When the house is quiet,
When the nighttime has come,
I am bombarded by thoughts
Of the things that I've done

A scratch on the record,
A static on VHS,
A mind bitterly thinking
About a discombobulated mess

I'm utterly happy,
Or so I believe,
Although it may not come across,
It may not be perceived

These thoughts are like alcohol
Dousing the flame
Don't come any closer
I'm already close to insane

midnight thoughts
shifting with the clock
closer & closer to the rays of sun
but mostly clouds stay in my mind
somehow strangely keen clouds
with your name written in delicate raindrops all over them
I see your greenish eyes flashing in the shadows of my mind like lightning bolts breaking through these clouds
and I hear your somewhat deep voice rattling my brain which, you should know by now, I'm going to compare to the thunder in my head
And this clashing, triumphant storm slowly subsides as I drift off to visions of you and my crooked blinds

Last night at what seemed very late
I went on a quite grand date
with a boy on the moon who took me fishing
which we ended up ditching
to go see a queen with loads of hate
who wanted our heads served on a plate
then we fell up for what seemed like hours
and landed near a very familiar tower
with hair draped down the side
and a voice hurrying to hide
after all the help we thought we could give,
we ran away just to live and wound up
caught in a witch's lair
who had an apple
and a princess with short, black hair
she seemed to be dead,
though we couldn't quite tell,
until a prince came and kissed her and began to yell
that she was more than alive,
more than alright,
with just a small but of poison left behind
and the book closed at that very late time
for I'd danced with the past
and God only knows, that never lasts

maybe I'm meant to be alone

A child's innocence is what I long for
Instead of worrying at every door

A child's innocence is what I long for
To feed my imagination with things worth more

A child's innocence is what I long for
To stop and be at peace for one second, sure

A child's innocence is what I long for
To play a teacher or doctor and find a cure
for this messed up world
with ups and downs
A child's innocence is what I long for

My hands, my eyes, my heart
They’ve done me wrong in this time of need
I control these things, therefore,
I let these things control me
And now I’m desperately searching for an escape, a peace
You are the refuge
My luxury in a sea of mediocrity
And I cry out to the sky,
For my core is rotten,
I’m a dying pig swarmed with flies, choking on cotton
But with you I’m not forgotten,
I’ll never be forgotten,
Renew my broken heart
That’s all I crave

Fragile hands,
Weathered and cracked,
Grasping onto the neck of the swan
They are tough,
Yet, all the while, their reach is gentle,
And they glide with the swan to the pond’s lively middle

Up

Up they go

   Ricocheting off the dancing beads of
      water
    
       doing the tango,
          
         the salsa,

            and, at last,

               ballroom.

It doesn't make sense
You left me entangled in your lies
Without a goodbye
Only a "let's be friends"
As you jumped right in the dating pool with another girl
But somehow
No matter how much you hurt me
Part of you is kept in my soul
And part of me still wants you to come back

A daily riddle has come to mind
Where abstract words break an abstract mind
Things once healed
Fall apart
After the moon hits the golden mark
Dilapidated eyes hear harsh lullabies
But no baby cries
No baby cries
Just you and I
Cries fit for the night
The dubious night
The doubtful night
The dangerous night
Our bittersweet night

I remember fingers entwined
Your hands pushing back my hair
Your heart running a race against time

A dust storm in your eye that would later leave me bereft of you
A gentle thumb rub that gave me a momentary epiphany causing me to hope in you and God too

The rush
Our feet fighting the fear of missing a step
Avoiding the evident chance of falling

You led me down those narrow stairs
Where every breath of destiny seemed to be calling
And it still is
Come back to me

I'm terribly
frightened to be alone
when it comes down to it
we are all alone
people pass
people come
but no one can actually ever stay
Independence is a virtue
but I want somebody to lean on
I'm frightened
of learning how to be alone
just a small dot living on a big dot with a huge mass of other dots on it
all searching for something
for something
maybe it's the same goals
maybe just maybe
love
but the biggest
and most true
we all wonder at some point in our life
what happens when we die
if we come,
live a short life,
and die,
There's gotta be something more
we search for eternity
I found eternity in your eyes & lost it when you left
so now I've looked for it again in God's eyes
and I believe I've found it

