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Dec 2017 · 133
Miles Away
ICN Dec 2017
I left
Drove 1,000 miles
Spent the night in the U-Haul
But I wish it were you I was hauling with me.
All the way down south
I'm regretting this right about now
But i think its better for us
To be apart and figure things out.

You were my missing puzzle piece
I was scared we were so easily falling together
Falling forever
I hope I'm not forever in this limbo,
forever unsure.
I want to be with you tonight
I want to be in your arms,
Want you to tell me I'm pretty,
Tell you miss me,
Tell me you love me, I'm lovely

A thousand miles apart,
and i'm singing this song.
Singing my heart out for you
It's unhealthy to say the least,
How can i hope,
to get over it like this
I have to change
I have to move on.
I cant stick around for much longer,
I wont stick around for much longer.
I'm dying on the inside

You were my missing puzzle piece
I was scared we were so easily, falling together
Falling forever.
Now that I left, I'm missing you
and it just hurts we're still falling together,
we're still falling forever.
Forever in this limbo, forever unsure
Undefined and impossible now,

What a great idea it was
to be apart to figure **** out.
this just doesnt feel like home
Nov 2017 · 364
the TL
ICN Nov 2017
Negatives and Positives
they cancel each other out
We're at zero now
Tied on the scoreboard

Sleep deprived
and hollow on the inside
Bags under my eyes,
I was searching for something

Remember that summer night on the roof?
Smoking *** and singing RnB
That's the only place I wanted to be
cool thanks to that summer breeze

But that summer breeze turned into a winter storm
and it tore me away from our special place
on the timeline
i want to go back
Nov 2017 · 208
Soda
ICN Nov 2017
I can feel us fizzling out
What was sweet yesterday
Now burns in my mouth
it's been a while hellopoetry
Sep 2017 · 227
mburn
ICN Sep 2017
not my childhood
not my adolescence
kind of like a limbo
but still a crucial part
of who i am

i always knew that i would leave you
i didn’t know it’d be this hard
the only thing thats getting me through
is the thought of someday seeing you
once again
oh once again

where did you go
i can’t find you
i’m right back home
but it isn’t home anymore

people change
and so do places
but i’m still rooted in the past
the world is moving fast
yet i stand still

you always knew that i would leave you
you didn’t think it’d be this hard
i don’t know if you miss me
i don’t know if you care
about me, anymore

i’d like to stay at the door
if you don’t mind
it helps me cope
reminds me of cold winter nights like before
i left you
like before
i left you
missing home a little extra today
Sep 2017 · 152
private treasures
ICN Sep 2017
we walked through the city at 2 am
it was calmer then
but still not calm
what else could one expect from the city that never sleeps?

we tripped in the park at 3 am
i was dizzy
you were clumsy
we fell into each other like two forced puzzle pieces

you walked me home at 4 am
i invited you inside
you took me up on the offer
neither of us remembers what happened after that

how come you and i can only be together in the solitude of our shared intoxication?
was i really a treasure or were you just ashamed of being with me?
Aug 2017 · 119
who i really am
ICN Aug 2017
I tell others that I am "multifaceted"
Which I mean as "two faced"

I lie to myself daily
unsuccessfully.

the epitome of a hypocrite
Aug 2017 · 117
is it really unconditional?
ICN Aug 2017
temporariness
is one of the most scary truths we must face as humans
everything in our lives is passing
the hair on our heads
the stain of a sharpie
even the sun
is temporary.

will your love for me be temporary?
will it fade when the collagen in my skin weakens
when my eyes no longer sparkle as they used to
when there is nothing left but an ancient soul in a frail old woman
will it fade then?

in short, what i am asking is
will your love be unlike everything else, and stand the test of time?
//does this keep anyone else up at night?\\
Aug 2017 · 156
the death of us
ICN Aug 2017
i wanted to be special
i wanted to be art

you wanted to be great
you wanted to be known

she wanted to be wild
she wanted to be changed

he wanted to be grand
he wanted to be inspiring

we were all wanting something
and in the end, that is what clipped our wings
ultimately, we were no longer wanting anything
except an end
//i honestly have nothing to say i'm tired but i like this aesthetic\\
Aug 2017 · 139
rirt doad
ICN Aug 2017
39th and a dirt road
     isn't it funny
          how you pretended not to know
               that my petals were falling

