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Broadsky Jul 23
I want to scream at you. I want to shout at you until it clicks; I'm the one for you. I'm the one you should have loved. I'm the one you should be smiling at when you wake up. You never should have let me go, I was sold. No refunds with this purchase. So you just left me on the side of the road and said you'd come back for me. Days passed, months passed, years passed. I've built a home while you've left, would you like a tour? When I finally move out will I ask you to come over? Even when you become single will you return my calls? Ha, if you become single. You're going to be 25 in November, I can't believe it. We broke up when you were 20 you said. That really shocked me. I wish you still read my poetry, I wish you still saw a future with me, I wish you had more patience, I wish you could have seen that you can’t use the same standards with me. I'm unlike anything you've ever held in your **** hands and you know I have the cosmos in my eyes. Did you want to venture beyond that? Was one universe completely devoted to you not enough? Oh right, money. I won't achieve my goals? My goals are to be happy, to be healthy and to heal myself of wounds caused by people who didnt believe in me like you. I am achieving my goals. It's amazing how well someone can do in the right environment. I dont think you get how abusive my father was, I dont think you realize I have dreams that I can't remember in the morning but my heart is racing and I can't breathe. These night terrors, moments of mania, moments of low, moments when I needed you. I needed you. You weren't there. How many times did I go to the hospital? Do you remember coming over to my house with beer and holding me while I slept after I got home? Do you remember going home when I told you I wanted you? I remember you fell back in love with me and I ******* pushed you away. What the ****. My life has been moving so fast ever since you left and I can't see you anymore. I’m spinning too fast and I'm holding my hand out for you to stop me. Every time my phone rings I pray it’s you. Every single time my phone chimes I hope it’s you telling me you miss me and that you want to see me. I want to beg you to come back but no one should do that. I want to push this girl off of you and kiss you instead, I want you to come behind me while I dance and move with me like we used to. Do you still watch the videos we made? We made a couple. We made a great couple. We were so ******* cute together. Poster couple, poster happy, hip, cool couple. With me you'd be reminded of the taste of life, with her she's reminding you to take the trash out. I wanted to make our ******* bed. I wanted to wash your ***** clothes and hang them up, I wanted to dust off our shelves with our pictures of all the vacations we took and the trinkets we picked up from them. I wanted to get our kids ready for school. I wanted to drop them off and kiss their curly haired heads. I wanted to walk around your father’s backyard barefoot, in a skirt, hair long as could be, with our son picking flowers. I impressed your father to a degree but without a degree I was still just a girl from a broken home with another excuse and then that’s all you began to see. And that ******* killed me.
I wrote this in December of 2018, I reread this just now and my jaw dropped. Sometimes I impress myself with my ability to explain just how badly I wanted you and just how badly you hurt me. I don’t feel this way anymore, I’ve finally healed from the lashes you cast upon me. I no longer look for you on those downtown streets and I no longer wish I was still yours, I learned what it meant to be loved by you... to be hurt by you and make no mistake I would push you away in a heartbeat if you wanted me back again.
fray narte Jun 28
And once and for all, I just want someone to tell my whole story to — all my realities and lies, all my lived experiences and suppressed wishes, my secrets, my regrets, my fears, my victories and my losses. I just want someone who’ll keep a record of who I was and who I am, in case I don’t make it — in case all of it fades with me tonight.
Abby Reynolds Sep 2018
Have you ever had the feeling
your heart had just bursted one too many times
maybe this time
it truly won't recover
from the wreckage
but oh my darling it will
your heart was never intended to be collateral damage in the warpath created by those who aren't brave enough to love you
& i'm so sorry they destroyed you in their wake of self destruction
but now the choice is yours
remain down in the dirt
bruised knees and angry tears
or
you can rise up
wipe the ashes from your skirt
piece your heart back together
take back the stolen bits
then keep on walking
until you find somewhere far enough
to remake your story
you have the choice to no longer remain collateral damage
instead
become the damage yourself
jh Mar 2018
i cant describe the feeling of walking down the bridge , the musician playing the most generic song ever,
but for some reason
at that moment it isn't generic.
in fact, its like walking into an air conditioned room after a long day of being in the hot sun, comfortable.
walking down the bridge felt comfortable.
not only comfortable, it felt right
i
felt right
i felt like i belonged,
the wind brushing my hair,
the sun complementing my complexion
i actually felt like i belonged somewhere
i complemented the sun, the sun complemented me,
i have
b l o s s o m ed
my foot is in front of the other, walking and walking,
it felt like i could walk forever
replaying the moment of serenity in my head making me feel
a l i v e
for the first time in forever
the bridge was amazing and i love living
Lunar Dec 2016
How can you know when something or someone is near or far? Or there or here? Is it the gravity felt between the souls of two people destined to be in each other's lives, similar to the moon and the ocean waves? Could it be the same feeling when you know a pair of eyes are on you in a crowded place, waiting to see what is brought upon by the twist of fates? Or maybe it's the pulling red string which stretches from two pinkies, thus binding two hearts together.  

