I’d always ask you if you were okay
And you’d say “I'm fine” in an unconvincing way.
Because “I’m fine” never really meant you were fine.
It was your way of avoiding telling me how you really felt
Because you didn’t want your problems to become mine.
So, I’d look at you,
With that side eye that let you know I wasn’t convinced,
But instead of telling me the truth
You held up your hand and said
“I pinky promise.”

everyone is temporary
no one stays
they all leave eventually
i don’t understand the point of promises if they’re all broken
is love real if some loves fade?
sometimes before things get better
my darkness gets bigger
and the person that i’d take a bullet for is behind the trigger
and now there’s two guns
one in my own hands
both aimed at my own head
the person who saved me now wants me dead
i cant believe you prevented my end
just to bring me closer to it again
i want to bring up walls
unbreakable
everyone ends up the same way
its never a new day
i’m sick of the games that everyone plays
make it stop
make it stop
make it stop

To November,
Thanks a bunch
for reminding us,
that the letting go
is the only way to make roads
for new blooms!

Every November I felt something new. November is full of change, nothing remains the same as before!

Acceptance: Somewhere in the month of November, I met a new person who changed me inside out..!! Embraced me with love, gave the warmth in those chilly days. We spent moments with happiness and shared our fears in the night sky, witnessing clouds uncovering the moon. Dreamt of good things, peace, and a bucket full of love. And November turned out as a happy month to me! No matter how much I tried but memories kept coming back, making me blush every single time..!!

Togetherness: Time passed really very fast, Again November came! I remember, spending days like never, contemplating each other’s hearts. Aimless drives, messed up schedules, movie marathons, street foods, and open bottles of beers. I found a home in him, a home of love with no limits and no worries. We promised to step together, holding hands in November, and to hang out till the November dissolves! And yesss we did...few Happy Novembers!

Separation: And then a few years later a day in November came with lots of new feelings..! Feeling of abandonment and betrayal just like dull and dark days. Crying in freezing night under that large yellow full moon but this time all alone! It felt cold, even the stars were extra cold to me; lights were so dim that paths were invisible. My heart was aching, and my trust was dissolved. I was miserable and pitiful! Always lost and struggling in the memories of past and present!

Learning: And now it’s again November I see blooming flowers and sometimes butterflies..! Red, Pale, Blue, Pink and White flowers. And it doesn’t feel like cold/dry or happy month to me!  and as I see he got engaged so, probably a month for him too!  Now I see November as the month of change and new hopes. This November taught me no matter how dry the weather is but you have to keep blooming, And I have realized that not everything is worthy of you! If something feels like a burden to you, just remove them and make some space for new dreams. And that’s the only way!!

I brought back a string of pearls
from the cemetery of vows.
It camouflaged a black dot;
size of the berry seeds.
I felt like a magnet to its deceiving hue.

As I move it over my wrist,
the dot sticks to my transparent veins.
Streams of blood absorbed the maleficent mellow,
furnishing me to be the new home.

Hot tears
Roll down my face
Flushing
With shimmering eyes
"How could you?!"
I scream,
Hugging myself
Butterflies fly out of my throat as I cry
"You promised!"
"You promised me!"
I can't stop the heaving
Sobs escape out of my stomach
Heat takes over
Quietly I say
"You promised forever..."
I cry myself to sleep
Dehydrated
And salty cheeks

There's no full moon tonight baby.
That ole train is steadily rolling on by
Rolling on into the night.
When I watched the news tonight baby
they promised me my moon
would be full.
No sign of rain, clear skies all night long.
That's what they said.
Where in the world am I suppose to go
On a night like this.
Knowing my moon ain't full.
Packed it's bags and gone.
Gone away at least for the night.
One last glimpse before your gone for good.
That ole train steadily rolling on by baby.
Nothing but storm clouds and the smell of rain
Done packed your bag and gone away.
My sky never been this empty.
Half dark twinkles and rain rolling down my window.
There's no full moon tonight baby
Done packed your bag and gone.
Gone away

I've accepted ill hurt for now,
to forget 2 years,
it will take time.
but I also know I will be okay one day.
so, for now, I let the memories hurt,
and let the dreams of better days give me strength and hope.
one foot in front of the other,
taking it day by day,
two hearts forgetting each other
I keep on going.

I’m afraid of my own thoughts
Million dark ways to end it all
Every decision is a constant battle
My mind has lost control

Small talk won’t solve our problems
Apologies won’t fix broken hearts
Pretentious smiles in the meantime
Until the next time it all starts

I seemed to have numbed the pain
But my soul feels lost
How long can I carry on
And at what cost?

My life is in your hands now
Every moment I wonder
Can you love me the way you promised
If not, I’d rather be 6 feet under.

"I let her cry again"
A phrase that made his mind blank
Vow he fail to assert

He push her away
Madness drives him to do it
Love that he must hate

Three years comes so fast
Yet she does not seem to fade
Guilt that hunts me down

"I'll never leave your side"
He had said.
So, I'm still waiting for him to return.