39th and a dirt road
     i was walking with bare feet
          my toes brown like the ground
               ***** and grass stained, tainted

39th and a dirt road
     i just can't get over
          this transition is killing me
               maybe it's better this way
                    please promise me
                         you'll stay away

39th and a dirt road
     acceptance is difficult
          the country is calm
               i need to learn to let go
                    if i ever want a shot
                         at a new life
                              so

39th and a dirt road
     is where you'll find me.
//i find a lot of things funny nowadays\\
Aug 2017 · 162
the air and the eye
ICN Aug 2017
your embrace is no longer warm
it's not a field of sunflowers
or a safe place
anymore

now it is a cold winter storm
your arms are the gusts of a hurricane
while i stand in its eye;
we feign our affection
and the air can feel it.
//i miss the old you\\
Aug 2017 · 396
summer
ICN Aug 2017
i used to love summer
when it meant long hours of freedom
infinite days of fun
making waves in the pool,
under the sun.

now i dread the heat-filled days
they are a reminder of impending doom
and of past lives that i have lead
how i miss them.

but here i am today
sitting on my bed, typing out what barely qualifies as a poem
just a few hours before i lay in bed, swiping upwards on my phone
listening to background music
crying myself to sleep
all due to nostalgia
all because of the opportunities i had and never took
all caused by the fear i had to live my life.

so no, when you ask me what my favorite time of year is
i will not tell you "summer, of course!"
//summertime sadness is a song i truly relate to\\
Aug 2017 · 153
ass.u.me
ICN Aug 2017
not going to lie,
i'm a bit disappointed

i know you like to think you've got me all figured out
but that's so far from the truth
and i'd like to remind you
that all your assumptions are baseless and false

we were in this together
but it seems to me
that we've fallen apart.
//what happened?\\
Aug 2017 · 108
she is the thrill
ICN Aug 2017
she walks in with the world on her shoulders
commanding attention
never seeking it
some stare
others glare

her smile lights up the room
even though it isn't genuine
her eyes are kind and thoughtful
but her actions are spontaneous and
her words are silk

she is addicting
one whiff of her and you'll want more

you are starving
and she's the tasting menu

she's who I want to be
//she's someone I don't think I ever could be\\
Aug 2017 · 487
supplementary help
ICN Aug 2017
i feel so alive
so caught up in the moment
i forget how to try
it's all just genuine
it's all amazing
for now

before i go back home
before i leave
before i realize i have nowhere
i can truly call my own
i'm so caught up in the drugs i forget
i'm just alone in the world
it's all about now
its all about escaping all the things that i've been through

i forget how to live
without the vicodin
mixed with ***** and ***
i forget how to live without supplementary help
//i think i need actual help\\
Aug 2017 · 197
ghost in my head
ICN Aug 2017
don't mind me
i'm just a ghost of past memories
in the back of your mind
the could have beens
would have beens
never were

thats who i am
thats all i am.
which means,
that's who you are
it's all you are too.
//but thats not who i want to be\\
Jul 2017 · 1.3k
homage to the homeland
ICN Jul 2017
What happened?
Oh wait I remember
A president was elected
But we didn't get him
Instead we a got a dictatorial regime.

Freedom of speech was the first right to go
Slowly but surely
Prisoners of war
Accumulated in the prisons.

College kids and Activists
Beaten, *****, shot, ridiculed.
They might as well have been tarred and feathered

How sick do you have to be to shoot at a girl
Sitting
With her eyes closed
Crying for her country?

How sick do you have to be to paralyze a 15 year old boy
Walking
With the rest of us
For his future?

And don't get me started on the grandpa
Who was marching
with his grandchildren

Or the violinist
Dedicating a tune to his country

All trying
To escape from this country
Plagued by insecurity, inflation, and corruption.

The only thing we have left
Is a small scrap of hope.
i don't usually write about Venezuela, because it is a very touchy subject for me but i couldn't help it after yesterday
Jul 2017 · 232
what hides behind
ICN Jul 2017
There's a lot of meaning
behind this ****** cue

Hidden behind it
could be any number of feelings
and infinite combinations of them
excitement
love
pleasure
happiness
devastation
hate
sufferin­g
depression.

