we fall in love too easily
and fall apart faster
we love too serious
and hate much stronger
we cry over anything
especially boybands and boys
we judge other girls
with one flick of a hand
we eat too much
junk food and desserts
we sleep for too long
and hibernate on our days
we spend thousands
be it on make-up, clothes, or gadgets

all these left us drunk
we think tomorrow's hazy

how do we get sober again?
how do we face reality?

"I know what you're thinking," he says. "That today's just like any other day. That today is just your birthday; that other people are also born on the day you were born. And you're thinking: what is even so special about this day if other people are born too? If other people are much more talented, beautiful and lucky souls, then they deserve so much more than I do."

She replies him with a silent smile, waiting for him to construct his words-- to see what he could possible come up with to make this day, at least, brighter than the others.

"You know I love you, and I say this to you everyday. But just like any other soul, you are just as talented, beautiful and lucky. And what makes you special is that your existence makes me talented, beautiful and lucky in return. That's what makes you special to me. And I don't think I need a special or certain day to say all of this to you, because you're special in your whole life, from the moment you existed. You don't need a special day-- you have a special life."

She nods with a tinge of pride for him as it dusts her cheeks: she is glad she has someone like him who understands her.

He finishes, "This is why you're special to me. This is why I love you. And in the least, this day is a little more special that the others."

"When you're lonely,
what do you do?"

"I take pictures
of my favorite places."

"But why do you
keep taking
pictures of the same spots?"

"Because sometimes,
I wish
you'd appear
in one of them."

I was at the disco
Then everyone pointed
And said i was panicking
But i looked them in the eye
When i whipped my head around
And said "No, I'm the panic queen."

i'll summarize the painting
of my life with him in it.
it's a priceless work of art,
only love is the profit.

i raged crimson,
for the time you had to leave.
out of my stubborn anger,
the truth, i couldn't perceive.

i splashed shades of blue,
for the time i spent alone.
to feel so sad from everything,
melancholy was monochrome.

i planted green,
for the growing bitterness
of hating and loving you,
simultaneously like this.

i shined yellow
for the murderous thought
of the both of us,
turning brown, it rot.

i built up gray
for the concrete walls
of my cold, bare heart
every time you called.

then to black it faded,
everything was gone.
but white invaded
because light has come.

the pinks and purples,
suddenly arrived.
you finally came
yet somehow i have survived.

but for you to leave,
or if it's me to go,
let's stop each other.
for an unfinished painting
we wouldn't want to know.

What, exactly, is a star? It's made up of so many things. Scientifically, it's a body of gases rubbing off against each other to create friction and heat, thus turning into a ball of bright red or blue light. And as for airplanes, they're the only mode of transportation in the air; once a man's dream, now everday's reality. The airplane can travel to any corner of the world-- how cool and sweet is that?

I see you in airplanes. I imagine them as shooting stars, with me wishing for you. I also see you in the stars, also imagining them to be airplanes which are frozen in time, with who knows where they have traveled to in the past, or where they're bound to fly to.

I love you as the stars, and I love you as the airplanes. I love you either way. No matter how far you are or how far you will go, I know I can always find you out there, free in the skies.

i feel wistful
As the grey smoke
that escapes your lips

Reminiscing the past
Where i scolded you
For being careless of your health
And you promised
You wouldn't puff another ever
Since you didn't want me to worry

But ever since you left
I guess i couldn't help you anymore
And you went back to your old ways

Like you were living to die
And i was dying to live

And now i cannot do anything
To save you anymore
But to watch you turn yourself
Into ashes
Just like how we burned out

There were two piano pieces of Rachmaninoff's: Love's Joy and Love's Sorrow. Now she, the musician who lets the instrument cry for her, always chooses to play the latter piece. And he, the musician who seeks to pursue happiness with his instrument, asks her, "Why do you stick to sorrow?"
.
.
.
"So I can get used to it."

And in this summer heat,
I'm frozen like snow.
as soon as I fell like fall,
like spring, you had to go.

I wake up at daybreak,
but you were like the moon.
I tried to catch you like falling stars,
but night time left so soon.

In the waters, I'm a natural,
I can swim so I can't drown.
But you were my breath,
and I sunk without a sound.

