after eight years of friendship
seven years of 'will they, won't they?'
six years of kind-of
five years away
four years of maybe
three years as neighbors
two years as strangers
and one phone call that ended with
"Stay in touch"...
what a countdown it has been
letting you go.
I'm an alcoholic
I sleep and dream of drink
I don't care to show it
I don't care what your think,
Come we'll have a party at mine
Come, and don't forget the wine
It doesn't have to be good wine
It could be anything
It can be anything..
cause I'm an alcoholic
I don't care what I drink
could be sweet could be bitter
ah, bitter's much too sweet!
Lets talk about dear ol' you
and all the boring things you do
what goes into my ears I lose
your story's only good with *****,
Oh it's incredible; It's unbelievable!..
Oh, what a symbiotic
you get to be holy
I get to go down with the ship,
Musicians play a dreary tune
I've emptied most of your perfume
We start with two and end with none
I think I've had myself some fun
Yes I did, I think I did..
It's gotta be demonic
this possessive urge
but you know when I'm on it
I don't feel the purge,
The world is a merry ol' place
I think I'm in love with my face
Come sit down, admire my face
Come sit down, don't be a disgrace
You stupid cow, you filthy dog..
Ah, where's the logic?
we're not made of it
You think I'm neurotic
I think you're incredibly fit,
You wanna show you wanna prove
But I already know the truth
from worried man the missing link
that leads to blissful ape is drink.
So have a drink, lets have a drink..
And I don't feel ****
God is the rabbit
the dogs chase, and when they stop,
Satan, the excuse
White and black
Search for a hint of color
But they ran away with you
Search for my tears
Look for my smile
But it’s nowhere to be seen
Not without you
Funny how I can take
Longer sips of my cigarette
Funny how nothing
Can make me move as fast
Funny how my pain
Has changed shape now
Funny how my pain
Looks like our silhouette
Or maybe like the ashes
I dust in the astray
Or the fallen pieces
Of the far past
Funny how nothing deserves my care
Funny how I can only stare
Why ain’t the world fair
Why aren't you near
Wash away my sins
Im the devil in the angels garden
unbound me from this guilt
I am creation of my own catastrophe
I will let my scars bleed dry
I will my screams suffocate the silence
I will embrace the my wild and burn for my truth.
And if I had a backspace button to erase every
word you ever planted in my mind
Every lie about loving me
Every stone they spat that aimed at ebbing away
at my existence
Every kiss I got from poisonous lips
Every snake that slithered into my life and out
I'd erase until there was nothing left
But in life that luxury doesn't exist, but I'm still
the author of this story
So I aim to ink every page after with words,feelings and thoughts that defy those that stained my pages in tears and blood.
Because for every lie, deception and hate that filled pages and left no room, the light inside me that I somehow generated from the desire to overcome, to grow and to be happy will fill a thousand pages more....
we all have **** we want to forget , we wont to undo , never meet or just done right want to pretend never happened, but we cant do that . So its either let it **** us up or overcome it.....
Letters by letter by letter
These thoughts and emotions
Pour from my head to my heart,
Through my veins.
They reach my fingertips,
Tapping eagerly on the side of my laptop
But then I hear it,
What if it sounds stupid? What if no one cares what you have to say?
Her voice, no, my voice,
Doubtful, hurting, scared.
But the thoughts keep pumping
my fingers violently throb
It all happens like a blur,
I have to get these words out
Or everything will explode
Into a dizzy array of sparkling light
So I type and I type and I type
I type till my fingers go numb
And my eyes are glazed over
And it doesn't hurt to breathe anymore.
And despite her many warnings,
When I click 'save',
She quietens down
And anxiety doesn't hold me back.
One of the few times where she quietens down, at least for a moment.
It’s been two days since I saw your name
My heart falls into my stomach whenever I do.
I turn to my crutches and hope they fill the hole inside me.
They don’t though
Very few things do anymore.
Writing helps, though I shouldn’t indulge this emotion. Not like this.
It’s been two days since my soul rebelled.
I hope it comes home soon.
My body can’t sustain
Apologies for this. I had to get it off my chest though. It’s this way, *** or stronger things. It would appear there isn’t enough *** in the world anymore and I’d prefer to not dive down that other hole again.
Man are they hard to shake.
I guess its kinda ******* to wanna take
Ur own life
To me its just part of most days.
I look at living as a silly little game.
Constant effort to trasmute the pain,
To shut off my brain
So that I can simply
A 44 n a flick if the wrist,
Or score sum more n slip into bliss.
Make sure she's got no sores on her lips
Before planting another ***** with that first kiss.
A vertical slit of the wrists
I've thought often of the many many ways
To cross off the list.
But really, when I take my own life
If i decide in a monent of emotional feedback so loud it drowns out my natural effervescence
It'll be from taking flight.
Cause u know how much I like to get high
N how hard
I *** down.
Ear to ground
Still listening for the secret
N searching for the sound.
I get lost n then found
I really don't have any friends
I don't remember what day it is
But I sure can feel the pull of the moon
I love these orange pressie pills, I start nibbling at noon
I used to believe in love, now my heart has no more room.
I'm such a romantic
That I'm incapable of loving humans any more.
More efficient to go ahead n make that score.
My heart like a massive tree house so many floors.
So many many ways in,
All boarded shut
If I was a girl they'd call me a ****.
Cause I **** every night, my ***** mouth n ****.
Cause I can never get
Enuf of love.
Thank god for drugs.
Why is it that in Alaska no one hugs,
Santa Cruz -- home of the pacifist banana slugs.
No more war,
I'm retired from battling
History repeats itself
Like a broken ******* record.
My past is checkered,
But not as hard as my future
I'm going in deep with the drugs
Working out all the bugs
In this new system.
Do u know what its like to b ****** on
By the ones fr above.
I'm smoothing out my pistons
Ready to race.
Beginning a new phase,
Where no one gets my heart, not even me.
A new start.
Now wearing the glove,
Cause I'm nearing the finishing lines.
I've definitely had
enuf of love.