As I sit by the window, a blistering wind bellows
Howling at me, howling for a reason - I question.
The statue angels in the rose garden below listen in.

I close the creaking window. I shut my book on the rose colored cushion.
My reflection leaves me, alone......

The wind blows - and the window blows, open, I did not touch - anything.

Again, I close the window, the hollowing blows the trees down, but my period on sentences for myself make me shout inside me.

The written notes with scattered arrows, the massive circle in the center with a question mark - all scattered on the cushion. And as the trees shake and children scream below me, the question marks grow bolder.

My truth?

My purpose?

My intuition?

I hear a sharp shout calling my name, which does not have handed flowers in its tone. I wake down stairs. And as I close the door the paper I drew on falls to the floor,
Where dust resides

The night came like to the woman in white like thunder, but it was unlike any dream she had ever seen before.

Nothing could compare to this. Nothing could compare to this scale, this intense freedom.
She kept running
She walked into a kind looking abyss

And still there was a new way of living that tore her away.
From her current reality

What a dream she thought, what a confusing, chaotic dream.

Losing and finding it all
at - once -

She looked up
Wiped the tears and sweat


A thought caught her by surprise,


This is magical beyond all desires.

The moving of feet
Shaking, bustling, the chaos of the clunking calamity that passes through

And I feel my senses, the airs, the ground, the peace, the joy, in my senses.
And the tip of my toes, the top of my head - that is all I am,
I am only now, I am only this, I am only one.


But once, I realized what I looked at changed with a different pair of eyes - I felt like, I was all that is

And will ever be.

So you did, listen.
And winds - blew me over.
And waves ****** me in.
And you did, hear me.

And you did, see me.
And all the stars collided - once and for all.

The ands, and ands.
Coming in unison - coming together.
The moment is the vase, the bowl, the pool of collections of moments
All rushing, together.

And I see how you cared, over and over and over.
Now, over and over and over,
one moment is the collection of how you - saw, believed, hear, watch, care.... how you want me,

How I want you

And a moment is not what is one moment

The moment is, now, how everything before and everything in the future is making this moment seem greater and
Larger.....
More, you look beautiful.

Connection beyond all belief. Connection between two.
If only.

Deep connection, where tether strings are tied, no matter how far - there is a floating connection.
And I yearn for it.
The connection, one where I fall, one where I fall aimlessly into reciprocation.

And I am always closing every door.
No one sees the mirrors like I do. And if they stand behind me - I crack the mirror, or, I will fog the mirror, I will stand far away....
With my entire heart, my entire being - one day - I held out a single, violently shaking finger (the only part of my body reaching out.)
The only part asking for help, love, acceptance.
The only piece of flesh that I will reveal.
But, I tend to clench my fists.

And the connection between anyone is never as strong as I hoped, as I wanted, as I....
I stand in the darkest of corners.
Hearing my own breathe every once in a while.
My heart beat, loud, my stinging chest, quivers at their intertwining connections.
They......

And I wish I could connect, but fear keeps my mouth empty
My mind's sparks are dim - I keep the light low.

But their roaring flames, brilliant, luminescent - it's growing.
Shining through a prism.
Shining daylight - glorious to all with wide eyes

and I.... wish, they knew I had a finger to spare in their conversation.
But the corner, is comfort.
The corner is the protection against loss. The corner never gains or loses. And that is where I will remain.

Do they know?

Nervous tick, like a beating drum, thumping, dumping.....

Pouring, waves, into your chest, waves of pure blue.

And electricity shoots through like a power surge
A fluttering heart cracks open ideas, waves of amazement
And dreams of vulnerability
And dreamers of fleeting ideas, caught in one giant (tornado)

Always a mess, undressed - eyes of green, blue, sage, summer days - wasting away

Are the feelings reciprocated?

Until a physical touch, is no longer caught in the distance. Until a physical touch is mentioned in your prescience

And all your tornados became storms of grey, black, and darkness shrouded your thoughts until you were touched with hesitancy.... with consistency.... with assurance

The egde
of a smoke

It's tapped
Out -

I seize
a whisking night

That brushed me
cajoling me
like lemon berries
bitten under the moonlit star sky

We come and go, going far out

When we enter our vessel..... we fall - deep into the darkest abyss, but all seems light by day
When we fall and grow in ourselves, we constantly run - all around a quiet star

We lock our chests inside a wall
We  stain flowers in our garden
We burn every paper - containing evidence of our manifestation

And I sit inside my own, waiting to burn inside

The life I live and its perilous surrounding - came circle again, once again

And the burning became an amber - crystallizing as stone

I turn my head to the most beautiful sight of all - the sapphire, green-brown, grey ocean.
(Breath In)

The thick blue ocean that rolls, churns, and glistens.
And the glisten slices, the glistening currents. The ripples that move the ripples that have no ending or beginning.
(Breathe Out)
_

Every shape, form, and structure captured in the liquid.
It smooths out.
It rounds out.
It rolls out, it crashes down.
It’s smooth clarity. It’s smoothness it beyond me.

