The words are twisting around me,
wringing me out like a wet towel.
The tune is stretched and thin
as if it's an ode to the last of my happiness.
It speaks to me almost as loud
as the ghosts screaming in my ears,
except the unprescribed medication
I drown myself in
doesn't keep it out of my head.
I have to remind myself daily --
they don't know you
they don't care about you
the words aren't sung about you.
But how could they not,
when they ring so true?
How can they not
when my stomach turns
to the time of the music,
when the tears leak out of my eyes
the same way the last notes
leave the guitar?
How can they not
when they're the only bridge to reality
I have left?

Why is it
That I am nothing compared to you

And yet
You call me your everything?

Every child grows a pair of wings.
Some are just never taught to fly.

“I won’t lose you,” I say
as you slide through my fingers and fade away..

I can practically see the sand
Slipping easily through the gap
Between the top of the hourglass
And the bottom.
Our once-forever friendship
Flashes before my eyes,
Its highs, its lows, my everything...
I had heard that good things don't last forever,
But I guess I truly believed that love conquered all.

The joy that comes with a pretty spring day
And stopping to smell the roses
Or listen to the birds
Or feel the warmth of the sun caress your skin

The joy of a smile
A laugh
A conversation with someone new
Or friends you’ve known forever

When you cross paths with an old acquaintance
You haven’t seen for a while

The feeling when you see the “A+” on a math test
That you’ve studied for for hours

The laughter you when your pet does something funny
Or a friend
Or a sister
Or a brother.

The happiness you feel when you know you’ve done something right
And can now relax, the burden relieved.

When you help someone
And know that it’s made their life
Or day
A little better,
A little easier.

The feeling when you realize
That maybe even reading a poem
Like this one
Can make you just a little bit happier.

I don't know your name,
your face,
your smile,
your persona,
your personality.

I've never laughed with you,
talked with you,
or seen you face to face.

But
I know your
wants,
your needs,
your losses,
your loves.
Your whispered secrets,
your dying voice,
your silent screams for help.

I know that I'll always save you,
reach out a hand,
and squeeze you so tight you can hardly breathe.
I'll always listen when you need me,
hurt when you hurt,
worry when you're silent.

You know me not by name,
but we've spoken once or twice.

I consider you a friend, and I hope you consider me one, too.
I just wish I could tell you how much you mean to me.
I wish you would believe me when I say that you are
loved,
wanted,
needed,
known.
Perfect in all of your flaws.

if our fingers brushed together
and you pressed yours to mine
so accidentally-on-purpose
they gently intertwined
and i looked at you
and you looked at me
and we smiled
i think maybe everything
would be just fine.

For you, my dear poetry,
I will not stir up my emotions
I will create them.

For you, my dear poetry,
I will not lie,
I will create a fiction so delicate and complex
that it becomes my truth.

For you, my dear poetry,
I will not close myself off,
I will tear my body open
and let the demons take control.

For you, my dear poetry,
I will not become a better person,
I will bathe in my emotions
and revel in my despair.

For you, my dear poetry,
I will do anything.

Every day, her smile greets me
as she enters the house after work.
Every day, she talks to me
until her mouth runs dry.
Every day, I walk by her side,
stopping only to smell the roses.
Every day, I follow her around,
waiting for her next command.
Every day, I put the light in her eyes
and the smile on her face.
Oh, how great it is to be a dog.

I have forgotten the greatest idea
the most powerful words
the most cherished memory.

I curse my brain for allowing me to lose them,
to let the images slowly fade away.

I curse it for taking away
what I loved and treasured
for so long.

And yet
isn’t it the same thing
that gave me those memories
created those words
formed those ideas?

Isn’t the very thing I’m cursing
what I should be treasuring
the most?

Why is it
That inspiration hits
at all the wrong times?

Wandering the woods,
no pen in sight,
and suddenly the greatest idea dawns on me.
Distracts from the nature and beauty around
as I repeat it again and again
in the hopes that it will be etched into my mind.

I rush to the place
where I can write it all down
where it can be remembered forever
But when I arrive
It is gone without a trace.

At night, when all is dark,
when silence is the key to survival,
it slinks into bedrooms
and curls up in tired minds.

Keeps me awake for hours,
only to disappear at the first sign of light
leaving me alone again.

And yet, I'll stare at a paper
For days, years, decades
And ideas evade me.
My mind is blank
as the sheet in front of me.

And nothing comes to mind.

I had such a great thought
but its gone away now,
never to be heard from again.

As her purrs create vibrations in my chest,
I can't help but wish that if I were a cat
I would be purring as well.

All I have ever
wanted is to have my own
love story... but I
guess even that one thing is
too much to ask, isn't it?

"I love you" is what
I want to say, but instead
I just walk away..

I wonder:
What are you hiding?
Because your eyes are so bright,
your smile so sincere,
your joy so prevalent.
How can it be real?

And if it is, what are the rest of us missing?

