I 'm happy that you're happy.

My throat closes and my eyes water.
My legs can't hold my body and my hands tremble.
My mind scatters and the only thing that's clear is how sharp the knife is and how cold it is against my skin.
The darkness overwhelms me as the ruby red line runs down my leg, down my arm, down my stomach.
The silence drowns out the music and puts much more emphasis on how fast and hard my heart pumps blood through my body.
My fingers go numb as the knife falls from my hand and as my limp body falls to the river below.

i called you my 'ex' for the first time today.

I want to tell you i miss you
But im more frightened by the thought of your responce
I remember all these things
Dancing in the living room,
Dancing by the campfire,
Dancing in the streets.

You still have my heart but i could never tell you that.

It takes
a big heart to get through the darkest of darkness.

It takes
a strong willing to want and get what you need and want.

It takes
a old soul's knowledge to break down the big bits and turn them into something of understanding.

Its takes
patients and love.

It takes
more then just a pretty face to go through hell.

What would you do,
if you had a short amount of time left?

Would you travel?
Would you fall in love?
Would you believe in something new?
Would you give up early?

An induced trigger by what is thought to be proper,
healthier then the other options.
Wide eyes and wandering thoughts,
distracting everything from anything.
The taste and the rush.
Followed by the numbness and silence.
That beautiful noise that only happens,
when the dependent comes into play with
a precious mind
a heavy soul
a broken heart.

There's a world of dust floating just beyond where your sense of sound can't reach. The old, the new. The old, the young. They share our world with us, they live among us, yet no one has yet to discover the voices that tremble and shake because a loved one is gone.

Dreaming can improve the imagination so the reality of it all doesn't seem so raw and cold to the touch. Feeling yourself completely drift off, so peacefully. It's a suicide mission everyone survives. But having your eyes half closed nothing can be accomplished. Dreams seem real, life like, as if someone was chasing you. As if someone was hurting you. As if someone had you under all their control. As if someone wanted your dreams and you, dead.

Some people have different outlets.
Some people run to clear their head, some people cut.
Every release, is the mind relaxing, in the most simplest way the body can find.
To help the mind get rid of the darkness that overwhelms and clouds judgement,
decisions,
courage,
power.
Some people call this darkness, fear.
Yet no matter what outlet someone has, you can't run or sing or cut away fear that your mind holds. Fear shows humans that the world isn't always good and positive. Without a bad day, how would we as humans know what a good day is?

Its like nothing words can describe.
One minute you're there, but it happens all to fast to know why.
But why does it all matter?
Nothing does.
At every step of the way, its like nothing before.
It doesn't make sense, but than again, it doesn't need to.
When things happen you can't stop them.
They have to happen.
Not only for you, but for the development of your life and who you are going to be as a person.
It's not fate.
It's what needs to happen.

He was the apple I took a bite out of,

savored every droplet of juice that squished out of every bite.
He was the sculpture I touched so softly,

felt every line and bump that my fingers ran over countless times.
He was the boundaries that I climbed over,

adventurous and reckless not worrying about a care in the world.
I was to hungry, I was to longing for touch,

I was to young to know he was a forbidden fruit.
Something I should have never touched.

I can't stand
that I'm
looking at four empty walls
and
a plain white ceiling


while you're
looking at glasses filled with liquor
and
girls with prettier brown eyes

they come around corners
steal the sights of the people
who matter to me most
things aren't the same anymore
it's not just a soft landing
we fell through
all my past
its here
its now
their everywhere
there surrounding you
afraid they might take over

Nothing could have been worst until it was a given that a human could be lost like this. So now what do you do? You can't go back, not after that, just hoping that the noise happened to stop. But no; One right then a left and a straight, then once again you stop and think; What now?

Left-Right, Left-Right.

Hours pass. Still nothing, until you realized your power is to weak.
So you just keep on going.

Left-Right, Left-Right.

Memories are all some people have left of other people.

Memories of good times spent together making smiles, friends, acquaintances and enemies along the way. Memories only exist when the past becomes so distant that you only remember the sounds and smells and feelings that came along with it.

Those 'Remember When's' when you're with someone.
Those 'Remember That's'  when you're not with someone.
**But just remember,
if you go,
shes coming with you.

It seemed that it was only after you had laid on me,

that I could start to make you comfortable.

Then you wanted to go to bed with me every night,

because it was so **** easy for you to get on top of me.

I cannot unlove you,

                my sweet.

When you fall in love with a boy,
you fall in love with love with the curves of his shoulders, the angles of his collarbones.
You fall in love with the color of his eyes and the softness of his lips.
You fall in love with his cheekbones, you fall in love with every eyelash, every freckle.

You fall in love with everything.