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Apr 2020 · 218
Grey Area
Ashlyn Yoshida Apr 2020
I walk a line
between sanity
and crazy
A balancing act
As loneliness sets in
I tilt to the edge

Because of this
No one can tell me right from wrong
without hearing a question
that stops them from forming a solid opinion
on what to do with the world

"What about the ones who benefit from the bad and the ones who suffer from the good?"
Apr 2020 · 421
Bed Time Story
Ashlyn Yoshida Apr 2020
Once upon a time there was a girl who lived in a house full of shadows and mirrors with no one to help her out but herself. Cobwebs covered the corners and her feet and her eyes. At some point she had given up from leaving and stayed still for years. One day, there was a knock on the door and the girl shivered off her webs and slowly walked over to the locked door to set her ear against the cold wood. She didn't hear anything else other than a shuffle and the sound of footsteps walking away. The girl went back to her place where she had stood and found a crack of light across the mirror. Desperate to see and to escape the shadows she tried moving the mirror to reflect the light tenfold. But she pushed too hard and the mirror feel and shattered. She sat there in the broken glass, blood dripping from her legs. She sat there and cried, angry for the hope she had gotten. And she stayed still for another year until a knock at the door was heard again. This time she ignored it. She ignored it so well, she thought, that even when it got louder she turned her head, piercing her feet on the glass that still lay around her. She muffled a scream and listened to the knocking. It had stopped, why had it stopped? She got up to check the door, wincing in pain at each step. But when she pressed her ear against the door once more, the sound was gone and replaced with the echoing footsteps of someone leaving. The girl, angered, stomped back to her place only to see the light again. She felt excited and tried to at least touch the light, hold it in her hands to feel warm. She took a step forward, crashing into the mirror that had been reflecting it, once more breaking the reflective glass. More blood and pain and tears. The next time she saw the light or heard the knocking she ignored it.
It took years, each one annually the knocking came and went and the light feel across the girl in her cobwebs, shadows, and mirrors in a locked up house that no one noticed, wanted, or saw. She felt more and more alone with each coming day, the knocking the only thing that made her happy because it meant that something living was there at the other side of the door. If only she could open it.
One the day she decided to give up all thoughts of meeting the one who knocked at her door, she stood up and walked across the glass, tearing her feet. She crashed into mirrors, ****** and bruised she reached the door and leaned against it, crying.
When she heard the knocking she cried harder. The knocking continued, three even knocks. A pause. And then three even knocks. It would do this one last time. The girl was fed up with the knocking by now, so she decided to do it to them, too. She knocked back three times after the second knock of theirs. She waited. The knock came from them. She knocked back. It continued until the light in the house moved to the mirror in front of her fully and she saw herself, blood and tear stained in the reflection. She smiled at herself. She heard something move, something metal slide from underneath her door. Something cold touched her fingertips as she wrapped her hand around it. A rusty old key. She used it to unlock the door to see who had been knocking for her all those years. She opened the door.
And there the girl was, smiling back at herself. "You made it."
The End
ignore the formatting
Mar 2020 · 259
Misfortunate
Ashlyn Yoshida Mar 2020
It doesn't matter how well you write
Or how much time you take to
It all depends on whether or not
You were born fortunate.
Mar 2020 · 255
Her Voice To Me
Ashlyn Yoshida Mar 2020
Only one thing can calm my raging seas
can soothe the overwhelming sense of doom
only one thing can warm me and give me light
in my darkest hours

She smooths over the bruises
and kisses my scars

Only one person has ever truly accepted me
Has taken my hand without fear or greed
She is the purest thing in my life
The only thing I need.
platonic love is still love
Mar 2020 · 116
Lies
Ashlyn Yoshida Mar 2020
Through my teeth
gritted and grinding
lying to you
lying to me

Lying to everyone else here.
Mar 2020 · 149
They are gone
Ashlyn Yoshida Mar 2020
There wasn't a chance
And yet I must've hoped

