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Ashlyn Yoshida Mar 2021
Tears can splash to the ground
You could shake in fear and rage all you want
But as soon as they smile
And push aside your claims with a laugh

You're absolutely ******
Ashlyn Yoshida Feb 2019
Like a shadow fleeting across the
Moon's face
so your eyes darken
in return

And like a red rose petal
settling across dark waters' surface
the stillness is broken
within me

And I remember it through flashes

flowers fall and spill
from lips I once had
of the blood that would come
from the rose stems'

You watching in horror
as the curse sets in
death like a blanket of darkness
to forever wrap my broken shell

I'm buried in a case of glass
and mahogany, the cushions light colored
and soft
everyday I hear you above me

It's the only way to tell
time
in my eternal slumber of body
but my spirit wakes to your voice

when you leave
I'm gone once more
drifting in the nothingness
of my mistakes
Ashlyn Yoshida Feb 2020
I am alone
I think
No matter what I do.
I reach out to others
But when the fear isn't there
it all feels fake
I am alone.
When will someone reach for me?
Ashlyn Yoshida Feb 2020
Left Right Wrong
Left Right Wrong
Tap your collar bone
Index and ******* together
Left Right Wrong
Left Right Wrong
He left you because he's a coward
He left you and you don't need him back
Left Right Wrong
Left Right Wrong
No one talks to me anymore
Is it her or him they want?
Left Right-
"Ash, are you okay?"
...
Tears.
My cheeks are wet.
Haha, 8th grade ******.
Ashlyn Yoshida May 2020
Look at the people around us
Dying, sick, alone
cold
Look at the wondrous things
Some have
money, smiles, ******, and
gold
Surplus of food
thrown all away
So many others still starving
these days
Illness stretches through the earth
And yet for others happiness
They still wander and play
in mirth
Making more sickness
making more death
are you happy now?
That some people no longer have breath?
Ashlyn Yoshida Feb 2019
I'm waiting in stars of light
bathing in darkest night
a hope of rose petals sprinkling down
onto water that's all around
steam is raised above water high
lifting; sifting to the sky
breaking not for it can't shatter
unlike the roses, seeming tattered
the scent of soap
of roses' hopes
I lift my hand
to understand
the dark that surrounds me
but with my touch, the dark shifts enough to see
in bleeding grey
a new day
to wake up to
alone...
Ashlyn Yoshida Jun 2020
So I did a few things wrong
So I acted kind of strange
Why tell these things to me
While hiding behind a screen?
Well you were gonna come to my door
You were gonna tell me it there
But oh? Guess what?
I had other places to be.
I wrapped my life around all of you
You mentioned how I acted like the world
revolved around me, but I did
But I wasn't
and now I have to pay
I quit piano lessons
and never joined a club
I ignored Bible Study
Just to talk to you
I waited and I waited
But no one ever came
To say goodbye to me
before I flew away
So instead of saying 'I'll miss you'
You're saying '*******'
And I did everything I could and tried to make you happy
But my past that spilled from my lips
Made you hate me all so much
and the way I was
just ****** you all off more
Sorry for being a **** up
But that doesn't mean
I'm going to **** it all up
I'm sorry to be ******  but recently a friend sent me a hate message for being a person. I feel terrible 'cause some of it's true but really, what a petty *****.
Ashlyn Yoshida Jul 2020
I'm a stain.
My life and personality is just a stain
I'm ink across the paper
of society.

I'm red.
I'm always angry at something or someone
And yet I'm always smiling and laughing
along with their insults.

I'm not broken, people just want to erase me.
I'm not supposed to be here, they say.
My type of weird
Is unacceptable to society, they say.

But each one of us is a different color
spread across this paper, no canvas
that is society
each of us a stain, no a streak

A brush of personality no one else can have
Together we are beautiful
and no one is going to tell me
that I'm not beautiful without lying to themselves

