I don't know how to love
Like the ocean loves its waves
Or the way the sun dips below the horizon
Painting their love across the canvas of clouds
For all the world to stop and admire.

I can only love
In the way only secrets are loved
In between the shadows and the whispers
Of things meant to be kept between the lines.

My love for you would manifest
In brilliant art
But it would be forever locked away
In a deep chest only our eyes could see

My love for you would sing out
In the chords of harmony
Never meant to reach anyone's ears
But our own

My love for you would be
Loyal
   And
      Wondrous

Hidden from the world
Because my whole world would be you
Everything I would do would be for you
....
But you would never want that kind of love
...
You'd rather live for the likes
And the cute couple-y comments
You'd live for the documenting every second
Of every moment of our relationship

You'd rather have a social trophy-love
Than the grandest,
Most truest form of love
You'll never get to see

So I guess that's why
I'd never get to love you...
   *Because I wouldn't know how to...

I rewrite myself often
Never satisfied
With the person I've drawn out
...
I say this only once
And I say it as a warning...
Don't write yourself in me
Or parts of you will get lost too.

If there's any hope left
It's sewn in the edges of the stars
That sprinkle over the midnight sky
While I lay fitting perfectly
In your warm arms...

If there's any hope left
It's in the echoing sounds of the music
Dancing out of our guitars
While we strum and sing
Perfectly to the beat
Of our mending hearts...

If there's any hope left
I see it in your smile
And in the pool of your deep dark eyes
When you pull me close
Next to the cackling of the bonfire
And the sound of the gossiping woods...

If there's any hope left
I feel it in your lips
As they pull and whisper in mine
I feel it on your warm skin
As your fingers electrify my body
To spell out "I love you"
Over and over again
Till the morning wind
Blows on our fates
*And washes the hope away...

I once almost drowned in my own tears
Of sorrow and of guilt
For my hands were stained
From the blood of the innocent girl
Whose life I just took...

Her eyes held the wonder
Of the galaxies she wanted to explore
Her hands held the promise
Of a beautiful world she cared for...

Yet with my bare hands
I strangled her worthless
And threw her into the icy river
That flowed with the lost dreams
Of those who were thrown in before her...

The rainbows turned to dust
The flowers to wilted pain
The love turned to empty alleys
An innocent girl gone insane

I turned her into a void,
A rag doll with no control...
I turned her into me
For it was I who took my own soul...

I'm dreaming of summer nights
And the sound of the ocean breeze
I'm dreaming of the blanket of stars
That'll watch over us out by the seas

I'm dreaming of your electric touch
As we make out by the campfire
I'm dreaming of your endless love
And the reckless nights full of desire

I'm dreaming of dreams
That keep me awake
I'm dreaming of fantasies
I never want to break

I'm dreaming of you
Though I knew it wouldn't last
You're nothing but a dream
Stuck in a summer past

She has tattoos covering her body
Blanketing miles of skin
Tattoos hidden from the world
Endless swirls of words within
Words anyone ever threw at her
A porcelain doll forever embedded with a cry
A cry for help that will never come
For the tattoos are hidden to the naked eye

No one else can see the stamps of hatred
Inked permanently beneath her skin
She just wants to run and hide them away
Bury them along with her demons of sin

Yet behind the blank stares they still whisper
Ambushing her with more tattoos

Fat
  Loner
      ******
          Ugly
            Worthless
She begs for it to stop before she goes insane
  Clingy
      ******
         ****
            Useless
Yet the words never stop inking her frame
   *****
      Failure
         Burden
           Disappointment
          

So to release some ink
She paints on her skin
With a paintbrush that stains red

Down her wrists
She writes some more
If only you could take back what you *said

What is it to breathe
If we're worlds apart

What is it to live
If not in your arms

It's unfair
How when people leave
Everything that reminds you of them
Tends to stay
It's unfair
How I can't just move on
Without dying a little everyday
It's unfair
...
~It's unfair how much I miss you and
it's unfair how much I really shouldn't.

