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Apr 2021 · 1.0k
The Aching Creators
Ashlyn Yoshida Apr 2021
Please notice what I've done
My pride is hurting from the things that
I spent hours on
Instead the ones I barely think of
are liked more above the rest
In fact the ones I barely think on
to me are just grotesque
See what I can really do
'A river is a thought of defiance
A flower the hated love between the two'
See what I can say, draw, and write
What I hear and know
Please tell me that you love them and me
Please do not let me go
Apr 2021 · 825
Let the World Be
Ashlyn Yoshida Apr 2021
Let me sleep until reality turns grey
Let me breathe until my lungs tear to shreds
Let me live alone in a house with a cat
Let me not be touched or tainted

But the world wants you to be touched
The world wants you to see reality in all its horrifying colors
The world wants you to breathe softly
And to live with the noises and smiles
Of the house you always dreamed of.
Mar 2021 · 759
This Love is Weak
Ashlyn Yoshida Mar 2021
We've locked ourselves
in rooms of steel
created safe places
designed like prison cells
everyone says there is no way
to escape
without someone to call out our name
and no way to be free
without a light to guide us through the maze

But it will always have to be our feet
that takes us through this hell
And our own eyes
that will lead us well

Relying on others to help you is wrong
a delusion taught to you
through poems, stories, and songs
It will only be you and your willingness to heal
But that does not mean you have to walk alone
to break down all your seals

Stop this searching for that 'one true love'
the more you look
the further your real goals will become
to truly love another
is to forgive and mend yourself
because resenting your actions
only hurts everyone else
you do not love if you hurt and hate
it will only be your hands
that opens your heart's gate.

True love takes work
true love takes time
it only comes across your heart
when you work hard to be of sound mind
But what would I know?
I'm only sixteen

what experience would I have gone through
to really know what that love means?
Be kind, be gentle, be the silent strength inside.
Be a stream that leads to a river.
Ashlyn Yoshida Mar 2021
Nostalgia for something that never was
And things that never will be again
Watermelons while sitting in cold tubs outside
Happy golden days beneath a window's warmth

Which one could have ever been real?
Were all those memories I created fake?
Am I the real version of myself?
Or just another way to cope with what I've done?
Mar 2021 · 539
Ashlyn Yoshida Mar 2021
In the splashes of color the most purest form of emotion
seems to be happiness, as if this is the natural order of things
So in this sense

Humanity is yellow

And I am blue.
Mar 2021 · 434
A Child Never Wins
Ashlyn Yoshida Mar 2021
Tears can splash to the ground
You could shake in fear and rage all you want
But as soon as they smile
And push aside your claims with a laugh

You're absolutely ******
Mar 2021 · 355
D a t a
Ashlyn Yoshida Mar 2021
Collecting information and writing it down in a journal
People cross by in fear or interest
a human as analytical as a robot and emotional as a puppy
Strange one
Writing it down, each move
Every behavior
Then I get up
ignoring complaints and compliments
And I help them all
hmm not my usual category of poems...
Mar 2021 · 890
Family's Flowers
Ashlyn Yoshida Mar 2021
are thin and yellow
red and thick like blood
if families can be described as flowers
which one do you think
is us?
Mar 2021 · 286
Who They were originally
Ashlyn Yoshida Mar 2021
There's a phone in the corner of my bag
Where I tell the people I love I need out
I called the other Them to help me
The people my mother was always running from

The people who would finally take me away
Mar 2021 · 715
Ashlyn Yoshida Mar 2021
They're voices hit me
like hardened citrus
Thrown at my curled body on the floor

their laughter is hurting me
their smiles are my scars

Band-aids and mocking
inside I'm breaking
everyone else loves me the way I am
so why can't they?
when school is bad you go home when home is bad where do you go?
Feb 2021 · 322
Ashlyn Yoshida Feb 2021
The consumption of our heads and minds
devouring them until it is us
Eyes search and wander for the channel that speaks clear
Feb 2021 · 918
Ashlyn Yoshida Feb 2021
The open gaping mouth of glass, looking in and looking out
The light refracting across the silent room
Everything is closed off; the blinds; the doors; the boxes
The glass eyes of the house muffling the sounds of the outside world

The inhabitant grown a slave to watching
The gaping mouth of glass, looking in and looking out
Stretching lines, darkening eyes, smiles turned hollow
She'll trace the filtered light with frozen desperate fingers

