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5.2k · Sep 2015
It Wasn't Worth It
ICN Sep 2015
It wasn't worth it,
everything we went through just to be together,
those Four Months of Hell.
Your previous lovers, your precious ogling fangirls, our difficult, busy schedules.
All those obstacles and yet we still tried.
For what?
For this?
This ****** excuse of a relationship?
I'm sorry for the brutal honesty,
but honestly? I'm glad we're through.
'Cause me and you might work on paper,
but reality's a different story.
what a shame
4.1k · Jul 2015
Painfully existing
ICN Jul 2015
"To exist in this world one must know pain.
Because to exist is to suffer."
~Me
3.5k · Jun 2015
Gates of Infinity
ICN Jun 2015
only you can understand the pain that i’ve been through.
cause you’ve been forwards and backwards as many times as I
And lying on our backs we arrive
at the gates
the gates of infinity
the recipes written down
and the past all is we’ve got
to hold on to

As I spiral into oblivion
All I can think about is you
As I drown in my eternal misery all I can remember
Is that there was a time
When I thought everything would be all right
There was a time
When the world didn’t seem like such a bad place
When I didn’t notice all the corruption
And when the eruptions commence
I shall remember your name

But as my grasp on the earth recedes please,
Please don’t forget me

As a pawn in your game
I can’t safely say
What I feel
However I renounce the position of pawn
And demand the position of queen
For no one but me understands
What’s been clearly bestowed in your hands

Hidden away in eternity
Lies the key to immortality
And as your memories begin to accumulate
Mine slowly starts to fade away

But don’t worry my dear
It’s all still very clear
Forget me not, darling
I’ll forget you, in the morning.
3.3k · Aug 2015
Eyes, lips, arms
ICN Aug 2015
Your brown eyes were always so colorful
Your lips so warm on my skin
Your arms so strong holding all my breaking pieces together

But the colors in your eyes paint a ****** image
The words coming out of your lips were knives that made me bleed
And those strong arms of yours no longer kept me together, but tore me apart.
you kept me together and tore me apart
3.0k · Nov 2015
Inescapable Labyrinths
ICN Nov 2015
I found out that I couldn't find myself in this labyrinth of lies that I had made.
*I was lost inside my own maze.
//I haven't found myself yet\\
2.5k · Jan 2016
mature?
ICN Jan 2016
long black curls cascade down my back
******* eyes with no humanity

mature for my age you called me
said, it's like i understand much more than i should

but if you were me and i were you
you'd understand all this stuff too
//it was subtle at first, but now you're bathing in it\\
1.8k · Jul 2017
homage to the homeland
ICN Jul 2017
What happened?
Oh wait I remember
A president was elected
But we didn't get him
Instead we a got a dictatorial regime.

Freedom of speech was the first right to go
Slowly but surely
Prisoners of war
Accumulated in the prisons.

College kids and Activists
Beaten, *****, shot, ridiculed.
They might as well have been tarred and feathered

How sick do you have to be to shoot at a girl
Sitting
With her eyes closed
Crying for her country?

How sick do you have to be to paralyze a 15 year old boy
Walking
With the rest of us
For his future?

And don't get me started on the grandpa
Who was marching
with his grandchildren

Or the violinist
Dedicating a tune to his country

All trying
To escape from this country
Plagued by insecurity, inflation, and corruption.

The only thing we have left
Is a small scrap of hope.
i don't usually write about Venezuela, because it is a very touchy subject for me but i couldn't help it after yesterday
1.6k · Jul 2015
Fighting
ICN Jul 2015
Unfulfilled promises
Words meant to ****
Pent up frustrations, and
Bad intentions, with no good will
Strike with no hesitation
And rise to the top
But the higher you climb,
The farther you have to fall
1.5k · Oct 2015
You Walked Away
ICN Oct 2015
I knew I couldn't trust you from the start

I knew that you would capture me and never let my poor little heart escape your grip

I should have known better than to let you in

I should have realized you would just walk away.
just like everyone else
1.4k · Oct 2015
unrepairable
ICN Oct 2015
all these broken things surround me
our broken relationship
these ripped papers
the pencils that i snapped in half
that ugly drawing i drew

the pictures on the wall mock me,
your eyes penetrate my soul
they capture a much simpler moment, in a much simpler time of our lives.
//how come i'm there for everyone, but when i most need people i'm alone?\\
1.4k · Oct 2015
The Starved and the Overfed
ICN Oct 2015
Some days
It's as if I can't process emotion.
My heart is dying of starvation

Other days**
It's as if I can't stop feeling everything.
It's as if I'm full but can't stop eating.