Its beauty is truly found within its movement. It’s constant change, exchange between all forms;
Connections throughout,
Different experiences of the same object throughout,
And out and out.

I see this giant blue gulp, of sea of truly magnificent bodies of water held in a single space.

As I see the land overturn over:
In new shapes, colors, lengths, and everything that contrasts one thing to another

I just see so much brightness, dimness, and something that overturns into another.
,,,,
I can not believe this sea
How it makes that sound

And when nothing is around
It just profound,

How every jewel of the dancing ocean
is a collection of drops
connecting forms throughout
__
When I feel the truth of this beauty
I see,

the ocean, something I never created
It was there to touch us
To hold us
This ocean was made to believe in us.

Without realizing it I just fell into a deep sleep.
I fell into something so deep.
I felt the ocean's arms
embracing me

Rebirth:
Reborn, his wing span breathes the wind
He sprints to touch land
As he touches land, his hands grasp the ground
Transformation and Deliverance
Watch as he will rise from the ashes

Lady of the dusk
and form of the light
Brisk and solid
Stiff around night....
Behold her crevices sheer
So long her presence here
Hammered into shape
She melts to the touch

With a crown on her skull
and a dusty white gown never dull
children giggled in the snow that day
watery moon eyes looked above
into silence, frozen motion and they looked at her with love......

their imagination grabbed their hairs
the lady was a queen of Bel aire
with three hundred carriages
Gold tinted windows
and lavish gowns stitched into jewels,
soft voice, loved by some and feared by many
She was the ruler and empress
A warrior and fearless, but loving to all

Eyes among many but few could gather
A butterfly wing in immediate flight
Alluring and sharp many couldn't fall out,
She wrapped them in her arms

fingers sharp as teeth
suddenly the legs show a crack beneath
the sun is beaming, but the children aren't gleaming
the glisten they were dreaming is puddling around them
Flood of the night and storming warriors
Intruders catch her breathe and they soon seize the kingdom
Doomed and lost
the little girl imagines
She bleeds in the night with a crack in her eye

Their beloved snow queen, it was gone
Their imagination of her is alone
only crys and hushed goodbyes

Has the wind knocked my feet down...
Scuffed at the ends - worn out - beaten old shoes, the soles can no longer sustain.

And the sun beats on my cheek, the climb, infested with gravel - smothered in dirt

A shout from above says looking down is only your perspective, a fools trick to our mind.

A shout in exclamation marks.

Running away from the echo of the past.
Sweat dripping, in splatters like drops - each drop a thought

Floating in space and time - your frustration wound up in a second.
Where does it drop?

A climb, claw - tear..... running into the mountain.
To fight against the battle
That stays quietly, patiently above you.

Im now 20,

and sympathize those in the same age category as me

----

The painful

insanely, mechanical yet dizzying push to be

--something --
titles, names, high status nothingness
Yet, we search

every corner we turn to
say
Is this it?
Security, Purpose, a treasure trove of possibility
find me - you - me - you see?
Did you land here on my lap, perfectly?

Today this is it
But, then Tomorrow blows up
Like an a unpredictable field mine.
In my precious heart, that thought it knew
it was right, right?

And this pressure crushes me
And somedays I feel so lonely

Yet, this insane pressure
To be this mold
And hold this space to be a list
And the uncertainty
Unfamiliarity
It literally crushes me
In it's silence, yet ferocious noise that pounds in my skull

The wild voice,
It drives us insane,
And drains me with this internal pain

That 'I will never be enough'

That....

--money, not enough
-- my schooling, not enough
-- my experience, not enough
-- my materials, not enough
-- my social circle, not enough


And this pain of enoughness is stuffing me with fear
So I try to turn every direction
Scattered, and seared with this
Deep insanity to grab it all

Yet, we sometimes fill ourselves with doubt
that pushes us to a dangerous, unforgiving - edgde

Yet, after being broken down by the day
vulnerablity blossoms
Honestly, I say - where do I go?

Now?

I search, plea, beg..
I grip tightly,
asking - pleading for guidance

Every turn, I take...

I felt the trench of heaving suddeness
I felt the simple rush, to rush

I felt a clash!
With wants, and following the flow
And no;
They are not aligned

One is sacrificing, one is true
And it's exasperatingly terrifying

To listen intently

A timber night in a dark way can't stay for long
plowed down, scorched down  - must be torn down
kings of city pipes, dusty concrete heirlooms, read a bible to sleep

Wake in the morning, sun rays shine through dust ridden books
Morals, condoned in heart shaped smoke clouds

Greed's arms will swell rejecting midnights' hiss' "Where will they live?"
'Sirrrrrrrr' 'Homeeee'...... Floating like gas particles, words lost.
A stand alone will die to unknown prosperity
ropes straggle helpless branches
Clenching their last breathes, the weeping skies sit silently

Hateful hateful hunger, feeding the bodies thirst

Our midnight Cowboy song goes: Manufactured green, leaving scorched earth barren, unwritten torch, unseen

For we saw what we wanted to.

