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Cat Lynn Sep 2019
The sister I loved and could grow close to
You've disappeared... I was accused
Don't know who you are... but you were someone I knew...
I have lost enough... but you were one thing I didn't want to lose
Too many wounds... but that exploded out of the blew
"You're over thinking..." But I knew the truth
How do you people feel now!? You've ignited my fuse!
Because now... She's not the person I once knew...
....I miss you Rachel... Please get well soon...
Sep 2019 · 722
...Stirred...
Cat Lynn Sep 2019
If i was to admit what has been stirred
I know on my life, I would only be cursed
Somethings are better kept unsaid...
Sep 2019 · 267
N.I.C.K.O
Cat Lynn Sep 2019
Now
I
Can
Know...
Openly...

What it was you felt when that final day came
Now I can admit that I have experienced the same
No regrets
But now I get it and now I see it
nothing can be promised... and nothing and guaranteed...
Sorry Nicko it took so long
Sep 2019 · 173
It's Not...
Cat Lynn Sep 2019
Its because of who you are
Nor because the choice heart

Its not because of what you have done
Nor the actions you've chosen

Its because of who you are to me
And it makes my memory decease

Its because of the emotions I contain
That creates this heart to go insane

I would be close if health allowed
But for now... I must stand down...
I have a medical condition called syncope.
This is when my heart creates irregular heart beat patterns due to lack of oxygen, low blood sugar, and fast heart beating

When this happens... blood drains from the brain, causing a black out moment, and fainting spell, or a confusion memory moment for a few seconds up to a mintue.

Stress, Anxiety, Dehydration, Tiredness, and physical and emotional exhaustion can cause this...

So...
If there is something (or someone) that cause my heart to do irregular patterns... i have been told to stay away until im properly medicated... or it can get worse

So forgive me for staying away... But my heart races out of fear and happiness and i dont want to have a black out or memory moment sorry...
Im tired of looking and feeling so pathetic...
Aug 2019 · 257
Who I am trying to be...
Cat Lynn Aug 2019
I never said was going to be easy to become...
Nor did I say it would be a pretty process
Lord i am trying... i cant look anywhere else... i cant depend on anyone else... you have to be my focus... i dont care what it takes... Do whatever it takes for me to be more like you
Aug 2019 · 138
BRATT
Cat Lynn Aug 2019
When they call me a brat...
They ignore the fact...
That to me...
Being a brat means that I'm trying to be someone who is...

B - Building
R - Righteously
A - Although
T - Terrorized and
T - Terrified
...so say it to my face... I know I am a Bratt
I know i struggle
I know i can be cold at times..
But please know I am trying to keep my eyes on Him and what I really need to focus on
So forgive me for being scared
Forgive me for being unfair
But i am trying to sort out my emotions
And focus more on Him...
Aug 2019 · 273
Drugged too High
Cat Lynn Aug 2019
Dont get too high
Cause then in the end, you end up falling, and then die

It feels good for a small moment to be up in the sky
But then you feel guilty... and wish to make it right
It hurts to fall from such a high place
Aug 2019 · 776
Plot Twist
Cat Lynn Aug 2019
After two years of trying to figure it out
When the root of the problem ended up being upside down

Every piece of the puzzle now perfectly fits...
But God... I was not expecting this kind of plot twist
Still trying to fully grasp it
Aug 2019 · 110
♦F♦R♦E♦A♦K♦
Cat Lynn Aug 2019
F** inding a new side of this hidden life I live
R egrets? No! For it is through the messes I find strength given
E vidence has shown that I need more of Him
A chance for revival of joy to come within
K indness to those who will and will not forgive

I am the Freak.
Jul 2019 · 488
Sometimes Princesses...
Cat Lynn Jul 2019
Have to fight their dragon themselves
This is going to be a big one to face...
Cat Lynn Jul 2019
Little did I realize that only monster in the room was me.
Hee hee... at least I'm a cute little monster
Jul 2019 · 357
All Hellos and No Good Byes
Cat Lynn Jul 2019
It's all Hellos, and No Good Byes
Yes it hurts, but still, I'll try

No more See Ya, only getting Hi
Yes you leave, but still, I ignite
Shjejwowosidjfbfbewoqoqodndnfbebwjdjd
Dndndjekwkkwksksnenfbf
Smdnejekiswkwkw
Emotions are gross
And contagious...
Ew...
Jul 2019 · 215
Dented
Cat Lynn Jul 2019
I was dropped...
And now thought to be broken

