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ICN Aug 2015
After four drama filled months
After four months of you trying and trying
Four months of you trying for me, getting with her, breaking up with her,      going for me, getting back with her, trying to kiss me, getting with that other girl, and going for me again...

We finally ended up together

After four ****** months of me liking you and nobody knowing
After four months of me wanting you, but suppressing every feeling I had because it's what was best for both of us, seeing as emotions don't come easy to me
After four months we're finally together, and I feel like I don't even know you.

Was it all really worth it?
I can't tell yet
ICN Oct 2015
I guess,
That after you
I just didn't know
How to feel,
Or what to do.

I guess,
That I won't be able to fill
This empty slot
That's taken up my soul.

I wonder,
If my head and my heart
Will ever love the same,
After loving you.
I don't think so
ICN Aug 2017
not going to lie,
i'm a bit disappointed

i know you like to think you've got me all figured out
but that's so far from the truth
and i'd like to remind you
that all your assumptions are baseless and false

we were in this together
but it seems to me
that we've fallen apart.
//what happened?\\
ICN May 2016
This wasn't the plan.
We were Bonnie and Clyde
It was us against the world.
But back then I was blind,
To all of the complications and obstacles
Did I give you up too easily?
I just wanted what was best for you
You deserve someone better than me
That's why I had to leave
//I am so inexpressibly sorry\\
ICN Jul 2017
I started wearing contacts
and you didn't even notice.
You texted me an apology, saying
I'm your only one.
Telling me you love me
But face it, we're just angsty teens.

Tomorrow's a new day,
I'll be halfway across the country
Your lips another memory
And your eyes a faded photograph
Letting go, is harder than I thought.

All I want
Is another blueberry smoothie on your rooftop.
While the sky is changing colors
Purple and blue.
Like we used to do
I realize, I'm missing you.

My body's moved away,
but my brain hasn't moved on.
Whatever happened?

The summer breeze,
now a winter storm.
Oh purple and blue,
It's just blue without you.
//ugh i actually hate this sappy stuff but its all i can write\\
ICN Apr 2016
breathing your CO2 was better than air.

before You i was not living
You gave life to me
from the roof of my head
to the tips of my toes

unused to the sensation of genuine care

everything is vibrant and colorful when We are together
but when We're apart i'm drowning.

suffocating in the oxygen
//I don't want to lose you\\
ICN Jul 2017
i was never into all that crazy ****
or going back just to take a hit
let's give it up for the kids that are lonely
the ones that are scared
real friends so uncommon
so fake i'm convinced they're mass produced
currently trying to find my way out
partying on a weekday
i don't care if i get laid, or laid off
i'm finally breaking out of my shell
xanies with the girls in the bathroom
lines of that powder
and they say it's all right, harmless.
it's all harmless.
//i want to go home\\
ICN Apr 2016
its distorted your brain
and now we're both insane
you're drowning in your whiskey
and i'm drowning in the pain
call me when you're sober
baby text me when it's over
the high says that you love me
i'm in constant discomposure
//our love was never pure\\
ICN Oct 2015
I don't know how to explain this feeling
If you can even call it that
It's more like how to describe someone devoid of feeling
I lack the capacity to demonstrate emotion

But then does that mean that when I cry it is just for show?
Or is it that my body reacts externally but not internally?

I guess it's difficult to explain something you've never had.
//the thoughts in my head are impossible to convey\\
ICN May 2016
You had a beautiful soul
Our memories are so cherished
Your time I didn't want to
     waste it
I felt trapped in our relationship
I broke you and for that I'm
     so apologetic
Wasted my time, phantom feelings
     and alcohol don't mix
You're the one, that I wished
     I missed
Messing with your emotions
     was never my intention
I think I just craved for
     some attention
My affection I couldn't give
Fake and shallow it would
     have been
Lies, the Bible tells us,
     are a sin
I truly did want to
     want you
But my heart was too dark
     and twisted
We had our opportunity, and
     I missed it
//what's wrong with me?\\
ICN May 2016
Rippling pools, uneasy minds
These days, is all I've come to find
//I'm lost in my thoughts\\
ICN Apr 2016
I never cared

Until I did.
//you changed everything\\
ICN Aug 2015
Nearly empty I feel
When I lay here.
All my emotions start to fade away.
And when my vision gets blurry
And the tears stream down my face
That’s when I know.