Yet we plaster it on daily
often consider it a mask

We bare our teeth
and hide behind
upturned corners.
//smile\\
Jul 2017 · 194
Time Track
ICN Jul 2017
The skeletons in my closet,
keep me company.
Running from my problems,
I cannot see.
It's all going too fast.
It's all just passing me by
I'm pushing and pushing and pushing the rock up the hill
But it's pointless
It just falls back down,
every time.
The world's a blur
My feet are tired.
We're at a standstill
Lost track of time.
My life's just passing me by.
//i swear i'm not as emo RAWR XD as my poems make me seem\\
Jul 2017 · 284
Inside My Glass Prison
ICN Jul 2017
I'm trapped in a glass prison
Isolated.
The red tears falling down my cheeks
Tears of despair.
Tears of anger and frustration
But nobody sees inside the thin glass.
It's only me.
//i'm never alone but i always feel lonely\\
Jul 2017 · 230
Fall Asleep
ICN Jul 2017
Don't fall asleep
with your eyes half closed.
You're looking at me,
like an animal.
Oh don't you see?
It's a miracle.

That we're standing here
Face to face
You're my greatest fear
I'm looking you up and down
and left and right
But I'm not getting used to you
My breath hitches, I'm in trouble
I can't breathe, and I'm seeing double.
I close my eyes
Count to ten
And you're not there
I realize
I should've known
You wouldn't care.

I can't fall asleep
Knowing you're not there
I'm looking for you
In all the wrong places

I can't breathe
Life isn't fair

I'm realizing now,
There is no easy way out.
The truth hurts, but it empowers
My life, my struggle
Your life, your trouble.
//don't you dare, so easily forget me\\
Jul 2017 · 468
candid
ICN Jul 2017
i was never into all that crazy ****
or going back just to take a hit
let's give it up for the kids that are lonely
the ones that are scared
real friends so uncommon
so fake i'm convinced they're mass produced
currently trying to find my way out
partying on a weekday
i don't care if i get laid, or laid off
i'm finally breaking out of my shell
xanies with the girls in the bathroom
lines of that powder
and they say it's all right, harmless.
it's all harmless.
//i want to go home\\
Jul 2017 · 264
Blue Period
ICN Jul 2017
I started wearing contacts
and you didn't even notice.
You texted me an apology, saying
I'm your only one.
Telling me you love me
But face it, we're just angsty teens.

Tomorrow's a new day,
I'll be halfway across the country
Your lips another memory
And your eyes a faded photograph
Letting go, is harder than I thought.

All I want
Is another blueberry smoothie on your rooftop.
While the sky is changing colors
Purple and blue.
Like we used to do
I realize, I'm missing you.

My body's moved away,
but my brain hasn't moved on.
Whatever happened?

The summer breeze,
now a winter storm.
Oh purple and blue,
It's just blue without you.
//ugh i actually hate this sappy stuff but its all i can write\\
Jul 2017 · 228
Old, Broke, and Alone
ICN Jul 2017
We’ll end up old broke and alone.
No honey to call our own,
nobody to guide us home.
When we forget all the memories,
when we forget all the could have be beens and have done’s
nothing to tie us down to this world anymore.
Nothing oh nothing
It’ll all be gone, there's no forever.
Theres only now and i can’t stand it
I want to leave
I want to be free
But looking back I see,
I was just running from the possibility of you and me, of us.
You’ll always be my happily ever after,
My mindless chatter endearing and sweet.
I was just too icy
and cold to see it then.
I see it now
//forgive me?\\
Jul 2017 · 199
Pathetic
ICN Jul 2017
Talking to you also
makes me feel so small
Yet you're the only one I want to talk to
because you are the only one
that can keep me up at 3 AM
you're the only one
that gives my brain electric shocks
And just your voice
makes my heart palpitate.
That's why I get so frustrated
And why I fall apart when you're cold
Your icy words cut deeper than you know
That's why I'm crying in the bathroom
Pathetic and alone
With a bottle of GreyGoose and a cigarette
My reflection distorted and I can't tell
Is the powder on my nose Coke or Salt?
I'll admit that I'm lonely,
But I hate admitting it's because of you
//why do I do this to myself?\\
Jul 2017 · 251
Goodbye
ICN Jul 2017
I want to see your face
One last time
Before I, say goodbye
Once I leave,
I'm gone forever
And once I'm gone,
You'll see me never
Ever again.