But I'm still in one piece
However, now dented

But even broken and dented things can be fixed a mended
With time, wounds can heal
Jul 2019 · 466
The Skeleton that Remains
Cat Lynn Jul 2019
Empty and Full of nothing but dry bones
No senses or feelings left for me to hold

Lifeless and Dead, like the expressions it left me
Every emotion drained like blood. No more breathes left to breathe

It ignores, it is hard, and the dead body is cold
The warmth and love has been stripped away as skin unfolds

But I stay by it still... although it is avoiding the very aspect of living
I know these bones can come alive. Please be forgiving

Laying in broken bony pieces, but yet beautifully organized and created.
Dead inside, but once majestically living and related

Although I have been left behind with the skeleton that remains
I know it can come back to life with the very call of its name

Feelings abandoned, and touches now feeling decayed.
I still have hope... so I will not dig its grave.

You will come back from the dead...
And you will learn to talk... and learn to feel again
I am now left with the Skeleton that remains




Wowwwwww i actually wrote something decent... gees it's late I need to go to bed gosh... also... I'm back yayyyy.. we will see when the next poem comes...

This poem is based on a skeleton dragon someone bought for me XD
Jul 2019 · 180
The Poetry is Gone
Cat Lynn Jul 2019
When your so dumb founded and you can not write
When your mistakes are haunting you at the darkness of night

The regrets you have piled like books on a shelf
Trying to pick up the broke pieces as I deny myself

I can't write anymore.. I cant bring my self to do it
Forgive me God I'm trying to get right through this

But this Cat feels as if she's lost all nine lives
It's been so difficult to get by

I can't write... I've tried.. not without speaking what I wish I could've done
But they say apologizing makes it worse... but that's all I've done!

You dont know how horrible this feels. I am fighting to move on
Abandoning my poetry is the first step. As I am trying to keep calm

Forgetting that poetry exist for now is where I have to start
As I ask God to mend the pieces of this broken heart
Only time will tell if I'll ever return here or not. But for now. This is one of the ways I have to learn to let go for now and trust God with it
Jul 2019 · 354
Too much Linen?
Cat Lynn Jul 2019
Although I am always cold
Maybe I have burdened my self...
With too much linen to wear and carry?
Although it brings my warmth, it is slowly suffocating me...
Jun 2019 · 528
The life you want
Cat Lynn Jun 2019
The life you want
Is not yours to have

The life you want
You believe would make you more glad

The life you want
You covet and try to steal away

The life you want
Is not yours to claim

The life you want
Is all my life is

THIS IS MY LIFE
BUT YOU WANT ME TO GIVE!

The life you want
Would be two of mine

My life is what you want!
You've crossed the line

The life you want
Prohibits me from being special

The life you want
Will only fire missiles

The life you want
I can not understand

When the life you want
Is everything I am...
I have not comment for this poem


I'm so tired of myself
Jun 2019 · 494
The "I" in Pride
Cat Lynn Jun 2019
The "I" in Pride
Should fade and die
For what pride is there?
When I have my flag that I like to hide?

Ripped and torn from rainbow fusions
Mixed up in teenage emotional confusion
There is no "I" when it's a delusion
My past once apart of the movement

Pride will only cause the "I" fall
Into a mind set I thought I would never recall
Stand proud? Why? It's against His Law
This "I" can't stand in pride. I'm kneeling down instead of standing tall
As a Christian I have my own conviction and struggles. To each his own to what they do and choose for their life. God gave us free will. So if this doesn't apply to you then that's okay! But for me... It is a struggle  That annoys my brain... when it is no longer who I am. So now I'm fighting to remember that God has indeed created amazing Godly men.

If you are gay, please know that this is nothing against you. This is not  a hate poem to you. This is just a struggle heart ache poem that I deal with. I believe the bible is truth and what it says is right. but everyone has a choice...
Jun 2019 · 237
F.U.
Cat Lynn Jun 2019
Forgive for what I am about to say
But sometimes it is the only thing that won't fade
So because of all I'm going through,
I'm going to say.....
























FORGET YOU!!!!!
Sorry...
I don't swear...
Cat Lynn Jun 2019
Look! There it goes!
A thought inside my mind

It wasn't something I was looking for
Not something I would find

"I thought I buried you!
Down in the grave!" LIES!