and being the same only makes the painting boring
this is all about personality not looks
Ashlyn Yoshida Apr 2020
Once upon a time there was a girl who lived in a house full of shadows and mirrors with no one to help her out but herself. Cobwebs covered the corners and her feet and her eyes. At some point she had given up from leaving and stayed still for years. One day, there was a knock on the door and the girl shivered off her webs and slowly walked over to the locked door to set her ear against the cold wood. She didn't hear anything else other than a shuffle and the sound of footsteps walking away. The girl went back to her place where she had stood and found a crack of light across the mirror. Desperate to see and to escape the shadows she tried moving the mirror to reflect the light tenfold. But she pushed too hard and the mirror feel and shattered. She sat there in the broken glass, blood dripping from her legs. She sat there and cried, angry for the hope she had gotten. And she stayed still for another year until a knock at the door was heard again. This time she ignored it. She ignored it so well, she thought, that even when it got louder she turned her head, piercing her feet on the glass that still lay around her. She muffled a scream and listened to the knocking. It had stopped, why had it stopped? She got up to check the door, wincing in pain at each step. But when she pressed her ear against the door once more, the sound was gone and replaced with the echoing footsteps of someone leaving. The girl, angered, stomped back to her place only to see the light again. She felt excited and tried to at least touch the light, hold it in her hands to feel warm. She took a step forward, crashing into the mirror that had been reflecting it, once more breaking the reflective glass. More blood and pain and tears. The next time she saw the light or heard the knocking she ignored it.
It took years, each one annually the knocking came and went and the light feel across the girl in her cobwebs, shadows, and mirrors in a locked up house that no one noticed, wanted, or saw. She felt more and more alone with each coming day, the knocking the only thing that made her happy because it meant that something living was there at the other side of the door. If only she could open it.
One the day she decided to give up all thoughts of meeting the one who knocked at her door, she stood up and walked across the glass, tearing her feet. She crashed into mirrors, ****** and bruised she reached the door and leaned against it, crying.
When she heard the knocking she cried harder. The knocking continued, three even knocks. A pause. And then three even knocks. It would do this one last time. The girl was fed up with the knocking by now, so she decided to do it to them, too. She knocked back three times after the second knock of theirs. She waited. The knock came from them. She knocked back. It continued until the light in the house moved to the mirror in front of her fully and she saw herself, blood and tear stained in the reflection. She smiled at herself. She heard something move, something metal slide from underneath her door. Something cold touched her fingertips as she wrapped her hand around it. A rusty old key. She used it to unlock the door to see who had been knocking for her all those years. She opened the door.
And there the girl was, smiling back at herself. "You made it."
The End
ignore the formatting
Ashlyn Yoshida Jun 2020
My hair is longer
than before
But lately
I want a little more

so bring the dye
and bring the paste
I'm feeling purple
so hurry before it's too late

'that looks kinda red, Ash'
Ashlyn Yoshida Apr 2020
Cherry plums for the small goat
Pits for the large chicken
Milk and water
Bury; slaughter

Remember to call me when it's done.
******???
Ashlyn Yoshida May 2020
If I could choose a day in the year where everything went right
I would never choose
Ashlyn Yoshida Mar 2020
ink black eyes

broken bones

twisted smiles

no one's home.
Ashlyn Yoshida Nov 2020
. . . l o a d i n g . . .

.-. .- .. -. / -.. .-. --- .--. ... /
-.. .- -. -.. . .-.. .. --- -. / .--. . - .- .-.. ... /
.- .--. .--. .-.. . / .--. .. . / --- -. / - .... . / .-- .. -. -.. --- .-- ... .. .-.. .-.. /
.-- --- .-.. ..-. / .- - . / - .... . / ..-. --- -..- / .- - . / - .... . / -.-. .... .. -.-. -.- . -. / .- - . / - .... . / .--. .. . /
-... --- -..- . ... / ... - .- -.-. -.- . -.. / --- -. / - .... . .. .-. / ... .. -.. . ... /
..-. .- -.- . / ..-. .-.. --- .-- . .-. ... / .. -. / .- / .-- .- - . .-. / ...- .- ... . /
- .... . / .-.. --- ... ... / --- ..-. / ... --- -- . --- -. . / .-- .... --- / -.-. .- -. -. --- - / -... . / .-. . .--. .-.. .- -.-. . -.. /

[ r e s e t ? ]
/ y e s <
/ n o
.-.. --- ...- . / -- . / -... .- -.-. -.-
be curious
Ashlyn Yoshida Jun 2020
I can barely lift my head
I haven't eaten a thing today
I was waiting for you to message me
It never happened.
I have permanent consequences from being friends with those people. I had no where else to go...
Ashlyn Yoshida Mar 2021
Collecting information and writing it down in a journal
People cross by in fear or interest
a human as analytical as a robot and emotional as a puppy
Strange one
Freak
Perfect
Writing it down, each move
Every behavior
Then I get up
ignoring complaints and compliments
And I help them all
hmm not my usual category of poems...
Ashlyn Yoshida Dec 2020
Quiet.
Silence settles across the empty desert once more
A calming wind brushing through the desolate feeling
A shadow flickers across the face of the moon.

Is something coming?

Why does it feel like the sandy dunes and snoozing creatures
are all holding their breath?
Waiting?

