If she's loved, and given love
She's also been heartbroken

39th and a dirt road
     isn't it funny
          how you pretended not to know
               that my petals were falling

39th and a dirt road
     i was walking with bare feet
          my toes brown like the ground
               ***** and grass stained, tainted

39th and a dirt road
     i just can't get over
          this transition is killing me
               maybe it's better this way
                    please promise me
                         you'll stay away

39th and a dirt road
     acceptance is difficult
          the country is calm
               i need to learn to let go
                    if i ever want a shot
                         at a new life
                              so

39th and a dirt road
     is where you'll find me.

I’ll kiss whoever I’m with tonight
to take you off of my mind.
It’s not the first time
that I’m fighting to keep you out,
but I don't wanna close my eyes.
In the dark you’re all that I see.
He’s laying in my bed but I'm staring at the ceiling, reminiscing you.

I’ll make out with three strangers tonight.
None of them will make it back to my room
but if they did it still wouldn’t matter,
I just don't wanna be alone at times.
Need to feel someone else on me,
so I can stop feeling you,
so I can forget you.

Cause I’d run to you
even if you were just a mirage.
And I’d follow you,
Through a desert.
Through a blizzard.
Through the eye of a hurricane.
I’d run to you!

and it’s been six months,
we still haven't talked.
I don't know anything!
I miss being your everything.
Tonight I’m all alone,
no one touching me, I’m on my own.
I tried the hook-up thing but couldn’t keep pretending.
When I look in their eyes I just see yours, blue and green.
Where did you go?
Why’d you stop loving me?

It doesn’t matter
If I never get an answer.
If you hit me up one day
I’ll still remember your voice,
but I’ll also remember
how pathetic you made me feel.
Alone even when we were together,
looking back is bittersweet.
Fond memories and love,
welled up fears and disappointment.
I’ll always remember you, love.
But I won’t go running back,
even if I want to,
I won’t go running back.

but I hope that you do
I hope you’d run back to me too.

she walks in with the world on her shoulders
commanding attention
never seeking it
some stare
others glare

her smile lights up the room
even though it isn't genuine
her eyes are kind and thoughtful
but her actions are spontaneous and
her words are silk

she is addicting
one whiff of her and you'll want more

you are starving
and she's the tasting menu

she's who I want to be

shamed for showing too much
shamed for not showing enough
over ****** warrants being called a ****
not ****** enough and I’m called a *****
so what am I supposed to do?
never leave the comfort of my judgement free home?
oh wait, that’s not true
mainstream media bashing the idea of individuality
sure they say they support it
but if they really did
would we, constantly, see the same features, plastered on magazines?
trends change quickly
and my body sure as heck can’t keep up
that’s okay though,
I was never one to conform to the societal standard
the thick thighs, “fat ***”, skinny waist, and *******
that I’m supposed to have,
but am supposed to cover up?
I’m sorry but if I had been “blessed” with those physical attributes
I would not be so eager to cover them up
and is “blessed” even the right word to describe
what so many women have come to despise?
large chests that cause back pains,
the unwanted attention and ****** comments?
maybe they aren’t so blessed,
but are rather cursed
that in a society like ours
we are taught to hate ourselves no matter what
instead of embracing the unique beauty that we are gifted
rather than celebrate the intricate details of our souls
and the crazy two A.M. thoughts that run through our minds
the stunning stream of consciousness that separates us from the rest
but unfortunately,
we have assimilated into one
bland society,
where variety is shunned
and everyone is the same

I can feel us fizzling out
What was sweet yesterday
Now burns in my mouth

i used to love summer
when it meant long hours of freedom
infinite days of fun
making waves in the pool,
under the sun.

now i dread the heat-filled days
they are a reminder of impending doom
and of past lives that i have lead
how i miss them.

but here i am today
sitting on my bed, typing out what barely qualifies as a poem
just a few hours before i lay in bed, swiping upwards on my phone
listening to background music
crying myself to sleep
all due to nostalgia
all because of the opportunities i had and never took
all caused by the fear i had to live my life.

so no, when you ask me what my favorite time of year is
i will not tell you "summer, of course!"