Whenever you come around,
I know I'll never be spared.
You are my natural disaster,
and I'll always be unprepared.

every night
i sing a song
to the man
above the sea

every night
i long to reach
the lone moon
of which is he

every night
i wait to hear
the sailor
call out for me

every day
i hope by the bay
for we,
that cannot be

from everything
that wilts
comes forth
a blossom

my hands and my pen
may be getting older
but my words
stay a blooming garden

every goodbye
is the beginning
of a new hello

What happens when an artist falls in love with another artist?

She felt as if she wasn’t in love with another artist, but rather, a form of art. He was the kind of art that made artists think that their brains were the ones which conceived the idea of his existence. He was the type of art that made artists pray that their hands were the ones which molded and could touch his face. He was the category of art that made artists wish that their hearts were the ones which loved and could exhibit him to the world. He was the subject of art that made artists realize that their eyes followed him wherever he went.

It was nearing the year-end cold season. Tree leaves were turning a rusty color, ready to peel themselves off from the branches and fall, as the season suggests. This was her favorite time of the year: her being able to wear her autumnal wardrobe collection and her feelings relating to the descending movement of leaves. It was fall. And fall she did as well, for the boy who took up the featured gallery space in her mind of an art museum.

On one of the stone benches across the building of their college, she positioned herself, plugged in her ear buds, pressed play and closed her eyes. The playlist, dedicated to the boy who was a year younger than her, amplified the emotions she felt for him once again.

No, it isn’t strange to like one who’s younger than you, she thought. He is, after all, still towering at least nine inches over me. Crazy how the height of a person could make you tremble yet feel secure, and not to mention, could make them seem older.

He didn’t give the impression of an athlete, especially those fond of outdoors sports with sun exposure. He was pale with a soft glow, much like the first rays of the early morning sun around the time first period starts. He looked fragile with his thin stature. At least that was how her eyes saw him. To her, he was like a prized antique porcelain from the Orient—-a tall, thin, pale jar that held volumes of substance.

Her eyelids snapped open. Like a jar? How absurd, I can’t believe I just compared my crush to a jar, a nonliving object-

Her thoughtful monologue evaporated as soon as it condensed, for there he was, exiting the building. Since she sat directly across the entrance, it seemed as if he was walking over to her.

He was alone. This was her chance. She had pondered on this moment and had planned it out for months. After a bin of crumpled papers, two used pens and a tired brain and heart, she was done with writing her note and poem for him. The papers lay inside her bag, fragile and pale as the person she wrote to and for, yet to be exposed to the outside world.

Letting her eyes float over him, her senses flooded her being as her mind began to swim in the depths of what-if’s and maybe’s. She knew she was as frozen as arctic waters, and she hoped it was the breeze that made her shiver and not his gaze as he scanned his surroundings—her included. She hoped she wasn’t too obvious, at the same time, she hoped he wasn’t too oblivious.

But she could never tell if he was looking at her then. A sun ray peeked out from between the tree branches above and settled on his face, making his eyes disappear almost altogether, like the waning crescent from her favorite moon phases. He raised a long, bony hand to block the glare and soon, he was of her arm’s reach in search of a place to sit.

As much as she wanted him beside her, she didn’t want him beside her in that way. She didn’t want him to sit next to her just because there was space beside her. And she didn’t care if she was being too picky about the scenario. If something is meant to be, it will happen; one way or another.

After seeing her place her bag next to her on the bench (which took up the space he wanted to sit on), he averted his narrowed gaze to the crowded pavilions right behind her and moved on.

Was it a mistake? Was this the chance I missed? Was I supposed to let him sit with me and talk to me? The sudden invasion of such assumptions made her head spin at the reckless act. Now he probably thinks I’m selfish. He might even think I’m reserving the space for a friend. He might even think I’m waiting for my boyfriend, which I don’t have at all. Unless…

This was no time to think up a joke about adopting him as her boyfriend, though; she held the unspoken rule of “paycheck before boyfriend” close to her heart. Soon enough her thoughts settled as he took off his red backpack and sat on the newly vacated stone bench a few meters beside hers.

There it was again: the chance that returned for the second time because it pitied her heart that yearned to get close to his. And there was no denying that she did want to go up to him and introduce herself.

To any passing stranger, both of them seemed to be waiting for someone; perhaps, to be even waiting for each other without them realizing it.

