dear black folks i
want to be white

dear white folks i
want to be black

dear biracials i want to be
black and white
at the same time

(much love to my kids)

dear jews i
want to be a muslim

dear muslims i
want to be a jew

can you help me out
brother?

can you help me out
sister?

can you help me out
rabbi?

can you help me out
habibi?

i need someone
like you folks

who is aware of
DSR

manager demanded: write
for all of 'em

conscience claimed: write

yesterday time
stopped passing by
yesterday i
floated above the
hudson river

grand mansions
polished shores
self-storages

swamps
vultures
scavengers

the pillage started when
scavengers pillaged
prey

don't get me wrong you
get me?

i believe you:
you love me

i know you're  
by my side

our lives were
pieces of puzzles

until we came.
together.

we got together
we came together

during a dance
during the dancing
you remember?

on a friday
in august
between the lights of shadows
between the shadows of the sun
glitz between our lipps

connected by scent and greed

mouths and ammunition
ammunition and mouths

on a friday in august i
believed you were with me

i believed you

if five minutes where dem
last five minutes of my life

if i died
in five minutes
i would

kiss my kid
hold on to my wife i'd
call my mom

forever
forever
forever

i wouldn't write a bit
i wouldn't eat a bit
i'd have lots of ***** though

i'd trip
i'd get scared

who would not?

placeless

dear idol i
want to be like you

dear idol i
want to be you

scratched your name into my arm
your face is my tattoo
your tattoo is my face

been listening a decade
to your lyrics i'm all

'bout it
wit it

re-in up
bossed up
fetish for dough

baby i be yours
take me as a gift

my game tizzop

i was brought up to
read books and play the
violin

i am from the heart of the
world you
know

a place among thieves
a place among business aspirations
a place among the pines

actually like a
postcard however
someday a clan of

gory
icy
determined

men came into town
men who took up
residence

between pines and a business park
buildings were built by the
men of the clan:

golden paint
giant offices
porsches
lambos
maybachs

gory
icy
determined

men had come into town
yelling in strange terms:

brate
hajde
jebi se

unexpected assassinations
executions of local mobsters
****** threats on judges

jebi se!
brate hajde

old methods
new turf

a war began
clan against mob
murderer against murderer
man against man

this place where i
lived
this place among
pines

turned into a war zone
year 2019

corners packed with hordes
willing to die
armed with

machetes
pump actions
rocket launchers
tanks

this place where i
lived
this place among
pines

turned into a war zone
year 2019

i like my family
i like my friends
i like my room-mate
i like my cat
i like my working title
i like my collections
i like my neighbourhood
i like my city
i like my mayor
i like my people
i like my table
i like my
i like
i
i

i hate my poem

don't get on my nerves
kiddo it
ain't your mother's
fault that you're
a sucker

daddys come like
torpedos
daddys are
torpedos

who are you though?

no sweet toddler
no child
no youngster

i don't give a **** about
you

i am your daddy kiddo
i am a torpedo kiddo

don't gimme that family
*******
you ain't nothing but a
kiddo

fortyfive year old
hangaround
deadbeat
***
leech

you're the harmless
version
toothless dracula

couldn't care less
about you

write the beginning of a
sentence in capital letters

mind the dots please.
you mustn't forget to finish a
sentence properly as
well as writing in accordance to
the given guidelines of
our faculty and its members
esteemed personalities who would never
forget a dot.

can you sense how i
talk and how i
take care
of my writing?

do me a favor aight
when you go switch off the lights

close the door behind
you

pay attention to the lock it
makes a sound pay attention

do me this favor
you gotta do it cause

shadows everywhere
voices everywhere
enemies everywhere

ain't no fun though as
gang colors in the nineties

tag watts
tag berlin
tag harlem

shadows everywhere
voices everywhere
enemies everywhere

for twentyseven years
do me a favor aight?

i've been looking for a brother
i've  been looking for a mother

nobody knows about it
they don't know and they
don't have to

when they interrogate you
about last night
when they ask tell em:

i was asleep at night
as civilians do

no talk about turf
no talk about extortion
no talk about capital crimes

private matters
wat matter is you
lock the door baby

take me away from this journey
i am trapped in the land of placelessness

blind / hypnotized
route 36 / bolivia
deaf / treated with ultrasound
simultaneously

scarcely knowing
what all that means

i am feeling the rising of blood
a wave of heat like sandstorms

inevitability: willful / knowing / aware

i am putting myself at risk of dying
long ago i read about the risks and consequences
of my ******* abuse
pervaded them intellectually while