So enjoy this while it lasts
This is hard, but it'll pass.
You're lonely.
But you're better alone,
Than in bad company.
//trust me on this\\
Jul 2017 · 275
Forget Me
ICN Jul 2017
Forgotten?
Is what I'll be tomorrow
A faded memory in the back of your mind
A distant echo in your dreams
Too far away
Never here to stay
We knew it from the start
Every second passed is a missed opportunity
The things we never did
An never dared to say
We missed our window
We missed our chance
The door was wide open
But I let you in
Gave you the world
Made you my world
And you let me go.
//you did\\
Jul 2017 · 278
Please Understand
ICN Jul 2017
Sometimes
I just need a little space
to get clarity
Sometimes
I just need a little room to breathe
Cause haven't you noticed
I get a little
Claustrophobic
And the room caves in on me
Please, oh please
Don't be offended
That I need a little break
It's not you, it's me
I swear
//i take comfort in my solitude\\
May 2016 · 319
Best for You
ICN May 2016
This wasn't the plan.
We were Bonnie and Clyde
It was us against the world.
But back then I was blind,
To all of the complications and obstacles
Did I give you up too easily?
I just wanted what was best for you
You deserve someone better than me
That's why I had to leave
//I am so inexpressibly sorry\\
May 2016 · 510
Not the Plan
ICN May 2016
I feel stupid.
Only I could be this naive
You're not to blame, I was so deluded
And now I'm left to grieve
Over all the could've beens that never were
What should have happened and never did.
//issues\\
May 2016 · 510
Doubt
ICN May 2016
Rippling pools, uneasy minds
These days, is all I've come to find
//I'm lost in my thoughts\\
May 2016 · 534
Disservice to Both of Us
ICN May 2016
You had a beautiful soul
Our memories are so cherished
Your time I didn't want to
     waste it
I felt trapped in our relationship
I broke you and for that I'm
     so apologetic
Wasted my time, phantom feelings
     and alcohol don't mix
You're the one, that I wished
     I missed
Messing with your emotions
     was never my intention
I think I just craved for
     some attention
My affection I couldn't give
     you
Fake and shallow it would
     have been
Lies, the Bible tells us,
     are a sin
I truly did want to
     want you
But my heart was too dark
     and twisted
We had our opportunity, and
     I missed it
//what's wrong with me?\\
Apr 2016 · 160
it's the truth
ICN Apr 2016
everything I write is filled to the brim with mediocrity
//i admit it\\
Apr 2016 · 517
Breathing your CO2
ICN Apr 2016
breathing your CO2 was better than air.

before You i was not living
You gave life to me
from the roof of my head
to the tips of my toes

unused to the sensation of genuine care

everything is vibrant and colorful when We are together
but when We're apart i'm drowning.

suffocating in the oxygen
//I don't want to lose you\\
Apr 2016 · 133
Effect
ICN Apr 2016
I never cared

Until I did.
//you changed everything\\
Apr 2016 · 424
the same
ICN Apr 2016
Round and round I go,
Same story, different people
//every time I circle the drain\\
Apr 2016 · 1.0k
societal CONStruct
ICN Apr 2016
shamed for showing too much
shamed for not showing enough
over ****** warrants being called a ****
not ****** enough and I’m called a *****
so what am I supposed to do?
never leave the comfort of my judgement free home?
oh wait, that’s not true
mainstream media bashing the idea of individuality
sure they say they support it
but if they really did
would we, constantly, see the same features, plastered on magazines?
trends change quickly
and my body sure as heck can’t keep up
that’s okay though,
I was never one to conform to the societal standard
the thick thighs, “fat ***”, skinny waist, and *******
that I’m supposed to have,
but am supposed to cover up?
I’m sorry but if I had been “blessed” with those physical attributes
I would not be so eager to cover them up
and is “blessed” even the right word to describe
what so many women have come to despise?
large chests that cause back pains,
the unwanted attention and ****** comments?
maybe they aren’t so blessed,
but are rather cursed
that in a society like ours
we are taught to hate ourselves no matter what
instead of embracing the unique beauty that we are gifted
rather than celebrate the intricate details of our souls
and the crazy two A.M. thoughts that run through our minds
the stunning stream of consciousness that separates us from the rest
but unfortunately,
we have assimilated into one
bland society,
where variety is shunned
and everyone is the same
//two AM outrage\\
Apr 2016 · 482
cause and effect
ICN Apr 2016
its distorted your brain
and now we're both insane
you're drowning in your whiskey
and i'm drowning in the pain
call me when you're sober
baby text me when it's over
the high says that you love me
i'm in constant discomposure
//our love was never pure\\
Apr 2016 · 519
Queen of Love
ICN Apr 2016
If she's loved, and given love
She's also been heartbroken
Apr 2016 · 188
Purgatory
ICN Apr 2016
The devil takes the crown
The walls to heaven tumble
Civilization begins to crumble,
and there's no longer a difference from wrong and right
What once was left is now right
slipping away, falling into depression
and I can't find a way to save myself
Mar 2016 · 498
Thanks
ICN Mar 2016
I found a new muse,
he turned all the blues
into rose-colored hues
//you know who you are\\
Jan 2016 · 445
Lows
ICN Jan 2016
the music filling my ears,
with melodies nobody wants to hear
crescendos intensifying the sound and emotion
the lows, the highs, setting the tone
a story is told
beginning, middle, and end
different interpretations, but everyone has the same understanding
deep in their gut they know,
it was tragic-
the last note got cut-off, a cliff hanger
an incomplete symphony,
unfinished poetry
we'll never find the truth.
//the magic is tragic\\
{idk it sounded cool in my head}
Jan 2016 · 2.4k
mature?
ICN Jan 2016
long black curls cascade down my back
******* eyes with no humanity