In a deep sleep it was spelled.
It never really died

When it awakens, it wakes me up with it
Like a cancer, it grows rapidly in my brain

Like a file, or an email, a memory can be deleted, but also recovered. I hate this mind game.

I hate it how you force my mind to stay awake
I HATE YOU FOR WRESTLING WITH THE CRIES INSIDE

YOU DO THIS TO DRAG MY SOUL TO THE PAST
YOU DO IT TO ENSLAVE ME! DO NOT DENY!

STOP MESSING WITH MY HOURS!
STOP MESSING WITH MY REST!!!

I KNOW THE MESS AND THE DAMAGE I HAVE INDEED CAUSED!
I BLAME NO ONE ELSE BUT THIS MESS!!!

Like a living nightmare, you haunt and torture this poor tired heart
You want to see my shattered... but it's amazing to say

I have great beloved friends who know this pain..
And will not abandon me nor lead my astray

Yes... you keep me up at night... and try to **** my thoughts
But the day will come! I will see the light

It will not last for much longer and that is a fact
I do not suffer this journey alone, together, we will all be alright
I love you guys so much <3 You guys have no clue how much that meant to me <3
May 2019 · 231
Sometimes we want to hide
Cat Lynn May 2019
When we feel as if our worlds will collide
When we feel as if we are not prepared for this ride
Why hide... when many.. are by your side...
Forgive me when I fail as a friend... I really try
Remeber who you are now since Christ was crucified...
And I'll try to be the person I need to be in this worldly life...
I just want to do what is right...
Although I want to hide...
I want to speak nothing but truth.. never a lie
Even if it brings tears...and makes me cry
Fighting to seek and do what is best for us all...
May 2019 · 383
Trying to do it right
Cat Lynn May 2019
Trying to do it right
Don't let the anger ignite

Trying not to set it off
Avoid it, I know it's my fault!

Can you back away?
Before I blow it into the fade?

Because I swear I'm trying
To stop this anger from striking like lightning



Trying to do it right!!! Alright?
Without picking up the knife tonight!

I can't KB, I'm tempted, I'm crazy
It is a bomb, ready to burst... I don't want it to hurt

Trying to do it right!!! Him in Sight!
My emotions have turned into explosions in the sky

Try... Trying to do it right...



Trying to do it right...It's what I have to do
Trying hard to put out this flaring fuse

Trying to blow it out
Before it burns this temple down

Can you keep the gasoline?
Many galaxies away from me?

Don't wanna light it up in flames
And have it break down the love that Christ gave...



Trying to do it right!!! Alright?
Without picking up the knife tonight!

I can't KB, I'm tempted, I'm crazy
It is a bomb, ready to burst... I don't want it to hurt

Trying to do it right!!! Him in Sight!
My emotions have turned into explosions in the sky

Try... Trying to do it right...



Sometimes I fail and I blend in with the ash
Beauty from the ashes is the catch
It takes time to refine a jewel
So don't take me for a fool...
I'm trying to do it right alright? ALRIGHT!
Reforming to be a weapon to FIGHT!



Trying to do it right!!! Alright?
Without picking up the knife tonight!

I can't KB, I'm tempted, I'm crazy
It is a bomb, ready to burst... I don't want it to hurt

Trying to do it right!!! Him in Sight!
My emotions have turned into explosions in the sky

Try... Trying to do it right...
I am fighting...
It'll just take time... remember that...
May 2019 · 202
Ocean Bound
Cat Lynn May 2019
I look up and I'm swept gently away
I look down and I'm drown with truth always
I look from a distance, and I feel burning dry
I stand close, and I feel free in the ocean's grasp and side
I'm Ocean Bound
hee hee...
^w^
May 2019 · 492
Cut! Cut! Cut!? Enough!
Cat Lynn May 2019
Part A:
Cut it out
It won't do a thing!

Stop cutting yourself!
You're gaining nothing!

I slice and dice and move my mice
Claw myself with my built-in knives

Screaming and Crying as the blood drains, right?
Scars and wounds keep you up all night!

The alcohol string, do you feel the pain?
It burns and eats the bacteria in your veins

Sometimes the healing aches a lot
So that you learn something and begin to stop!!!