Why else would it hurt this much?
Today is painful
Mar 2020 · 104
Closet
Ashlyn Yoshida Mar 2020
ink black eyes

broken bones

twisted smiles

no one's home.
Mar 2020 · 773
The Hostage Flower
Ashlyn Yoshida Mar 2020
Twisting and turning
the stems are snapping
My mind can't take this wait
---
Burning and simmering
the petals make a tea
I don't want to drink your poison anymore
---
Listening
---
Waiting
---
Why won't someone save me?
I'm alone in this world
tied to a chair
---
no one is ever here.
Mar 2020 · 662
Nobody
Ashlyn Yoshida Mar 2020
By playing hatred for attention
       the ones who need it are ignored.
Drip
           Drip
                        Drip
                         Shaking, fidgeting
                                          tape around cotton *****
                red seeping through my shirt sleeve
                    They're going to see what I did
What I've become
What I always was inside.
It's no one's fault but my own
.     .     .
But they don't give a ****.
Mar 2020 · 102
Lost
Ashlyn Yoshida Mar 2020
Where
Where
Where...

Help me.

please...
why?
Mar 2020 · 529
People are Plants
Ashlyn Yoshida Mar 2020
forget me nots
purple and sweet
taste of perfection
**** and neat

Daffodils
as sugary as frosting
Growing with weeds
evil, secret, and mystery

Roses
they are the ones
they are the people
petals of blood

If they are flowers
I am a Dandelion
I take everything from everyone
and I am always lying
What do you think you are in terms of a plant?
Mar 2020 · 135
Leaving for Good
Ashlyn Yoshida Mar 2020
I think he's dead
Or has moved on
Perhaps is scared
Perhaps is gone

Why won't he move?
Why isn't he breathing?
Yet somehow his words-?
How is he still speaking?

When someone leaves
They leave something behind
They leave the memories
They leave their footprints in lines

Sometimes I'll follow
Others I'll stay
But what is it worth?
They're still gone by the end of the day
...
Ashlyn Yoshida Mar 2020
She can't believe her eyes
Or ears
What this girl is saying
"I hid behind your house you know
I listened to your goodbye."
How could you?
She thought
Why did no one tell me the truth?
Why?
That was what hurt her the most.
And for that...she can't forget or forgive anyone
Anymore.
My ex told me the title once. It's a quote from him, enjoy.
Mar 2020 · 145
Him
Ashlyn Yoshida Mar 2020
Him
He's standing there in sorrow
Faked and acted up
Probably practiced in a mirror
He's hiding the girl who's leaned against the wall
who's listening intensely
As he tells me he has to leave
"Goodbye"
"Goodbye"
Tears are burning my throat.
He leaves when I tell him to
He never comes back.
I don't want that liar to anyway.
Ashlyn Yoshida Mar 2020
Green and orange shrubbery
Pink and black sakura trees
Spring and Winter has barely passed until
Fall comes to stay
There's no snow anywhere anytime.
But the wind is very chilly mostly
The smell of dead leaves is everywhere
The sound of a drizzle and thunder
is more common than sunlight
Misery and loneliness cling to my legs
But they stay there like cloth
They keep me warm while everyone else
Cries over broken hearts and lost friendships.
This is where I am right now.
Why would I leave?
Mar 2020 · 138
I Want to Write
Ashlyn Yoshida Mar 2020
I want to write
I want to write something
that hits the hearts of others
that makes them see
that makes them realize
that changes their lives forever
I want to write inspiration
I want to draw a forest of words with my pen
I want to live a life of happy smiles and meaningful conversations
I want to comb a river with my words
To speak aloud the writings I have
And show the world what I can do
That I am worthy of being alive
Worthy of giving back to others
Worth the wait, the anger, the pain
That everyone who's met me has gone through.
I want to write.
Mar 2020 · 120
I like
Ashlyn Yoshida Mar 2020
"the red rose liked reading writings
the red rose liked reading writings'

