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Simple words cut through my heart with their syllables.

They pound in my chest with their dreadful meaning.

Causing fear and shock to trickle throughout my body

The chemicals bind together to make the world stand still around me.

Bodies of others seem to float in the enclosure surrounding me, but I do not register that they are there.

Thoughts race through my head, but like me, they do not reach a destination.

Static fills the air around me, and tortures my ears with it's ringing.

It swirls around my head with the voice of my news.

Both noises chant together to become louder and louder until I want to scream.

Reaching my breaking point, my body becomes numb.

Oxygen doesn't seem to reach my lungs.

Waves of suffocation wash over me.

Forcing me to fall to my knees.

Feeling helpless, I sit on the floor in a crumbled mess.

Waiting for the days to pass, and the better times to come.
Sarah Flynn Oct 2020
I want to recover.
I want to open up in therapy
and take my medication like I should.
I want to feel again.
I want this numbness to end.
I want to, I do.

but for that to happen,
my disorders and diagnoses
would have to go away.
I would be left to face
the real world all on my own.

this safe world that my disorders
have built around me would be gone.
I would no longer feel so
disconnected from my body.
I would no longer feel so
disconnected from the world around me.
my disorders would leave me.

I can’t lose any more friends.
I’m still hurt from those endings
that I never saw coming

and whether I like it or not,
these disorder are my best friends.
I can’t lose them yet.
I’m not strong enough.
Tasha Sep 2020
I don't have a personality
I have a diagnosis.
I am not 'very- '
I'm 'hyper- '
I'm not 'bad at'
I'm 'exhibiting dysfunction'.
I'm not forgetful
it's time blindness
I'm not clever
it's hyperfixation
I'm not active
it's stimming
I'm not shy
it's anxiety.
I have a cluster of conditions
balled up in my chest
instead of a heart.
I don't have a brain
I have a doctor's hand behind my eyes
navigating me through the world.
I'm empty without my suffering.
Cassandra Sep 2020
there's something wrong with my body
i can feel it
i'm scared

this time i think it's medical
not mental
that scares me

i can't get a blood test
needles scare me

but does an undiagnosed medical issue scare me more?
im struggling with this. i can't tell anyone.
Grey Apr 2020
Heart is racing!
Chest is aching!
Pits are sweating!
Hands are shaking!
Breath is heaving!
World is swaying!

Pretty stupid when you think about it. Why did we even evolve to be this way? Seems like it blocks reproduction more than anything.
Empire Jun 2019
The word still echoes in my head
Surreal and complicated
Such a heavy word
Even though it's been almost a year
Since things were so bad
And I heard the words:
Anxiety Disorder
Eating Disorder
Obsessive Compulsive Disorder
Followed by the words:
Each one like a lightning strike
I can feel them in my veins
But the most frightening
Was hearing the prefix:
I'm still not honest enough with myself about some of these words...
DT Brewer May 2019
Special is the word they use when they talk about me

They assume that my diagnosis fully defines me

Sometimes I wish I could only be heard and not seen

That’s what I often think about when I daydream
Hannah May 2019
I see myself
And I cry
And I cry
In mourning
In grief, the way Eden
Sank to grief
Dawn goes down
As I go falling
Between the borderline
And if you are
A borderline
You are everything
In one person
The blackness is murderous
The whiteness is deafening
The inbetween is
Defeating, they said.
as I lay
Thinking of abusing
Substances for I have lived
My whole life
Abused heavily with menace.
Isn’t it sad
To live your whole life as a child
being taught that love is myth?
In a malicious intent
My so called loved ones
I was surrounded by;
Trying to educate me
They thought they were
Enlightening me but in fact,
They were teaching me how to
Despise myself slowly
I have been diagnosed since years
I am a borderline case.
I wish it was my fault
But it was like a shrink in
One’s armour
An atrocious exhibition
Of young a young teen
Living her whole life
With a monster
A Bipolar case
I wish for oblivion
I seek death
Set me free.
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