Thoughts racing, my minds all over.
Scattered, never at ease.
How do I control it?
Deceitful to my own feelings.
Agenda of different formalities.
Agitated, restless, confused, conflicted.
I feel nothing
Detached and running away from familiarity.
I don’t want you to know me
Attachment is detrimental to my own intense feelings... once connected, I get obsessed, compulsive thoughts piling up and over analyzing everything until I go ****** insane and it never stops and I keep spinning around in circles and I keep doing the same thing and I stay in the trap of my own ****** crazy mind.
I change so naturally, adapting like a chameleon and pretending I am not who I am like it comes so naturally, like who I am in that moment is the real me.
Who am I?
People make me sick.
I sit in my room wanting the be alone.
Abnormal speed of racing thoughts like I am permanently on coke.
But I’m not, it’s just me.
I’m a Taurus ***** with crazy twisted sense of writing that comes from my inability to express myself outwardly.
I express in writing with my Gemini Lilith and Ascendant showing it’s true rawest form in my words.
My Pisces moon hides itself and I have nothing left but to isolate and escape.
But intense feelings and obsessive thoughts arise with my Scorpio North Node and Pluto.
Astro *** and psychic.
Tarot reader and empath...
I am my own ****** nightmare
'Abdu'l-Baha said that all current forms of astrology
but said that the stars do affect us,
because He wanted to make us try and understand
the sky for ourselves.
The sky is as the mind, cognition, in change.
While earth is as the body, structure, little change.
The sun moves the fastest from day to day,
so it is the heart, the essence.
The moon moves slower, but still relatively fast.
It is as "the breath, the Spirit," He said.
Mercury is the fastest planet in the sky.
It is as "water, the baptism of knowledge," He said.
All the other planets move at about the same speed
The constellations are as designs and spaces,
crystals, if you will,
by which we see.
The movement of the stars from century to century
is like the circadian rhythm.
and find out for yourself
using a star map.
This is all done within reason
and mirrors many elements of
other ancient astrology.
Sky & Telescope website
You are Virgo,
and I am a Gemini.
I want you to know
that I want you and I.
pick me apart
dissect the person who ive grown to become
i do it for everyone
in order to satisfy the thought of me
share of me with others
so that i can avert my true fears
look at me and lie
use me till i have nothing to give
leave your scars under my skin
because when it’s over
i’ll be able to live
delusional grandeur is my peace
so just leave
leave me here
i wasn’t meant to make it dear
in the dead of night
it always feels like
self hate leaves doubtful residue within me
it’s led me to deny god
how could he do such a thing to me
feelings equate the inferno of my past
to the blaze of my home
often thinking about how i did this
it’s my acceptance of less than love
that has created the deadly persona
to find the answers
of my self doubt
the stars say they shine for me
something in me doesn’t believe them
the liar resides
happiness isn’t allowed
he’s dying though
i might be free soon
I am not a sailor.
I desire to run.
Confine me not to a puddle dependent on the wind.
Direct me to the forest, the hills, and I will create my own draft,
as I speed across the ground,
flying over earth to distances greater than the confines of your wet berth.
No, I relish a solid state of matter beneath my feet.
I am a fire sign.
Warning: do not get wet.
A roadmap of our galaxy,
Intricately placed to create the Orion belt
introduces the --
Taurus and Draco.
Names and epithets that act as
bandages of history and hope;
pillars of the past, broken and shattered;
not only good memories do the constellations hold.
A roadmap millenniums aged
and still cryptic, enigmatic.
There for the fall of the Roman Empire:
A witness of the fallen bodies and cracked glass
human hearts of Auschwitz.
Constellations: surrounded by onyx, stars doctoring the constellations,
creating stories -- undiscovered and renewed.
A galaxy of muted midnights, murky blues,
darkened purples, vibrancy and life present one day,
muted and cloaked in obsidian
Shaken away within these sounding walls
The stars no longer shine and night falls
In this place time is endless
Once again I am completely restless
Tired, I am not
Simply trapped within this thought
This place remains unknown
But I feel so at home
Lack of emotion crowds this hollow room
This bed is my waking tomb
This ambience is as empty as this skin
The lights only growing dim
Fully immersed in this devastating calm
In failure, I must be a paragon
Everything is grey
In this infinite void I lay
Nothing exists beyond this
From waking life is there anything to miss ?
My voice is left unheard
Is it here I will discover my worth ?
August 15, 2019
Read the stars
in my eyes
Hand me the key
And I’ll chain my own wrists
Slipping in and out
Of our own lives
I can’t breathe underwater.
In the darkness
I reflect the sky
In the midst of this war
It’s written on my face
And the palms of my hands
The belief I will save you
My eyes are tired
But you can see me
Dreaming your dreams,
Drifting in the undertow.
Everything has changed.
I’ll drown under these grey skies
A kiss of life
Under the weight of the world