You I think of,
In every shape, form, wish.....

There it is - Your shadow is attached to the wall
And as I peel back, I could not find you,
The consequence of my bleeding nails...

I scratched, and clawed for you, only to see my own reflection
Of my mind.

Like speakisies
And wedding trees
Take me somewhere
Someplace hidden along your chest

Chimney puffs go round and round
Building signals ride along rigs
And pull at eachothers necks

Dim lit windows and wonder
Bleeding birds won't carry you tonight

Hynotize your lips I'm bringing company to settle this explosion

I'm dreaming up an eight wonder
It respects what you are
And needs to hear your noise

I can dream of a place you would call me for you

It's midnight
The blend of bad and wrong isn't tight
The cloth that I shield my eyes with is white
and I kiss you hard

Seductive to a length leaving me, blank.
Raunchy, but soft
My doubts should be stored in loft
But you're so sure I cant stop


Like a web crawled in my body
Leaving me hinged for one more kiss
I collapse like cards, I collapse into you
I star gaze into our night, black and blue

It was beautiful
Dark Kisses

Every breathe that bubbles
I'm catching new colors of blue

Every blink that freezes
I'm winding into a perplexing awe of tranquility

Every lip that's bitten
I'm curious for flashes that scurry under shadows

Every hand that hovers
I'm breaking through floating shattered glass

Every leg that flutters
I'm slipping into the kingdom under the sea

Every beat that passes
I'm sinking into curved arches and
Rock tunnels

Every eye that peeps
I'm glancing for winded blankets of kelp

Every lash that sticks to plastic
I'm anchoring my breathes into my lungs

Then push push push,
It's gone
A fantasy under your feet
Fleeting and momentary
A kingdom under the sea

The kingdom I believe is within him

The night before last was the wind and it's sensations
I couldn't touch the grandness but I felt its nose peck at me with rays of swift fire
I didn't think the sand would bleed through my fists and the gold melted into my nails
(He was beautiful)


I was awake in another dimension asleep in a beautiful enigma of reality's hammock
The trees swiftly took me into the pyramids and strolled me into it's heaven and I couldn't laugh I couldn't lift, but in awe
My heart was thumping and my jaw was a quiver

Until, my lips were stale as he lounged on satin wire (my love is dyeing)
As he dove into his right fist his arms were wide
Until, the joy was unpleasing
and I couldn't lie around before I decided that I was to leave
The Nile was swift and fruitful
The lagoon was my midnight sensation

Dreams were further he was to close
I couldn't say the truth
The desert  embers on my teeth
And every bite I bleed a lie
I don't think I care anymore
(I should go)

He left with cracked diamonds and their flesh sparkling and my name was on either ring
I wringed for anything in us
but drops were nothing
The sizzle dissipates into air
Our burn was to simmer sometime  

( I will leave now)

The worrisome grin was long before gone
Her eyes were over her head at dawn
The light was alive in belief she'd love him

it was true her eyes saw a light ....
Love-It was for the first time, she felt him
But the dark came and midnight arose
She was the only one to blame

She was blinded by noise
Captured by fear, the dark would never leave


She was to afraid
The ring was left by his door in the morning dusk so dim
She would've loved him

Temple be sure and Temple be swollen
Temple be nimble Temple be sacred

Temple teach me love
Temple tear me down
Temple show me light
Temple bring me down
Temple sell my eyes
Temple bleed my veins
Temple Temple hear my screech
Temple sink me

Temple drink me
Temple shrink me
Temple blink me
Massacre my faith Temple release me
Flood me
Temple oh Temple
My heart is beneath me

Sing this solemn chord
boom boom
I've come to you tonight

Lisp the air
mountains are swirling tonight

(Fly me to you)

I was thinking
A thought

That turned into flashes
of grandeur, greatly mundane, yet profound storytelling
of the conscious mind's eye

Yet, I fall into the trap of tracing and chasing
the dream ...

I fall into the trance of
tracing back, a transient feel
yet, feeling so out of place

Placed - here, and here I hear it
A thought, that became a stream of opening
That fluidness of it's true nature
of becoming a story - that never happened

- Yet, feels like reality -

I wake up
And think about my memories of my day to day experience
I see them like I see my dreams
I can NOT distinguish between one or the other (in past tense)

Yet, there is something so real
Yet, fake about a memory
Because a dream is rememebered the same way as a memory

That is the fine line, I constnalty walk upon