seems like i'm just moving along convincing myself that nothing's wrong then i look back and wish things were different i always keep a certain emotional distance always jumping between several distractions while all the plans i made never gained traction
why does it feel good to be lazy why is doing nothing so easy i might have something to say but i'm not gonna do it today
it's a vicious cycle, it never stops it just keeps on going until i drop the brake's cut, the pedal's floored and frankly i'm just feeling bored i should be my own savior but i'm always saving it for later
maybe it's time to stop pretending and admit that this problem's never-ending the sooner i realize, the better i can't blame the weather forever
Today I plan to be properly productive – not let time get away from me. But it’s half past eight. I’ll begin at nine. Now it’s nine-twelve. I’ll start at ten… …And that’s how, somehow, I got nothing done today.
After the two, I underestimated you. Time was wasted till four days left to finish. Piece of cake drove me insane. All the more did I rip my hairs out When you gave me that smirk Daring me to complete you if I could... Ever. The more I tried the more I knew, Petrified before the reality As I scrutinized at my reflection in the mirror With saggy eyes that lost its light And back at you; unfinished masterpiece of Frankenstein. Chained down by the inscriptions of nightmare I give up all hopes to be free.
The last 2 days I perceive to be Long yet way too short. Truly the hands are moving forth without mercy As I am writing this poem instead of My 3rd ten page paper.
I go over my bucket list one more time... Study, then jog a bit, finish my drawing for my grandma, then the equation I couldn’t figure out, then write the essay- Or wait-maybe I should read the guidelines one more time- The due date, when is it again? AH! Piano is more immediate, where’s my metronome? Oh no! The books are all our of order again and I can’t find it, why don’t I reorganize them in the process- My room looks like trash why don’t I-
There’s dirt and dried lavender squished so deeply into the carpet it can probably hear the ****** screaming from **** below Similar to the roots so deeply imbedded in soil they forget there is the light of day above wanting so desperately to greet them I understand the fear of having nothing left to hide Secrecy becomes security and procrastination is a comfort Maybe I should vacuum and sage out the lurking demons But I’ve found a peace in the chaos I think I’m really scared to just hear the silence in this worn down home Because that means it’ll be time to move on And I don’t want to move or let go
What’s the difference between escapism and avoidance? “There isn’t one, they’re synonyms” I used to think that too Because I have been lying to myself for the past three years “It’s just a quick break” “I’m just winding down and then I’ll get things done” And yet Night after night I find myself lying in bed at 1:30 am Staring blankly at my phone Watching anything I can get my hands on to escape And scrambling the next day to get anything I avoided done I think that I’m simply just escaping into another world To take a break from reality When really I’m avoiding everything that I need to get done I’ve been lying to myself for 1128 days today Because I cannot get myself motivated to do anything I tell myself that I'll get it done in a minute But I know it won't be done until weeks after it was due I thought it was simply just escapism But I am a devout avoidance practicer There is a difference between escapism and avoidance Because escapism is a temporary break to set your mind straight And avoidance is escaping everything at any cost.
There’s a pile of papers Sitting on my desk Staring at me Taunting me Its eyes blink slowly And I stare back Wondering should I get started? No, I’ll do it later That was a month ago It’s a daily struggle now I’m not avoiding it, I swear I moved the pile to the corner of the room So it couldn’t stare at me anymore The pile has gotten higher taller Looming over me Disappointed that I’d rather read than finish them Its eyes narrow and it frowns at me Its stare boring into my back Revealing the hole where all of my motivation Dripping out Drip Drip drip I’m not avoiding it! I’m not.. I... But I don’t have any excuses to not do it
Chk-! Chk-! Chk-! Woosh! The tree falls down and I gather the wood that falls It fills up my inventory. An imaginary world controlled by a few keyboard clicks and mouse movements It’s not real but It better than my real life I’m an escapist of reality Because anywhere else would be better than this The pile of homework on my desk begs to differ But I ignore it I’ve been injured in a great dual. One of mighty wizards and witches, all battling for freedom. One of the medics heals my wounds, I watch as the skins magically starts coming back together Good as new As if it had never happened I wish paper cuts healed that fast There’s a dozen on my fingers from school work But let’s not think about that! Back to the great fantasy Away from my real life Away from everything My escape After all… my break hour isn’t over yet
definitely a minecraft reference a piece I use for S.A.D