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veritas Jun 7
the rail digs into his back but there's a glint of shrapnel in those eyes tonight (satiety sweetheart where's your appetite?)
            a savage heart and a rictus grin
his mouth is open and then its caught flying burning trapped two men can make a hell of a scene in a rotting cell (but that is a discussion for another night)
              rough grips and curled toes
what good is trauma if you don't access it what good is a bird if it's still broken at the end if you pick it's feathers off one by one love him love him not love him love him not lovehim lovehimnot lovehimlovehimnot
             everything is alive tonight and the air is singing with it he can feel the hands pressing into his shoulders taking out a piece like payment but there is no running from prison
take pity on the people trying to save him take communion from the wine on his face
           a tongue darts along his lips but the blood runs down tracing his every curve every slip of skin and blooms a reticulation out like madness like wires like something bad something terrible something devilish a bad habit you can't kick a cigarette filter still burning through the ash
                                    he'll never walk.
inspired by that one picture of Andy Biersack from American Satan
Noah May 6
A down trodden path.

A rainy night.

Muddy boots.

****** hands.

Marching on.

And on.

And on.

Tear stained cheeks.

Eyes filled with terror.

Hopeless,

Lonely,

Broken,

and

Defeated.
5/5/19
Noah May 6
Bad days come and go
they weigh me down
they're heavy on my chest
they're a strain on my breath

Bad days come and go
they tire me out
they're a fog I can't clear
they're the blur in my eyes

Bad days come and go
they wear me down
they're cuts against my skin
they're the weariness in my bones

Bad days come and go
they come and go
they come and never go

It's just another bad day

Right?
5/5/19
Andy Apr 4
And I keep swimming towards you.
Even if the current pushes me away.
My stubborn self swallows its love for you, drowning, struggling to keep its head over water.
And they tell me you’re the lighthouse.
Even if you’re far away. Just keep swimming.
And I know you’re there. Waiting for me. But not just yet.

And my heart believes it all. What a fool.
A story about a girl.
Noah Oct 2018
He was the warrior king.
He was known for being strong.
He was Mogar.

Shallow breaths passed through his lips.
Hot tears rolled down his cheeks.

Arms wrapped tightly around him.
Knees pulled close to his chest.

He tried to hold himself together.

How did he get here?

Unable to laugh or smile.
Unmotivated and unfocused.
Unable to sleep or eat.

An empty shell.

Devoid of all emotion but one:

Shame

He was ashamed.
Ashamed he couldn't push through.
Ashamed he wasn’t strong enough.
Ashamed that he was broken

He was the warrior king.
10-17-18
Noah May 2018
If I die in a school shooting
I'll never go home again.
My room will sit unused,
A capsule frozen in time,
A snapshot of how I was.

If I die in a school shooting
I'll never see my dog again.
She will sit at the front door
Waiting for me and wondering,
Why I never came home.

If I die in a school shooting
I'll never graduate from high school.
My yearbooks will sit stacked
Stopped short of their goal,
Missing years that should have been.

If I die in a school shooting
I'll never see my mom again.
She will sit distraught,
Planning a funeral
For a child taken from her.

If I die in a school shooting
I'll never see my friends again.
They'll sit together, missing me.
One empty seat among them,
A constant reminder of their loss.

If I die in a school shooting
I'll never see my little sister again.
She will sit through high school
Knowing I can't guide her through,
That she has to figure it out alone.

If I die in a school shooting
My school will be stained.
Pools of students lives will sit,
Blood tattoos on the brick structures,
Marks of death ground into it.

If I die in a school shooting
Everyone will wear black.
They'll send their thoughts and prayers
To a town marred by death,
Forever to be the home of a shooting.

If I die in a school shooting
Will the world change?
Or will I become one of hundreds  
Of kids who have to die?
What will it take?