What for?
Ashlyn Yoshida Jul 2020
I live in outer space
I live far far away
take me back down to earth
to witness this new world's birth
...
Tell us the problems of today
take my hand and together we'll sweep it away
as long as you're with me and me with you
we'll be alright and that is the truth
...
Following the milky way
a constellation appearing just for today
This world is in shambles but that's alright
at least we'll see each other in our dreams tonight
...
'Forgive me if I have sinned'
but there's no other way for us to win
Just please don't let me fly too high
My head seems lost, lost in the sky
...
Tie a string
around my waist and bring me
Help me stay
Until the Sun rises, I'll be with you today
...
This world is in shambles but that's alright
at least I can protect you all through the night
I'll listen to those sweet little sounds
that soft little smile, helps me stay on the ground
...
So if you let go
I just want you to know
...
I've loved you before, today, and again
and I'll never stop loving you as my love never
ends
I wrote this mainly as a song so it would make more sense if read that way
Ashlyn Yoshida Nov 2020
I don't want to die

I don't want to live forever

I don't want all the answers

I don't want to skip through time.

Sometimes we all do.
Ashlyn Yoshida Jul 2020
Traveling down this
long old road
in a place I haven't been to in years
Traveling far away from my recent past
And although it was loved
I shed not a tear
Just a small essay of 14 paragraphs long
Was enough to confirm what I had thought
I was worthless in their eyes
each and every one
and if I had stayed
I would have just been

a l o n e
Ashlyn Yoshida Dec 2020
Silvery traces etched across the canvas
the red seeping back
that once decorated the space before

tears no longer blue but grey
ripping apart the canvas that wraps you in tendrils
No longer is anything left to take

You've already destroyed that.
Ashlyn Yoshida May 2020
In the end I think
the pain was too much to bear
to see such behavior coming from someone so beautiful
to see such hatred towards myself
coming from my own eyes,
eyes as lush and green as a forest canopy
at least that is how you described them back then

but your own eyes,
deep blue pools of loathing
for me
for her
for everyone around you,
they tell me what you truly mean.

That my eyes are dull and ugly
and better off looking in a different direction
and that you don't care what I do anymore
nor did you ever care

As long as no one is by my side
and that I do not exist to anyone other than myself

you will be happy
Most poems I write comes from personal experience if anyone cares to wonder. I don't listen to him anymore.
Ashlyn Yoshida Mar 2021
Buttercups
are thin and yellow
Roses
red and thick like blood
if families can be described as flowers
which one do you think
is us?
Ashlyn Yoshida Mar 2020
She can't believe her eyes
Or ears
What this girl is saying
"I hid behind your house you know
I listened to your goodbye."
How could you?
She thought
Why did no one tell me the truth?
Why?
That was what hurt her the most.
And for that...she can't forget or forgive anyone
Anymore.
My ex told me the title once. It's a quote from him, enjoy.
Ashlyn Yoshida Apr 2020
I walk a line
between sanity
and crazy
A balancing act
As loneliness sets in
I tilt to the edge

Because of this
No one can tell me right from wrong
without hearing a question
that stops them from forming a solid opinion
on what to do with the world

"What about the ones who benefit from the bad and the ones who suffer from the good?"
Ashlyn Yoshida Sep 2020
Lying on the cold kitchen floor
Tears streaming down her face
Her cheeks are burning worse than they ever have before
A twinge of pain in a hip rendered weak
A wave of depressive agony wipes over her face again
Screaming above her head, words that make no sense
Quotations around the pain her mother uses
A cold dragging stagger walk to a hospital all by herself.
Ashlyn Yoshida Mar 2020
Only one thing can calm my raging seas
can soothe the overwhelming sense of doom
only one thing can warm me and give me light
in my darkest hours

She smooths over the bruises
and kisses my scars

Only one person has ever truly accepted me
Has taken my hand without fear or greed
She is the purest thing in my life
The only thing I need.
platonic love is still love
Him
Ashlyn Yoshida Mar 2020
Him
He's standing there in sorrow
Faked and acted up
Probably practiced in a mirror
He's hiding the girl who's leaned against the wall
who's listening intensely
As he tells me he has to leave
"Goodbye"
"Goodbye"
Tears are burning my throat.
He leaves when I tell him to
He never comes back.
I don't want that liar to anyway.
Ashlyn Yoshida Sep 2020
A world where nothing is everything
and the children are seen as ignorant fools
Shielded hopelessly with a see-through blindfold
A family fights over nothing important
Except to them it's the balance of their future
Petty little snipers, killing off the hated
bullied for a simple little mole
lost in a sea of individuals wearing the same masks
People saying that they're the ones who know best
A phrase repeated flying over her head
'This is how the world works
it takes no breaks for you
it doesn't stop to heal your pain
so keep on going anyways'

