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Within the stillness of that night,
when nothing seemed to be quite right;
They came to me with veins of ice,
and at that time, I was only nine.
What they wanted, I knew too well,
the shame, the pain, the guilt, the ****;
My pulse went up, my heart, it fell,
they made me promise not to tell.
What could they possibly want with me,
I didn't understand, I couldn't see;
The horror drove me to my knees,
and I quietly cried out my small plea.
My call, it fell upon deaf ears,
as it had done, all of these years;
This wasn't the first time they brought fear,
nor the first time that I cried my tears.
"Won't you please just go away,"
this I wished, this I prayed;
But to no avail, they continued to play,
I felt that I was on display.
Just like the other nights before,
my body ached, and I was sore;
I didn't feel alive no more,
as I picked myself up off the floor.
When they were finished, they let me be,
alone again, just the walls and me;
I was shaking from my head to my feet,
they left me impure, and incomplete.
alexis Mar 14
My mother asked me if I am seeing anyone today
I thought of you
And the happiness I feel for you
I thought of how your laugh sounds
And the music you make inside of me
I thought of how your eyes sparkle
And how you speak
I thought of how hearing from you
Makes my bones crumble
And my eyes crinkle at the corners
I thought of the conversations
And the secrets that we keep
I thought of the burning in my guts
And the desire to be caressed by your gentleness

I told her that I am not seeing anyone
Because although I am captivated
I know we will never be whole
You are one half beauty
And I am one half tragedy
And neither of us can explain it
So I smiled, “maybe someday,” I said

I thought of how it would feel to love you
And how it would feel to be loved
I thought of living with you
And staying when you are gone
I thought of home
And suddenly it was you

But we cannot be complete
Because your heart lies in another's hands
And I could never compare
With the markings she left on you
So I grit my teeth
And bite my lip
And try to find a place
Where happiness could someday be with you.
CT Wordz Jan 28
It hurts the most,
You were never mine.
I constantly think of you,
But you were never mine,
I wished I'd be the Apple of your eye,
But you've had all the girls,
And you were never mine.
I feel the pain of a million lifetimes,
Of me loving you and you dropping me like a dime.
I've cried ponds, into rivers,
Deep and blue like oceans and seas is how deeply I feel for you.
Knowing you were never mine and pretending to be yours.
Sadly hanging on your words like naive girls for boys.
I release you into the eternity to find the love of which you speak.
I release you into eternity, where you can love everyone but me.
It hurts the most when you were never mind.
I spent lifetimes blindly trying to open your eyes.

C.T. Wordz
I fell in love with the fire of my soul, and still he wants me not. A tragic love story that stretches through lifetimes and universes...I know him but he will never love me the way I've died for him.
Maddie M Jan 17
It gets lonely.
Sounds from the skies
Airplanes flyin on by
I overthink too much.
I don’t know why I do...
Guess it’s a mechanism of mine.
I think of society
How awkward I feel. In it.
I know I don’t belong, but
Something ties me down
Here on earth.
So either way, it’s a win/lose situation.
My head gets too loud.
All those words
Belittling me each time....
I wish I could stop.
I wish ...I could quiet it down. to.a.low .roar.
But it is inevitable
I get lonely.
I miss having someone there.
Someone who comes back.
I’ve only associate with silly string people.
5 seconds there entertaining but then...
It loses its interest.
Maybe it’s cause...I push them away.
To save myself.

So I sip on  wine.
Probably on my 5th glassby this time around,
Maybe *******
Maybe mediated,
Maybe talk to myself.
It’s just me.
Sounds from the four walls
Sounds of sorrow
Kisses attired.
If you pass on by, and you hear muffled sounds don’t let-’em scare you
Cause It’s me.
Shouting. Crying.
I’m just around one of those crazies.
Tryin to figure out life.
Even if it means
I don’t have my **** together.
But each day I have a reason to look up.
Because I know the sky, the sun and everything that makes us evolve, will always be there.

Where did I go wrong?  What am I doing?
Philomena Jan 16
Well what can I say
I'm not her
I don't have her warm eyes
Her thin waist
Her cute laugh
Her smart brain
I'm not perfect like her
I'm not even close
I lack her sense of peace
And her immense love
I don't dream like her
See like her
I will never be like her
What more can I say
I'll never be beautiful or perfect
Never see clear or pure
I've ruined my chances of happiness in this world
And how can I blame you
She dances in the light
And I dwell here in darkness out of sight
She is all that is good and right in this world
And I'm all you should fear
So go ahead
Get out of here
I suppose I'm just frustrated. But can you really blame me, I'm the daughter of a monster and nothing can erase that path I've followed. So no I'll never be anything quite like her.
Wolf Dec 2018
To live
Is crafting a prized novel
Memories resting on every page

To end a life
Is deeming it complete
Before the reader is satisfied

A book lacking a proper end
You could call it a book
But it is not a story
I almost finished my book in chapter 13. Refuse to take a life, even if it is your own.
I'm always trying to keep my feet on solid ground
As the world around me crumbles
Powdered sand
through my fingers

I'm glad I have that trust space
I can always fall .
 ......                             on
I've made the poem end just as unstable and incomplete as the feelings in motion through the poem.
There's this exhausting road you still find yourself wandering in.
The potholed path of living in thoughts
In your mind every time.
You can be seen along there in the morning.
The fear of waking to the ray of the sun stealing glances of your ***** body.
Playing dead as the alarm goes off.
Stuck in the mud of incompetent.
An airing voice of failure.
Smacked on your palms for missing the opportunity to live.
A collapsing vision you're handed.
At 25 you're seen a failure.
In the afternoon you are found there.
Seeking for shade under the roof of social vices.
The demeaning laughter of colleagues during lunch hour.
Cause you couldn't contribute to buy lunch.
Hunger is seen playing on your face.
A frustrating look you wear not cause of the neighbor you got into a fight with.
Rather it is about the alarming emptiness of your savings.
The month is fast ending yet the pile of bills welcome you each day.
Peace departs from your heart.
At night you lay helpless on same path.
Laid out, not wanting to rise.
Since hope has been bitten off your mind.
Mistakes swinging the rope dangling from the roof top.
This time "whys" became an escape route to meet death.
Breathing in and exhaling defeat.
Believing lies you served for dinner.
Today we sought for you in this path.
Echoed depression and lies.
We couldn't get to have a taste of your thoughts.
Now we leave a message behind.
Each day that path you cross is a story.
Fight the cause for triumph.
Do not breath without breathing.
At some point in living and growing up as a human we feel this heavy burden that we're never enough, we ain't putting in the needed energy to our work and that we need to establish our coast before we are successful and happy. There's is no mapped out plan on how we are to live. Life might not be favourable now, tomorrow we can be the best. Do not live just to someone you will be proud of becoming.
Obassi Bholai Dec 2018
I tend to do this unforgiving
method of maddness when it comes to writing
I'll start and stop, repeating onto new work
unfinishing the last.

incomplete as each piece may be,
the brain is scattered
lost and afraid, it'll never feel the same way.
connected to what new beginnings
may be.
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