The threat has gone away,
but still the fear stays..

Let us run away
From the troubles of the world
To wonders elsewhere

Looking in your eyes
I know I'd do anything
just to make you smile~

Landlocked oceans
Killing trees
There’s nothing but the notion
Of worn out leaves
Gonna tear them apart
Before I run away
From the swimming
Sinking screaming
Of what follows

The shadows creep into the corners of my vision
Cave in and surround me
as I let out a silent scream,
a final plea for the help I know I will never receive.
I bury myself in blankets,
lose myself in words,
dull my mind with glowing screens.
And yet, the darkness still draws near.

As my puffy eyes fall closed for the first time
in so, so long...
My mind slows and calms, the barriers falling
the guards leaving at the end of their shift
before the horrors arrive.

It's not long before I can feel the snake
slithering into my slightly parted lips
And sliding down my throat.
Red-rimmed eyes shoot open
and my gaping mouth chokes for air
as it smirks, eyes glittering with pleasure.
The monsters twist around my gut
nibble at my heart
lick their lips with delight
and eye their new victim's soul with desire.

They gently caress my stomach with their claws
leaving red gashes oozing with blood.
And just as I think I've found relief
in your worried blue eyes,
the puppeteers twist my face into a smile.
I feel myself nod and say, "Yes, I'm all good"
as I beg for somebody to hear me,
to stop this pain.

I'm answered with the infiltrators,
now massacring my happy thoughts
and filling my brain with fears.

"Useless"
"Failure"
"They never liked you anyway"
"They wish you were dead"
"Just leave already"
"Leave"
"Leave"
"Leave"

A chant,
a mantra
buzzing at the back of my mind
like a song on replay
always on the radio, no matter
how many times you switch the station.

Thoughts are spiralling
Kicking up the dirt
covering the casket
already set in the ground for me.

And on the tombstone,
"Death by a merciless enemy --
anxiety."

Where did it all go?

Symptoms?
Heart is racing!
Chest is aching!
Pits are sweating!
Hands are shaking!
Breath is heaving!
World is swaying!

Diagnosis?
Love.

My heart is beating in my ears,
racing, chasing, my rolling tears.
Do my eyes deceive me,
or is that really you?
It's as if my most desperate dreams
are coming true.
We haven't met face to face
but there's something about you
that I can't quite place.
You make me smile
just by writing,
"It's been awhile."
It makes me wonder --
is it your talent, words,
or personality
that make me feel this happily?

I know that what goes up
must come down.

I just didn't think that our love
would decline so rapidly..

One.

Lost and alone
He gathers up his things
And disappears into the unknown.

Two.

Inseparable, like yin and yang.
They watch the sun set
As their bodies tangle together.

Three.

Best friends forever
And the third wheel.
Watching quietly, she’s alone in a crowd.

Four.

Laughing, talking, joking.
They form a tight circle,
Keeping the happiness inside.

Five.

Watching from the sidelines,
Waiting for an opening.
He wants to join in just a moment too late.

Six.

The light of my life
The bane of my existence.
She pulls out a knife to comfort a child.

Five.

He reaches out a hand,
waiting to be seen.
She takes it.

Four.

They’re closed off from the world,
blinded by reality.
She opens their eyes.

Three.

Wishing someone will truly see her.
She looks at her
And smiles.

Two.

Alone together,
They’re lost in their own world.
She gives them something to hope for.

One.

He’s achieving the impossible
But not the mundane.
She offers him friendship.

Six.

She means love.
She means life.
She means wild card.

When I gave you my heart
You lovingly cupped it in your palms
But I guess you got distracted
Because I watch it slide through your fingers
And shatter on the ground.

When you gave me your hand
I held it tightly in my own
But I guess I got distracted
Because our fingers are no longer intertwined
And our hands are empty.

The last glimpse of light
Fills the sky with ****** red
Then the world turns dark

As I dream of dawn
Night conquers dusk yet again
Making worlds go dark

Will I ever be
the main character of my
own story? Or will
I always be stuck on the
sidelines, lost in the dark?

The soul hunters came for me the other day
but it was okay,
because I don't have what they want
anyway.

It wasn’t her fault
The sun didn’t rise
In my world
Today.

It wasn’t his fault
That I watched
Her hair create a halo
Around the head of an angel
As she fell.

It wasn’t their fault
That hand in hand,
They left this world
Hoping
The next one
Would be better.

"I love you," I whisper into the void,
but the only response is my echo.

Swirls of red and gold
Stretching across the world.
Filling the planet with pale greens and deep indigos,
You are the flower on a desert plain.
You are the sun on a cloudy day,
The rainbow after rain.
You are what makes this world beautiful,
The artistic touch painting the earth with marvels beyond compare.

Artists strive to harness your beauty,
Musicians sing of your grace.
The indescribable image you paint,
Of a baby blue sky and lush green grass.
Day after day, people gaze in admiration
Finding joy in your very presence when they can find it
Nowhere else.