And I have no idea what I'll do if this carries on
//probably just ride it out\\
ICN Jun 2015
When will the tide come in?
     When will it wash away the footprints you left in the sand?
When will the rain pour?
     When will it shower and clean the tracks you left in the street?
When will the wind pick up?
     *When will the breeze sweep away your scent from the house?
1.2k · Apr 2016
societal CONStruct
ICN Apr 2016
shamed for showing too much
shamed for not showing enough
over ****** warrants being called a ****
not ****** enough and I’m called a *****
so what am I supposed to do?
never leave the comfort of my judgement free home?
oh wait, that’s not true
mainstream media bashing the idea of individuality
sure they say they support it
but if they really did
would we, constantly, see the same features, plastered on magazines?
trends change quickly
and my body sure as heck can’t keep up
that’s okay though,
I was never one to conform to the societal standard
the thick thighs, “fat ***”, skinny waist, and *******
that I’m supposed to have,
but am supposed to cover up?
I’m sorry but if I had been “blessed” with those physical attributes
I would not be so eager to cover them up
and is “blessed” even the right word to describe
what so many women have come to despise?
large chests that cause back pains,
the unwanted attention and ****** comments?
maybe they aren’t so blessed,
but are rather cursed
that in a society like ours
we are taught to hate ourselves no matter what
instead of embracing the unique beauty that we are gifted
rather than celebrate the intricate details of our souls
and the crazy two A.M. thoughts that run through our minds
the stunning stream of consciousness that separates us from the rest
but unfortunately,
we have assimilated into one
bland society,
where variety is shunned
and everyone is the same
//two AM outrage\\
1.0k · Oct 2015
I Can't Trust You
ICN Oct 2015
The first time you asked me if I trusted you, I said "yes"
The second time you asked, I said "it depends"
But when the third time came around I answered with a "no"
Because after all this time, how could I trust someone who lies, and omits, and only speaks with half-truths?
Someone who hides their feelings deep inside never to be revealed?
It's not that I don't want to trust you, but you don't trust me
And I can't risk another one of your betrayals, because it would **** me
it wouldn't matter anyways, i'm already dead on the inside
934 · Oct 2015
Devoid of Emotion
ICN Oct 2015
I don't know how to explain this feeling
If you can even call it that
It's more like how to describe someone devoid of feeling
I lack the capacity to demonstrate emotion

But then does that mean that when I cry it is just for show?
Or is it that my body reacts externally but not internally?

I guess it's difficult to explain something you've never had.
//the thoughts in my head are impossible to convey\\
889 · Oct 2015
History Repeats Itself
ICN Oct 2015
Unexpectedly,
she fell
one moment she was fine,
enjoying life
and the next she wasn't

Innocently, she believed that past mistakes wouldn't be repeated
she forgave those who betrayed her without hesitation
and her eyes were lively and playful

She was naive
and that is why she fell
history repeated itself
and so did her past mistakes,
those who had wronged her before, wronged her again
and her eyes were no longer lively and playful
they were guarded and careful
//why opening up is so hard\\
834 · Aug 2015
fatal mistakes
ICN Aug 2015
broken hearts and broken mirrors
hanging on the wall
falling stars and rising angels
coming to demolish them all
all the dreams and promises
made to us
by all those loved
every time i see you
i can’t bear the weight
your eyes were my fatal medicine
they cured all the pain

now it’s all gone
now it’s all torn apart in pieces
now i stand alone
alone i am strong
alone i forget all the wrongs

acid to keep me company
hallucinations distract me from the pain

fatal medicine on the counter
my days are numbered
i can’t wake, not from this slumber
the walls cave in
and I can’t find myself
there’s no one to blame, i did this to myself
blood on the walls
windows stained with horror

my mistakes weigh me down
the price i have to pay is high
but i have nothing
so i’m gonna have to say
goodbye
i never loved you
ICN Oct 2015
I made myself small for you
My outspoken ways behind me
My "latin spice" put in the cupboard
Because, I stupidly thought that
That was what you wanted.

Only to be texted a couple months later with,
"I just don't feel a connection anymore"

I have spent three months
trying to get used to the latin spices in my food
Trying to remember what it was to be me.
The original me, not the modified Americanized version

Trying to remember my outspoken ways
My eagerness for learning that left me once I met you
And trying to forget the thrill of mischief that you,
and only you,
could have shown me.
//the original me was better than the sequel\\
717 · Aug 2015
empty
ICN Aug 2015
Nearly empty I feel
When I lay here.
All my emotions start to fade away.
And when my vision gets blurry
And the tears stream down my face
That’s when I know.