Chorus:
CUT CUT CUT CUT! Can we get enough? ENOUGH!
Trying to live like we wanna get better!
Your linen won't hide your cuts forever

KNIFE KNIFE! SLICE SLICE!
What are you doing your life? LIFE!
Heart pump's blood to keep you live'n
Why can't you accept that you are forgive'n?

Part B
"Hey! What's up? Are you doing alright?"
"Yeah, I'm fine! Just had a really bad fight..."

A fight with yourself that you can never win
Using gloves and sleeves to keep your slits hidden.

Do you not see the diamond you are?
Ignore the lies that formed those scars

Your numbness won't just fade away
When your life is mixed in with the gray

Sitting alone in the darkness, blackness
Trying to hide all blood drop messes

Chorus
CUT CUT CUT CUT! Can we get enough? ENOUGH!
Trying to live like we wanna get better!
Your linen won't hide your cuts forever

KNIFE KNIFE! SLICE SLICE!
What are you doing your life? LIFE!
Heart pump's blood to keep you live'n
Why can't you accept that you are forgive'n?

Part C*
Razor Sharp... It feels just right
Holding on to that blade real tight...
Hidden in the darkness, out of sight...
It is worth the damage it causes? Worth all the lies?
Worth the secret? Worth the hide from the ones who love you with all their might?

Don't you feel their love, His love...
ENOUGH!

Chorus
CUT CUT CUT CUT! Can we get enough? ENOUGH!
Trying to live like we wanna get better!
Your linen won't hide your cuts forever

KNIFE KNIFE! SLICE SLICE!
What are you doing your life? LIFE!
Heart pump's blood to keep you live'n
Why can't you accept that you are forgive'n?
Another poem song I hope to write up someday... maybe...
It's a song about cutting and how it never seems to be enough. We can;t just do it once... it's a temptation and a struggle that makes us want to do it again and again...

and we forget about the ones who love us
We forget who we are in our Creator's eyes... and how worthy we are...
May 2019 · 311
What I Needed Most
Cat Lynn May 2019
You obviously had no time to give
Priceless
Cat Lynn Apr 2019
I am not here, I am not there
You will not find me… Not anywhere

I have not run away, I have not disappeared
I am close. I am closer then I appear

Not sure how to type what I feel
When all of these feelings just make me feel so lost and ill

This is not a rebellion. This isn’t out of frustration
You are not the enemy; I have nothing against your radiation.

In the night I have gone like the wind
But I am alive and well, this is not out of sin.

I am not gone, just hidden away for a while
You know all my locations, all my places, you know my style.

I could be anywhere, but you know where I go
I am not gone; I’m just no longer home… I’m solo

My number code now a mystery, but you know my accounts
You know and have more then what you realize. You have the amount.
You know my people, you know my spots
Although I am physically cold, my heart is burning hot

Forgive me for the pretty little lies, and for my acts and stories
My wrong, my bad, I am sorry. I greatest my apologies.

I am not fooling around with strangers, or with the fools of this earth
I am safe, and I am close by. I am not shutting you out, I’m building my own turf

Watch the black now fade away, the spikes dim and become dull
For I am independently going on this journey on my own, it’s quite the hull

I’m sick of disappointing, I’m sick of the back and forth, I want to truly know
Jesus in the desert for days, Moses on the Mountain, and Elijah with the birds sought Him alone.

Days, and weeks of isolation, alone with Him.
I want to know!!! I Need to seek and find!!! I am so sick of guess’n!!!

As far as I can tell, this is God’s leading, and if it isn’t, He can work it all out
I won’t know until I take the first step into this unfamiliar world. I promise I am safe and sound

Trying to be discerning, and wise with every step I take, as far as I can tell
I can’t hear him when many are shouting. When too many feel the need to yell.

Not abandoning the problem. I’m not abandoning His Call
I am looking for peace and answers. I want to be his Princess. He won’t let me fall.

