i'm not even sad or angry anymore because i know that she is just you trying to replace me. she is another one of me and nothing more. she has blonde hair and light eyes similar to mine. she has a similar laugh and voice as me. she has dancing skills my hugs and kisses that are similar to mine. she has everything that i have. she isn't the replacement of me because no one can replace what you and i had. we broke each other and fought so many times but still managed to call it "love". i did say that she is nothing more because no one will have blonde hair and light eyes how i will. she simply reminds you of me. when you look into your eyes you will try and look for me and when she walks away from you while flipping her hair you will wait for the warm scent of my hair but it will not be there. you will try to make her laugh to hear my sweet laughter one more time but you will not hear it and instead of making you laugh it will make you feel despair because her laugh isn't mine. you will whisper sweet nothings into her ear and try to get the same response that you did from me in my voice but i won't be there and you won't hear me. you will take her hand to dance with her so maybe it would give you the chance to dance with me one more time but you won't be as happy because she will not make you happy how i had once done. you will hug her expecting to get a warm hug that smells like vanilla and a kiss that tastes like cinnamon but you will get a hug that is as cold as your heart and a smell of desperation and the kiss will only taste like the lust you have for her because of me. but i won't show up. you will not get me. my hugs. or my kisses. instead you will get her. the sad replacement of me. and i feel sorry for you because you will go through so many people to find me but you will only find little pieces or nothing at all.
I am the trending poem.
you see me and I make you feel alive
so you like me and re-post me
then you leave me alone to die.
I am your forgotten lines.
you created me with a careful love
and decisive rhymes
and then to the bottom of your page I'm shoved.
I am forgotten, alone and unloved
a faded smile a broken dove
I once was beautiful, touching.
now, I've been replaced, I'm nothing.
I should hate you.
I should be angry because you like her and not me.
I should be angry because of how you only gave me attention when you wanted something from me.
How I gave you my trust, love, and heart and you broke all three at once.
How you forced me onto that bed, told me to shut up, told me that I would like it - I did not.
I should be angry that you gave me hope for a future that you know I most desperately desired.
That you made me think it would happen but when somebody better came along, you left me in a heart beat for who knows how many girls.
You left me heartbroken.
But then I remember the words you said to me,
the way you made me feel when the cold weather and cloudy skies were around,
and all those horrible memories of you fade away.
My god, I wish I didn't have to like you the way I do,
but I find it impossible to stop.
It took everything in me to delete those pictures of you where we both looked so happy.
It took everything inside me to accept that you don't need me,
you never did.
You don't miss me.
You don't care about me the slightest bit.
You don't even want me.
It took me every bone in my goddamn body to not think of you when I wasn't sober.
But I realized that you were all I thought of when I'm not sober,
even when I am too.
Because my heart kicked you out,
so you just moved straight into my mind.
I've only ever relied on someone else for my happiness.
Looked to them to answer any question i had.
Until the moment they were no longer there to guide me out of my perceived darkness.
But i was stuck.
I waited on you but you only walked away.
So thank you, because i believe I've figured it out.
How to be happy and not dependent on you.
You're the one that has gone and replaced the role i used to play in your life.
So i guess you can ultimately say that you have done this to yourself.
And I'm not really sorry.
I am focusing on me and you are now playing an insignificant minor role in the way my life develops.
I love you my best friend.
So it looks like i've won.
were you even trying all along?
So it looks like you're denying.
do you actually believe it isn't true?
So it looks like the sun is setting.
will you be dreaming on cloud nine?
So it looks like you haven't seen the damage you've made.
is this fake smile too noticeable?
So it looks like it fits in with everything else of yours.
do you even know how to feel something genuine?
So it looks like the answer is no.
Because I've won.
You said i love you, i said i love you more.
You said impossible.
no, darling, its very possible.
You can’t feel cold
When the warm softness of a blanket covers you,
You can’t see light
When it’s covered by a pitch black fabric,
You can’t touch your phone screen
When your hands are inside those red velvet gloves,
You can’t hear voices
When your ears are distracted by your music,
I can’t feel,
I can’t see,
I can’t touch,
I can’t hear,
I can’t feel you,
When she’s covered by the warm softness of your skin,
I can’t see you,
When you’re in a pitch black room accompanied,
I can’t touch you,
When your hands share the same red velvet gloves with her,
I can’t hear you,
Because your ears are distracted by her voice,
We both have something,
You have her,
And I have the nothingness of you.
I miss you.
June 30, 2016
I am not a vacation where you temporarily stay as long as its fun,
and where you leave when the fun is over.
I am not a game,
a game that you play until you can't get any further and quit when it's getting harder.
It feels like I used to be your favorite song, but you are slowly lowering the volume.