Her hands were shaking. She couldn’t do this. Not right now, not yet, maybe not ever. She didn’t want to disrupt that peaceful life of his. He was the quiet type, and she didn’t want to embarrass herself in case she wouldn’t shut up once she said hello.

Writing in her journal during these unsteady moments made her hands calmer and more focused. Thus did fresh black ink for the boy blossom on a pristine page that very instant. Additionally, because her mind was in turmoil, she penned in expounded bullet forms.

- I want to know him. A lot. I want to know him because I like him.
I like him because I want to know him. I like him. A lot.
- Suddenly, school at 7am doesn’t seem so bad after all.
- He is wearing his navy blue, I suppose knit, pullover. It makes his shoulders wider and makes him taller. He gingerly took his phone out of his pocket, with those careful hands of his. I can imagine him holding my heart the same way. But my heart is the heart of a stranger, so would he be as gentle? I doubt so.
- I’m wearing my navy blue crochet pullover. This is too much of a coincidence. He pulls the navy blue top look off better than I can/do.
- A face like his belongs somewhere else but it seems as if his heart belongs here.
- I don’t care if people think he’s all I have on my mind this very moment. I want to write about him. They might think my writing is useless because it may seem like I’m immortalizing him. But they don’t realize that I write to express my feelings. Yes, my feelings for him will be magnified this way. Yes, my feelings for him will overwhelm me, the more I write about him. Then, before anyone knows it, I have already stopped thinking and writing about him. But for now, I am flooding my head with him. Because one day I know I won’t be able to contain another drop of him. I am flooding my head with him, only to drain him out of my heart in the end.
- I hope he doesn’t know that what I write and listen to have fragments of him. And I dedicate Taylor Swift’s old song Stay Beautiful to him because he deserves it.
- Superficial as my admiration of him may seem to be, I wish we could be friends (?!?) So I can admire him for real. And maybe get him his favorite snack on his birthday without the awkwardness of strangers.
- Wow. He’s looking in my directio-

No way. Is he looking at me? She held her breath again and casted so much of a side glance. It can’t possibly be me; he must have been looking at other captivating girls around me anyway.

The vibration of her cellphone made her tear her eyes away from him; she received a message from a friend whom she was to have lunch with.

Almost there, where are you?

His movement from her peripherals pulled her back to his presence again. He’s packing up? Already? But he just got here a few minutes ago, as much as I want to leave, I want him to stay… if that even makes sense…

He picked up his bag and stood up to walk over to her bench. One step, then two. His long strides were getting to her faster than she thought.

It was too soon. She felt it was still too early. It wasn’t time to get to know him.

Meet me at the carpark, she replied to her friend.

He was making his way to her with his impassive expression thanks to those eastern Asian eyes. Those same, tired eyes which caught her very own two years ago.

In the following seconds she was making her way past him. She held her head high and her shoulders back. He froze in place, confused if she made a mistake in missing him or if it was his mistake into thinking of her wanting to speak to him.

Today was not the day. Then and there she decided she wouldn’t talk to him, give him her note and poem, nor her attention and time. She didn’t even think of the imaginable future, which was unusual of her, if she would give him her number or even her heart in the time to come. One step, then two, she counted; I am walking away from you.

This was as far as she could get close and say hello to him—a walk-by and a silent goodbye.

we chased after each other
becoming dog-tired and yearning
to rest in each other's arms
i tried to reach out for him
my fingers almost touching his
but no matter how hard we try
we just can't seem to lock hands
i pushed at him and he did the same
i banged the wall, he called out my name
until our frustrations to hold each other
finally die down in our sleep
because he tells me i'm the light
and he's the shadow on the wall
and that is only how we can meet

And i would listen to paramore
to find those words i relate to
And i would turn the volume up
to numb the pain

The drums rock my mind
In tune with my heartbeat
As i scream out the lyrics
Those words i yearn to tell you
With the strums and guitar riffs
Which my heartstrings play out

I keep paramore on play
To express and numb it all more

**** me, heal me, with your love,
until my heart's confused
and my head is beating,
my lips won't speak,
but our eyes are meeting.
break me, hold me, in your arms,
if that will make you well,
then take me like a pill.
until we stop this lovesickness,
but to stop-- we never will.

