Red angry lines scribbled on the page
The story of a lifetime
In each and every poem

Checks his cards with certainty
Poker face that shows no sign
Of the best cards he has and holds
Structured so, flawless design

---------------------------

He lays the King of Spades
The story goes he digs your grave
A brutal, merciless, powerful lord
On par with Satans' desire to destroy

--------------------------

Spreads his hand, checks again
The end is nigh for you, my friend
He smiles a little, it fits the moment
When he lays the dreaded Joker

----------------------------

Word has it, the Joker, a clown
Is the one who underneath his smile, a frown
He jests and contests with others simply for smiles
No currency has he, amusement his one bright fire

--------------------

The final card, Uno, one claims
The one thing society brutally maims
For each is unique, a vital part
When he plays the Ace of Hearts

-------------------------

"Thank you for playing me
Not many accept my challenge, you see
They call me Silence, the Blank Card
And my skill with words vastly admired"

*I just don't talk so much

I may seem heartless sometimes
But that's only on the outside
In my heart, in my mind
I'm still a boy inside

Whilst I may look like a man,
(What the hell, I'm tall enough)
And seem inhumane as anything
Getting through the day can be tough

Names yelled out at me
But I sweep it aside, mouth shut, no talk
What I didn't say is it collects,
Litter on the sidewalk

I may look the part
And act the part as well,
But in all honesty,
My mind isn't free
And on these insults I dwell

I've met a few weird people in my days
But honestly
Trust me
You take the cake

I told you I had a thing for you
Yet it didn't faze you at all
Here I was, trying to surprise
And ending up a fool!

We say ****** things
Like it's just casual talk
Oh how the others stare
At us when we walk!

I love how you simply don't care
No matter what we say
This is something I admire
And I really hope you stay

:)

**** it all
**** myself
**** life
And **** the world

I know there are people out there
Who are actually worth a ******* ****
But the rest of them can all burn
Whilst I grind my teeth and let my anger stir

What is it that you see
When you look inside of me?
Is it something crushed?
My soul with dark claws and violent lust?

This little ******
Gives me the strength
To keep pushing through
Yet another mindless day
And as I make my way
I pay my way
Hoping the world ends today

I'm sick of just sitting and doing nothing
I'd much rather be doing something
Perhaps with fire, perhaps with blade
And destroy this ******-up world we made!

Rend it useless, tear it apart
Watch as the blood spurts from the heart
Make the day the night and the darkness strong
And live in a world where I belong!

Everyone looks at me like I'm a freak
And how dare I open my mouth and speak
And sit back down, no-one cares
Yet they are surprised when he dares, oh how he dares!

Hostility to those who waste my time
Who dis both my body and my mind
When I break, then you will see
How I could break you just as easily!

Oh how I hate all this ****
That was written at the bottom in fine print
And the world we exist in as I speak,
And how we must be submissive and meek!

I will not submit to the torture
I will not submit to brainwash
So you can stand and face my fury
Or rip your maps and just get lost!

This isn't a new story;
In fact it's quite old
I may have mentioned it before
But now this story must be told

All through my Primary years
All I had was sweat and tears
I had no friends and too many fears
I couldn't even trust my peers

I kept my secrets hidden deep;
They began to devour me
I tried to talk to somebody,
Please oh please, anybody!

I had begun to play yard games with kids
Who weren't really my friends
They used and abused me every day
Until I felt like it was the end

I blurted it out to them
"Stop this, I can't take it!
I have Aspergers, *******,
Do you know how I deal with it?"

They didn't know how I did it
They were absolutely speechless
Now I regret saying it
Till then it was only known by teachers

My simple reply
To the question I posed them
"I don't"
And a new level of bullying began

Now "******" actually meant something
"*******" was introduced
I regret ever opening my mouth
And helping these new taunts be produced!

Had to move schools because we were moving house
My first term in new uniform, new school and different people
I had hoped that moving would get me friends and less enemies
But no matter where you go, it seems, people are still evil!

I had a crush on a girl that year
And she was always taken
She swapped boyfriends so fast they called her a ****
If I'm not mistaken

I wrote her letters, I was too shy to talk
And the best bit? She wrote back
I kept her letters to this very day
But I did not know she would betray!

She showed my letters to some guys
These guys who used to tease me
I only found out through a friend
When he said he'd seen the pieces

She'd scattered them at the school pond
I found a piece hidden in the grass
It dawned on me that all her beauty
Hid a ******* *******!

She knew I went down to the pond
I ******* SAID SO, IN MY LETTERS!
She didn't feel guilty then
I thought that she was better!

