Touch the parts of me I'm too scared to explore on my own

I'm sweet and loving on the outside,
I'm a flower; a soft, pretty thing,
I'm very kind to most everyone I encounter,
Even those who, harm, bring.

However, inside is a different matter,
Too dark for flowers to grow,
Images dance of blood and ******,
The dance of screams is sweet and slow.

I'm scared of the silence
                                                 It speaks to me
Of dangers and demons
                                                 And monstrous things

It's haunting my nightmares
                                                 It sings me to sleep
Turning all of my fears
                                                 Into reality

God, help us all
                     *When we fall

If we fall, there's
                    No catching
                              
*Ourselves..

I want to go camping
no I want to live in the woods

aes·thet·ic
/esˈTHedik/

adjective
adjective: aesthetic;
adjective: esthetic

    1.
    concerned with beauty or the appreciation of beauty.
    "the pictures give great aesthetic pleasure"

    giving or designed to give pleasure through beauty; of pleasing appearance.
     "several aesthetic gardens radiate from the fountain in the square"

noun
noun: aesthetic; plural noun: aesthetics;
noun: esthetic; plural noun: esthetics

    1.
    a set of principles underlying and guiding the work of a particular artist or artistic movement.
    *"the colorless aesthetic"

"Let me get to know you"

Well, if you'd like to know me
You'd have to know how to read me
Because if my past serves me right,
I'll try so very hard
But never really tell you anything.
Instead I'll tell strangers
All about how I feel,
About you,
About life,
About me.

Don't be jealous
Just open a link
Type a few words
Find me online
And read me
Then you'll know
Exactly who I am
Well, maybe not exactly..

I tend to lie to strangers*
But I'll never lie to you

she's leaving

highways and high seas, she's crossing them all
achieving her dreams while shouting
at the top of her lungs **** everyone
and she laughs

because she's leaving her past behind her at last

you branded me
angry red marks soiling soft skin
my body now a cage to the wild soul within

and like a stallion, i love you more when i'm broken

I want to write so badly
hurts with every line I delete
write about how it hurt this morning
when I woke up alone
when I fell asleep
with someone next to me

and as the paranoia creeps in
settling between my *******
the hollow of my throat tightens
with weak and shallowed breaths
my legs, they shake and shiver
under the extreme duress
of not knowing if again his love will wander
leaving me a foolish mess

Outline the moon on the skin of his back,
he's never ashamed when I help him relax

words and phrases
and mix matched pieces
of a language I never cared to learn;

words that mean everything
when you say them,

phrases that would sound like crap
coming from any other mouth but yours,

the mix matched pieces of a language
I haven't learned yet

strung together to make something whole.

you were a better friend to me in a few months
then some have been to me in years
yet now when we see each other in the halls
we act like we're total strangers
the fallout was all my fault
I didn't believe I deserved a friend
"it wasn't fair you got stuck with me"
and so to make it up to you, I left
now I see how mistaken I was
to think such a foolish thing
but I'm the insecure one of us
it's my job to keep my heart in a sling

Red
Scales glisten
In the moonlight

Smoke
Rises in plumes
Before the dark night

Fire
Scorches all
Whose swords do fight

Desiree
A dragons name
Is one to cause fright

his hands sketch my edges, down
tracing the dips and curves and swells
his fingers curl into my skin, soft
where ever skin is found

burning with every seconds past
longing for his touch to last

his hands feel through me
reaching soul deep, he breaths
in holy serenity, feeding me solely;
his masterpiece

Memories are the enemy to a heart struggling to heal

lets cause a little trouble
you make me feel so weak
and I bet you kiss your knuckles
right before they touch my cheek

but I've got my mind
made up this time
'cause there's a menace in my bed
can you see his silhouette
can you see his silhouette
can you see his silhouette

and I've got my mind
made up this time
go on and light a cigarette
set a fire in my head
set a fire in my head
tonight

