the guitar riff
strums my heartstrings ,
plucking and letting go
with the soft unmarred hands of a child.
time turns one last time
before this memory too,
as half of my essence had before.
leaving my marred hand
with no story.
the child is a past self.
I am so scared of growing up and forgetting all these tiny miniscule details of the whole picture which is my life. I seem to be forgettinng everything, every story and i don't want to grow old with a hazy memory of what i used to be before.
Descend into refraction before me, bewildered like a ******. Exist as a flunkey, and myopic.
Everything I’ve existed, all of a sudden lifted and sifted. Leaving residue not historic.
Originating from neglect of the forthcoming. All I’ve learned and would learn.
Dissolve from this.
I do not like this great dissolution, but I accept it, swallowing my actions too late.
So fall to pieces, and bring a reset of samsara.
Dissolute all I’ve known and would.
Only due to my ignorance.
I’ve brought destruction.
I deserve struggle.
As it falls away.
I keep saying to myself
that all bad days have an ending
but so the good days
have one too.
I wish yesterday could last forever and relive it over and over again.
Have you ever been kicked down then stand up with pride
I had life hating me
Yet still I survived
I still live daily
Without having to hide
The tribulations that I went through
On these healing pages I write
It’s my outlet, to bring all my emotions to life
It’s endlessly part of my strife
Dealing with it all is hard enough
Thank god for my wife
Without her, I doubt I would have ever survived in this life
Pulling me from darkness
When they were about to clamp down with the vice
She gives me infinite strength
To just keep up with fight
To not become part of a twisted world
Who finds chaos ......in delight
We have to find strength from some source...sometimes if you lucky enough, she forever will be the one by your side, your best friend, lover...and the one that can make you see the wrong when you don't.
I wrote about you for the same reason I photographed you
Because even though we aren't the same people now
You're the same person I fell in love with on the old pages of my journal
But instead of being wrapped in your arms, the words on my pages hold me close and bring warmth to my heart, much like you used to
The photographs of you pull up the corners of my lips to create a soft nostalgic smile, though my eyes start to pool in the corners
Not tears of sadness, but of melancholy remembrance for how much has changed since the ink dried on my pages
Tears that remind me why I write and capture
So that I can relive the moments I held dearest and preserve those who walked down my path with me, no matter where they veered off on their own, they'll always remain the same in my story.
I don't go back because I want to relive it,
I go back because I want to pollute, dilute, and make minute the memory of us in this place.
Don't become stuck
Years will pass
before you realize
it's the present you've been missing
Walking down the hall,
The hall of memories,
When I was happy and carefree.
Every time I look at them,
I wish I could go back and relive them.
Relive the best moments in life
because ever since I was 8,
my happiness was ruined.
I walk down the hall and
look at every single photo.
I try to remember that day
in which that photo was taken,
and when I do remember, I space
out and start crying because
I know that I will never be that happy
When I get to the photo of a baby picture,
I stop and think, what an innocent little body
and face, I wonder what it would be like
if my innocence wasn't taken.
Don't tell me that you understand.
Have you scooped out my eyes?
Like they were vanilla ice-cream.
Have you cut them open?
To see what they have seen.
Have you dug up all the memories?
To see what was buried in them.
Have you tried?
You will never know
what I have experienced.
Even if you took my eyes,
you wouldn't be able to feel it.