I don’t hate you, there is no anger or disappointment in this heart
I swear I leave in peace and love, for I am hurting with this part

Dad, I know everything you said and did was only out of love
I know you didn’t mean to hurt and scar me, so I hid my scars with gloves
I know I disappoint, but I contain no anger. I need a moment and time
To ask and then receive, and to seek what I am trying to find
Answers

Mom, you are wonderful and beloved, I’m sorry if I made you feel so worried
I promise you; I am fine and safe and treasured and in good care. Please have no fury
I loved working alongside you and doing what I could to help
You did so much for me, and prayed like a warrior, breaking every spell
Blessing, that is what you are ♥

Rachel, it’s time for me to be trained on how to be a woman of service
I am on my knees like I’ve seen you done so many times. I’m encouraged
I’m sorry… But He has shown me his leading… So, I am just walking forward
I may not know where it takes me… But I swear it is HIM I am walking towards
Boldly

Dennae, I am praying for you and the things you struggle and ache with. I know the look
I’m going to miss your *******-up phrases and your unintentional jokes
But I need to go on a journey with my Savior for a while to know Thy way
He will change your heart, and your desires, you keep seeking His face.
Everything will change when you pray

Amy, I am sorry, but I tried to do what I could to be there for you
I tried to be the big sister I needed to be. I did what I could so you could see Him through
I love you little one. He has an amazing job planned for you ahead.
He has not forgotten nor abandoned you. Because for you, he bled.
Remember His Love

You can come, and see, and visit! You know where you can stop by
I am not dead; I can assure you, that I am very much alive.

Take care of my baby fluff, and the fish down below
Trying to follow His leading, and not drench myself so low…

Time to grow up, time to discover and learn.
He is the greatest teacher; He will protect me from the fires that burn

Gone indeed… But to really seek and discover what is in store
Alone and Solo, I depend on Him to really speak and show. My body on the floor

Don’t be worried, scared, or frightened, for I am in good hands
I love you; I miss you. You are not locked away from my stands

From the darkness, I escape, but only to seek the light
Forgive me, my beloved family… but I need to take this step… I’ll be alright

I may have crossed the line
But I know as long as I seek Him… and Surrender to Him, He’ll make everything fine…

Till I can see you again, Beloved Family
April 13, 2019 - 1:00 am

My Move-Out Poem Letter to my family before I left...
Mar 2019 · 420
.S.A.V.E.M.E.
Cat Lynn Mar 2019
.
SOMEONE
.
ANYONE
.
VOCALIZE
.
EVERYTHING
.
MENTION
.
EVERYONE


.S.A.V.E.M.E.
No guys I am not in danger I am fine!!! Just wanted to write out of a desperate cry of emotions and mourning
Cat Lynn Mar 2019
Give me spikes instead of jewels
Cuff my ears and wrist with chains,
Make me look like one of the fools

Set my fingers free, make every glove fingerless
Choke and cover this pale white neck
Buckle it tight, collar this cat, I am fearless

I am no Rapunzel, I won't let my hair down to you
Give me a blade and I'll cut it short and wild
I'll color it with nature's ****** hues

***** this long skirt, it holds me back from running
Tear it up and watch it burn!
Give me that sword! I'm fighting too! Do you think this is funny?

Throw away the scepter, what good will it do?
Paint me in the colors of nights shadows
So the enemy doesn't see this princess bruises of black and blue

My skin isn't soft and clean, it's scarred from head to toe
I don't dare hide it
I want them to know that I am a fighter. Treat me low!

These black lips will smile at you
Only cause I know it is I who has won
This corset kitty has plotted her love for a few

I'll leave the crying to the crystal's I've left behind
Give me that Pop, Give that Bam!
I refuse to wait and stand in line

I run in death's boots, forget those petty girly heels
I stitch myself together with safety pins
I don't have time to stay and sew my self back together. I got things to feel

I am Royalty, I have royal bones, you don't see me trip'n
Laced with nightmare roses, to remind you that I am not only the Beauty
But I am also the thorned cursed Beast, you'll see me kick'n

I have holes in my clothes, I've had no time to rest
I am looking to the spells of the moon and the stars for a revival
I look to the misfit night time "monsters" that has been misunderstood and left for dead

Try to zip these lips
Try to figure out any of these punk princess's mysteries
Cause you know sometimes these feelings can't be zipped

Eye's shadows with Ashes, seeking for Beauty
These big cat eyes will stalk you in dark
Sharp and lovely, I am watching, I am not just a gothic cutie

I can hiss, I can claw
You can laugh, cause I know dang right I am pathetic
Not only you, I, too, can calculate your every stupid flaw

Call me whatever you wish to mock
Emo, Goth, Punk, Demon, Slave
These names have been thrown in my dungeon and locked

Listen to me, cause I am only saying this once
This dainty, pretty little doll  is not yours to clothe
Petting me might make me weak, But I am the one who cuts

You ask me who I am, and believe me when I say Oh heck yes
Pierced with metal rods of lies, and tattooed with labels
I am the Punk Princess
Haha.... this is out of character for me to write XD
Mar 2019 · 429
...a.l.o.n.e...
Cat Lynn Mar 2019
...a.l.l..
...l.o.n.e.l.y...
...o.r.p.h.a.n.s...
...n.e.e.d...
..­.e.s.c.a.p.e...