Her sounds are empty and echo like a dripping water from a faucet
The tiled floor is as cold as the snow that falls. Unseen
The open gaping mouth of glass, looking in and looking out
The wind seems to be whispering words she no longer yearns for

The blood is dancing with the cold
Warming the static embrace of her head and fingers
The inhabitant closes the blinds again, hiding the quiet scene
The open gaping mouth of glass, looking in and looking out
Most people believe this is about suicide so I'm going to clear this up. The inhabitant and the girl are two different people. The poem focuses on a scene, but the whole purpose is to invoke the feelings that come with paranoia. It's about a man who killed a girl, but also talking about the guilt and fear of hiding a bad thing we've done. I hope it somehow showed what I was trying to convey.
Dec 2020 · 380
Desert Night
Ashlyn Yoshida Dec 2020
Silence settles across the empty desert once more
A calming wind brushing through the desolate feeling
A shadow flickers across the face of the moon.

Is something coming?

Why does it feel like the sandy dunes and snoozing creatures
are all holding their breath?

What for?
Dec 2020 · 309
Murky Ocean
Ashlyn Yoshida Dec 2020
Swirling in an ocean
of brokenness and passion
hands reaching out for another
but in the end only dragging others further down

Everyone is screaming for help
so loudly they can't hear the people around them
Squirming and slithering
Death slides between us all
Eating away the ones who have taken life for too long
A dose of medicine bringing us the cure to misery
by silencing our own thoughts

Choking on charcoal water
The wet dampens my eyes and my hair
clawing and fighting up to the surface
Where many I know tread on the water with ease
Below me are the people who fell into the tempting calm
above me are the ones who made it

weeds tangle about my legs
threatening to drag my body further down
hands clutch at my wrist in hopes for company
slowing me, hurting me, bruising me
It is my own choice whether I cut their fingers or let them stay
Swimming in the murky waters everyone saying they are alone
each with their own setbacks
ignoring the people furthest from them
and pretending that the water is darker and colder
than it has really been
Dec 2020 · 288
Permenant Smile
Ashlyn Yoshida Dec 2020
The lights switch off
But the smile stays
Plastered on and
Completely fake
It won't come off
It never will
Tears begin to fall
Smiling still
The screams are heard
across the house
no one cares
it's normal now
Breaking into pieces
thoughts locked in cages
break down the walls
and rewrite your pages
a breakdown while laughing is worse than if you were screaming
Dec 2020 · 671
Screaming in a Desert
Ashlyn Yoshida Dec 2020
Whistling wind howls in your ear
Your breath comes out in fogs and huffs
Standing atop a flat hill of red sand
the sound of thin, dry branches scratching rocks
a flash of grey fur and a squeal breach the silence
once so heavy you could hear your own heartbeat
The Sun has begun to set
The rays seeming to match that of water
Staining the blue sky with oranges and pinks
****** fingers tearing at the mountains
As the Sun fights to see your face longer.
You breathe in the dry dusty air

And scream until there is none left in you
To be where I am now would only hurt us all
Dec 2020 · 436
Paranoid Without Risk
Ashlyn Yoshida Dec 2020
Once more I hear the sound of footsteps following me
Once more the fear and warm breath tickling my neck
It has always followed me, this sudden panic
This feeling to pack everything up and run
Run as far as I can see and further
Past the mountains and seas and worlds
Until the footsteps make no sounds
And the breath rustles not a single blade of grass
at my feet

Is it my own footsteps?
Is it merely the wind?
I don't know anymore.
Fleeing now would be futile
Ashlyn Yoshida Dec 2020
Silvery traces etched across the canvas
the red seeping back
that once decorated the space before

tears no longer blue but grey
ripping apart the canvas that wraps you in tendrils
No longer is anything left to take

You've already destroyed that.
Dec 2020 · 526
Ashlyn Yoshida Dec 2020
Blocked my tears with ivy walls
Hearts are painted on my window
Lights are strung up in my room

It's all pretty now

Pretty lonely.
Nov 2020 · 367
Self Care
Ashlyn Yoshida Nov 2020
Coffee and muffin on a Saturday outing by yourself
Cuddles on a winter day with no one but a blanket
Bubble bath and candles, in a dimly lit room
Reading on a rainy day

You don't always need others
To be happy
someone told me to write a happy poem so here
Nov 2020 · 82
Unconditional Love
Ashlyn Yoshida Nov 2020
Most don't understand this statement and think they do
they look at their children and love them always
But that is wrong
Why look and say such hateful things 'out of love'

There are no strings.
You don't need to earn me.

