have you ever held the sun in your hands
sometimes i carry it around in my pockets and forget it’s there
sometimes i feel so full of it that i believe in god again
what else is there besides
the streams of light peeking through magnolia leaves
who am i to the baseball shirt
to the blazer or the black fishnets or the crooked bottom teeth
it doesn’t matter
i smell lemon verbena laundry detergent and it’s like time travel
i’m in our west hollywood apartment again falling asleep on my right hip
sometimes i am forty-two but i am always fourteen
do you see me on the page or in the sidewalk cracks
i wish i didn’t care but i always do
where does it come from
the longing
the need to be loved by the things that we love
i hear a song or read a poem and i’m on my knees
i hate being looked at but
i’d do anything for you to see me

I do care about your loose hairband
that allow your tresses and mantle
to flow in the soft breeze,
Small ***** of sweat
trickle-down from forehead,
taking the route of the cheek,
And your both hands occupied in books
Effort vainly to subdue them-

I sit and watch this battle from our college corridor,
Dreaming and fantasizing to be your lover,
And leading the army of affection
Win this contest of tresses and mantle
for you.

Swaddled within your arms,
I feel my worries rush away
from my thoughts.
I am left with only
complete clarity
about my future with you.
My anxieties
seem to simply evaporate
when our limbs intertwine.

I feel he has created this kind of comfort that I’ve always lacked
A sense of security without feeling pressured to stay
A welcoming rather
An invitation to touch his soul

He creates this sense of history that is just developing but feels centuries old
He holds me with a strength that goes deeper than the definition in his biceps
He smiles with his whole heart that his dimples climb to reach his eyes
Which burn with an intensity of crashing waves in the ocean
He makes me feel warm.
And he's extended the offer of adoration that I willingly accept and give in return.

I see you
In some flickering byzantine light.
You smile without pretence
And your tesserae image
Eclipses the others
Inspiring a sense of wonder.

If the light should cease
And you to please
Hold out your hand to me
For too much life have I, my love
My strength would I share with thee.