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Dinamus Aug 3
It's a bitter taste
On the back of my tongue
The growing seed of hate
Spreading into my lungs
Why did it have to be like this.
I was always meant for more.
No, I know I did.
I deserved better.

But it will never be over.
I know that now.
That what's happened has happened
And that there is more to come.

How the lines are laid out.
All set to stone, my fate in the hands
Of some omnipotent fool.
There's not a ******* thing I can do.

Maybe things will be better
That's what I always hope at least
Maybe this time, it never hurts to try doesn't it?
But honestly, who am I kidding?

There really isn't a single thing
I can do to change what's inevitably going to come
All I can do is do
What I've always done.

Drown in my self -pity like the coward that I am.

its a cycle
Holly M Jan 21
Walking downtown, accompanied by my old friends Loneliness and Self-Pity,
I catch glimpses fleeting
Between the window panes
Of the curves and edges that make up
I grapple with how those two people
Two contradictory people
Came together to make up contradictory
A lump rises in my throat
As the intrusive thought overcomes me:
I am the worst of two contradictory people.
I am his need
To always be the smartest in the room,
To follow my whims and ambitions,
To leave.
I am her mouth drawn shut
Because to share myself is to lose myself
Even though there is nothing left to lose.
I am her need to be in the driver’s seat
To take control
Because the universe has already taken so much.
I have his Wanderer’s heart
But her feet keep me Grounded.
Ah, but you see,
I have taken these things
And made them something completely my own!
Now that I am self-aware,
I overthink these traits until
I am on the brink of Insanity,
Riddled with Anxiety,
And completely isolated in a
Prison of my own making.
Maybe there are people who would help,
But my lips are drawn shut,
And I am good at leaving.
So I walk downtown alone,
With my good friends Loneliness and Self-Pity,
Unsure of whether the wetness on my cheek
Is the falling of tears or rain,
And not caring which one is the Truth.
Flatfielder Dec 2020
In the picture
This old black and white
Had missed the lecture
Of being pointy no fright
Outraged in a moment
Wrong words the offensive
People move sideways
Their eyes evasive
Remaining ..
Their sillhouette
I retract
My heart seems to blush
All i am looking for now
The comfort of my shed
December blues
Lyda M Sourne Jan 2020
I cannot keep anything for myself

I cannot keep you for myself
As you are not mine to begin with

And I have to let you go
Like water streaming through cupped hands

Hoping you find happiness with someone else
Hoping you smile more with her

As I cannot give you what you want
I cannot love you as much as I want to

Because I have responsibilities
And you deserve more than what I can offer

And I can offer nothing but myself
Kelsey Oct 2019
"Be good,"
is something that people sometimes say
when they are saying good-bye.

I'm trying to be good.
Since missing you comes in waves,
I've secured a lifeboat
So I don't get swept away.
Instead of drowning in self-pity, I'm going to be good.

You didn't offer a good-bye.
You didn't offer any kind of sentiment such as "be good."
I might not be good yet, but I'm okay.
alexya Sep 2019
I've try my **** hardest to feel loved, accepted.

I lead people to fall in love, and leave them because I can. Even though I promised them different.

I complain about boys, but the boys aren't the problem it's me. I'm the one who makes these problems for myself because it's easier to push everyone away and deal with those consequences as they come, rather than to accept my forever fate. I say it's because I'm young, I can't find the one. I know all the right things to say, so they'll stick around, even after i've left them in the dust too many times, but I do know not to say love. It confuses them, and me.

I know love isn't in my heart, never has. Heartbreak started before I was born. When my father didn't want me, my mother couldn't have truly wanted me, after all she was 16, everyone around me was burdened by me before I even opened my eyes.

I hear it a lot, "you look, remind me of your mother" "You remind me so much of myself" "My mini me" You have the same issues, depression, bipolar, trust issues, and failure to commit, it's pretty insignificant, but it's lurking there, in my head. Scratch that it all races through my veins, and I'm surrounded by it, as everyone I know is infected by it too.

It commitment even real? As far as I know, it's something I couldn't even imagine. I have these people trying to get at me, claiming, "Let it be just me and you baby" but every time I fall for those lies, I can't help to start chasing a different one, more and more.

Picking up that bottle seems like second nature. Along with my issues, I was blessed with addiction, that's racing through my veins more than commitment isn't. I'm told not to let it get out of hand, after all I've seen what it does to people. But I can't help but find myself longing for the next time I can feel the warmth of that liquid as it slides down my throat. Longing for the next time I can place that skinny piece of paper between my fingers, lighting it as the smoke slithers down to find my lungs, inhaling to insure it's doing it's job, then exhaling to see the smoke dance around the air that's consuming me. Longing for the next time I can feel happiness. Longing for the next time I can punch something to release my anger, because we all know I can't do it creatively.
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