Ten. Where are you? Are you there yet? It's been so long since we last met. I've missed you.

Nine. With only a few seconds to go, doesn't it feel like hours until we can be together once again?

Eight. Be patient. I'll be there soon enough. Wait for me.

Seven. Waiting sure does weigh an eternity. My heart is getting heavier by every passing moment.

Six. Think of the weight on your heart as a paper weight, atop the receipt I gave to you the last time we met, with our meeting place and time scrawled on it. Don't remove what anchors me to you.

Five. Pulling heartstrings won't get you anywhere, you know. Hope can be the worst betrayal.

Four. And hope can be the best loyalty. Now, will you hope and be loyal?

Three. Anything it takes to be, as long as it's with you. You have my pinky swear.

Two. Give me your four other fingers. And your eyes. And your attention. All of you, I miss it and I long for it.

One**. Midnight. He turned me around, 180 degrees, a half-moon, a lemon-slice, a perfect arc right into his arms. The minute hand has finally reached the hour hand. And our hands have finally reached each other.

Reaching my third year in college and still remembering the past easily really means that time spares no one or no memory. We could all grow out of our old skins to realize that our new shells are just as hollow as ever, deeming hopeless in life and its travesty. Nevertheless,  that's what makes us so human, bleeding out our murderous thoughts and spilling it onto paper. The feeling of wanting to empty yourself to be a coreless vessel again, void of any emotions, unreadable to a living soul. Some of us get there faster with a pen, or even a blade, each of us digging deeper to our own little numb world, to ease the pain of conflict within or to put out the flames that are thirsty for oxygen, until the very wicker within us crumbles to dust. Back to where we started off. Fine as the dirt beneath our feet with no sign of life and no capsule of memory.

I have been experiencing
a type of bleeding
And it's not those
Monthly lady pains
Nor is it those injuries
Of open wounds or of sliced veins

But rather a cut that's
Deep within in me
Which takes root in my heart
Because ever since you left that day
My whole being was already
Torn apart

we started a painting
when we met.
i was the artist,
and you weren't,
but i was okay with that.
you painted carelessly,
and i cleared up all your mistakes.
it was a beautiful portrait,
and i was beyond ecstasy.
but one day,
i guess you became tired.
holding brushes
and painting in blotches and strokes,
you decided to stop,
you quit and left me there.
i watched you walk out of the painting,
i watched you walk out of my life.
so then, very slowly
i grew more tired on my own.
from colors, to monochromatic.
from rainbow to black and white.
our painting turned dull.
one day, i ended it all,
never touching a single brush.
i never finished the painting.
how would i,
when inspiration is gone?
and only you,
were my inspiration.

When the tides crash and the waves retreat,
Doesn't the salty breeze make you feel poetic?
When the lightning clashes with its own kind and the thunder chases it,
Don't the sparks make you feel poetic?
When the wind blows and the leaves dance in the air,
Doesn't the autumn season make you feel poetic?
When the clouds disperse and the stars appear,
Doesn't the galaxies make you feel poetic?
When the rain falls and the mist forms on your skin,
Doesn't the nitrate smell make you feel poetic?
Because when i look at you,
and you look back at me
in the same way,
I know i feel poetic

Have you ever looked at someone and thought that they aren't completely good-looking, but they're so attractive like a raw form of art, and even emptiness?

People tell you to move on to the next (and real, pure) form of art but you see potential in this raw one, and you just want to watch that change; watch that space be filled up.

You think of that emptiness as something, because nothing is still something, no matter how paradoxical or illogical it seems.

You want to witness the metamorphosis and you believe that it will change before your eyes, so you watch close and just believe.

It's taking me awhile to move on to see more but this raw art piece really has taken the highlight exhibit in my art museum of a mind.

Maybe because I'm an artist, I'm positive about this and I just keep hoping I could witness the change, if not be the artist to do the change myself.

A certain raw art form in my life has been changing; I'm not able to observe closely but to hear about it is more than enough and relieves me.

To you who is reading this, we don't settle for the perfect in reality. In truth, there isn't a perfect in reality. We aren't all artists by profession or by the definition of 'artists', but once one learns to look at people this way, one can be an artist.

An artist believes, accepts, and appreciates; finding beauty in everything. Once you find beauty in even the most simple, mundane or raw form of art, you find the artist in you.