Maybe if you’d stayed
I wouldn’t feel this way
Maybe if you called
Things wouldn’t have changed.

And as I lay here
The tears fall into the soil
And the ground soaks up
The last of my feelings

And when I leave,
I leave empty.
//thanks for leaving, i won't miss you\\
ICN Jun 2015

our love was like a fairytale
we crashed into each other, literally
but crashes leave huge devastation.

i should have known we weren't going to last,
but hope kept me going.

you were never available
and i was always there

you said you would always be there forever,
i guess forever is five months

because eventually i fell
and you weren't there to catch me.
// what happened to us? \\
ICN Aug 2015
Your brown eyes were always so colorful
Your lips so warm on my skin
Your arms so strong holding all my breaking pieces together

But the colors in your eyes paint a ****** image
The words coming out of your lips were knives that made me bleed
And those strong arms of yours no longer kept me together, but tore me apart.
you kept me together and tore me apart
ICN May 2015
fake smiles
hide the pain

our eyes
tell our stories

and I,
have gotten
so tired
of living like this

I've been alone
for too long
loneliness leads to silence
silence has a harsh voice
mother of monsters
destroyer of hope
ICN Jul 2017
Don't fall asleep
with your eyes half closed.
You're looking at me,
like an animal.
Oh don't you see?
It's a miracle.

That we're standing here
Face to face
You're my greatest fear
I'm looking you up and down
and left and right
But I'm not getting used to you
My breath hitches, I'm in trouble
I can't breathe, and I'm seeing double.
I close my eyes
Count to ten
And you're not there
I realize
I should've known
You wouldn't care.

I can't fall asleep
Knowing you're not there
I'm looking for you
In all the wrong places

I can't breathe
Life isn't fair

I'm realizing now,
There is no easy way out.
The truth hurts, but it empowers
My life, my struggle
Your life, your trouble.
//don't you dare, so easily forget me\\
ICN Aug 2015
broken hearts and broken mirrors
hanging on the wall
falling stars and rising angels
coming to demolish them all
all the dreams and promises
made to us
by all those loved
every time i see you
i can’t bear the weight
your eyes were my fatal medicine
they cured all the pain

now it’s all gone
now it’s all torn apart in pieces
now i stand alone
alone i am strong
alone i forget all the wrongs

acid to keep me company
hallucinations distract me from the pain

fatal medicine on the counter
my days are numbered
i can’t wake, not from this slumber
the walls cave in
and I can’t find myself
there’s no one to blame, i did this to myself
blood on the walls
windows stained with horror

my mistakes weigh me down
the price i have to pay is high
but i have nothing
so i’m gonna have to say
i never loved you
ICN May 2015
This one time,
you were home and so was mom
Mami and Papi,
we were all "happy".

You left for a while,
that's what I've been told
but you came back,
for me, for us, because we were a family

And then we left you
we went with our other family.
That's how I thought it went down.

But things are never the way I think they are,
because maybe if I were able to get things right everyone would have stayed

I'm your eldest daughter,
and I'm the least important.
One phone call every two or three months is hardly enough to keep a
father-daughter relationship don't you think?
But I got used to this.
I got used to not expecting much from you,
because if I were to expect anything I'd just end up hurt, like I was when I was five.
and six,
and eight,
and eleven.

I've never asked you for anything, ever
but I really needed this, I don't want to go back to the beginning.
No thought, effort, or emotion was put into this.
And I'm not sure what I'm more angry at,
the fact that I had hoped that you would send a note
or the fact that you didn't.

But you know what,
It's ok,
just run off with your trophy wife and replacement daughter.
I'm fine on my own.
ICN Oct 2015
Every day I see you from across the room,
and I'm not going to deny,
that whenever I catch your eye
My breath hitches in my throat
and breathing is suddenly a difficult task.
However, it's been a while since we've talked,
and that weird feeling in my stomach
has grown fainter and fainter,
to the point where it's almost gone.

