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My permanent mental state is an odd battle between paranoia and self-deprication.
Are they laughing behind my back or am I not worth a mention?
Cat Lynn Mar 23

No guys I am not in danger I am fine!!! Just wanted to write out of a desperate cry of emotions and mourning
Elliot K Sep 2018
Depression is a war, one that i’m trying my hardest to battle but still no matter how hard I try, I can’t seem to fight. The words are painful, they hurt more than the ones kids at school would yell.

The words I tell myself daily, like “**** yourself” they are the echo of this world I was brought up in, they are my fathers words, the bullies, the ex boyfriends, the ex friends. Those are the words that ring in my head, as I tell myself daily how much I would be better off dead.

I look in the mirror and I can’t find anything else to say except ‘ew’ the once pretty boy I knew is now a ghost, an empty shell of someone who tried to take on the world but ran into the wall of reality, that this world isn’t perfect like it’s said to be.

I struggle some days to get out of bed, I stay awake at three am, grasping onto any happy moments I can find in this empty ******* head. I need happiness, I crave it like it’s a drug, and hell to me, it is.

My life is like a dumb game, one that I don’t want to play. I would think I was dead if it wasn’t the constant heaving of my chest as a reminder that i’m still alive.  

Depression is a war, like I said. I’m not a fighter, and one day, I’m going to be dead. Maybe not now, or even in a few years but I struggle to live. This life is hell, I have no friends, no family to care. Poetry is my only escape from here.
Payton Patterson Jul 2018
Clock strikes twelve
But still no reply
I've been texting all night
I pray to god
You're safe and sound
No tears
But breath still present
How I need you to be
I need your lungs filled with air
And your heart full of blood
And your mind filled with me.
That's how I need you to be.
If i ever miss any tags that needed to be added please let me know, I want my poetry to be the best it can possibly be for you.
bird Jun 2017
consciously wasting away at the ripe age of 17
smoking to savor the sensation of decay
******* in the graveyard of dreams
or going to vinnies to pray.
lies upon lies. im lying now
im. trying to lie down
but my karma is unbalanxed
and i cant feel the sweet release of sleep anymore
so i sit down and weep ashey tears of the mouth
to keep my tastebuds its the decayi need
while my mind runs 6 feet underneath
CNM May 2016
Stare at me, take another drag
The way you look at me makes me cross my legs
Put your arm around me and watch me get higher
You make me nervous, you make me twitch
Push me to my limits, I like it when you talk like that
Hold my hair, light me up baby
You drive me ******* crazy
I can't look you in the eye, I want you by my side
**** those others guys, someday you'll be mine
I'm a wreck but you hold me together
You intoxicate me, fill my lungs with love
And my head with you
about an ex an old poem bouta year old
Gabrielle Barnes Mar 2016
I crawl into the hole I created,
my resting place.
It is nestled deep in the tundra,
Away from the life I have lived.
I forget my failures,
that I have burned into the skin
of those I love the most.
I close my eyes,
and like a needle has been
pushed into my veins,
I forget.
Tristan Aug 2015
*** when you're in love is amazing, you can have awkward moments but not care and just laugh it off.
You are comfortable enough to ask for certain things, positions and do what you know the other likes.
But when that *** is expected from you, everyday, and there is no time to think "I want to have ***"
All you think is "I love him and if I don't **** him, he'll leave"
You lose that spark.
The way your heart use to race at his breath on your neck or his hand moving to lift your shirt off, just evaporates
*** turns into a chore that you have to do daily, like doing the dishes or going to work
It's not longer something that you desire but something you just know has to happen at some point that day.
Love exists without ***, and *** can exist without love.
But to keep that love, there shouldn't be the need for ***.
Don't tell them "it's *** with you, or I find it with someone else"
*** isn't a chore, and it isn't the key to love.
Astrid Ember Feb 2015
One of these
days I'll forget
how your name
numbs my tongue.

But not today.
Today your name
is hot poisonous
gas trapped in
my ribcage.
Today you
are steam burning
my throat
"Oh god!"
"Oh god!"
"Oh god!:
because you
are going to
be my
shadow again.

You are going to
be everywhere

I keep
having these
of when I
was choking
on my words
as you held me
Of when
he held up
the camera
and you bent
me over the
couch and
You both
laughed as
I giggled and
whispered "stop please"
instead of screaming
because my mother
was upstairs.
When me saying
"I'm done. No seriously
turning into your wicked
grins in your rotc
pointing at your badges
"we're higher ranked
than you. You aren't
done yet." and that...
******* camera.

Always threatening
to **** yourself
when I did "wrong".
Always threatening-
threatening me.

I was your puppet
and when
I spoke for myself.
another threat.
I got rid of you.
But you dug a hole
under my skin and
crawled right back in.
Shot me in the head
and like a maggot
crawled into my
Broca's area
controlling what I

It got worse.
You were *******
other girls.
I got rid of
you again.
You acted like
we were wolves.
But I heard they
mate for life.
I heard they're loyal.

You my sweet,
are just a worm.

Saying you love me
promising you love
And then texting another
girl the same thing
as you're whispering it
into my ear.

I pushed.
I pushed.
I pushed.
You were a
concrete wall.
A snapped spinal
cord between a
paralyzed man
and using his legs again.
The emphysema
that keeps a
person from breathing.
You were a disease.

And just like brain cancer
you deteriorated me
and controlled me.

For 2 months
you were everywhere.
For 2 months you
were always the
ghost around the
next corner.
You followed me...
Showing up outside
my house to walk me
to school.
Showing up outside
my classes to tell me
you loved me and hated
me at the same time.

Every time I pushed,
you threatened.
Always another suicide
attempt as I tried to
get out of the grave
you put me in.
You kept throwing dirt
on me and saying "I can
finally breathe!"

I remember that one day,
your hands were ******.
Glass was everywhere.
Your pocket rattled.
My name engraved on
your thigh.
"Janna this blood
is your fault" as it
ran down your leg.
You stuffed pills
into your mouth,
pushed me away
as I screamed
and clawed at your
throat trying to
get them out.

Next time.
More blood,
less pills,
but you were
dizzy, delirious,
saying you love
me, saying goodbye,
throwing up, saying
goodbye, resisting my help,
your hands looked miles away
which is probably why
for once you didn't touch me.

It's taken me
2 months
to realize the
leaves moving
behind me weren't
you running for me.
2 months to realize
the person behind me
isn't going to capture
me and keep me locked up.

You're back from the
mental asylum.
And just the thought
of your brown eyes
breaks down what ever
recovery I built up.

You are an atomic bomb.
And I'm not sure there's
ever going to be a day
where I don't tremble
at the thought of you.
  And if there is, then
  it is not today.
Michael. ugh. it's so long,.
ink Dec 2014
Its been a sad day
The skies are a murky grey
You had wished to be solitary
Into the forest you'd gone, involuntarily.

You walk along the forest trail
Looking about at the leafy veil
When suddenly, you turn to see
A deer overcome with glee

The deer dances and gallops around
It's winter coat flies as it bounds
Why it's so happy? You haven't a clue
But suddenly you don't feel so blue

You turn around and head back home
But the deer to you it seems to roam
You gaze into its brown doe eyes,
And through its eyes, you see the skies.

The stars, the moon, the trees, too!
They're all looking down at you.
They seem to beckon, they seem to call
For you to look up at them all.

You close your eyes, lay yourself to rest.
and wake up in your bed, feeling your best.
You sit up and find, it was all a dream.
But you seem to know just what it means.
Sometimes you just need to take life in deersteps.
Deersteps (n) : A metaphorical term used to display the act of being ignorant of negativities in a situation.
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