Paint me in new colors. I am tired of my usual half-attempts at dragging this out. Why do my hands feel so heavy? Lead numbness dragging hours into days I try to scraps off my old moldings but I'm stuck in this feedback loop of what will break me slowly because I want to be here, but at the same time I don't. Ambivalence kills. It seeds itself under my skin and I can't tear it out.
Peace and Tranquility is what existed before you came But you stepped in once more Making my heart create chaos with every rapid heartbeat Leaving me indecisive between my fragile heart and wise mind every step of the way You leave me ambivalent, conflicted, entangled within a cobweb of emotions and thoughts Contradicting one another and tearing me apart
In a bed of cosmic stars I floated on the winded lake lighted as the thunderstorm rolled holding peace as a new born babe so close that no one snatches it away
Now in a bridge waving the passersby as they sink to that very bed of green grass where locusts escape the evil eager shores that kiss and appease that very spark of tranquility the quietness of the resolved soul where my feet pace to finish a race the life wire of ambivalence at the door where it all makes sense
In bed with the cosmic stars I live unknown and invisible the underlay of my natural matter where I exist as a mere human being estranged to the world and it's effects
Standing stock still as your eyes bored into mine. Ambivalent of whether i should stay here or leave. Ignorant about the situation i have been in. Screaming in my blank face i'm just hopeless. Tears remain unshed inside, i broke apart. Watching you feed the flames, i stepped right in. the moment i was engulfed i knew that i was home.