And I am tired of hearing something I already knew.
Ashlyn Yoshida Nov 2020
Swirling banters
red water catches my skin
my wrists are bound to the laughing of the crows
As the minor tantrum of a rebel
I live for the stories that include me the least
symbolism, symbolism everywhere
Ashlyn Yoshida Mar 2020
"the red rose liked reading writings
the red rose liked reading writings'

But what do I like?
Ashlyn Yoshida Feb 2019
Is 'lost' a word that people take lightly?
Is it something that I shouldn't brush off so slightly?
Is it possibly an insult when I say it myself
'That I honestly don't know, or have anyone else'?

Would it be fine
If I were to just lay down and close my eyes?
Listening to the waves as they crash upon shores
Instead of listening to my family's snores?

I'm ready to run, but there's no where to go
I'm ready to fight, but the enemy's unknown
I'm ready to love, but I'm afraid I've forgotten how
But best or worst of all, I'm ready to go down

I'm lost in this world and in my own head
I'm lost inside and out, full of fear that my spirit's dead
But oddly enough, over these few years
I've started to see light in my eyes, a light that's not from tears.
Ashlyn Yoshida Mar 2020
I want to write
I want to write something
that hits the hearts of others
that makes them see
that makes them realize
that changes their lives forever
I want to write inspiration
I want to draw a forest of words with my pen
I want to live a life of happy smiles and meaningful conversations
I want to comb a river with my words
To speak aloud the writings I have
And show the world what I can do
That I am worthy of being alive
Worthy of giving back to others
Worth the wait, the anger, the pain
That everyone who's met me has gone through.
I want to write.
Kid
Ashlyn Yoshida Feb 2020
Kid
"You're just a kid
you shouldn't worry about these things
she shouldn't have depended on you in that way
stop trying to fix everything
Because you're too young to be allowed
to feel the weight on your shoulders
You're just
a
kid."

~~~~

I always felt older somehow,
always felt heavy and sad since the day
I was born.
The other kids ignored me
and when they didn't
they taunted me
They called me names
'Dog'
'Lesbian'
'******'
I learned to ignore it
and focus on others
to stand up
and let them cry on me
I learned to understand
before fight
and to wait
before love
I've learned that emotions
can be painful
like a sea urchin stuck
to your torso
I watched pain drip from a cut
I watched the red flood the marble sink
and I watched it all go down the drain
washed away by the purity of water
And those voices
I know that everyone has them now
and they told me to cry it out
instead of biting my lip and smiling
I see pain hidden in everyone around me
But I know it's not my business to soothe them
Nor do I know how
The pain they feel is no longer mine
I think
I think
I'm my own person again.

~~~~~

But I'm just a kid
So I can't comfort you
until I'm older.
Ashlyn Yoshida Jan 2020
I have grown older since then.
I have watched everyone grow older since then.
I have watched the tears fall heavily like rain.
I have watched them all cry over it.
I fell in love with something that wasn't real
Me. I did. My fault.
He made everyone else love him too
And betrayed them all
One by one
Or perhaps at the same time.
He was...terrible.
But I am, too.
Ashlyn Yoshida Apr 2020
Love is written in words and blood
Pain is anger and tears
Yet my hope is written as shattered
Scattered
and devoured over the years

Each step I take is meaningless
Each thing I say, empty
I have nothing inside me left
except
the memories of people who leave me

As time drags on, my bones dry out
My skin wrinkles and sags
What is the point if there's no one to walk with
to talk with
for everyone else has passed
Ashlyn Yoshida Mar 2020
I think he's dead
Or has moved on
Perhaps is scared
Perhaps is gone

Why won't he move?
Why isn't he breathing?
Yet somehow his words-?
How is he still speaking?

When someone leaves
They leave something behind
They leave the memories
They leave their footprints in lines

Sometimes I'll follow
Others I'll stay
But what is it worth?
They're still gone by the end of the day
...
Ashlyn Yoshida Jul 2020
Another happy
helpful joy
she left this place without a word
I wanted to tell her everything
a friend a light

and now she's gone without a trace
Ashlyn Yoshida Apr 2021
Let me sleep until reality turns grey
Let me breathe until my lungs tear to shreds
Let me live alone in a house with a cat
Let me not be touched or tainted

But the world wants you to be touched
The world wants you to see reality in all its horrifying colors
The world wants you to breathe softly
And to live with the noises and smiles
Of the house you always dreamed of.
Ashlyn Yoshida Nov 2020
It was stuck in my hand, alike to a tiny galaxy
Stars slipping through my fingers as I let go
Realizing my hands were too small
I gave it up to the future of an abysmal heart
Where all the dead dreams go
I want this to end.
Ashlyn Yoshida Mar 2020
Through my teeth
gritted and grinding
lying to you
lying to me

Lying to everyone else here.
Ashlyn Yoshida Mar 2020
Where
Where
Where...