I have always wondered
why people don't stay friends with their ex's.
But after you, I can understand why.
It was kind of hard to get over you because
everywhere I went, you were there
We have the same friends, we have a similar schedule
And now you and my friend are about to date.
What a twisted world I live in,
with such a twisted fate.
//i guess i like you less now\\
ICN Jul 2015
Unfulfilled promises
Words meant to ****
Pent up frustrations, and
Bad intentions, with no good will
Strike with no hesitation
And rise to the top
But the higher you climb,
The farther you have to fall
ICN Jul 2017
Is what I'll be tomorrow
A faded memory in the back of your mind
A distant echo in your dreams
Too far away
Never here to stay
We knew it from the start
Every second passed is a missed opportunity
The things we never did
An never dared to say
We missed our window
We missed our chance
The door was wide open
But I let you in
Gave you the world
Made you my world
And you let me go.
//you did\\
ICN Jun 2015
only you can understand the pain that i’ve been through.
cause you’ve been forwards and backwards as many times as I
And lying on our backs we arrive
at the gates
the gates of infinity
the recipes written down
and the past all is we’ve got
to hold on to

As I spiral into oblivion
All I can think about is you
As I drown in my eternal misery all I can remember
Is that there was a time
When I thought everything would be all right
There was a time
When the world didn’t seem like such a bad place
When I didn’t notice all the corruption
And when the eruptions commence
I shall remember your name

But as my grasp on the earth recedes please,
Please don’t forget me

As a pawn in your game
I can’t safely say
What I feel
However I renounce the position of pawn
And demand the position of queen
For no one but me understands
What’s been clearly bestowed in your hands

Hidden away in eternity
Lies the key to immortality
And as your memories begin to accumulate
Mine slowly starts to fade away

But don’t worry my dear
It’s all still very clear
Forget me not, darling
I’ll forget you, in the morning.
ICN Aug 2017
don't mind me
i'm just a ghost of past memories
in the back of your mind
the could have beens
would have beens
never were

thats who i am
thats all i am.
which means,
that's who you are
it's all you are too.
//but thats not who i want to be\\
ICN Jul 2017
I want to see your face
One last time
Before I, say goodbye
Once I leave,
I'm gone forever
And once I'm gone,
You'll see me never
Ever again.

So enjoy this while it lasts
This is hard, but it'll pass.
You're lonely.
But you're better alone,
Than in bad company.
//trust me on this\\
ICN Oct 2015
she fell
one moment she was fine,
enjoying life
and the next she wasn't

Innocently, she believed that past mistakes wouldn't be repeated
she forgave those who betrayed her without hesitation
and her eyes were lively and playful

She was naive
and that is why she fell
history repeated itself
and so did her past mistakes,
those who had wronged her before, wronged her again
and her eyes were no longer lively and playful
they were guarded and careful
//why opening up is so hard\\
ICN Jul 2017
What happened?
Oh wait I remember
A president was elected
But we didn't get him
Instead we a got a dictatorial regime.

Freedom of speech was the first right to go
Slowly but surely
Prisoners of war
Accumulated in the prisons.

College kids and Activists
Beaten, *****, shot, ridiculed.
They might as well have been tarred and feathered

How sick do you have to be to shoot at a girl
With her eyes closed
Crying for her country?

How sick do you have to be to paralyze a 15 year old boy
With the rest of us
For his future?

And don't get me started on the grandpa
Who was marching
with his grandchildren

Or the violinist
Dedicating a tune to his country

All trying
To escape from this country
Plagued by insecurity, inflation, and corruption.

The only thing we have left
Is a small scrap of hope.
i don't usually write about Venezuela, because it is a very touchy subject for me but i couldn't help it after yesterday
ICN Oct 2015
The first time you asked me if I trusted you, I said "yes"
The second time you asked, I said "it depends"
But when the third time came around I answered with a "no"
Because after all this time, how could I trust someone who lies, and omits, and only speaks with half-truths?
Someone who hides their feelings deep inside never to be revealed?
It's not that I don't want to trust you, but you don't trust me
And I can't risk another one of your betrayals, because it would **** me
it wouldn't matter anyways, i'm already dead on the inside
ICN Nov 2015
I found out that I couldn't find myself in this labyrinth of lies that I had made.
*I was lost inside my own maze.
//I haven't found myself yet\\
ICN Jul 2017
I'm trapped in a glass prison
The red tears falling down my cheeks
Tears of despair.
Tears of anger and frustration
But nobody sees inside the thin glass.
It's only me.
//i'm never alone but i always feel lonely\\
ICN Aug 2017
is one of the most scary truths we must face as humans
everything in our lives is passing
the hair on our heads
the stain of a sharpie
even the sun
is temporary.