How wrong it must be
For me to want you
For me to miss you
After all you did
Was break me down
And tear me to shreds

Yet after all that pain
I'd still give you
Whatever pieces are left
Of my heart
My body
And my soul

I'd give you
Everything
I have
Knowing
You'd give me
Nothing
At all

How I wish
I could tell you all my secrets
Lift the burden off my shoulders
But too many people
Have broken down the walls I've put up
Just to shatter my heart
Like they said they never would

If I wasn't so broken
Would we have worked?
Would you have been the one
To finally relieve me
Of all my scars?
Or would you have done the same?
Proving my judgement wrong,
Instilled illusions of love in my brain
Just to steal the pieces
Of whatever's left of my heart?

You tell me I have issues
I already know I do
But yelling at me to fix them
Is not how you mend broken things
But maybe I'm too far gone
To ever be put back together
Our possible forever
Vanishing into a **never

Life is a great mountain...
With cliffs and ledges where you may falter...
There will be points where you think you've reached your limit,
Points where you'd rather dig a hole and stay on the safe side...
There will be avalanches to knock you back,
Snowstorms that'll hold you up...
And most of all there will most definitely be times where you feel like you want to give up...
Only the strong minded and strong willed can continue,
Millions of people are found at the bottom, having a good time,
As you climb higher,
the less people there are,
The more competition there is...
In the end, only the strongest survive to reach the top...
At the peak, you experience the true thrill of life,
The kind that could either destroy you and your hard work or reward it for a lifetime...
But it doesn't end there, no...
Just you're at the top doesn't mean you'll stay there, you can't.
You can only be at the top for so long before you have to make your way down slowly,
And carefully without falling...
Because life is a great mountain,
And you have to climb without falling to the valleys below...

Tell me
   When
       Did the lines
          Between
             My nightmares
                 And
                    This reality
                          Blur
                               And
                                   *Break

Lost in the illusion
Of this painting they called life,
A small girls sits shivering
In the corner of her bathroom floor
...
Inside of this masterpiece
The girl paints more of just that,
Her tears watercolors on the canvas
Of the tiles lining the bathroom floor
...
These tiles now cold and hard
Eating away like acid on her cool flesh,
The comfort of the childhood memories
All washed away from within the walls
That once gave her peace of mind.
Bubble baths turned to ****** ones
As she brings her art to life
...
The words thrown at her
Outside of the world in her bathroom
Now painted red in bold font
Inside a canvas unseen
By anyone but the bitter ghost
Left to rot in the corners of the stone walls
Under the bubbles of the water
That ate away at her crimson tainted flesh
...
The tears stop falling
While the water still runs
Over her treacherous heartbeat,
Down the curves of her spine
As she desperately attempts
To wash away her sins
Not knowing the paint was permanent
Forever etched into her skin
Burning demons into her own canvas
...
Years later,
After many hidden portraits..

Her fragile body aches
As she paints one more masterpiece
To tie the rest of her canvases together.
And with a final stroke of her brush
A tear slips down her face
Rejoicing in how long her art lived
In secrecy before she ran out of paint
...
  She finally paints her signature
  Onto the tiles of her bathroom floor
  Her legacy or a warning to those stuck like her
  The world won't ever come to know
  All they knew was her heart ran out
  Of words to say and canvases to paint
  As she took her last breath and spelled out
           **Mise en Abyme

Whisper soft sins into my ear
The night can blanket us both
As we rise and fall onto eachother
With the stars dancing above us
To rejoice our secret reunion..
I forgot how much I missed your soft lips
And their taste on mine
As they mapped out deep secrets
Tracing my scars under the moonlight..
Unravel me with your deep dark eyes
A pool of brown ever so captivating.
Claim me as yours once again my love
As we breathe the same air
We'll dance together
Creating our own music
Forever locked away in the depths
Of our fated sheets
As the universe erupts
To acknowledge our doomed love..
Mark me as yours
As I lose myself in your scent
Burning tonight into memory
Hoping we'll meet again soon
For between the whispered words you left
There was still much left to be said...