But what do I like?
Mar 2020 · 229
Red Nose
Ashlyn Yoshida Mar 2020
My nose is dripping
something wet
it's falling to the ground
plip, plip
I look up at you.
With your
****** fist
and angry scowl
Sadistic eyes
widened with glee
I'm just a little kid
I can't fight back.
I rub the blood off
And stand up
bracing for more
Feb 2020 · 172
My Name
Ashlyn Yoshida Feb 2020
It's strange the way I am
My name is always different to others
Ash, Ashlyn, Lyn.
I've been called other names, too.
******, Crazy, Insane, Wreck
Wrong, Right, Girl.
I mean..they're not wrong.
But I have a name you know.
Feb 2020 · 74
Alone?
Ashlyn Yoshida Feb 2020
I am alone
I think
No matter what I do.
I reach out to others
But when the fear isn't there
it all feels fake
I am alone.
When will someone reach for me?
Feb 2020 · 109
The Prejudice of Us
Ashlyn Yoshida Feb 2020
Language isn't a barrier if you take the time to learn
Food isn't too bad unless you try it once
And people are all different no matter where you go
I've only been to Japan
And the United States
But just seeing these two
Just hearing about prejudice
makes my stomach curl

I wish we could see more.
Feb 2020 · 163
Milk Froth the Calico
Ashlyn Yoshida Feb 2020
I met a cat.
A calico cat.
Sick and dying, barely breathing.
I wanted to help
but was held back.
"Let others take care of it"
That's what we all do right?
Why do we leave the job for someone else?
This world would have less Milk Froths
If we all pitched in to help.
This world would be less miserable if we all cared a little more.
Feb 2020 · 157
Who Says?
Ashlyn Yoshida Feb 2020
Who says that I have to be serious
That because I'm depressed
I still can't laugh and joke?
No one.
So yes, I'll laugh
Yes, I'll mess around.

We all deserve a bit of relief, right?





Forget Me.
Feb 2020 · 193
What My Best Friend Says
Ashlyn Yoshida Feb 2020
My best friend is a liar
She sits awake at night to pray
My best friend is insecure
So she taught herself to manipulate

My best friend can be scary
And oh how formally she talks
My best friend may be estranged
But without a doubt she loves me
Feb 2020 · 124
Anxiety Attacks
Ashlyn Yoshida Feb 2020
Left Right Wrong
Left Right Wrong
Tap your collar bone
Index and ******* together
Left Right Wrong
Left Right Wrong
He left you because he's a coward
He left you and you don't need him back
Left Right Wrong
Left Right Wrong
No one talks to me anymore
Is it her or him they want?
Left Right-
"Ash, are you okay?"
...
Tears.
My cheeks are wet.
Haha, 8th grade ******.
Feb 2020 · 329
See the Stars
Ashlyn Yoshida Feb 2020
A girl cries out in the night
A mother rushes to hold her in her arms.
The older sister in the same room stays silent.
She watches her mother coo the little baby to sleep
She waits for her to leave before getting up once more.
She looks out the window, the sky covered in smog.
"I want to see the stars."
She opened the window and climbed to the ledge.
She was six years old.
Sitting there and breathing, the little girl watched the smog
for signs of the little white sparkles
stuck in the sky.
The baby started crying again.
Her mother came to comfort her.
She didn't notice the girl's empty bed
Only the window. She shut it, locked it tight.
The little girl wasn't scared.
She brought herself standing and looked down below.
"Bye Mom!"
The window flew open too late.
Feb 2020 · 81
What I Want
Ashlyn Yoshida Feb 2020
I want to be an author
To tell everyone about my world
The one that saved me
So it can save others too.
I want to be a psychologist.
So I can help those in need
to show them that loneliness
is everywhere
and won't go away unless you let it.
And I want to be there
I want a family.
I just want one.
No one but me.
I am the only one
who will do
what I need to do
I want this.
I wrote my career goals because I'm still 'a child' as people have told me. They say 'don't carry the weight of the world, you're so young'. But I don't carry the weight, I just wanna help other people carry their own...
Feb 2020 · 212
Our Fault
Ashlyn Yoshida Feb 2020
To what extent have we followed the dreams of mortal men? Conjuring the images of glass and metal, bending it to our will.
All the while destroying the world of plants and wood.
And yet-
These religions tell us that the End will be brought by deities and demons. It seems as if to say we are the demons, as when the world of green dies, so will we as punishment for mass consuming and wasteful manners.
So we will die