will your love for me be temporary?
will it fade when the collagen in my skin weakens
when my eyes no longer sparkle as they used to
when there is nothing left but an ancient soul in a frail old woman
will it fade then?

in short, what i am asking is
will your love be unlike everything else, and stand the test of time?
//does this keep anyone else up at night?\\
ICN Apr 2016
everything I write is filled to the brim with mediocrity
//i admit it\\
ICN Sep 2015
It wasn't worth it,
everything we went through just to be together,
those Four Months of Hell.
Your previous lovers, your precious ogling fangirls, our difficult, busy schedules.
All those obstacles and yet we still tried.
For what?
For this?
This ****** excuse of a relationship?
I'm sorry for the brutal honesty,
but honestly? I'm glad we're through.
'Cause me and you might work on paper,
but reality's a different story.
what a shame
ICN Oct 2015
I've resorted to doing
anything to numb this ache in my chest
to trying anything to fill this hole inside of me
I've tried it all,
drugs, music, ***, art
nothing. works.
they say time heals all wounds, but does it really?
ICN Nov 2015
What was once green...
Turned red...
And is now dead...
//the leaves fell, I guess that's why they call it fall\\
ICN Jan 2016
the music filling my ears,
with melodies nobody wants to hear
crescendos intensifying the sound and emotion
the lows, the highs, setting the tone
a story is told
beginning, middle, and end
different interpretations, but everyone has the same understanding
deep in their gut they know,
it was tragic-
the last note got cut-off, a cliff hanger
an incomplete symphony,
unfinished poetry
we'll never find the truth.
//the magic is tragic\\
{idk it sounded cool in my head}
ICN Jan 2016
long black curls cascade down my back
******* eyes with no humanity

mature for my age you called me
said, it's like i understand much more than i should

but if you were me and i were you
you'd understand all this stuff too
//it was subtle at first, but now you're bathing in it\\
ICN Sep 2017
not my childhood
not my adolescence
kind of like a limbo
but still a crucial part
of who i am

i always knew that i would leave you
i didn’t know it’d be this hard
the only thing thats getting me through
is the thought of someday seeing you
once again
oh once again

where did you go
i can’t find you
i’m right back home
but it isn’t home anymore

people change
and so do places
but i’m still rooted in the past
the world is moving fast
yet i stand still

you always knew that i would leave you
you didn’t think it’d be this hard
i don’t know if you miss me
i don’t know if you care
about me, anymore

i’d like to stay at the door
if you don’t mind
it helps me cope
reminds me of cold winter nights like before
i left you
like before
i left you
missing home a little extra today
ICN Dec 2017
I left
Drove 1,000 miles
Spent the night in the U-Haul
But I wish it were you I was hauling with me.
All the way down south
I'm regretting this right about now
But i think its better for us
To be apart and figure things out.

You were my missing puzzle piece
I was scared we were so easily falling together
Falling forever
I hope I'm not forever in this limbo,
forever unsure.
I want to be with you tonight
I want to be in your arms,
Want you to tell me I'm pretty,
Tell you miss me,
Tell me you love me, I'm lovely

A thousand miles apart,
and i'm singing this song.
Singing my heart out for you
It's unhealthy to say the least,
How can i hope,
to get over it like this
I have to change
I have to move on.
I cant stick around for much longer,
I wont stick around for much longer.
I'm dying on the inside

You were my missing puzzle piece
I was scared we were so easily, falling together
Falling forever.
Now that I left, I'm missing you
and it just hurts we're still falling together,
we're still falling forever.
Forever in this limbo, forever unsure
Undefined and impossible now,