If things continue this way
Children will have to live in fear.
They'll look over their shoulders
Always worried and wondering,
If they'll die in a school shooting.
The state of Florida is now home to the two most deadly mass shootings in American history. Pulse Nightclub was attacked in my city, I have friends who attend Marjory Stoneman Douglas in Parkland. My little sister often fears going to school. I'm afraid to graduate and leave her. I want to be able to protect her if something happens. I hate that we have a reason to be afraid... That it's reasonable to have these fears. I hate it so f*cking much.
symbol of contemporary life
packaged, preserved,
instructions on the side.

simplicity of modern day,
pop stamped symmetrical;
hunter gatherer.

collect them into rows
italian chopped tomatoes
best before date, barcode.

tin can still bites,
like bramble thorns,
to repel against harvest.

boxed up comfortable living
adding edge to expectancy
countering convenience.
April 2018  (draft scribbles in 2015)
Kam Mar 2018
Oh, Andy-
speak to me in paints:
red, yellow, blue

When I told you I wouldn't be good at this,
an inability to sketch hands that punched at everything leaving me weak.
Keane's sorrow filled eyes upon oil made more sense to me.

I was never angry or mean, just sad and hopeless.
Lichtenstein was more your speed with obscene images of ******* women
and dialogue of broken hearts.

Van Gogh never made sense, but his attention to detail caught my eye.
To not know what goes on in your own head is identifiable so,
my head is art crafted by Picasso.

they hospitalize you once you've lopped your ear off
when giving a part of themselves to a lover.
I'm not cut out for this- the starving artist,
the tragic sketcher,
or the natural- born painter.

I've calloused my hands,
shed tears on pages of sketchbooks
put paint that looks childlike
and nothing worthwhile,
in all the time spent learning,
I've never learned how to be an artist.

I thought it was the mantra to be pained and miserable,
but you accounted for bold choices and vivid primary shades.
I feel betrayed, that my art alone, isn't enough to be good.

They will never frame my name,
or immortalize flaws in which could never be erased.

Like our conversation in my dream:
"I can't be mean." -Me
"Killing yourself isn't much different" -You

So Andy, what is the color I'm feeling? If it isn't blue?

—V.H.
A dream I had of speaking with Andy Warhol
Noah Mar 2018
“Life is a precious thing. I've learned that in my time on this earth.”
Life is a precious thing. I’ve learned that in my time on this earth.

“15 whole years of being a speck in oblivion.”
Seventeen years of being a speck in oblivion.

“I'm crying as I speak these words. I wish I could have made a mark on this world.”
This time I’m not crying as I write this. I see that I don’t need to make my mark.

“You know...... Just one thing to be remembered by. God this is so fault in our stars.”
I don’t need to be remembered widely. Living in a few hearts is all I need.

“I'm not ready for this. Three weeks to do what? Sit here and rot away?”
I don’t know if I’ll ever be ready but everyday is a gift to live and enjoy.

“Sleep and say goodbye to everyone I care about. This isn't how life should work.”
Goodbyes will never get easier but they’re never forever and that’s how life should work.

“You're supposed to grow old with the man of your dreams and tell stories to your grandkids.”
I’m going to grow old with the love of my life and recall my glory days with them.

“To get married and run off with cans on the back of your car.”
I’m going to get married in an old church and drive off in a classic car.

“I haven't even gotten to go to prom and dance with the guy I like.”
Prom this past year was amazing. I’ve never felt more loved than dancing in his arms.

“Because I don't care what people think. I want to go to college and stress out about school and homework and tests.”
I could care less what people think. I’m going off to college next year. I’m stressed about applications, and homework, and papers.

“That’s what teenagers do. They don't have to worry about how long their going to live and if their best friend will come and say goodbye.”
That’s just what teenagers do. I’m lucky that I no longer have to worry about how long I’m going to live.

“They have two arms and two legs. They do sports and hang in groups.”
I’m missing one of my legs. I run track and play basketball. I see my friends most every weekend.

“They go to the mall and the skate park. They don't have to care about anything, but I can't help but care because I can't stand see someone suffer the way I have.”
We hang out at the mall and each others’ houses. We all care about something, we’ve all felt pain, and we all don’t want another to feel the pain we’ve had.

“I know things could be worse, but they could be better too.”
Things could always be worse, but they don’t get better than this.
A response to 15 year old me's poem "Me ranting and Crying about wanting what can never happen"
Focus on the good, and
Remove the bad/negative in your life. Look with "fresh
Eyes" and
See the beauty that this world
Has to offer.....

Except we're destroying our world and each other
Yet no one cares. We need to wake up, and
Each of us make a change---Together we can
S**top this and make our world better!
©2017 McNally/Flanders, Inc.
I wrote this last month and now have a chance to upload it.
I love this song and wrote this in like 10 minutes.
Song title by Andy Grammer
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