But it's too late to stop now, it's already the middle of the ending.
My Biology teacher brought up a good point a few months ago that has stayed with me for a while.
Feb 2020 · 190
Stuck Here Now
Ashlyn Yoshida Feb 2020
Where is it?
My head
it seems to have fallen off
I feel dizzy
hysteric
what am I to do
Standing in the dark
gasping for breath
She hates you
She hates you.
You should run away.
But I can't.
That stranger
with the cigarette
saw me.
I can't leave now.
I'm stuck here.
Okay so maybe I'm enjoying this story poem line thing but I swear to you it's not the first story poem series I've done!
Feb 2020 · 143
The Static Mind
Ashlyn Yoshida Feb 2020
Red on marble
Spattered floor
Brains like static
Begging
Begging for more
You're insane
You're insane
The blood gushes darker
You can't turn back time
What's done is done
A scar to hide
For the rest of my life
I'm wailing
failing
to cry.
What's this? A backstory of the scar from the girl in Staring Stranger? Is there going to be more? Yes. Yes there will be.
Feb 2020 · 94
Praise
Ashlyn Yoshida Feb 2020
Give me a letter
Find me a word
tell me something
that  I've never heard

Make me a story
Write me a song
I will always be there
I have been all along

But if you should stop
If you should quiet
I will leave you forever
alone in the silence
This is called narcissism.
Feb 2020 · 65
Riddle Me This
Ashlyn Yoshida Feb 2020
What eats away at a young child's mind
what tears through the patience of adults?
What leads to screams or puzzles
What leaves a dull thumping pain in a chest
something you can't quite get rid of?
And if you don't find something quick
something to do
You might just die of it.
boredom
Feb 2020 · 130
repitition
Ashlyn Yoshida Feb 2020
get them out get them out get them out get them out get them out get them out get them out get them out get them out get them out get them out get them out get them out get them out get them out get them out get them out get them out get them out  out get them out get them out get them out get them out get them out get them out get them out get them out get them out get them  out get them out get them out get them out get them out get them out get them  out get them out get them out get them out get them out get them out get them out
I don't belong here.
get them out
Feb 2020 · 116
Why Do You Write?
Ashlyn Yoshida Feb 2020
Why do you write?
Is it an outlet?
A message?
Or is it for attention?

Me?
I write to write.
To share and to show.
if anyone wants to answer be my guest
Feb 2020 · 374
The Weeping Woman
Ashlyn Yoshida Feb 2020
"Where is my child?
Where have you taken her?"
She lays her head across the floor
the carpet oddly cold.
She calls out for help
from the only person
who sees and
understands her completely.
But she herself, the seer,
is crying in a pain of her own

And the woman realized that
the Seer
Was  her reflection
The child's a metaphor. It stands for innocence and well, the woman's own childhood. Thought that it would be hard to guess, I mean the kid's only mentioned once.
Feb 2020 · 422
Staring Stranger
Ashlyn Yoshida Feb 2020
The smell of a cigarette
The glow of the ashes
The flick of such dust
Fluttering down
You saw me standing
still as a tree
standing beneath the
parking lot's lamp.
Panting.
Sobbing.
Illuminated by gold.
You saw the scar.
My scar.
How did it get there?
I see you thinking.
But I hate that.
"You know it's impolite to stare."
Feb 2020 · 243
White Noise; Dark Noise
Ashlyn Yoshida Feb 2020
The screams at a game
the voice of joy
the laughter of hysteria
The breaking dawn's crackle

Lightening flashes
Booms of thunder
rain's chatter
birds' untaught songs

Footsteps running
lungs expanding
ragged clawing
gnashing teeth behind

tearing of cloth
red splattered floor
streaming tears
as she begs to hear more.
Feb 2020 · 216
Stained Glass Hearts
Ashlyn Yoshida Feb 2020
Even after so long
the red glass still ****** my fingers
and I still see the world of eros love
as a dark room
full of people
with glowing red hearts in their hands
Strong and healthy, they walk into people's arms
with happy smiles and kisses
not a single cautious move is shown
not a single tear is shed in fear
I'm sitting on my knees
on the cold, hard floor
in the center
begging and crying
for someone to pick me up
even though I know
that it had always been my own hands
that lifted me
and that it will always be that way
My heart lays on the ground
the glow is dimmer than the shadow people
that walk around me
ignoring me
ignorant or self absorbed
they step on the already shattered pieces
grinding the red into a glass powder
Some people reach out and pull away their hands
laughing cruelly
teeth glinting red from the hearts they have already devoured
but my own is too wretched and tampered with
for even them to want it.

