Yes! Given access Yet again. I've wanted or more so Needed This. An outlet. Somewhere to place the emotions Kept, felt, endured and enduring. A place of thought and introspection. For I live. In itself meaning highs and lows Felt and known. Sharing. Poetic postings
I believe I've written of the sun, sand and sea countless of times; even when it's pouring down and even when the cold december wind is tugging at the strings of my heart. The last time I wrote of my summer, I told myself that the next time I would, it would be from experience and not of make-believe. Why should I write of the seagulls' noises when all I ever heard this year were the familiar chirps of the Maya birds? I just trick myself into thinking that the chirps of a Maya is much more relaxing anyway. Why should I write of the heat that burns past through my skin then onto my heart when I get to feel the same heat while walking the streets to and from our old house? I could achieve my dream tan by doing that twenty times a day. Why should I make poems out of the waves and shells when life here in the city is enough to drown me lifeless but could also leave me so dry at the same time? Even more ironically, I never went out of my room—my safe shell that I never actually felt safe in. April and May, farewell and apologies. I took you for granted and now I must wait another weary, barren year and daydream for my summer.
shaking frustrations, heart aching situations, she breaks her fingers in a brick wall confrontation red/black/orange/purple seep from the opaque - white knuckles, squeezing tight she rips the papers, shreds she dreads broken frames, abandoned - afraid, the expectations, sit heavy - break her neck her head hangs fists and wrists - left - contorted.
Would it be better If I screamed and cried? Would it be better If I tried to die? Would that be right?
I don't know What it is you want "I want what's best for you" I don't know what I want
Have I told you I might want To join the military I'm not sure what division But I want to fight on my countries side
But when the law was passed You, with relief, comically said Guess you can't run off and join The military
It was one of the First times you actually Liked me for being a boy
You are not accepting No matter what you say You deal with me And care only when necessary You don't want to lose me So you attempt to accept me But you do not truly care for me
I worry what you would think If I told you I Dont believe in a god Or a heaven Or a hell I have a more Buddhist type of beliefs
I haven't believed in a god For awhile now But I haven't told you Because it doesn't matter I don't see why it should affect us The same way Me being your son Should affect Our relationship
You need therapy You can't fix yourself You can't fix your anger Or your hatred Because it's stemmed from somewhere So deep inside of you That you can't remove it You've let it grow for so long That you need help to Uproot it
This has turned into a rant But I don't feel bad about that Because you never let me get A single word in I deserve someone on my side Dad has said If it comes down to it He would pick you over us Because he can lose us But not you
So no matter what you say In a conversation He is always 100% on your side He will never be on mine Not even a little bit Because you are who matters to him I do not And I wonder Do you refuse To have a mediator Because then you might lose
Either way you lose You lose an argument And make a compromise Or you lose me And that's it you dont get a compromise You wouldn't deserve one