Maybe if you’d stayed
I wouldn’t feel this way
Maybe if you called
Things wouldn’t have changed.

And as I lay here
The tears fall into the soil
And the ground soaks up
The last of my feelings

And when I leave,
I leave empty.
//thanks for leaving, i won't miss you\\
ICN May 2015
This one time,
you were home and so was mom
Mami and Papi,
we were all "happy".

You left for a while,
that's what I've been told
but you came back,
for me, for us, because we were a family

And then we left you
we went with our other family.
That's how I thought it went down.

But things are never the way I think they are,
because maybe if I were able to get things right everyone would have stayed

I'm your eldest daughter,
and I'm the least important.
One phone call every two or three months is hardly enough to keep a
father-daughter relationship don't you think?
But I got used to this.
I got used to not expecting much from you,
because if I were to expect anything I'd just end up hurt, like I was when I was five.
and six,
and eight,
and eleven.

I've never asked you for anything, ever
but I really needed this, I don't want to go back to the beginning.
No thought, effort, or emotion was put into this.
And I'm not sure what I'm more angry at,
the fact that I had hoped that you would send a note
or the fact that you didn't.

But you know what,
It's ok,
just run off with your trophy wife and replacement daughter.
I'm fine on my own.
601 · Apr 2016
Breathing your CO2
ICN Apr 2016
breathing your CO2 was better than air.

before You i was not living
You gave life to me
from the roof of my head
to the tips of my toes

unused to the sensation of genuine care

everything is vibrant and colorful when We are together
but when We're apart i'm drowning.

suffocating in the oxygen
//I don't want to lose you\\
571 · Jul 2017
candid
ICN Jul 2017
i was never into all that crazy ****
or going back just to take a hit
let's give it up for the kids that are lonely
the ones that are scared
real friends so uncommon
so fake i'm convinced they're mass produced
currently trying to find my way out
partying on a weekday
i don't care if i get laid, or laid off
i'm finally breaking out of my shell
xanies with the girls in the bathroom
lines of that powder
and they say it's all right, harmless.
it's all harmless.
//i want to go home\\
569 · May 2016
Disservice to Both of Us
ICN May 2016
You had a beautiful soul
Our memories are so cherished
Your time I didn't want to
     waste it
I felt trapped in our relationship
I broke you and for that I'm
     so apologetic
Wasted my time, phantom feelings
     and alcohol don't mix
You're the one, that I wished
     I missed
Messing with your emotions
     was never my intention
I think I just craved for
     some attention
My affection I couldn't give
     you
Fake and shallow it would
     have been
Lies, the Bible tells us,
     are a sin
I truly did want to
     want you
But my heart was too dark
     and twisted
We had our opportunity, and
     I missed it
//what's wrong with me?\\
548 · Aug 2015
After Four Months
ICN Aug 2015
After four drama filled months
After four months of you trying and trying
Four months of you trying for me, getting with her, breaking up with her,      going for me, getting back with her, trying to kiss me, getting with that other girl, and going for me again...

We finally ended up together

After four ****** months of me liking you and nobody knowing
After four months of me wanting you, but suppressing every feeling I had because it's what was best for both of us, seeing as emotions don't come easy to me
After four months we're finally together, and I feel like I don't even know you.

Was it all really worth it?
I can't tell yet
543 · Aug 2017
supplementary help
ICN Aug 2017
i feel so alive
so caught up in the moment
i forget how to try
it's all just genuine
it's all amazing
for now

before i go back home
before i leave
before i realize i have nowhere
i can truly call my own
i'm so caught up in the drugs i forget
i'm just alone in the world
it's all about now
its all about escaping all the things that i've been through

i forget how to live
without the vicodin
mixed with ***** and ***
i forget how to live without supplementary help
//i think i need actual help\\
541 · May 2016
Doubt
ICN May 2016
Rippling pools, uneasy minds
These days, is all I've come to find
//I'm lost in my thoughts\\
533 · May 2016
Not the Plan
ICN May 2016
I feel stupid.
Only I could be this naive
You're not to blame, I was so deluded
And now I'm left to grieve
Over all the could've beens that never were
What should have happened and never did.
//issues\\
527 · Apr 2016
Queen of Love
ICN Apr 2016
If she's loved, and given love
She's also been heartbroken
512 · Jul 2015
The Sun and the Stars
ICN Jul 2015
The stars are duller than ever before
The sun isn't warm anymore
The sky is a dull grey

How come I never learned the difference between wrong and right?
How come I can't see the world like you do?