I don't think I can fix this alone anymore.
Feb 2020 · 428
The Little Grey Dove
Ashlyn Yoshida Feb 2020
Broken wings and ****** feathers
the grey dove tries to fly once more
It feels as if it's being pulled in one direction
And being unable to follow the leash
It watches forlornly as the others around it
the ones who had been broken by the same thing
take flight
renewed
refreshed
ready
but the little grey dove
isn't so sure if she's ready to take flight anymore
She's not sure who's fault it was.
The cat who broke her wings and threw her?
Or was it herself, for letting him do it?
The little grey dove
is waiting instead of doing
She knows that time can heal her wounds.
But perhaps the bone is broken
too far up.
Perhaps she'll never fly again.
No one comes to keep her company through out the months
she's made a small refuge, a place to sleep
a place to heal
But every once in a while
A newly white dove comes by
with a bent feather of her friends
evidence that the cat is still out there
While she sits
and heals
and does nothing.
Feb 2020 · 198
Kid
Ashlyn Yoshida Feb 2020
Kid
"You're just a kid
you shouldn't worry about these things
she shouldn't have depended on you in that way
stop trying to fix everything
Because you're too young to be allowed
to feel the weight on your shoulders
You're just
a
kid."

~~~~

I always felt older somehow,
always felt heavy and sad since the day
I was born.
The other kids ignored me
and when they didn't
they taunted me
They called me names
'Dog'
'Lesbian'
'******'
I learned to ignore it
and focus on others
to stand up
and let them cry on me
I learned to understand
before fight
and to wait
before love
I've learned that emotions
can be painful
like a sea urchin stuck
to your torso
I watched pain drip from a cut
I watched the red flood the marble sink
and I watched it all go down the drain
washed away by the purity of water
And those voices
I know that everyone has them now
and they told me to cry it out
instead of biting my lip and smiling
I see pain hidden in everyone around me
But I know it's not my business to soothe them
Nor do I know how
The pain they feel is no longer mine
I think
I think
I'm my own person again.

~~~~~

But I'm just a kid
So I can't comfort you
until I'm older.
Ashlyn Yoshida Feb 2020
I feel alone in a way no one else seems to be
Despite me knowing that everyone else, too, is alone
I'm so certain I was never meant to have someone
hold me through my pain
it hurts to
even think about it half the time
I want to scream
I want to tear something to pieces
my frustration leads to fingers
tearing at my own heart
and sabotaging everything I hold dear
I've went to therapy
I take medicine
and I'm still in the same place I was before
frustrated and angry
and inexplicably sad
I can't seem to find that person in my life to take it all away, just like the movies and books
and what Mom has always told me
and I hate to admit
that I knew the whole time I hoped
for this person to arrive
that I knew it wasn't true
that I was just lying
I've thought so hard about these things and yet
admitting this weakness to myself is hard just in itself.
Acting on it would be useless now
trusting people
I've found
is more difficult today
Ashlyn Yoshida Feb 2020
What exactly is happiness? Is it the hollowness in the chest when you've stopped crying and you feel like there's nothing left to do? Is it that feeling of wanting the world to stop so you can enjoy just a few more seconds of silence?
Is it being with friends and laughing until your gut hurts but then crying when you go home? Is it addictive like a drug?
Is the withdrawal from happiness the symptoms of depression?
does that mean we need happiness like we need oxygen?
Are we okay?
If the past can overshadow the present then what's the point of reminding ourselves about it?
There will always be bad things, we can't change that.
No. We could change that.
We just don't want to. Happy is fleeting and never stays. that's why we want it. We would hate happy if we had it forever.
But we chase it in circles, like greyhounds on a track, coming across it only to realize that it was fake all along and the real happiness
the real glow and joy
was that small second before the race, when you felt like you were finally going to reach it
And now?
Now you don't have it. Because you believed it would fix your problem.
Well. To the ones who believed they have found happiness I must ask you
Did it?
Jan 2020 · 71
Why I Listen
Ashlyn Yoshida Jan 2020
I had a story I hid
from the rest of this world
and when I started telling it
I couldn't stop
Oh, how many people begged me
to just smile even wider
how many more
just asked me to be silent
But it hurts
when someone is so disinterested
towards what They did
I'm hurting inside I suppose
but others are too
So I will listen
and not hurt them by talking
Jan 2020 · 57
Morning Light
Ashlyn Yoshida Jan 2020
Morning light is grey and yellow
spreading like fingers across the floor
my ceiling is dotted with such colors
and maybe just a bit more?