You are the light in a dark cave,
The path through an infinite plane.
The finishing touches of a painting,
The smile on a child’s face,
The laces on a shoe.
Something so important we’d be lost without it
Yet so subtle most look past it.

Bleak skies, barren terrain.
Without you, everything is boring; the same.
How would we symbolize love, glory, shame, danger?
How would we see the edges of each object with such sharpness?
Without you, we would all be at a loss,
Living in a bleary, stark world.

When I awake,
Will you be there,
Be lying by my side?

Or will I be alone,
Alone again,
Like all those other nights?

Will the sheets next to me be warm
Or will they be cold like you?
Will you be there, finally,
With the love that’s overdue?

Clouds billow around us
as the zephyr gently ruffles
your red-brown hair
so that it falls in waves
across your bright almond eyes
and hides the light freckles
dappled across your forehead.
As you reach out to fix it,
another gust shifts it back
and your laugh is like a magician's spell,
banishing the last few shadows lingering
in the cobwebbed corners of my mind.
I brush the strands of hair
behind your ear,
one finger lingering
to trace the spots where the sun kissed
your caramel skin.
Your lips tug into a smile
and you squint your eyes
so that long lashes hide
all but the swirling royal blue
of your irises.
Head tilted back, your long locks
tumble down to your waist
before everything fades
except your blissful smile
and contented gaze.
You open your sunset-colored lips
but I silence them with my own,
warmth flooding our bodies
as the sky howls around us.
Its salty tears begin to fall,
but your giggle is soft and bright
as you pull away to dance under the stars.
Our fingers lace together
as you tug me towards you again
and we twirl and spin as the sky cries.
Bodies moving as one,
we dance and laugh and smile,
bracing ourselves against the harsh winds
trying to break into our euphoric oasis.
Our fingers and fates were tangled together
as we watched the whole world
fade away in front of our eyes.
Standing in a beam of light,
silky white fog rolled over
the lonely cities and dark alleyways
until they were obscured in a ghostly veil
and all that was left
was us.

Arms wrap around me
Just before I hit the ground
I am saved at last

You don't realize it,
But I do.
I know a comet when I see one.
I know power when I see it.
You may not have seen her full potential now,
She may have looked weak and dim,
Just a streak and then she's gone,
But you'll see.
When she comes around again
Her light will sear your eyes.
She will burn
Bright and hot.
She isn't a mirage, a fluke in our minds.
She's a powerhouse
And when she returns, she'll be ready
To kindle her flames
And live.

As the night darkens
The moon casts an eerie glow
On owls’ yellow eyes

I know you don't see me
I know even if you could, you wouldn't look
But I'll wave goodbye anyway.

"I want to be just like you,"
I say to the decrepid old man.
"Just like you someday."

His laugh is raspy and thin
"My boy," he manages between his coughs,
"What is there left to desire?"

My giggle is the sound of songbirds
and churchbells ringing.

"Your eyes are bright,
they speak of hope and love.
Your mind is sharp,
full of lessons and wisdom.
Your mouth is tilted,
always curved into a slight smile.
Your wrinkles are deep,
laugh lines from years of use."

"But, my boy," he responds
in a gentle tone,
"My body is weak,
my hair is grey,
my brain forgetful,
and my money is none."

"And yet," I press,
"your gaze is soft,
your regrets are few,
your patience endless,
and your forgiveness infinite."

"And because of that," I conclude, "I want to be just like you."

You are the sun and I the moon,
leeching off of your vibrant light.

I wake up
To a day half gone

Like a shooting star, what was once now is gone forever
leaving a trail of memories behind,
the only thing lighting this bleak sky called life.
The night is cold and we are restless,
staring at the dark ceiling caging us in.
Headphones cover the ears of the sane,
blocking out the screams of their companions.
And here I stand,
surrounded by voices blending and changing,
monsters streaking out of mouths and
capturing others before freeing them
only to make them its slave – a contagion,
contaminating even the purest of hearts.
The sounds from my sweet songs mix
with the knives from the real world,
easily piercing through the fragile film
that keeps out the monsters.
As the daggers bury deeper into my haven
the darkness slips in,
wrapping me up and stifling my silent screams.
The headphones removed, reality’s sky blinds me
as the monster slides down my throat
and settles in my gut.
It curls around my stomach and lungs and tightens its grip,
now a constrictor leeching the life out of its prey.
I’ve been caught. The virus called life
has
found
me.

Wind whistles through trees
Blowing pebbles through meadows
And ruffling fur.

There they were
Hand in hand
Forever, so it seemed.

Their hair creating halos
Around the heads
Of angels
As they fell.

Moonlight streamed through the trees
Illuminating the wicker basket
Toppled on the ground.

Casting light on the lonely
Checkered blanket
Splayed out beneath the tree.

Hand in hand,
They left this world
Hoping
The next one
Would be better.