Someday, I will recover
Someday, the stars will disappear from the sky
The sun will implode
And I won't be there to witness
507 · Mar 2016
Thanks
ICN Mar 2016
I found a new muse,
he turned all the blues
into rose-colored hues
//you know who you are\\
499 · Apr 2016
cause and effect
ICN Apr 2016
its distorted your brain
and now we're both insane
you're drowning in your whiskey
and i'm drowning in the pain
call me when you're sober
baby text me when it's over
the high says that you love me
i'm in constant discomposure
//our love was never pure\\
476 · Oct 2015
Where Were You?
ICN Oct 2015
Enough time has gone by,
And I have realized that
It wasn't all you fault,
I should have put in more effort.
But when the world was crashing in on me,
where were you?
You were nowhere to be seen.
//it's really both our faults, you're not the only one to blame \\
474 · Jan 2016
Lows
ICN Jan 2016
the music filling my ears,
with melodies nobody wants to hear
crescendos intensifying the sound and emotion
the lows, the highs, setting the tone
a story is told
beginning, middle, and end
different interpretations, but everyone has the same understanding
deep in their gut they know,
it was tragic-
the last note got cut-off, a cliff hanger
an incomplete symphony,
unfinished poetry
we'll never find the truth.
//the magic is tragic\\
{idk it sounded cool in my head}
445 · Apr 2016
the same
ICN Apr 2016
Round and round I go,
Same story, different people
//every time I circle the drain\\
437 · Jul 2015
Nothing Left
ICN Jul 2015
my reality has
crumbled
and*
now there is
nothing
and
i have
nothing
to
lose
436 · Oct 2015
Feelings and Fate
ICN Oct 2015
Every day I see you from across the room,
and I'm not going to deny,
that whenever I catch your eye
My breath hitches in my throat
and breathing is suddenly a difficult task.
However, it's been a while since we've talked,
and that weird feeling in my stomach
has grown fainter and fainter,
to the point where it's almost gone.

I have always wondered
why people don't stay friends with their ex's.
But after you, I can understand why.
It was kind of hard to get over you because
everywhere I went, you were there
We have the same friends, we have a similar schedule
And now you and my friend are about to date.
What a twisted world I live in,
with such a twisted fate.
//i guess i like you less now\\
421 · Nov 2015
Life Cycle
ICN Nov 2015
What was once green...
Turned red...
And is now dead...
//the leaves fell, I guess that's why they call it fall\\
420 · Oct 2015
I've Tried It All
ICN Oct 2015
I've resorted to doing
anything to numb this ache in my chest
to trying anything to fill this hole inside of me
I've tried it all,
drugs, music, ***, art
and
nothing. works.
they say time heals all wounds, but does it really?
417 · Aug 2017
summer
ICN Aug 2017
i used to love summer
when it meant long hours of freedom
infinite days of fun
making waves in the pool,
under the sun.

now i dread the heat-filled days
they are a reminder of impending doom
and of past lives that i have lead
how i miss them.

but here i am today
sitting on my bed, typing out what barely qualifies as a poem
just a few hours before i lay in bed, swiping upwards on my phone
listening to background music
crying myself to sleep
all due to nostalgia
all because of the opportunities i had and never took
all caused by the fear i had to live my life.

so no, when you ask me what my favorite time of year is
i will not tell you "summer, of course!"
//summertime sadness is a song i truly relate to\\
415 · Jun 2015
Playing Memories
ICN Jun 2015
when you’ve been forward and backwards
left and right
and you still don’t know which way way to go
that’s when you can say, it’s all gonna be okay
that’s when you can tell me that everything will be all right
but until then
don’t say that you know what I’ve been through
don’t say that you know who i am

cause when the day is over and done
we’re all on our own
and we’re all alone
in our own world
this platform, we can’t escape
in our heads lies the secret
in our brains the truth,
stays and lives

the only thing that’s left, is the memories in our heads
and i’ll play them over and over again
ICN Jun 2015
forever.
eternal.
ever-lasting.

our love was like a fairytale
we crashed into each other, literally
but crashes leave huge devastation.

i should have known we weren't going to last,
but hope kept me going.

you were never available
and i was always there

you said you would always be there forever,
i guess forever is five months

because eventually i fell
and you weren't there to catch me.
// what happened to us? \\
410 · Oct 2015
What Happened After The End
ICN Oct 2015
It took me three days to feel again,
You know, after our break up.
After I acted like I didn't care,
And you see, I wasn't acting.
At the time, I didn't care, at all
I didn't realize that after I sent that final, "K bye"
Was the last thing I'd ever say to you.
I didn't realize that whatever we had would be over
Just like that.