That friend who told me, by the way
I made halfway through the year
He is and was an absolute legend,
Is my friend Pal Tear

Moving on to Year 8
New Year, New Me, right?
******* hell it wasn't
First term, and already in a fight!

Betrayed again by someone who
I had the trust to call a friend
Trusting others is one of my flaws
So I get stabbed again and again

Year 9 comes around
People look but do not speak
There is no reason to diss me
I'm no longer shy, submissive and weak

Instead they **** my anger
As I found out in Year 10
Thought the torture was over
That it wouldn't happen again!

Food scraps thrown at me
Names called from afar
I pretend I just don't care
But it's all a great big façade

I started to ponder
The sharpness of blades
And how easy it would be to cut myself
And try and replace the pain

For a pain I could tolerate
That in good time I would love
The blade would be my bestest friend
When I'd had enough

And so it came to be
For I got set in bad ways
These old habits die rather slowly
I've been trying, for so many days

I made a promise to a girl
A girl I loved, now all is neutral
That I would try not to cut
That a blade is, by far, more than that kind of useful

I'm still trying to stop
To this very day
But although I do it very little
I still get by with my wicked ways

why is it like this
I don't understand
I gave my trust
Never my lust
But you slapped away my hand

"WHY IS IT LIKE THIS
I DON'T UNDERSTAND
I GAVE MY HEART
YOU RIPPED IT APART"

And now time ticks in grains of sand
Until I fall into the void
Where my soul will be destroyed
And I become a mindless droid

"Reach for the stars..."
A pity I can't because
I have a problem to deal with
And I can't be ignorant

I'm going to ask a few questions
If that's okay with you?
You may be saying, "why so nice now?"
Just wait for the abuse

Label this as YipYap,
I don't give a ****
Because I'm a predatory enemy
And you're literally a sitting duck

What I wanna know is,
How do you sleep at night?
Do you tuck your son in
Tell him everything's alright?

"Had a good day on the mean machine
And don't you know it kid,
That I managed, once again,
To be a cancerous little ****?"

"Apparently I'm starting to sound like
A badly scratched disk
Because punk, **** and woof *****
Are the only things I use to dis."

Like come on man,
At least be creative
Here I am, once again,
Rewriting your narrative

A story to be told
Been three days and it's getting old
Once was a front page hit
But now all copies have been sold

I thought as one grew older
He was supposed to mature
But you keep being worse than me
No sir, you ain't an entrepreneur

You can't construct ****
You just keep repeating
Even when it doesn't work
Your heart keeps pumping and bleeding

You play the pity party a tune
One that's supposed to warn
Everybody else about me
And how my sanity is gone

Go ahead, message my followers
They don't like you
Nobody in their right minds, with this knowledge
Would follow suit

Because you crazy *****
And a ******* funny ****
Tell me how you feel about me,
You ******* little runt!

Call me a woof *****
Do it, it turns me on
That's what I would say if I were you
With my head messed and so wrong

I own every name you throw
I wear them like a mask
So you won't see me coming when I hunt you down
And ******* in the ***

With words I use to ******
Theses words give me some pleasure
There's amusement in torture
It's infinite, a countless measure

Am I that annoying fly to you,
Buzzing around your head?
Like a vulture to carrion
Feeding off the dead?

When you go home tonight
Will you tell your son you're stressed?
Sit on his bed, hands on your head
Saying, "**** I've made a mess?"

I want an apology
Honest and sincere
Because in your words I sense no hurt
So keep going, I have no fear

You do not own me,
I'm Ronin Okami
A masterless wolf who owns
A vocabulary army

And we a duo,
Wolfspirit and I
And together we gonna smash you
By dropping from the sky

Surprise!

Fury of a Tiger
Grace of a Phoenix
Care of a Polar Bear
And Sly as a Mink

A boy and a girl
With a story to tell
About love, and lust
And a pit called Hell

He was young
First year in high school
He didn’t talk a lot
But was still told to shut up

He’d wander the yard
Head down and hands too
Sometimes he’d get lucky
And nothing’s what they’d do

But at times it never died
No matter how hard he tried
To fix all these problems
He just couldn’t solve ‘em

His friends never stayed
They’d leave or they’d fade
As time carried on
He couldn’t stay strong

That’s when he saw her
From his hiding corner
He happened to glance
And thought he could take a chance

He said “hey what’s your name?”
The introduction game
A game he’d never played
Yet still he would stay

From then on they talked
They laughed as they walked
Tell stories, and sing
Couldn’t believe this was happening