I found a new muse,
he turned all the blues
into rose-colored hues

your embrace is no longer warm
it's not a field of sunflowers
or a safe place
anymore

now it is a cold winter storm
your arms are the gusts of a hurricane
while i stand in its eye;
we feign our affection
and the air can feel it.

When will the tide come in?
     When will it wash away the footprints you left in the sand?
When will the rain pour?
     When will it shower and clean the tracks you left in the street?
When will the wind pick up?
     *When will the breeze sweep away your scent from the house?

Round and round I go,
Same story, different people

Some days
It's as if I can't process emotion.
My heart is dying of starvation

Other days**
It's as if I can't stop feeling everything.
It's as if I'm full but can't stop eating.

And I have no idea what I'll do if this carries on

The stars are duller than ever before
The sun isn't warm anymore
The sky is a dull grey

How come I never learned the difference between wrong and right?
How come I can't see the world like you do?

Someday, I will recover
Someday, the stars will disappear from the sky
The sun will implode
And I won't be there to witness

Negatives and Positives
they cancel each other out
We're at zero now
Tied on the scoreboard

Sleep deprived
and hollow on the inside
Bags under my eyes,
I was searching for something

Remember that summer night on the roof?
Smoking *** and singing RnB
That's the only place I wanted to be
cool thanks to that summer breeze

But that summer breeze turned into a winter storm
and it tore me away from our special place
on the timeline

my mind is a fathomless pit of scenarios and what if’s
unanswered questions lying around
never tested hypotheticals

there was a saying that once said “it’s better to regret something you did do, than something you didn’t”
but i wouldn’t know, i’ve never taken a risk
all my regrets are of things i did not do

lies envelop my life
glazed on is superficial perfection
how can i hope to get raw when i dont even know my own identity

pleadingly i stand in front of this stranger
i can't make out the details of my own face much less anyone else's

never loved anyone like they love in the movies
but fairytales and reality rarely collide
my mind is full of nightmares,
but there is no knight to save me

and i am not strong enough to save myself
everyday the pit gets deeper
maybe one day i'll reach the other side...

all these broken things surround me
our broken relationship
these ripped papers
the pencils that i snapped in half
that ugly drawing i drew

the pictures on the wall mock me,
your eyes penetrate my soul
they capture a much simpler moment, in a much simpler time of our lives.

I kept telling myself we were nothing
probably because i knew that if anything ever happened between us
it would end too painfully
but i’d forgotten that pain is better than feeling nothing
because now the nothingness is tearing away at my insides
and watching you with her should be killing me
but it doesn’t,
because we’re nothing remember

I barely talk anymore
I don’t know why
but all I do is observe
and everything I used to not see is so visible now
so obvious
and ****, I can see

There's a lot of meaning
behind this ****** cue

Hidden behind it
could be any number of feelings
and infinite combinations of them
excitement
love
pleasure
happiness
devastation
hate
sufferin­g
depression.

Yet we plaster it on daily
often consider it a mask

We bare our teeth
and hide behind
upturned corners.

you were the whirlwind after the tornado,
you were the aftermath of the storm
you were multifaceted and unpredictable
but unfortunately for me, all that came at a price
i came alone armed with weapons, prepared to shoot to ****
my defenses were unmatched, yet without a scratch you walked through

and too late i realized…
the things you said to me, you said to her too
the things you confessed to me, you confessed to her too
the question you asked me, you asked her too

the difference between me and her though,
was that she said yes, and i said no
she did you and she did him
but you didn’t mind, until her stomach grew
so you told her, ***** you
back to me you came
to the beginning the story returns

but at the middle it ends.

I knew I couldn't trust you from the start

I knew that you would capture me and never let my poor little heart escape your grip

I should have known better than to let you in

I should have realized you would just walk away.