Happiness is
the warm feeling of seeing the one you love after a long time
the uncontrollable laughter you get around your friends
the smell of multiple candles lit at once
singing in the shower, rain, or even your room
a good book
a garden full of flowers
pursuing your goals
sitting under a shady tree in August
worshipping God
cuddling cute animals
holding hands
watching the sunset
watching the sunrise
drinking a cup of tea
traveling the world
Happiness is more than I can describe

You were the sudden taste of champagne on my tongue
you gave me a taste of my future
and gave me courage
making me explode with every feeling imaginable

You were the choker on my neck
restraining your emotions with a hint of humor
changing the past & making it present

You were the pencil in my hand
erasing everything I thought I knew about love and coming up with your own definition

You were the view from my window
giving me a peak into a curious, beautiful new world awaiting me the chance to explore

You were the fog after the storm
unknown & mysterious
causing me to wander

You were the puppeteer
putting on a show
with me as your puppet
only to leave within a matter of time

Love and practicality
A ladder leading into a tumbling dryer
Dangerous and blurred

Flowers with roots to hidden caves,
Caves known as the "heart and soul,”
Which we keep hidden

A tightripe balanced over the sea,
Inescapable and thrilling

I can't believe I spent wide awake nights thinking of you
I can't believe (I still don't) that you didn't feel the same way
I can't believe how utterly blind I was to think that you were "different" (what does that even mean?)
What a mess you made of me
Left me wrecked like a tornado
And it's all becoming clear now
I can't wait to find someone who puts you to shame
I can't wait to find someone who fits with me better than you ever could've

Although he may make your spine tingle and your stomach dance in its lonely pit, is it love?
Do you want to explore the wonders of his eyes for the rest of your life?
Do his lips make you want to kiss him all day long?
Does his voice put a smirk on your face?
Do you want to listen to his thoughts night and day?
Could his way with words put you to sleep like the sweetest lullaby?
So, just think
Before you give this person your life,
Make sure you want every single inch of them
Make sure they make you smile like you've never smiled before
And make sure that the love they give is as pure & effortlessly beautiful as a babbling brook

Books;
the very bearings of our souls
pages of emotions just dying to get out
the stories of our deepest secrets hiding in

Books;
form of communication passed through time
memories shared and people changed

Who knew some sheets with jotted down words could mean so much?

I've liked,
but have I truly loved?
Love is iridescent
It shows with magnificent colors,
but changes swiftly with every passerby


I don't want to be iridescent

Who are you
to pick on that person for things they can't change?
Who are you
to be so shallow & superficial?
Who are you
to not see the pain you cause with your words?
Who are you
to hurt the innocent?
Who are you
to hurt anyone?
Who are you?
Respect others
Spread love
We're all sisters & brothers
Share your thoughts,
while listening too,
this world wasn't made,
For just me or just you
It's a temporary home
That we can't take for granted
Because we will leave one day
And all that's left is what we've implanted
our thoughts & ideas
truly can change the world
everyone is a voice
waiting to be heard

You were found in my ignorances

The things I chose not to see in myself,
you found in me

This contagious, spontaneous, fun house walk-through, reflecting only the compassionate parts of us two

I've lost my mind
in a sea of dreams
It's floating around with my hopes and things
The only time I can see to reach it,
is when the tide comes in,
and my creativity subsides,
If that's the cost for a normal mind,
I'd rather be mad

A daily riddle
Has come to mind
Where abstract words
Break an abstract mind
And things once healed
Fall apart
After the moon hits that mark
Thoughts are runny
Dilapidated ears hear harsh lullabies
But no baby cries
Just you and I
Cries fit for the night
The dubious night
The doubtful night
The dangerous night
Our night

Making no sense is your forte
One day you're there
One day you aren't
You're like a wind
Rushing through my bones
Leaving me chilly
& the next day bare

You want to know what isolation is?

