Don't expect change in just one day
I'm not a light switch
You can't just turn me on
It'll take time, you may not even notice
But I'll be changing, little by little
More and more each day
If your desire is to watch me grow
You might need a magnifying glass
The process will be slight and slow
Stick with me, don't leave because you can't see
It'll take time, but I promise
The end result will be worth it

You're the kindest person I know
Selfless and strong

Even when things look low
You'll know right from wrong

Don't give up hope
Don't try to belong

Be exactly who you are
Be you or  *die young

A childish exit, aren't we too old for this ****?
You should have known me better that this!
Why can't you see the pain lying under the surface?
-- or are you just choosing to ignore it?

This is what I wanted--what I want, right?
To be held close with no escape
Tightly in the night?

With the stars desire burning above,
His once tender kisses turn into something rough.
What use to be soft nipping on his part,
Becomes wild, animalistic bites of love.

He tells me to stop fighting
And give in to his touch.
I yield to his voice,
My own lost in the rush
Of my heart beating against my chest,

My soft flesh against his--
This isn't what I wanted,
But you cannot change what already is.

Sometimes I write because I feel I should
Sometimes because I can't let the words go
But other times, the most important to me
Sometimes I write because if I don't, I'll explode..

The poetry that is the by product of this
Is usually emotional charged to some degree
It's unstable, it's reckless, it never gets to the point
But really, it's what defines me
I always believe these are the best poems
They're raw, believable, and true
But it makes me so sad to see that no one else
Seems to think the way that I do

I'll read someone else's poetry,
About how it hurts too much to go on
No structure, no sense, I love it to death!
But one more thing,
No likes or comments
I think *Why?!
How could the 200 people who read this
Not see the burning emotion in every line?
Sure, there's no metaphors, no similes,
But it's real ******! This, this is their life!
This is who they are, stripped bare to the bone
They let us all sneak a peak
In a desperate hope that just one will understand,
Reach out, prove they're worth their keep
And nothing? No congrats?
No Don't give up, stay strong?
******* people, this is what you live for!
Humanity- where has it gone?
I bet if you saw her story on facebook,
Tied to a pretty picture of a broken girl,
Telling you to 'Like' it to save her
From her equally broken world,
You would call her beautiful for trying.
You would find thousands of comments
All identical to yours.
Because there, everyone is always watching what you do
But here, this is a more private world.
That's why she shared her story you know,
She thought she could be protected here
But just as she thought, you all proved again,
That there is no one is this world who cares.

Who knows what she'll do,
I liked it, told her I'm here to talk if you need
But I doubt she'll take me up on it
Because who goes they're whole life
Living on the belief
That they're alone, only to find they're not
And believing it right away?
I wouldn't message me.
I wouldn't message you either,
But it's the gesture that counts, it really does

And under the guise of connection, lonely are the addicted.

~          ~             ~

I'm watching the couple across the room
She's Asian and he's Indian
But race doesn't matter,
They're happy, everyone can see it

~          ~             ~

They sit together, side by side
Clicking on keyboards, the monitor alight,
They talk in hushed tones, lips pressed to ears
They're in love with each other, it's so very clear

She leans on his shoulder, breathes in his scent
He turns to face her, plants a kiss on her head
She sighs in contentment, this is their third year
He pulls her in closer to whisper in her ear

~          ~             ~

As I'm watching the couple
Who sits across the room
I find my mind wandering
To thoughts of you

~          ~             ~

When we sit together, side by side
Is there someone who watches, eyes alight
With our love, it sings loud, reaching the ears
Of those who watch us, making it clear

When I lean into your scent, I start to swoon
When you kiss me [anywhere], my heart beats a thousand x two
And I'll sigh because I'm happy, almost half a year
*I'll always love you darling, I just hope you can hear

-

Why do we dream the things we do?
Is it because deep down, we wish it true?
That life were a fairy tale, that we could fly?

I'd have to say no, that's not the reason why.
The dreams we receive are messages to decipher,
They are warnings against our uglier desires.

To fall prey to your dreams would be a tragedy,
It would lead you astray and quite happily
Cause you to create you're own catastrophe.

Dreams are less fairy and more a cautionary tale,
Be vigilant, watch for the warnings that are veiled.

Tell me I'm dreaming
When I look upon your face
Your smile is dazzling
Your eyes hold my gaze

And for a moment I'm trapped
Between seconds that refuse
To pass, because they too
See me looking at you

-

**** is quite
disappointing
when it's you
I miss boinking

I got it
I finally understand
it was never you that I wanted
but instead
the drama that you presented
some would even call it a plot conflict
You see, I'm a writer
I see the world through different eyes
eyes that sometimes aren't mine
so sometimes
my mind is taken over
and my thoughts, they stray

I'm a hopeless romantic
but that doesn't equate
I've never before been so afraid
of my own self
of the words that could come out
because I understand,
and now I have to learn to separate
the who I am from the who I create
it's exhausting being me every single day
the fantasies pop up and leave me dismayed
always in a sour mood, unsure of who I am
of the choices I've made

a line has been drawn and I'm sticking too it
I know that these thoughts aren't me, but lighter fluid
and it's me that holds the power
the lighter only a tool
passion is fire
my inspiration is crude

like the wind you blew gently
lightly caressing my cheek as you go
like the tree I stood ready
my roots planted firmly below
but a simple wind you are not
and soon your storms did show
you were my favorite distraction
leaving everything else unknown

If I don't
Take charge
Of my life

I'm afraid of
What I'll lose

Myself

But most
Importantly

*You

I'm only half a person without you
And that's okay
It's alright to need you the way I need to
And that's every day
I was born solely to find my soul mate
And never let go
You're my other half, my true love, and together
We're whole

You say I'm being dramatic
I say I'm being me
All I'm doing is expressing myself
Without adding censoring

I don't blame you for not understanding
**I just wish you'd be more accepting

I'm so infuriated with myself
How utterly silly of me
To believe if I changed my attitude
Anything would really change
I got far too cocky today,
Thought that if I took charge
He'll have no excuses, no other option
But to obey
How incredibly silly of me
To think that slipping into my costume
Of confidence would be a good look
Even if it was only a costume,
Like the ones on Halloween,
A one-night-a-year type deal
How silly of me

*How silly of me

I want to get ******.
No, it's not addictive,
**** cures cancer,
Didn't you read that?
I read it somewhere,
But I don't remember.
What was that thing,
From last December?
I want to get ******,
and quiet my mind.
Smoke a bowl and chill,
Until it's almost alright.