessly.
I'd rather be alone forever,
than put up with dumb boys.

most can relate.
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