What a great idea it was
to be apart to figure **** out.
this just doesnt feel like home
ICN Jul 2015
my reality has
now there is
i have
ICN May 2016
I feel stupid.
Only I could be this naive
You're not to blame, I was so deluded
And now I'm left to grieve
Over all the could've beens that never were
What should have happened and never did.
ICN Jul 2017
We’ll end up old broke and alone.
No honey to call our own,
nobody to guide us home.
When we forget all the memories,
when we forget all the could have be beens and have done’s
nothing to tie us down to this world anymore.
Nothing oh nothing
It’ll all be gone, there's no forever.
Theres only now and i can’t stand it
I want to leave
I want to be free
But looking back I see,
I was just running from the possibility of you and me, of us.
You’ll always be my happily ever after,
My mindless chatter endearing and sweet.
I was just too icy
and cold to see it then.
I see it now
//forgive me?\\
ICN Jul 2015
"To exist in this world one must know pain.
Because to exist is to suffer."
ICN Jul 2017
Talking to you also
makes me feel so small
Yet you're the only one I want to talk to
because you are the only one
that can keep me up at 3 AM
you're the only one
that gives my brain electric shocks
And just your voice
makes my heart palpitate.
That's why I get so frustrated
And why I fall apart when you're cold
Your icy words cut deeper than you know
That's why I'm crying in the bathroom
Pathetic and alone
With a bottle of GreyGoose and a cigarette
My reflection distorted and I can't tell
Is the powder on my nose Coke or Salt?
I'll admit that I'm lonely,
But I hate admitting it's because of you
//why do I do this to myself?\\
ICN Oct 2015
I tried my best,
to let you go
I tried my best
and yet you, wouldn't let me rest
I thought I'd gotten over you
but no
Right when I left, you chased me down

It's an endless cycle
Every year, it's the same thing
Over and over again
We circle and circle the drain
I think we might be insane
Things are never gonna change
We live in a dynamic same
The mistakes, repeated over and over again
Every time the fire burns a little dimmer
And our love simmers
Less passion, less pain

But I'm getting bored of the same
Little games, we both just love to play
Pulling and pushing each other away
I wish things didn't have to be this way

But I won't stay,
**Playing this pointless game
I guess we just weren't meant to be
ICN Jun 2015
when you’ve been forward and backwards
left and right
and you still don’t know which way way to go
that’s when you can say, it’s all gonna be okay
that’s when you can tell me that everything will be all right
but until then
don’t say that you know what I’ve been through
don’t say that you know who i am

cause when the day is over and done
we’re all on our own
and we’re all alone
in our own world
this platform, we can’t escape
in our heads lies the secret
in our brains the truth,
stays and lives

the only thing that’s left, is the memories in our heads
and i’ll play them over and over again
ICN Jul 2017
I just need a little space
to get clarity
I just need a little room to breathe
Cause haven't you noticed
I get a little
And the room caves in on me
Please, oh please
Don't be offended
That I need a little break
It's not you, it's me
I swear
//i take comfort in my solitude\\
ICN Aug 2015
i had plunged into an inescapable pit of darkness
there was no light penetrating the opaque veil of absolute black
there was no escaping the immense feeling of desperation that came along with the pulling vacuum
the darkness penetrated through all,
and it was the beginning of the unfadable misery we had tried so hard to evade
by doing so we had only prolonged our own suffering, which in effect caused the tragedy of human decline

everything humane,
feelings, emotions, living instead of just surviving
all ****** in by this vacuum
and all that was left were creatures that looked like humans,
but their heads were shallow

they were so consumed by greed that all else was secondary
betrayal and lies were all that was left
the only things keeping “order”

but when the truth came out
so did chaos
ICN Sep 2017
we walked through the city at 2 am
it was calmer then
but still not calm
what else could one expect from the city that never sleeps?

we tripped in the park at 3 am
i was dizzy
you were clumsy
we fell into each other like two forced puzzle pieces

you walked me home at 4 am
i invited you inside
you took me up on the offer
neither of us remembers what happened after that

how come you and i can only be together in the solitude of our shared intoxication?
was i really a treasure or were you just ashamed of being with me?
ICN Apr 2016
The devil takes the crown
The walls to heaven tumble
Civilization begins to crumble,
and there's no longer a difference from wrong and right
What once was left is now right
slipping away, falling into depression
and I can't find a way to save myself
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