Help me.

please...
why?
Map
Ashlyn Yoshida May 2020
Map
Do not fear tomorrow
for tomorrow will never come
do not fear the past
for the past is already done

do not cry for approval
for approval gives no bread
do not weep for the dying
instead laugh with the dead

follow the path of gravestones
decorated with gold
follow the dark and the light
to see which one takes hold

listen to the bird call
follow the raven's trail
listen to the wolf howl
watch him shake his tail

run as fast as we can

back to where it began
Ashlyn Yoshida Feb 2020
I met a cat.
A calico cat.
Sick and dying, barely breathing.
I wanted to help
but was held back.
"Let others take care of it"
That's what we all do right?
Why do we leave the job for someone else?
This world would have less Milk Froths
If we all pitched in to help.
This world would be less miserable if we all cared a little more.
Ashlyn Yoshida Nov 2020
Too much, too little
I'm intelligent and kind
Two lies, two truths
When you bore me
I will leave you
Ashlyn Yoshida Mar 2020
It doesn't matter how well you write
Or how much time you take to
It all depends on whether or not
You were born fortunate.
Ashlyn Yoshida Jan 2020
Morning light is grey and yellow
spreading like fingers across the floor
my ceiling is dotted with such colors
and maybe just a bit more?

But it never hits my bed
the place I sleep and cry
it never reaches me
because it never tries

I hide behind blue curtains
and I think they're wearing thin
but even so, it seems that I
could never let this morning light in
Ashlyn Yoshida Feb 2021
The open gaping mouth of glass, looking in and looking out
The light refracting across the silent room
Everything is closed off; the blinds; the doors; the boxes
The glass eyes of the house muffling the sounds of the outside world

The inhabitant grown a slave to watching
The gaping mouth of glass, looking in and looking out
Stretching lines, darkening eyes, smiles turned hollow
She'll trace the filtered light with frozen desperate fingers

Her sounds are empty and echo like a dripping water from a faucet
The tiled floor is as cold as the snow that falls. Unseen
The open gaping mouth of glass, looking in and looking out
The wind seems to be whispering words she no longer yearns for

The blood is dancing with the cold
Warming the static embrace of her head and fingers
The inhabitant closes the blinds again, hiding the quiet scene
The open gaping mouth of glass, looking in and looking out
Most people believe this is about suicide so I'm going to clear this up. The inhabitant and the girl are two different people. The poem focuses on a scene, but the whole purpose is to invoke the feelings that come with paranoia. It's about a man who killed a girl, but also talking about the guilt and fear of hiding a bad thing we've done. I hope it somehow showed what I was trying to convey.
Ashlyn Yoshida Dec 2020
Swirling in an ocean
of brokenness and passion
hands reaching out for another
but in the end only dragging others further down

Everyone is screaming for help
so loudly they can't hear the people around them
Squirming and slithering
Death slides between us all
Eating away the ones who have taken life for too long
A dose of medicine bringing us the cure to misery
by silencing our own thoughts

Choking on charcoal water
The wet dampens my eyes and my hair
clawing and fighting up to the surface
Where many I know tread on the water with ease
Below me are the people who fell into the tempting calm
above me are the ones who made it

weeds tangle about my legs
threatening to drag my body further down
hands clutch at my wrist in hopes for company
slowing me, hurting me, bruising me
It is my own choice whether I cut their fingers or let them stay
Swimming in the murky waters everyone saying they are alone
each with their own setbacks
ignoring the people furthest from them
and pretending that the water is darker and colder
than it has really been
Ashlyn Yoshida Mar 2020
Green and orange shrubbery
Pink and black sakura trees
Spring and Winter has barely passed until
Fall comes to stay
There's no snow anywhere anytime.
But the wind is very chilly mostly
The smell of dead leaves is everywhere
The sound of a drizzle and thunder
is more common than sunlight
Misery and loneliness cling to my legs
But they stay there like cloth
They keep me warm while everyone else
Cries over broken hearts and lost friendships.
This is where I am right now.
Why would I leave?
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