Standing in a crowded room while feeling like the only one there

Sitting alone at a table for two

Talking to someone and not hearing a single word they breath out

You see, isolation can be felt in many ways
Loneliness is universal

Every day we come and go with the same bad habits hidden behind empty eyes. We litter the world with fake happiness and vandalize walls with angry shouts. When do we make the decision to be happy?

But between life & death
What's the contrast, my dear,
In life, we have death
And in death, we have new life

Childhood is
summer nights spent playing outside with the crickets singing their song,
catching lightning bugs,
waltzing around sillily,
watching the Saturday cartoons,
fitting ring pops on your hand,
and begging your parents to let you stay up later than normal
Adulthood is
nostalgia of all these things aforementioned

From the smooth, delicate texture of fallen rose petals
To the soft, gentle blow of the spring wind,
God knew what he was doing when molding the earth
Looks can be deceiving
It's a beautiful haven
filled with love
and kindness
and controversy
and hate
How could something so striking be so deceitful?
With beauty, comes a price
I will choose not to
conform to society or
accept the wrongs of the world
Culture doesn't own me
God does
and He is my reason to live on this
poisonously gorgeous earth
In hope of a perfect heavenly home later

There comes a moment,
the recognition,
that the past is but a forlorn memory,
a figment of imagination entrancing its captors over and over
so,
we begin to look forward,
towards this alluring light,
this solid hope of a future,
thus paving the way for greatness,
forget not the longings of your past,
but use them to shape your ever-broadening future

From the day I met you
it was just one large homecoming,
I was walking on clouds,
and an array of stars guided me towards you,
while a choir of angels whispered lullabies in my ears,
all on account of being near to you

I'm sitting on my front porch
listening to the wind chimes
& loving myself
spending quality "me" time
as I watch the clouds roll by
Who said this day has to be about loving a romantic partner?

Mothers cried for their children to see
The threat of this nation and it's captivity
Liberty, life, and the pursuit of happiness
Was never the truth, you see

Submerged in rigorous waves,
Walking out among the decadent summer haze,
filled with peace and calm for the riveting scene in front of me,
But what do the crashing tidal waves really mean?
The world has a way of showing what we humans have done to it
Showing and telling really makes all the difference
Starting now, I will not be the one,
to take advantage of the magnificent sun,
or the bright crowded clouds,
or the misty afternoon rain,
For these are the epitome of beauty,
and technology is not,
so, I'm putting my foot down,
I'm refusing to let my mind rot
Beauty comes and goes
in mysterious ways
and some of its excellence,
is found on summer days

Why are girls compared to flowers?
We may be sensitive and sweet
But we are tougher than a diamond
We should be compared to
the wind
or the sky
so beautiful
& powerful
& necessary

Goodbyes are the epicenter of heartbreak,
Everything stemming from love & hate leads to those dreaded endings,
Their sneak attacks,
And foreshadowed arrivals,
Make them all the more horrific
But the worst of all
Is when one leaves
without
saying goodbye,
and you're left with a hole in the story,
a missing piece that isn't satisfied with new hellos & old letters,
They say the past shouldn't be repeated,
But I want more than anything to go back & finish off what was begun
I can't compare love & the past because, silly enough,
people tend to leave the things they love most behind,
so with that being said,
Goodbye

What is guilt?
It's the feeling in the bottom of your stomach that makes you want to *****

It's the antagonizing voice in your mind reminding you of what you've done

It's the hard forgiveness someone gives when you go behind their back

It's the love given by those you've hurt

What a wretched feeling that can only sometimes be removed

Gallant knights sweeping forth
A brave war they seek ahead
They can't seem to shake the feeling of stress forming storms that wish them dead
//One dreams of a life with the "perfect" girl
Another ponders a life of endless wealth
This one wants of food and clothes
That one wants to just be known
//But what none could see
And what none could plan
Is that world would come crashing in
//The vivacious boat full of ***** and broads
Seemed also to be full of snakes and frauds
//With every laugh and hearty drink
There seemed to be an equal thunder clap
They couldn't hide from the beast outside
That wished to swallow them whole and be satisfied
//Enemies can be hidden, and enemies can be shown, but not all trials and tribulations can be faced on your own