mature for my age you called me
said, it's like i understand much more than i should

but if you were me and i were you
you'd understand all this stuff too
//it was subtle at first, but now you're bathing in it\\
Nov 2015 · 373
Life Cycle
ICN Nov 2015
What was once green...
Turned red...
And is now dead...
//the leaves fell, I guess that's why they call it fall\\
Nov 2015 · 2.9k
Inescapable Labyrinths
ICN Nov 2015
I found out that I couldn't find myself in this labyrinth of lies that I had made.
*I was lost inside my own maze.
//I haven't found myself yet\\
Oct 2015 · 414
Feelings and Fate
ICN Oct 2015
Every day I see you from across the room,
and I'm not going to deny,
that whenever I catch your eye
My breath hitches in my throat
and breathing is suddenly a difficult task.
However, it's been a while since we've talked,
and that weird feeling in my stomach
has grown fainter and fainter,
to the point where it's almost gone.

I have always wondered
why people don't stay friends with their ex's.
But after you, I can understand why.
It was kind of hard to get over you because
everywhere I went, you were there
We have the same friends, we have a similar schedule
And now you and my friend are about to date.
What a twisted world I live in,
with such a twisted fate.
//i guess i like you less now\\
Oct 2015 · 462
Where Were You?
ICN Oct 2015
Enough time has gone by,
And I have realized that
It wasn't all you fault,
I should have put in more effort.
But when the world was crashing in on me,
where were you?
You were nowhere to be seen.
//it's really both our faults, you're not the only one to blame \\
ICN Oct 2015
I made myself small for you
My outspoken ways behind me
My "latin spice" put in the cupboard
Because, I stupidly thought that
That was what you wanted.

Only to be texted a couple months later with,
"I just don't feel a connection anymore"

I have spent three months
trying to get used to the latin spices in my food
Trying to remember what it was to be me.
The original me, not the modified Americanized version

Trying to remember my outspoken ways
My eagerness for learning that left me once I met you
And trying to forget the thrill of mischief that you,
and only you,
could have shown me.
//the original me was better than the sequel\\
Oct 2015 · 1.4k
unrepairable
ICN Oct 2015
all these broken things surround me
our broken relationship
these ripped papers
the pencils that i snapped in half
that **** drawing i drew

the pictures on the wall mock me,
your eyes penetrate my soul
they capture a much simpler moment, in a much simpler time of our lives.
//how come i'm there for everyone, but when i most need people i'm alone?\\
Oct 2015 · 891
Devoid of Emotion
ICN Oct 2015
I don't know how to explain this feeling
If you can even call it that
It's more like how to describe someone devoid of feeling
I lack the capacity to demonstrate emotion

But then does that mean that when I cry it is just for show?
Or is it that my body reacts externally but not internally?

I guess it's difficult to explain something you've never had.
//the thoughts in my head are impossible to convey\\
Oct 2015 · 1.4k
The Starved and the Overfed
ICN Oct 2015
Some days
It's as if I can't process emotion.
My heart is dying of starvation

Other days**
It's as if I can't stop feeling everything.
It's as if I'm full but can't stop eating.

And I have no idea what I'll do if this carries on
//probably just ride it out\\
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