...a.l.o.n.e....
...g.e.t...m.e...o.u.t...
...s.h.o.w...m.e...y.o.u.r...
...w.i.l.l...
...g.u.i.d.e...m.e...
...
...p.l.e.a.s.e...
Cat Lynn Mar 2019
Don't hide in the darkness,
and I won't fall to pieces

Don't consume the abysses breath
if you do... it's my shattering that increases

Don't blend into the night sky,
And I'll avoid being invisible to you.

Stop hiding behind me
Cause I'll only let the light through

Wake up from your nightmare
And I'll stop ignoring my reflection

Dont let the demon of shadows consume your bed
And I will not let the ghost break my reality into fractions

My heart of glass... and your heart of shadows
It is the light that defeats us both, so let us, together, follow
I'll let the light shine through, so I'm bright and white
So come out from hiding, and let the light consume you. No need to fright

This poem took a while to write. I wanted to be selective with the words I selected for each heart XD Hope you like it!!!
Cat Lynn Feb 2019
Because now, you are "deaf" to me
Will you ever listen or hear me?
Feb 2019 · 504
I'm sorry...
Cat Lynn Feb 2019
I'm sorry that I try my dang hardest and best...
And still manage to fail... and make you fall..

I'm really... sorry...

Sorry..
...I cant seem to stop apologizing.. and I cant lie when i say I am afraid... and I'm fighting to be comfortable and brave again..

I'm so sorry
Feb 2019 · 315
I look down
Cat Lynn Feb 2019
I look down so you dont look into my eyes...

I look away so you dont see what's inside...
Eyes speaks words, and words stab my heart
Feb 2019 · 320
Foot Steps In The Snow
Cat Lynn Feb 2019
I took a few steps back, walking away from them all
I thought I'd be on my own as I walked to the dining hall
But then behind me, I heard loud foot steps in the snow
It was then I knew, I wasn't going to be walking alone...
Thanks for the Company <3

This happened at Skyview, in the year 2018. It took me an ENTIRE YEAR to post it because I was so scared to show it XD. Plus I wanted to be careful so.... YAY FINALLY HAD THE HEART TO POST IT!!!!!!
Cat Lynn Feb 2019
I hear you, knocking on my door
...
But I don't want you to see the ****** mess on the floor


I hear you knocking, again, on my door
...
But I don't want to expose my black stained face anymore


I hear you pounding on my door
...
But I don't want to release this ink dipped demon's core


I hear you screaming through the door
...
But I don't want you to help heal these cuts, stabs, and sores


I now hear you pleading and crying on the other side of the door
...
But I don't want you to feel the trembling insecurity of this gore

I can feel your body trying to break down my door
...
But I still refuse to open it... For my emotions have become a storm


The wood is giving in, you are destroying my door
...
But I don't want you to feel the frostbiting coverage I've worn


The light has broken in, and there I am staring at you... there's no more door
...
My scars, wounds, monsters, demons, past, sins rages out like a roar


"I didn't want you to see me..." I cried "I locked it to protect you... That's why there was a door..."
...
Shaking your head you kneel down and hug me, ignoring the dead corps


"Then how am I to protect, help, and guide if we are separate by a door?"
...
"I am here, and I will do what I can to make you darker no more..."


...I didn't want you to see me...
but I needed to see you...
I have no comment for this poem but... Glory be to Him for Whatever Happens.
Also I hate dreams...









True Love comes from Christ and Christ alone... when someone has that... they will love you no matter your past, present, or future is...
Feb 2019 · 207
Surrounded but Lonely
Cat Lynn Feb 2019
It's incredible, if not amazing...
How you can feel so surrounded by the people that enclose you
But still feel empty and alone...
Jan 2019 · 371
•///•C/A/T/T•///•
Cat Lynn Jan 2019
•///•
•///• CLAWING •///•
•//•ALL•//•
•/•THE•/•
•TIME•
•///•
Or Cutting All The Time, Either one works
Gotta sharpen those claws.
Jan 2019 · 163
Miscarriages Don't Count
Cat Lynn Jan 2019
That is what they say... as if it is something funny
But why do I feel this pain of longing for their company?

