I am not here, I am not there
You will not find me… Not anywhere
I have not run away, I have not disappeared
I am close. I am closer then I appear
Not sure how to type what I feel
When all of these feelings just make me feel so lost and ill
This is not a rebellion. This isn’t out of frustration
You are not the enemy; I have nothing against your radiation.
In the night I have gone like the wind
But I am alive and well, this is not out of sin.
I am not gone, just hidden away for a while
You know all my locations, all my places, you know my style.
I could be anywhere, but you know where I go
I am not gone; I’m just no longer home… I’m solo
My number code now a mystery, but you know my accounts
You know and have more then what you realize. You have the amount.
You know my people, you know my spots
Although I am physically cold, my heart is burning hot
Forgive me for the pretty little lies, and for my acts and stories
My wrong, my bad, I am sorry. I greatest my apologies.
I am not fooling around with strangers, or with the fools of this earth
I am safe, and I am close by. I am not shutting you out, I’m building my own turf
Watch the black now fade away, the spikes dim and become dull
For I am independently going on this journey on my own, it’s quite the hull
I’m sick of disappointing, I’m sick of the back and forth, I want to truly know
Jesus in the desert for days, Moses on the Mountain, and Elijah with the birds sought Him alone.
Days, and weeks of isolation, alone with Him.
I want to know!!! I Need to seek and find!!! I am so sick of guess’n!!!
As far as I can tell, this is God’s leading, and if it isn’t, He can work it all out
I won’t know until I take the first step into this unfamiliar world. I promise I am safe and sound
Trying to be discerning, and wise with every step I take, as far as I can tell
I can’t hear him when many are shouting. When too many feel the need to yell.
Not abandoning the problem. I’m not abandoning His Call
I am looking for peace and answers. I want to be his Princess. He won’t let me fall.
I don’t hate you, there is no anger or disappointment in this heart
I swear I leave in peace and love, for I am hurting with this part
Dad, I know everything you said and did was only out of love
I know you didn’t mean to hurt and scar me, so I hid my scars with gloves
I know I disappoint, but I contain no anger. I need a moment and time
To ask and then receive, and to seek what I am trying to find
Mom, you are wonderful and beloved, I’m sorry if I made you feel so worried
I promise you; I am fine and safe and treasured and in good care. Please have no fury
I loved working alongside you and doing what I could to help
You did so much for me, and prayed like a warrior, breaking every spell
Blessing, that is what you are ♥
Rachel, it’s time for me to be trained on how to be a woman of service
I am on my knees like I’ve seen you done so many times. I’m encouraged
I’m sorry… But He has shown me his leading… So, I am just walking forward
I may not know where it takes me… But I swear it is HIM I am walking towards
Dennae, I am praying for you and the things you struggle and ache with. I know the look
I’m going to miss your *******-up phrases and your unintentional jokes
But I need to go on a journey with my Savior for a while to know Thy way
He will change your heart, and your desires, you keep seeking His face.
Everything will change when you pray
Amy, I am sorry, but I tried to do what I could to be there for you
I tried to be the big sister I needed to be. I did what I could so you could see Him through
I love you little one. He has an amazing job planned for you ahead.
He has not forgotten nor abandoned you. Because for you, he bled.
Remember His Love
You can come, and see, and visit! You know where you can stop by
I am not dead; I can assure you, that I am very much alive.
Take care of my baby fluff, and the fish down below
Trying to follow His leading, and not drench myself so low…
Time to grow up, time to discover and learn.
He is the greatest teacher; He will protect me from the fires that burn
Gone indeed… But to really seek and discover what is in store
Alone and Solo, I depend on Him to really speak and show. My body on the floor
Don’t be worried, scared, or frightened, for I am in good hands
I love you; I miss you. You are not locked away from my stands
From the darkness, I escape, but only to seek the light
Forgive me, my beloved family… but I need to take this step… I’ll be alright
I may have crossed the line
But I know as long as I seek Him… and Surrender to Him, He’ll make everything fine…
Till I can see you again, Beloved Family
April 13, 2019 - 1:00 am
My Move-Out Poem Letter to my family before I left...