my heart remains deafly because
of *******
bitter
sear
aflutter and in panic

there is just:

one life
one heart
one body one man

man what are you doing?!?!
i am hollering into my inner
embracing the envelope
obsessed over bitterness
numb love
in the dungeon of plotted heavens
lofty as never before
is where i am running away from:
every day

in the 1920s there was a man
who they called "koks-emil"
he sold ******* in the nightstreets of berlin

the national archive has been keeping
a picture of him doing business with
two girls out of gangland we
can't see the face of the one standing left only  
her back

however her companion typifies precisely
what the drug creates in our souls:
a form that can not be imitated
like the effect of the drug

a form of longing and greed in the
girl's face

longing and greed
balancing each other
not one of
these states predominates

while beholding the girl i am becoming
horridly conscious
about myself
horridly about

my relationship with *******
my affair with *******
my love to ******* this
sounds sick?
indeed it is

we call it
suffering from an addiction

we call it
suffering from a dependency

become clean.
i wish you willpower
wish you strong luck
wish you peace at last

the rate of relapsing
******* users is vast
during the night

when the wind is
breezing mildly

when the stones of the cities
are breathing out the heat of the day

while you are
sneaking over the streets

while every street corner resembles
the very one where
koks-emil used to sell his product

while you are sensing the smell
of bitterness

while you are being preoccupied with
her face: her longing her greed

while you are experiencing
yourself:

more deeply
more soberly
and more knowingly
as before

while you
are reaching out your hands searching
with kidfingers for koks-emil

the guy with the warped corner of the mouth
the reliable / greedy one

the one who is always ready

a salesman has to be available for
every second of your longing
every second of your greed

koks-emil: your world is made of black and white
your hat is grey its bonnet is vanishing as your
shivering hands

hands that spread capsules
hands that grap at bills
hands that you use to brush away your sweat

**** between the lipps
shabby coat

koks-emil your spirit
blows through inner cities like gas fumes
a grin on your face coming from
lurid lights

you became immortal
you underwent rapid decades
you were an addict
you created addicts
you served addicts

the ****** expression of the girl
your child-like customer
remains for

all for everybody with a
*******-addiction

for all and for everybody
who depends on *******

for all and everybody
who is clean from *******

for all and everybody:
longing and greed

rest in peace girl

getting blind under the shield of
sunglasses

i really became blind
i did everything
i did whatever

imitation of a
sentence

imitation of
movements

imitation of a
warped corner of the mouth

to belong
to belong i
imitated

words
movements
warped corners of dem mouths

for this purpose i
observed people
being themselves

for this purpose i
observed people painting
identities on walls

by the time i
became a mirror

i became a reflection
i became silent

didn't tell 'em wat i be
didn't tell 'em about my creation

i became silent

slick
like mobsters
on islands of self-assurance

dictating
rules

during this stage i
talked to masks in order to
figure out what's behind
dem and dat

i talked to masks in order to
find the location of their
wordcaves

sometimes they reacted:

arrogantly or with
empathy

ain't none in between cause
they condemned and appreciated
quest

they were aware about my reasons
figuring out something

they dealt with it in
various ways

tolerance
acceptance
rejection

this quest
quest for belonging

feel me?

a daughter
named seble
seven years old

being in a coma

she couldn't hear her
daddy's words

she couldn't see him
fog in front of her eyes
covering differences of
sleep and wakefulness

oneday seble's father
who was desparate
put headphones
on seble's ears

lyrics from two tall germans
they are called the
"wildecker herzbuben"

"herz" means heart and a
"bube" is a boy

seble
closed eyes
slowly breathing

seble's father is called
brhane
rapidly breathing

brhane was pressing play
and after seconds
among lurid lights

seble
harvest
moved her head
seble closed eyes smiled
as the wildecker herzbuben sang:

"Ein letztes Glas'l mit alten Freunden
die geh'n allein nach Haus.
In den Straßen
in den Gassen
geh'n langsam die Lichter aus."

a last drink with my buddies
who go home alone
in the streets
in the alleys
the lights are vanishing

seble moved her head
no windows but
her daddy was there

sebles mother is not alive
anymore
brhane prayed
holding his daughter's hand

seble opened one eye
looking at brhane

seble came back to reality when
brhan had finished his talk to
god

the end of seble's and brhane's
story is wordless

final option: exit in sight
shall i walk this way?

rachel, eva and samuel being in the room
my tribewords for what i consider family

final option: exit in sight
shall i walk this way?