My worst fear as a kid
Never was monsters under my bed
Because before I could even walk
I'd known monsters lived within us
Within me
...
It was waking up one day
And realizing the world
Had moved on without me,
Realizing the world
Had left me
As nothing more
Than a faceless void in the crowd
...
Now I'm stuck
Forever running
Trying to catch up with time
Alone
Lost
Scared out of my mind,
Wishing someone would
Just hold my hand
And tell me everything would be okay,
Except it won't..
It never will be
...
But you've cried your tears already
You've already mourned my loss
Because my guardian angel
Won't let me die
And now I'm back as a bigger burden
Than I could ever imagine..
A burden on you,
A burden on those closest to me
A burden on my parents
And my friends and family
Hell, I'm even a burden
On myself
...
How am I supposed to burden you
With truths I won't even admit to myself?
How am I supposed to tell you what's wrong
When nothing is right to begin with?
How am I supposed to fit so many unsaid words,
And so many unsaid feelings
Into a couple meaningless letters strung together?
How am I supposed to hold on to you
When we're living in different times?
Because everything and everyone around me
Is fast forwarding and moving in slow-motion
All at the same time.
Because I'm still suffering in the past
And you've moved on with the rest of the world.
Because everything has changed
And I'm nothing more than a heavy heart
And an empty soul...
Because I've turned into
My own worst fear
...
I'm trying to hold on to some hope
Not yet ready to disappear altogether
The hope I find in your smile
The hope I find in your laughter.
This hope I find because my most favorite thing
In the entire world besides music
Is making someone smile
And seeing you happy.
So maybe if I can do that
My meaningless rebirth
Would have been worthwhile
And yet
That's exactly why
I have to let you go
...
I'm nothing more than a freak
Who rose from the dead
Resurrecting more demons
That made home in my head
And you're someone
I'd give my whole life to..
My mistake wasn't loving you
It was not letting you go sooner
Because your only mistake was
Loving me more than I deserved.
...
      Because those risen from the dead
        Have no place with the living
         And they never will.

Dawn still whispers
Droplets onto my windows
As I stare out into the sky
Realizing dusk never comes soon enough

Where do you go
After the moonlight fades
Your soft lips still lingering
On my aching skin?

For only in the midst of the night
Do I truly feel alive
Which makes me wonder
If its the power of the stars
Looking down upon us
That fills my veins with such energy

Or if its the power of your eyes
When they stare deep into my soul
As they glisten with the night's
Deepest desires as you whisper
    *I love you

My memories were those
I had yet to live,
My soul imprisoned
In the depths
Between life and death 
...
But in the nothingness
I found everything
I found hope,
And everything I ever craved
...
I found love-
Enough love
To finally break through
The cracks of reality
I had first called my life
...
And yet
I live and breath so deeply
Sometimes I swallow the nothingness
I so desperately try to hide

For I am haunted
By the things I've forgotten
And forgotten
By ones I'm haunted by
...
Just to be blown to dust
Once more into the nothingness
Like a fugitive
Running away from time

Meeting you was a breath of fresh air
A new beginning
And a chance to forget the past

Little did I know our time was limited
The clock ticking
The sands escaping every moment in our hourglass

I've been tossed overboard
By my own ship of life
Forgotten by the world
Drowning in my own pain
And the lost words I shout
Never to be heard...
I've slipped everyone's mind
Adrift alone at sea
No one seems to hear my cries
All I have left is me
But I'm getting tired of myself
And the demons
Constantly trying to drown me
....
What's the point anyway
In living life just to survive
When there's nothing
To survive for
I guess I might as well
Calm the seas
By giving in to the tides
And letting my body
Wash up on the *shore