********

He fell for her
As you would expect
Her eyes and her hair
But love isn’t fair

She left him alone,
Cold and full of sorrow
Said he had changed
But he hadn’t one bit

Said she was wrong
To put her trust into him
He started to talk
But couldn’t begin

She turned and she left
Didn’t know what to do next
The one he cared for most
Just gone, just gone…

And so, he fell
From the heavens to hell
The impact broke his heart
And the demons tore him apart

And now she cries
Been a while since he died
He took his own life
Didn’t know what to live for
Anymore

I will not apologise
For what I thought was right

However, I will apologise
For any and all fright

(Boo. I'm not that scary)

You lie with a straight face
You are honest with a suspicious look
I can tell the difference
You are like an open book

Yet everyone believes you
And no-one trusts me
They see the straight face and believe
For they only believe what they can see

They like to see the evidence
Because they cannot hear the truth
They do one and not both
Now I don't mean to be rude

But why is everyone so blind?
Why can they not see?
That you are a treacherous spider
Oh what tangled webs you weave!

Reject my existence
Go on, ******* do it
If you don't ignore me you harass me
Stand by, wordless, as they throw ****

Where are you when I need you most?
Hanging around with your boyfriend of course
Stupid me, friends don't matter compared to him
Splitting you two up would require more than a forced divorce

Seriously, we exist, so stop sitting on his lap
And pay attention to your friends when they say they feel like crap
Why can't you spend time with us every once in a while?
Huh? Because you'd rather have no friends I see, and fiddle with his dial

And dust to dust
Rest in peace
This failed trust

A valiant effort
But no longer worth the time
Here lies our trust
At the end of the line

When you knock the side of your head,
Is anyone home?
Or is the only response
That dull echo?

As dull and as thick as the ******* who owns it
Buys his comments from others, yeah you loan it
You know it's ****** how I can't even be myself
In virtual reality without being picked on by someone else?!

Do I really threaten you by being an up-and-comer?
Do you run home to your basement, just to tell your mother?
******* your thumb and ******* cousins to forget your troubles
But it never works, I'm always here, you daft mother-******!

I'm a mother ******* ghost and I'mma haunt your soul
Turn stupidity to comedy and swallow it all whole
Make it fresh content, regardless of the consequence
Til you leave me alone, ******, and let me be myself!

You know nothing about me, do they call you Jon Snow?
You know nothing *****, so pack your bags and catch the last bus home
You're just embarrassing yourself, you're a laughing stock
Look at all the comments I made telling you to go **** yourself!

Do you see me now, huh? Am I what you expected?
That "woof *****" who by being himself got himself rejected?
Why can't you appreciate others man, and stop being your lack of brains' slave
And give this **** up before I contemplate digging your grave

Bound, forever bound
As words to promises are
Across the distance of time,
And the time taken to travel distance

I still feel her
Her conscious
Talking to me, as though through telepathy.
I still care

Although I never show it,
I was once in the spotlight
And now I scuttle in shadows
Wary of what I stumble into

I have to be wary
Or things will never be the same again

What you said, breaks me
And how I react, makes me
Seen some stuff that's shady
These memories, haunting

I tried to run, tried to fight
By tooth and claw, spit and bite
But sometimes, with head in hands
It hits so hard that I can't stand

Turns to red, drips to the floor
Zipping skin, can't take no more
Making mistakes that I can't face
And praying for it to be erased...

This broken life....
Live and die....

By my word, I will stand
Whether I'm alone, I. Don't
Care!

Fighting back, battlefront
Too familiar to get lost
With these words you draw my blood
Knock me down into the mud

You push me away...
Fading, every day!

By my word, I will stand
Whether I'm alone,
I don't care!

Use my mind, got a plan
Time to rise, to take a stand
Fight the evil, banish these demons
Internally so you can't see them

Better run, it's my time
To make or break this cursed lifeline
Face the darkness, fight to win
I'll say goodbye though it's not the end

*I will stand, alone again,
Til the end, I won't pretend
It's not easy but it must be done...

My thoughts need a voice
I just gotta make a choice
What should be said
And what should I keep in my head?

Pain is an experience I understand all too well
From the sting of winter to the inferno of Hell
The screams of torture you would never have heard
Because they stayed inside my head and stopped being words

They were in my throat but never left my mouth
Instead they turned tail and headed down south
They went into my heart, into my very soul
Took all the warmth from my body and turned it cold

Well-disposed warmth to others, unavailable to myself
That's when I started pretending to be someone else
So I convinced myself that love was all around
But in reality I had none for me and when I came to...

I hit the ground

Face first
In the dirt
Full of hurt

And I finally cried out