There were a total of seven of us... And two of them passed away

"They don't count, they were just tissues and organs that didn't make out in time."

MY FORGOTTEN DEAD OLDER BROTHER AND SISTER WERE ALIVE!!! BUT YOU MAKE IT SOUND LIKE THEY NEVER EXISTED!!!!

DON'T DISCARD THE REALITY OF THEIR BIRTH!!! They took just as much force and care just like the rest of us!!!

Steven... You were the original first born... you died from stress and an aching heart of my mother

Bethany... You died out of determination and demand to pick up something that was over the weight

There are days where I wonder why the Lord couldn't have made you guys live... a life with me...

He has his reasons... what matter is that I will see you in heaven someday... I will finally get to meet you and see you face to face
I love you guys... I really miss you both...

I feel so pathetic
Jan 2019 · 599
"You're Pretty."
Cat Lynn Jan 2019
A stranger came up to me and said to my face
"I just want to say that you're pretty." My emotions, he tried to persuade

Is that all you got? Is that all you see?
An image that is pleasing and beautiful to your eyes? Is that me?

An object to complement, admire, and then leave behind?
You didn't ask how I am, if I'm okay, or say anything to comfort my mind

I can't stand men...
Because to most of them

I am a shadow of a statue they wish to see
But will never get... I was not created to appease

1/28/19
...Don't get me wrong, it was a sweet compliment, but I would much rather receive it from someone who is of the Lord and means every bit of what he says because he doesn't see an image or an object. BUT A PERSON WHO THEY WILL LOVE AND CHERISH FOREVER NO MATTER WHAT I DO
Cat Lynn Jan 2019
In the Mirror I see I'm stained
Draped in an ink cell, shelled in pain

Bent over with soaking black tears
Why must I live in this cloak of fear

Hunched over frozen in a case of black ice
Slipping and sliding over the constant fights

Trapped in a fishnet of lies
Choked by the chokers of cries

Hidden behind a curtain of bangs
Constantly licking my bloodthirsty fangs

Watching from afar cloaked in shadows
My ears cuffed and pierced, arrested, abused, and exposed

Eyes painted in Abyss' rain
Wrist spiked with black frames

I am a walking talking, cold night
Physically Freezing, and drenched in blackness' fright

Now hand me your blade, and let me begin
To slice the tar that is sticking to this light within

The thick, inky muck that shells and suffocates
Is a monster that feels controlled and constrained

You don't want me to shine, you don't want to see me bright
You enjoy seeing this jewel locked up tight

Won't I be broken free from the rock?
Afraid my colors will attract too many thoughts?

Let this angel rip her wings out from underneath your rule
Let my eyes finally look up, I won't be fooled

I am disgusted with this gothic disguise
I'm breaking through, going into the light
And There is NO WAY you're going to stop making it shine...
Just let me out...
Cat Lynn Jan 2019
Uniquely Beautiful and Frozen Cold...

... and yet able to willingly melt in loving hands...
Can I be your snowflake? Or can I be lost in winters wind?
Cat Lynn Jan 2019
I became hidden behind the severe weather's curtain of snow and ice

Running into a danger zone that was blinding white

Face beat red as ice shards pierced my lungs

Panting out winters puff, sinking into frozen love

My ankles shackled to the inches of snow

As the wind cried along with me, the rage only began to grow

Out of breath, I knelt for a bitter moment, just to feel, taste, and see

All the little Snow flakes kisses that laid upon me

On my coat, my hat, my face, and my lips

One with its each on individual beauty of crystalized hips

Edges so sharp, breaking through the numbness that lied

I began to laughed and cried, for I was also beautifully designed

Cloak me in your blasphemous hurricane winds, white me out from sorrow

Tuck me under your soft, icy sheets of snow

Color me white as I am buried away

So I maybe cleansed and purified. This will be my blackness grave

~ Wash Me In Winter's Kiss ~ For there is nothing more whiter then
*This
For He Has Washed Me As white As Snow
Praise Him...p

So yeah where I live we had a very dangerous snow storm and I kinda just ran away?... XD

Although it was dangerous it was totally worth it. It amazing how gloriously beautiful a storm can create. Completely white!? How often do we see that?