I said you were a weakness
I said you were a drug
And you could cure a lifetime of sadness with one of your hugs
I said that you were different
I said you understood
But now I see, you never could
I said that you were truthful
You said you wouldn't let go
But even with that promise
I feel you drifting farther so
I fear that I must go
I don't do little heartbreaks
I do full on emotional lakes
so I take back what I said
every single word
I can move on within time
I'm independent
I'm self assured
Haven't you heard?

Hazel
What a quite adorable name for an eye color
so bright
so beautiful
That's how I felt about you
And perhaps, I still do
I just wish you knew
Because, hazel eyes, all I can see is me and you

Some say karma is evil
but I believe jealousy is much worse

Up on a hill
Still in sight
Autumn browns and golds change with the night
But you stay the same
Snow falling down across your top
Each crystal like a stunning dagger
in the wind
And there you are, all the same
Though seasons change and colors fade, you never do
White house up on a hill, how I love you still

I've come to realize that
home isn't always the place with the welcome mat at the front door & cookies being made in the oven
or the suburban home with the white picket fence
or the cozy city apartment surrounded by lights & magic
but home is an idea or feeling you get
when around certain people
a house is only a place to live,
but a home is so much more
and suddenly I look around & realize I'm home

You're sitting on your grandmother's porch
Eating watermelon
Spitting out seeds
While grandpa is reading the Sunday paper
You feel a stillness, a peacefulness
to the rolling earth around you
and you understand
You'll never be in that exact moment again
The South has a way of holding your heart in a way you wouldn't know
Always wanting to leave
But when you actually do,
You miss it more than you could even miss a person
It's the stigma of home

You're one for
solid hellos
easy goodbyes
nervous chuckles
whispered lies
slow smirks
long glances
useless questions
many chances

I'm tired of waiting & letting life pass me by like a busy street with a neon road sign
I don't want to waste another day
Because these foolish infantile games are getting harder to play
No more sitting in front of the screen
I'll be working on my goals, if you know what I mean
Life's not a game for the weak or the sad
If you think of it that way, you'll end just as bad
So tonight I make my plans to start anew
(But who knows, by the time morning comes they may have fallen through)

***** you
for making me think you would stay
(It's been over a year and I still miss you)
***** you for not checking up on me
(I desperately wish you would've talked to me)
***** you for flirting but never taking action
(I think you know it was more than that)
***** you for breaking my heart with nostalgic memories
(Every time I think of last year, you always seem to be in the picture)
***** you for staring at me the way you did
(Your eyes changed me and now when I see them I just want to run away)
***** you for holding back your feelings for me
(I thought for sure you would've done something by now)
***** you for messing with my heart
(Hearts aren't made to be broken, no matter how much people say they are)
Ha and for the curtain call
***** you because I still like you
(Ignoring me and all)

I'm not one for boys who whisper sweet nothings into my ear & pass another girl & do the same thing,
I'm not a package
You can't ship me away when you get tired of me

Here I am sitting on a park bench
thinking about you

Yes, I miss you wildly
No, I will not crawl back

Being without you has made me tougher
I no longer rely on you and your quick, witty humor to get me through the day

So, as the sun falls,
and a new day begins,
I don't need you
The world is calling my name
for better things
that you may not be a part of


But, then again,
I wouldn't mind if you came along

I found myself a haven
between the wooded trees
there was no craze for technology
just me, myself, and my fantasies

I saw a flying bear & a time machine
floating in the air
when the clouds passed by
without a single care

There were no chaotic distractions
no messes to attend to
just walking down the sun-lit road
looking down the bend

There in my little haven
I realized that's what I wanted to be,
what my point of view should be,
imaginative, serene, happy, & carefree

Irony is perhaps the greatest figure of speech
The way you smile that fake smile when I know you aren't happy
Just like the Titanic was said to be unsinkable & look what happened there