while you are remaining in this room of memories
while samuel is crying
while eva is sobbing
rachel - dem kid's mother - being desperate

you know what rachel?
we are akin to each other
like characters in sentences:
dots

unlike the undertones of
exclamation marks and exclamation points

samuel is crying
eva is sobbing
cause you guys are in another city
far away

you sent me a message:
"i have to protect the children"

tell me:

from whom?
from what?

estimate: how many fathers does a child have?
spell out how
man and woman
wife and husband

become able to defend and favor their
shadows lips and wishes

is there any meaning?
am i flaying my skin daily?
i am not a snake
i am darkness and light
like the rest of us
bizarre billions made of
languages moral values religions

do i have to skin myself daily?
does this have to mean even a bit?

i don't know bambina
but i am sensing that we are ONE:

blood boomerangs bound
boomerangs bound blood
blood bound and boomerangs

the devil cracked our bound
he grinned and said:
"my lost son i am
looking at you: a man full of doubts

ain't no thang though
i am confirming on oath:
i will be getting rid of your doubts
colorfully
they will be gone

we just need a gimmick

hereby i am passing on the golden goblet to you
there is some stuff in it
to be found in lies and magic"


young jeezy (me ok)

harold hunter (kids, larry clark)

falco (rock me amadeus)

ali (mobster)

dmx (my ******)

fassbender (angst essen seele auf, in englisch: fear eats up your soul)

robin williams (comedian?)

benjamin von stuckrad-barre (writer and addict)

whitney houston (who was really crying?)

angelina jolie (in the land of milk and honey)

sigmund freud (will you lead me to the origins of golem?)


they daily drank from the goblet
the list of my friends is long and enduring

some of 'em died
some continued to live
some decayed with numb limbs
in musty chambers
closed curtains

glossing ghosts above the head of
west indian archie
once a powerful gangster now a broke burnout

but this is one of many countless chapters
my son
ain't we good together boy?

i am confirming on oath:
i will be getting rid of your doubts
colorfully
they will be gone

successful people drink from the goblet;
they are in charge of their lifes
my son

the golden goblet is like heat in the coldness
the golden goblet is like cooling down in the heat of the desert

water
purity
nature and leaves
chemistry and magic

my friends are global
my friends are cosmopolits
by the time some lose the "r" on their path:
they become fiends

but this is one of many countless chapters
my son
ain't we good together boy?

all cultures
all religions
all languages

all my friends love the golden goblet
more than themselves
cause the golden goblet procures them

dear deception

all my friends don't love themselves anymore
but the golden goblet
all my friends don't love themselves anymore
but the golden goblet

devils hang out beyond rehab centres
they listen to the
conversations of addicts
they want to figure out their weaknesses
analyze and exploit them

devil flapped his arms
high up in the skies
cheating god's position
between trees and snowwhite castles in bavaria a state of germany

while the devil was listening to the addicts he held
the golden goblet under the moon's reflections thereupon

the golden goblet was ablazed with light
like a constellation superior to the earthly ghosts of weakness
the golden goblet sparkled

the addicts perceived it
as children perceive candy
as teenagers perceive the defeatable supremacy of grown-ups

they perceived the sparkling
as if you were listening to your favourite song

addiction is emotional
addiction is the blind quest for meaning

the golden goblet twinkled over the roofs of the bavarian rehab centre
and one of the addicts a young woman
looked up into the blackness of heaven
frankly speaking it was sparkling everywhere

the woman suddenly thought:
i have twins
i worked as a *******
i am not permitted to see my kids

in deliverances she spoke:
"i was a *****"
"i have twins"
"i order 'em precious clothes"

a sheen coming from the devil's
pupil
as she expressed her fate

she sighed and said:
"nut doc give me prescription... first i
don't wanna take 'em ***** though
they called (...)
and (...)
and (...)
and (...)

after slinging though" she proceeded with a shivering voice
" my feeling like gold"

her mouth opened widely as if she was hungry
golden sheen

a darkred eyebrow
vibrating ******
bald head full of

holes scars blood

since the beginning of memorizing
devil has been breeding horror:

not to mention the death of g.t.
leaving parents in a daze

not to mention the death of a.k.
leaving siblings in a daze

not to mention when a mother passed away: t.z.
leaving children in a daze

since day one devil has been embroiled in torment
born from the fight of brightness and night
the creature awoke

only in darkness
hidden by the star's twilight
beyond distances
we recognize him

when he is far away from us
like glorified past
on earth though
he embodies the shape of human beings
to be between us
to expose our weaknesses
that's his guzzling his brew and his - blessing

our failing strenghtens him
he be muscle

our illness strenghtens him
he be tizzop