I was so freezing cold XD but look over it from an abandoned play ground made the frost bites worth it. I would have dived into it if I could have

So many people were .ad and furious I ran away like that but I had to I had so much on my mind that was ripping me

Be one with the frozen breeze to see the pure whiteness of beauty was exactly what I needed

I just wish I could have shared it with somebody...

Oh well XD
Cat Lynn Jan 2019
I've been fighting with the monsters and demons that were hiding under my bed

•☆• What? Rest now?•☆•

OF COURSE NOT! Because I know they will only return if I do...
...I miss sleeping... but I gotta do what I can keep my mind pure and on the truth..
Cat Lynn Jan 2019
I am awake... Dont think I'm sleeping in peace

How can I when the silence is devouring my ears like a feast

I cant scream back at it... I can't slam it again my wall

I'm shaking... I'm trying to fight it as it yells out my flaws

I no longer welcome the night...  it is no longer a time to rest

But moment to cruel up to avoid falling to temptations pest

I was doing pretty good.... but I guess time has begun its torment

I cant talk to anyone... I've been left in phsysical isolation

I have been fighting, dont think I haven't

The battle has been going on for far too long... I hope it wouldn't

I've blocked as many lies as I could...

I've slayed many doubts like I said I would

But now I've been slaughtered in a weak spot in my armor

And now I'm down... bleeding... starring face to face with deaths color

So now I'm ready to take my last breath and welcome the silence's abuse

So tell them that I love them and good bye for me... because this princess has to loose

Because in order to end silence's rule... it has to think it has won

So welcome the image of a ****** beaten body, for it's just a weak shell... Guilt is no living fun...
I swear... I will come back stronger someday... and I will scream so loudly in Silence's stupid face...
Cat Lynn Jan 2019
《▪》
》¤▪¤■¤▪¤《
《¤▪Depression▪¤》

《¤▪RULES▪¤》

《¤▪Under▪¤­》

《¤▪Guilt's▪¤》

《¤▪Gruesome▪¤》

《¤▪Eternal▪¤》
­♤
《¤▪Dominion▪¤》
》¤▪¤■¤▪¤《
《▪》
...so never get under the influence of it's false hope and lies that come straight from hell...
Jan 2019 · 712
~F•I•N•E~
Cat Lynn Jan 2019
Listen... I said I was

•F• alling Apart
•I• nsecure
•N• eglected
•E• mpty

So if I say that I'm •FINE•.... I'm •FINE•... I'm not lying to you...
Its just some are too stupid to realize what the word •FINE• actually means...
Cat Lynn Jan 2019
•}☆{•

•☆•Gently •☆•

•☆• Observing •☆•

•☆•The•☆•

•☆•HOPELESS•☆•

•}☆{•
OR THE HOPEFUL
...
Having a hard time finding that right now...
Pathetic right?
Jan 2019 · 273
\\\ Tally Marks ///
Cat Lynn Jan 2019
I have tally marks slice all up my wrist
My arm, and my legs, a lined up list

Each ****** carving is a count
For every heart stabbing doubt

Short cuts arent always the answer
But neither are banaged broke bridges

I have counted how many times I've be slaughtered
I've kept track, the scars should prove it

Hiding the ****** count is as difficult as hiding a murdered body

We cover it with long sleeves and jeans...
And even when people see them, 99% of them dont give a dang

....Very few have said anything
...and those who have...
I know truly love .e til the very day I die....

It's time to stop counting...
And time to start looking up a d walking forward

And let the scars show
Yes they are a reminder of the pain
But also a reminder of
WHAT I AM FIGHTI F AGAINST TO BE!!!!
.....the words will always hurt more the  the blade...
Cat Lynn Jan 2019

•●♡●•
•EMOTIONALLY•
●♡●
•MIXED UP•
●♡●
•OBJECTS•
•●♡●•

I AM OVER WHELMED!!!!!
DEAL WITH IT!!!
Cat Lynn Jan 2019
When they see a Monster

I see a Demon,


When I see a Demon

You see an Angel


When they tell me I'm worthless

I tell myself I am nothing,


When I tell myself I am nothing

You tell me I'm everything
and that I'm worth it.
<3
Thank you, God for Your Truth and Blessing of people <3
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