I am an earthquake. I shake up other people's lives and shatter their worlds. I swallow everything of theirs in greed, stealing every moment of their day in my selfish demands.

But he still chases me, records me down, keeps account of me and tells me that my destruction is beautiful, it's what makes me. He says he wants to keep on watching me, hoping to save me one day.

Somehow I feel like protecting him from myself. Somehow I want to destroy him.

Or maybe I can destroy myself first. That would destroy him.

Raindrops are the
guilty tears
of the sky.
She thinks that
everything bad
that happens
underneath her fold
is her fault.

to write and send a million letters to you,
then being returned back to me unread,
is like wishing on the stars in the sky,
which, in reality, are people who are dead.

wishing on falling leaves or feathers,
why must i use those things
if they themselves have fallen
from branches of life and free wings?

why would i believe in the luck of a penny,
when money can't buy your love?
the colorful palette will revert back to gray,
no matter how many rainbows are above.

there's one more thing i can wish upon;
they told me the moon's a way that's sure.
but how will my wish come true,
if it's you i'm wishing for?

And you felt every moment of it. He arrived like the night, creeping up to you slowly, to take you into his arms, to embrace you, to tell you it's going to be calm and to tell you it's time to sleep. He shadowed over your figure in bed, he whispered in your ear, his breath like the night breeze touching your hair, his fingers like the moonlight lighting up your ****** features.

But you forgot some things about the night too. How his eyes darkened, how the night was supposed to make you feel scared and alone. How you felt him stand up from the bed, how he slipped right out of your hold, how you suddenly felt the lonely chill like it gets much colder as dawn draws nearer.

And the moment you opened your eyes to the light, you watched him go. He left like night, but your day wasn't bright. You squinted through the sunlight, to see him slowly fade away. It felt like you were on the poles of the earth, waiting for the moon to come around again, getting sick of the sun. It felt all so wrong, to be soaked in the sun but to feel the cold biting at your skin.

The night was all just a dream; the day is nothing but a reality. And to wake up to the exact second where the borderline of the night and day or dream and reality fades, this is how he left you.

Depth doesn't scare her.
In fact, it's the one thing she looks for in almost everything.
She was a swimmer, one who floated face-up in deep waters-- in the pool, sea, and metaphorically, life.
Depth to her, was a symbol of freedom and significance.
She wasn't afraid of it or getting lost in it. If she let the tides carry her of their will and to the shore, she knows she wouldn't drown. In the end, she was at home in waters and their uncertain depths. She didn't always need to see the bottom or what is waiting for her. This was life to her.

The same applies to the winds of the night sky, where she was a light cloud with a fleeting presence. She would be here today, and the next moment she would be gone with the wind, swept up in the dark skies above, far off into the deep atmosphere.

All the more has she fallen deep for this certain person in her life, a descendant of Orion.
His eyes were as bright as Betelgeuse and were deeper than the darkest parts of the ocean. ****** into the whirlpools of his eyes, and into the windows of his soul, did she get a glimpse of how he was like.
She would give anything in exchange for a long soak: she was deep in her love for him.

On afternoons she finished her swimming regimen in the sea and headed to the hilltop sports complex before sundown.
There, she watched him shoot arrows with his long bow embraced by his long arms. His deft fingers positioned to hold the arrow in place, and she almost felt her heart stop like the way a criminal froze in surrender before a policeman pointing a gun at him.
Only in her case, he wasn't a policeman nor was she a criminal (unless watching him without him knowing would be considered stalking, therefore an offense), he held a bow, not a gun and that he was not aiming at her.

But the way his slender body heaved with every deep breath spurred a similar memory in her: steady, balanced and clear as the skies above and the waters beneath her body and surf board.
Just before the board and her arms slice through the water's surface tension; just before he releases the arrow which pierces through the light air around him. Staying still for so long to get the perfect posture puts a pressure on one's body. To see him let go with one eye shut for focus was a relieving sight to her.
She knew that familiar tension and expectation that surrounded him.
To her, watching him was like star gazing as always; he was, after all what she called a "descendant of Orion". He was the only thing she saw so bright and clear in that dim archery room and only the sunset casted soft shadows on his face.