Even if I love you that way, Best Friend
You can love whom ever you wish
And as long as you are smiling, I am smiling too
I feel no pain from your choices
Jealous, yes
But you are here to laugh and smile with me
And that is enough for the likes of me
Nov 2020 · 520
Two People
Ashlyn Yoshida Nov 2020
Burned wood can become charcoal
Compressed charcoal can become a diamond

I will become a charred and squashed corpse
Nov 2020 · 426
Letting My Dream Leave
Ashlyn Yoshida Nov 2020
It was stuck in my hand, alike to a tiny galaxy
Stars slipping through my fingers as I let go
Realizing my hands were too small
I gave it up to the future of an abysmal heart
Where all the dead dreams go
I want this to end.
Nov 2020 · 512
I am the Lie
Ashlyn Yoshida Nov 2020
Swirling banters
red water catches my skin
my wrists are bound to the laughing of the crows
As the minor tantrum of a rebel
I live for the stories that include me the least
symbolism, symbolism everywhere
Nov 2020 · 1.1k
Ashlyn Yoshida Nov 2020
Too much, too little
I'm intelligent and kind
Two lies, two truths
When you bore me
I will leave you
Nov 2020 · 106
Don't Wanna
Ashlyn Yoshida Nov 2020
I don't want to die

I don't want to live forever

I don't want all the answers

I don't want to skip through time.

Sometimes we all do.
Nov 2020 · 278
Coded Memory
Ashlyn Yoshida Nov 2020
. . . l o a d i n g . . .

.-. .- .. -. / -.. .-. --- .--. ... /
-.. .- -. -.. . .-.. .. --- -. / .--. . - .- .-.. ... /
.- .--. .--. .-.. . / .--. .. . / --- -. / - .... . / .-- .. -. -.. --- .-- ... .. .-.. .-.. /
.-- --- .-.. ..-. / .- - . / - .... . / ..-. --- -..- / .- - . / - .... . / -.-. .... .. -.-. -.- . -. / .- - . / - .... . / .--. .. . /
-... --- -..- . ... / ... - .- -.-. -.- . -.. / --- -. / - .... . .. .-. / ... .. -.. . ... /
..-. .- -.- . / ..-. .-.. --- .-- . .-. ... / .. -. / .- / .-- .- - . .-. / ...- .- ... . /
- .... . / .-.. --- ... ... / --- ..-. / ... --- -- . --- -. . / .-- .... --- / -.-. .- -. -. --- - / -... . / .-. . .--. .-.. .- -.-. . -.. /

[ r e s e t ? ]
/ y e s <
/ n o
.-.. --- ...- . / -- . / -... .- -.-. -.-
be curious
Nov 2020 · 293
Re-designing Process
Ashlyn Yoshida Nov 2020
Replace the memories with post-it notes.
Re-write the history that created who I am
those paragraphs of information erased from my thoughts.
I will save myself
sew and stitch my own flesh
and paint my bones
Creating new memories and paragraphs and post-it notes
Until I get it perfectly wrong
And my corkboard brain is covered in neon paper
and my hands are covered in paper cuts and glitter glue
and my heart becomes as covered
in as much barbed wire as there is stickers.
Sep 2020 · 555
'How the World Works'
Ashlyn Yoshida Sep 2020
A world where nothing is everything
and the children are seen as ignorant fools
Shielded hopelessly with a see-through blindfold
A family fights over nothing important
Except to them it's the balance of their future
Petty little snipers, killing off the hated
bullied for a simple little mole
lost in a sea of individuals wearing the same masks
People saying that they're the ones who know best
A phrase repeated flying over her head
'This is how the world works
it takes no breaks for you
it doesn't stop to heal your pain
so keep on going anyways'