...

I liken loving you to stargazing. On clear nights, the destination and direction--you-- are just as clear. Only the distance as usual, remains vague and vast, filling the space between us. With me reaching out to you, it was more hopeless than a child wishing on shooting stars. There were even times I had to wish for a shooting star; to wish for you falling down and into my arms.

I look for you in the places where I know I'd find you, and even in the places where I know I wouldn't. We're so close, yet so far, with every centimeter between us seeming like an eternity of a mile. You were immoveable, yet it seemed as if you were getting farther with every inch I moved closer to you. Neither my fingers nor my eyes could ever catch you.

And all so suddenly, on one clear night I realized: I didn't, couldn't and wouldn't get my answers to knowing how near or far you are to me.
Chapter 6 of Finding You.

To the ones who love--with distance.
Lunar Dec 2016
It's windy tonight. Not a cloud in sight. And the ever-glory of the mass blue sky was dotted once again with the friends of the sky. Guardian of my house, Orion, with his strong, bright 3-starred bow, burns steadily, as opposed to the Ursas of the north, with the bleak Polaris, its light a little faded due to the lights of the northern cityscapes.

I think of you in these circumstances. Whether you'd be looking at the sky as well, trying hard to find the connecting dots. Stay warm under this cool season, alright? I've yet to brush my teeth or even get my blanket and pillow, because I've decided to sleep under the stars tonight, and they're too beautiful for me to even pass a second without looking at them.

Just like how I think about you. My thoughts are still as the stars in the night sky, sometimes bleak and sometimes bold. I hope you never lose your way even if you feel like it. The Polaris will always be guiding you. My thoughts will always be guiding you. For you, I'll be constant as the stars above, so always know that you are loved.
Chapter 5 of Finding You
Lunar Dec 2016
I see your figure hunched over the old grand piano; I see your worn fingers slowly graze the keys which once locked our promises when you used to play me songs.

Now, I only feel the warmth of you as I sit on the piano bench, and when my fingers touch the keyboard. I have never felt any more monotonous and monochromatic than the notes and keys which I effortlessly hit.

I'm playing right, but why do I feel like I'm playing the biggest mistake of a song in my entire life?
Chapter 3 of Finding You
Lunar Dec 2016
What, exactly, is a star? It's made up of so many things. Scientifically, it's a body of gases rubbing off against each other to create friction and heat, thus turning into a ball of bright red or blue light. And as for airplanes, they're the only mode of transportation in the air; once a man's dream, now everday's reality. The airplane can travel to any corner of the world-- how cool and sweet is that?

I see you in airplanes. I imagine them as shooting stars, with me wishing for you. I also see you in the stars, also imagining them to be airplanes which are frozen in time, with who knows where they have traveled to in the past, or where they're bound to fly to.

I love you as the stars, and I love you as the airplanes. I love you either way. No matter how far you are or how far you will go, I know I can always find you out there, free in the skies.
Chapter 2 of Finding You
Lunar Dec 2016
A source of light in the dark. You were there every night, peeking behind the clouds, awaiting my return home from school or work. You may think you're a dull gray color but you shine brightest in the dark, to me.

I wish it was always night so that I'd get to see you in your fullest form-- the last thing before I close my eyes. Even when you're the invisible new moon, I know you're always watching me, giving attention to every big turn I make when I am restless in bed, and down to the tiniest movement under my eyelids when I am deep in a dream.

I want you to know that even if the dark pits of the night swallow you up and you feel like your light is burning out, I will always be here, looking up, looking for you. And looking towards the day when you show yourself and return to my sky again, as the moon that I've grown to love.
Chapter 1 of Finding You

Finding You: a little journal-entry series of descriptives and narratives of places where we find the ones we love.

Hello, friends! I've decided to start up a new series of writings that I have come up with for the past three months. I will be posting as much as i can, when I can. I hope this series runs for a while, with so much potential in what's to happen for the next day/week/month/year!

I hope you guys will be able to find the ones you love in this series of mine. Cheers to you all out there, and thank you for reading :)
riwa Dec 2016
I never know what to say when people ask me what I fear the most. Because yes, spiders are gross and weird and yes, ghosts terrify me, but how could I explain that at night instead of nightmares filled with monsters, mine are just of someone walking away? how can I say that I stay awake going over everything wrong I’ve ever done? how can I tell them that my biggest fear is me not being good enough? All my life i’ve worried too much about what people think about me, and lately i’ve gotten better at not thinking about it so much, but there is someone in my life right now that I really don’t want to lose, and I’m scared. I’m scared because I know I mess up a lot, I know that I get repetitive and boring and I ramble when I’m nervous. So how am I supposed to say that I know my constant asking for reassurance that they want me in their life gets tiresome, but it's because its hard for me to imagine that someone actually would? How do I explain that I have never loved myself enough, so the thought of anyone else loving me seems so strange? I am bad at expressing myself, I either show too much emotion or too little, and I'm scared that that's a good enough reason for someone to walk away.
this doesn't really make sense
12/9/16
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