The worst part is that I see you everywhere
Your friends are my friends, and
My friends are your friends.
I see you on the street,
I see you with our friends,
I see you with her.
She who doesn't know that we were ever anything,
She who believes that I am totally acceptant and encouraging of your relationship with her.

And it stings,
It makes me feel a variety of things which I find very hard to explain.
I'm frustrated because I feel like what we had wasn't real
I'm annoyed because I feel like we didn't try
I'm furious because apparently you liked her while we were a thing
And I'm disappointed because I thought you'd be more considerate.

I guess I just wanted the idea of you,
Because the reality was a total let down.
A lesson learned
407 · Oct 2015
Playing Games
ICN Oct 2015
I tried my best,
to let you go
I tried my best
and yet you, wouldn't let me rest
I thought I'd gotten over you
but no
Right when I left, you chased me down

It's an endless cycle
Every year, it's the same thing
Over and over again
We circle and circle the drain
I think we might be insane
Things are never gonna change
We live in a dynamic same
The mistakes, repeated over and over again
Every time the fire burns a little dimmer
And our love simmers
Less passion, less pain

But I'm getting bored of the same
Little games, we both just love to play
Pulling and pushing each other away
I wish things didn't have to be this way

But I won't stay,
**Playing this pointless game
I guess we just weren't meant to be
405 · Nov 2017
the TL
ICN Nov 2017
Negatives and Positives
they cancel each other out
We're at zero now
Tied on the scoreboard

Sleep deprived
and hollow on the inside
Bags under my eyes,
I was searching for something

Remember that summer night on the roof?
Smoking *** and singing RnB
That's the only place I wanted to be
cool thanks to that summer breeze

But that summer breeze turned into a winter storm
and it tore me away from our special place
on the timeline
i want to go back
393 · Aug 2015
plunging into chaos
ICN Aug 2015
i had plunged into an inescapable pit of darkness
there was no light penetrating the opaque veil of absolute black
there was no escaping the immense feeling of desperation that came along with the pulling vacuum
the darkness penetrated through all,
and it was the beginning of the unfadable misery we had tried so hard to evade
by doing so we had only prolonged our own suffering, which in effect caused the tragedy of human decline

everything humane,
feelings, emotions, living instead of just surviving
all ****** in by this vacuum
and all that was left were creatures that looked like humans,
but their heads were shallow

they were so consumed by greed that all else was secondary
betrayal and lies were all that was left
the only things keeping “order”

but when the truth came out
so did chaos
369 · May 2016
Best for You
ICN May 2016
This wasn't the plan.
We were Bonnie and Clyde
It was us against the world.
But back then I was blind,
To all of the complications and obstacles
Did I give you up too easily?
I just wanted what was best for you
You deserve someone better than me
That's why I had to leave
//I am so inexpressibly sorry\\
357 · Oct 2015
After You
ICN Oct 2015
I guess,
That after you
I just didn't know
How to feel,
Or what to do.

I guess,
That I won't be able to fill
This empty slot
That's taken up my soul.

I wonder,
If my head and my heart
Will ever love the same,
After loving you.
I don't think so
335 · May 2015
thoughts
ICN May 2015
my mind is a fathomless pit of scenarios and what if’s
unanswered questions lying around
never tested hypotheticals

there was a saying that once said “it’s better to regret something you did do, than something you didn’t”
but i wouldn’t know, i’ve never taken a risk
all my regrets are of things i did not do

lies envelop my life
glazed on is superficial perfection
how can i hope to get raw when i dont even know my own identity

pleadingly i stand in front of this stranger
i can't make out the details of my own face much less anyone else's

never loved anyone like they love in the movies
but fairytales and reality rarely collide
my mind is full of nightmares,
but there is no knight to save me

and i am not strong enough to save myself
everyday the pit gets deeper
maybe one day i'll reach the other side...
324 · Jul 2017
Please Understand
ICN Jul 2017
Sometimes
I just need a little space
to get clarity
Sometimes
I just need a little room to breathe
Cause haven't you noticed
I get a little
Claustrophobic
And the room caves in on me
Please, oh please
Don't be offended
That I need a little break
It's not you, it's me
I swear
//i take comfort in my solitude\\
306 · Jul 2017
Inside My Glass Prison
ICN Jul 2017
I'm trapped in a glass prison
Isolated.
The red tears falling down my cheeks
Tears of despair.
Tears of anger and frustration
But nobody sees inside the thin glass.
It's only me.
//i'm never alone but i always feel lonely\\
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