And I am tired of hearing something I already knew.
Sep 2020 · 821
Her Newest Days
Ashlyn Yoshida Sep 2020
Lying on the cold kitchen floor
Tears streaming down her face
Her cheeks are burning worse than they ever have before
A twinge of pain in a hip rendered weak
A wave of depressive agony wipes over her face again
Screaming above her head, words that make no sense
Quotations around the pain her mother uses
A cold dragging stagger walk to a hospital all by herself.
Sep 2020 · 743
When I Love
Ashlyn Yoshida Sep 2020
My love is wrong in the eyes of the sane
to them it seems my love is irrational
possessive, obsessive
chained to my wrists
I suppose it's my fault
I suppose it's all their's
I think I'm forgetting the normal thoughts
and feelings a person is to have
Clinging onto the familiar
and what was thrown at me when
I was younger.
It scares some away
and brings others closer
Insanity goes unnoticed by those inflicted. Don't go on thinking I'm a terrible person for not understanding social constructs the same way as you do.
Jul 2020 · 209
Don't Let Go
Ashlyn Yoshida Jul 2020
I live in outer space
I live far far away
take me back down to earth
to witness this new world's birth
Tell us the problems of today
take my hand and together we'll sweep it away
as long as you're with me and me with you
we'll be alright and that is the truth
Following the milky way
a constellation appearing just for today
This world is in shambles but that's alright
at least we'll see each other in our dreams tonight
'Forgive me if I have sinned'
but there's no other way for us to win
Just please don't let me fly too high
My head seems lost, lost in the sky
Tie a string
around my waist and bring me
Help me stay
Until the Sun rises, I'll be with you today
This world is in shambles but that's alright
at least I can protect you all through the night
I'll listen to those sweet little sounds
that soft little smile, helps me stay on the ground
So if you let go
I just want you to know
I've loved you before, today, and again
and I'll never stop loving you as my love never
I wrote this mainly as a song so it would make more sense if read that way
Jul 2020 · 102
Left Here
Ashlyn Yoshida Jul 2020
Another happy
helpful joy
she left this place without a word
I wanted to tell her everything
a friend a light

and now she's gone without a trace
Jul 2020 · 305
Ashlyn Yoshida Jul 2020
my hand please
I can't let it be taken
Black around white
a single speck
static in my ears
can't take it. not my hand
static in my ear and lots of it
I see spoken words in writing
people turn away when hurt
I'm stuck staring
not my hand.
no noise to block out my thoughts
repeat each step without hesitation
listen, follow, no thinking allowed
I break it as soon as it's said
Jul 2020 · 277
Tainted Homesickness
Ashlyn Yoshida Jul 2020
I want to go back
And then I don't
Reminded of back then when it was all a lie

Each reminder
that flower
that song
I loved you all so dearly
How could you have seen
nothing but a rag doll
Someone annoying and unpredictable
Having nothing of any good inside
you turned your heads
and left me to leave
without a single goodbye
I have a lot of poems to write when it comes to this...I'm going to try something happier later
Jul 2020 · 225
Down the Road
Ashlyn Yoshida Jul 2020
Traveling down this
long old road
in a place I haven't been to in years
Traveling far away from my recent past
And although it was loved
I shed not a tear
Just a small essay of 14 paragraphs long
Was enough to confirm what I had thought
I was worthless in their eyes
each and every one
and if I had stayed
I would have just been

a l o n e
Jul 2020 · 289
Ashlyn Yoshida Jul 2020
I'm a stain.
My life and personality is just a stain
I'm ink across the paper
of society.

I'm red.
I'm always angry at something or someone
And yet I'm always smiling and laughing
along with their insults.

I'm not broken, people just want to erase me.
I'm not supposed to be here, they say.
My type of weird
Is unacceptable to society, they say.

But each one of us is a different color
spread across this paper, no canvas
that is society
each of us a stain, no a streak

A brush of personality no one else can have
Together we are beautiful
and no one is going to tell me
that I'm not beautiful without lying to themselves