But it never hits my bed
the place I sleep and cry
it never reaches me
because it never tries

I hide behind blue curtains
and I think they're wearing thin
but even so, it seems that I
could never let this morning light in
Jan 2020 · 140
Learned Behavior
Ashlyn Yoshida Jan 2020
I have grown older since then.
I have watched everyone grow older since then.
I have watched the tears fall heavily like rain.
I have watched them all cry over it.
I fell in love with something that wasn't real
Me. I did. My fault.
He made everyone else love him too
And betrayed them all
One by one
Or perhaps at the same time.
He was...terrible.
But I am, too.
Feb 2019 · 312
My own 5 W's and H
Ashlyn Yoshida Feb 2019
What is the point of talking when no one's there to listen
What is the point of trying if I'm only out to fail, not glisten
Why do people act so happy when darkness hits their home
Why am I still standing here all the **** alone?

Where is all the people going
Where do I even begin the heart stitches of sewing
Who are the people that live inside my head
Who are the others that follow light instead?

When do I get my chance
When is it my time to finally dance
How am I to act brand new
How is it that after so many years, I've finally met you
Feb 2019 · 203
Three and Five
Ashlyn Yoshida Feb 2019
Three
I've found that everything that I've ever loved has ended in threes
Three months in a school that taught me nothing but arts
Three weeks of my first boyfriend
Three months for falling for something stupid
Three months after that to build myself up
Three seconds of peace and quiet
Three lights hanging in the sky
Three

Three pictures and reasons of wanting to die

Five
Everything bad ends in five
Five minutes to get over my school
Five days to decide when to end my boyfriend's neglecting voice
Five weeks to realize I had found someone better and new
Five

Five months I have to wait to see you
Feb 2019 · 276
When I...
Ashlyn Yoshida Feb 2019
When I was little
I played with clay.

When I was little
I swung on tire swings

When I was little
I lived in a happy world

When I was little...

But I'm bigger now.
Feb 2019 · 219
Is it Lost or is it Found?
Ashlyn Yoshida Feb 2019
Is 'lost' a word that people take lightly?
Is it something that I shouldn't brush off so slightly?
Is it possibly an insult when I say it myself
'That I honestly don't know, or have anyone else'?

Would it be fine
If I were to just lay down and close my eyes?
Listening to the waves as they crash upon shores
Instead of listening to my family's snores?

I'm ready to run, but there's no where to go
I'm ready to fight, but the enemy's unknown
I'm ready to love, but I'm afraid I've forgotten how
But best or worst of all, I'm ready to go down

I'm lost in this world and in my own head
I'm lost inside and out, full of fear that my spirit's dead
But oddly enough, over these few years
I've started to see light in my eyes, a light that's not from tears.
Feb 2019 · 268
A Flower Curse
Ashlyn Yoshida Feb 2019
Like a shadow fleeting across the
Moon's face
so your eyes darken
in return

And like a red rose petal
settling across dark waters' surface
the stillness is broken
within me

And I remember it through flashes

flowers fall and spill
from lips I once had
of the blood that would come
from the rose stems'

You watching in horror
as the curse sets in
death like a blanket of darkness
to forever wrap my broken shell

I'm buried in a case of glass
and mahogany, the cushions light colored
and soft
everyday I hear you above me

It's the only way to tell
time
in my eternal slumber of body
but my spirit wakes to your voice

when you leave
I'm gone once more
drifting in the nothingness
of my mistakes
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