My scent
It lingers on your skin
The aroma is one of lust
That you must not let in
Because if you do
Everything about you
Will change
You'll be a slave
To the animal whom's only purpose
Is to love

I don't know if I ever want to have my poems
immortalized in a book, to sit on some shelf untouched
a reminder printed on blank pages; my love, and my pain
organized into pretty poetic arrangements for other's viewing pleasure
for strangers to know me that intimately on a level I barely understand
I can't comprehend--

my love, and my pain, indeed
the love I have is beautiful, and worth sharing with the world
but I dont know if I could immortalize the pain it has caused me to love so throughly
so completely have I given myself over to everything
followed the winding paths through heartache and back;
I would much rather forget them here, forget the past

believing a lie almost always feels better
than believing the truth

is that why when I tell myself he hasn't really changed,
I feel better then when I wonder if he had?

and even when I love you
I still hate you
for what you did to me

or do I just hate myself
for never being able to let it go

I'm stuck for words at the moment
I can't seem to find the right rhythm
To describe you

It's almost like the sweetest part of you,
The one that I always knew loved me most
Was hidden away from me for all the months
That it was too cold for his steady warmth
Like he was too afraid of becoming frozen
And decided to lock himself away
Inside of you

Because of this feat
I've found you to be more controlling,
Causing me pain in ways I never thought you could,
Or ever would, it hurt me to be with you,
Though it hurt far more trying to flee,
And so I stayed, holding on to the memories of the sweet boy
Who always packed an extra sweater
With me in mind, and never forgot
To kiss me goodnight
I hoped with all my heart he wasn't a facade,
And that he'd come back to me,
But hope faded fast,
I wasn't sure if we'd last

This is where I'm stuck,
Because I'm still dazed by it all
The weather is warmer,
The sun shines brightly
He's happy, Really happy
Not just for the minute or hour
Not because he just finished getting off either
I honestly don't know what happened,
Maybe he sees my effort?
Maybe that's all that sweet boy I missed so dearly wanted,
To see my effort in trying so hard to keep us together,
Because beyond my fast falling hopes,
I saw him today, all day.
In every time he said "I love you," I saw him
And it wasn't just an echo of something he should say,
But rather his own heart speaking to me directly,
I felt he meant it every time,
Complete and total joy well up inside me now
Love dripped from each word and syllable he spoke,
His breath stank of it
And I loved it
And I knew he loved me,
Despite all my horridness, he loves me.

My god, I can't tell people enough of how happy I am,
I've found the secret!
I know what to do!
Can it have been this simple all the while?
All I had to do was but open my lips
Let the sounds of my thoughts roll off my tongue
So easy, so simple,
And yet so hard all the same
But I know what to do now
And if this is what it takes to make my sweet boy
Greet me with smiles and sweet kisses every day,
That I'll **** well suffer through the hardships of change
Until it becomes as natural as loving him.

Conflicted
Alone
Shattered
No home
Buried
Under all my own
Guilt
Screaming
Inside
Living
A lie
Crushed
Under the very walls
I built

Sad is my default emotion,
Happy only a lovely surprise drenched it poisons,
For happiness is temporary and fleeting,
Whereas sadness is eager to take her rightful place in my heart,
Always a bit stronger for it every time.

imagine black satin and lace
imagine slowing the pace
and taking your time

imagine feeling her curves

imagine stealing her nerve

Your skin, slick with sweat,
Burns where it meets mine,
Which feels to be every piece of me.
It reminds me of the summers sun;
I lay still, afraid you'll fall away,
Your blazing fires with it.
Instead I sit and ponder;
It feels good to be under
Summers harsh heat once more.
My own flesh grows hot,
Blood rushes to give color
To my failing parlor -
I've gone pale, but you!
You've saved me from becoming weak
With your self ignited fires,
Warming me from within.
Lips fall open, tongue is held..
A thank you slips out.

Do I ever miss summers scorching sun..

Don't say a word
Let your silence be heard
Let it carry your message
Like the winds carry the bird

If you always do what you've always done
you'll always get what you've always gotten