and being the same only makes the painting boring
this is all about personality not looks
Jun 2020 · 226
Dark Circles Beneath Eyes
Ashlyn Yoshida Jun 2020
I can barely lift my head
I haven't eaten a thing today
I was waiting for you to message me
It never happened.
I have permanent consequences from being friends with those people. I had no where else to go...
Ashlyn Yoshida Jun 2020
So I did a few things wrong
So I acted kind of strange
Why tell these things to me
While hiding behind a screen?
Well you were gonna come to my door
You were gonna tell me it there
But oh? Guess what?
I had other places to be.
I wrapped my life around all of you
You mentioned how I acted like the world
revolved around me, but I did
But I wasn't
and now I have to pay
I quit piano lessons
and never joined a club
I ignored Bible Study
Just to talk to you
I waited and I waited
But no one ever came
To say goodbye to me
before I flew away
So instead of saying 'I'll miss you'
You're saying '*******'
And I did everything I could and tried to make you happy
But my past that spilled from my lips
Made you hate me all so much
and the way I was
just ****** you all off more
Sorry for being a **** up
But that doesn't mean
I'm going to **** it all up
I'm sorry to be ******  but recently a friend sent me a hate message for being a person. I feel terrible 'cause some of it's true but really, what a petty *****.
Jun 2020 · 507
Blood Violet
Ashlyn Yoshida Jun 2020
My hair is longer
than before
But lately
I want a little more

so bring the dye
and bring the paste
I'm feeling purple
so hurry before it's too late

'that looks kinda red, Ash'
Ashlyn Yoshida May 2020
In the end I think
the pain was too much to bear
to see such behavior coming from someone so beautiful
to see such hatred towards myself
coming from my own eyes,
eyes as lush and green as a forest canopy
at least that is how you described them back then

but your own eyes,
deep blue pools of loathing
for me
for her
for everyone around you,
they tell me what you truly mean.

That my eyes are dull and ugly
and better off looking in a different direction
and that you don't care what I do anymore
nor did you ever care

As long as no one is by my side
and that I do not exist to anyone other than myself

you will be happy
Most poems I write comes from personal experience if anyone cares to wonder. I don't listen to him anymore.
May 2020 · 318
Ashlyn Yoshida May 2020
There's a world of pain waiting for us outside of that door.

You ready?
May 2020 · 255
Are You Happy Now?
Ashlyn Yoshida May 2020
Look at the people around us
Dying, sick, alone
Look at the wondrous things
Some have
money, smiles, ******, and
Surplus of food
thrown all away
So many others still starving
these days
Illness stretches through the earth
And yet for others happiness
They still wander and play
in mirth
Making more sickness
making more death
are you happy now?
That some people no longer have breath?
May 2020 · 250
Twisted Lullaby
Ashlyn Yoshida May 2020
Sleep tight my love
for tomorrow is a new day
Sleep tight my love
wrapped in this willow's grave

Cry not my darling
we are finally safe
Cry not my darling
tomorrow today will be erased

Look and see
Look and see
Gold as tangible
as the breeze

Look and see
Look and see
sleeping, dreaming
by the sea

Danger lurks in every corner
safe and sound you are in bed
snoozing 'neath the Willow Tree
rest your tiny head
good night, good morning, good afternoon
May 2020 · 305
Ashlyn Yoshida May 2020
Do not fear tomorrow
for tomorrow will never come
do not fear the past
for the past is already done

do not cry for approval
for approval gives no bread
do not weep for the dying
instead laugh with the dead

follow the path of gravestones
decorated with gold
follow the dark and the light
to see which one takes hold

listen to the bird call
follow the raven's trail
listen to the wolf howl
watch him shake his tail

run as fast as we can

back to where it began
May 2020 · 209
The World I Live In
Ashlyn Yoshida May 2020
You know the world is crazy
Is painful
Is cruel
When you hear
that a five year old's prayer to God
was to die.
she deserved better
May 2020 · 74
Ashlyn Yoshida May 2020
If I could choose a day in the year where everything went right
I would never choose
Apr 2020 · 279
Pixie Cut
Ashlyn Yoshida Apr 2020
Snip Snip
She's staring at me in horror
Snip Snip
My hair is growing shorter
Snip Snip

'You look like a boy, Ash'
Got a haircut that took me forever to get.
Apr 2020 · 500
Chickens and Goats
Ashlyn Yoshida Apr 2020
Cherry plums for the small goat
Pits for the large chicken
Milk and water
Bury; slaughter

Remember to call me when it's done.
Apr 2020 · 65
Leave Me to Pieces
Ashlyn Yoshida Apr 2020
Love is written in words and blood
Pain is anger and tears
Yet my hope is written as shattered
and devoured over the years

Each step I take is meaningless
Each thing I say, empty
I have nothing inside me left
the memories of people who leave me

As time drags on, my bones dry out
My skin wrinkles and sags
What is the point if there's no one to walk with
to talk with
for everyone else has passed
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