She wondered if he would ever find out about the way she felt for him. Every time an arrow slipped through his fingers faster than a time-slip, she felt as if a part of him departed along with it.
Why was it so, she thought, that it seems like I'm loving the impossible; a night dream which won't be carried off and fulfilled by dawn? As if he was a dream too deep in my sea of memories, anchored to the bottom of improbability and unable to rise to the surface to make itself known to him.
A fresh salty breeze filled the air. This happened whenever the winds blew over the waves or when she didn't notice her own tears fall.

His life had a sense of leaving in it. It was either the way his arrows left him and his bow or when he left the sports complex; and in the future, leaves the town and leaves her life. It was more than decided that he was bound to leave the place and head back to the metropolis where he came from.
He belonged to the city of bright lights.
Nothing can ever compare to the way he shines, though, she said to no one but the winds and waves that build up her life.
He was a rocket fueled for takeoff. Ready anytime to leave, to return to the sky, back in the home of the stars.

And she was a mere girl who sought depth in her life:
the water, the sky,
their existence and his eyes.

I can't even tell if I've really gotten over you or I'm just numb to the fact that I've not forgotten you

i used to be a half-moon
looking for a sun
to help me shine
in the darkest nights

but i never thought about
finding another half-moon
until i saw you

and i have never felt so complete
so now we can glow brighter
when we're together

She sits at night
At her favorite spot
Which was her
Wooden bay window

To watch out when
The lightning strikes
And thunderstorms
Her favorite action show

The clash rings loud
In her ears
Gives her shivers
Dissolving fright

The dancing streaks
Glowing skies
Electrifying veins
Of blue and white

i heard him call me through the wind
and the smell of his scarf lingers around my neck.
he grabs my frosty fingers
and warms me up with an embrace.
standing outside starbucks,
waiting for his apple pie and my hot choco.
"Let's get inside, it's warmer there," his breath dances in the cold air, arms encircling around me tighter.
I shake my head and snowflakes melt against my beanie, head against his chest, hearing his clumsy heartbeat.
"No, being alone with you here in your arms is warm enough for me."

She tries to turn
her thoughts into pictures
I just simply put
mine into words
Hers is all in color
Mine's a grayscale world
It's understandable why
you would choose a rainbow like her
Instead of the writer in me
But please let me go
I'm no longer her anymore
I'm no longer the artist
I yearned to be

looking into
your eyes,
i wouldn't think
of getting lost
in them.

instead,
your eyes
are a getaway
where i find myself.

expectation's a sin in secret
and i think i might know why,
because somehow disappointment is apparent
no matter how many times you try.

to please those around you,
forgetting about yourself.
in the end it's all in vain
if your heart is on the shelf.

please don't expect from me
and don't make me promise
i'll fulfill your dreams.

it already seems like
i'm living your life,
i'm becoming you, it seems.

A little grin peeks out almost unnoticeable; an introduction, as the letters wax and take shape. Slippery from the thoughts, dripping and solidifying on paper. The wonderland of words has been entered.

2. A silver half of a plate, a yellow half of the nocturnal sun, an inked half of the paper. Imbalanced but semi-complete, words written halfway were still wholely thought of.

3. Midnight's peak is the best time to write. The full moon rises as the keyword is written. Clear as a mirror to reflect the emotion desired.

4. The ink is now running out, with the poem waning. It's coming to a close, growing into farewell's small smile. The process may be ending but the life of the product has just begun.

5. With the final curtain call of clouded skies and emptied minds, the poem is finished. The new moon take its place in the lives of people, invisible to the eye but fully felt with their hearts.

the drummer boy’s
existence is emphasized
not during holidays
or birthdays
but rather onstage
where he’s the true conductor
of the band
I see him as the heart of the band
the lifeline which pumps strength
and keeps the blood flowing

because it is only through his heart
and his beats
when the strings know when to strum
when the cords know when to sing
when the keys know when to play

whenever he’s onstage
whenever the heart beats
it is not only the song which lives
but the band as well

my eyes are like a camera,
clicking away at the view.
my heart is like a locket,
keeping a picture of me and you.

we don't need a filter,
to maintain model shots.
it's best when it's stolen,
like it is with our hearts.

the process will be long,
but we know it's worth the wait.
for the best pictures are the memories,
which we patiently create.