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Being alone for these years,
I have realized I was selling myself short
How?
By allowing men to come into my life
and not love me properly
not listen to me
not to understand me
But
to f* me
to lie to me
to make me feel good
for a lil' while not
a long run
Being alone for these long years,
I have realized I was selling myself short
...i played myself all these years...
Lyda M Sourne Jan 19
I cannot keep anything for myself

I cannot keep you for myself
As you are not mine to begin with

And I have to let you go
Like water streaming through cupped hands

Hoping you find happiness with someone else
Hoping you smile more with her

As I cannot give you what you want
I cannot love you as much as I want to

Because I have responsibilities
And you deserve more than what I can offer

And I can offer nothing but myself
Kelsey Oct 2019
"Be good,"
is something that people sometimes say
when they are saying good-bye.

I'm trying to be good.
Since missing you comes in waves,
I've secured a lifeboat
So I don't get swept away.
Instead of drowning in self-pity, I'm going to be good.

You didn't offer a good-bye.
You didn't offer any kind of sentiment such as "be good."
I might not be good yet, but I'm okay.
alexya Sep 2019
I've try my **** hardest to feel loved, accepted.

I lead people to fall in love, and leave them because I can. Even though I promised them different.

I complain about boys, but the boys aren't the problem it's me. I'm the one who makes these problems for myself because it's easier to push everyone away and deal with those consequences as they come, rather than to accept my forever fate. I say it's because I'm young, I can't find the one. I know all the right things to say, so they'll stick around, even after i've left them in the dust too many times, but I do know not to say love. It confuses them, and me.

I know love isn't in my heart, never has. Heartbreak started before I was born. When my father didn't want me, my mother couldn't have truly wanted me, after all she was 16, everyone around me was burdened by me before I even opened my eyes.

I hear it a lot, "you look, remind me of your mother" "You remind me so much of myself" "My mini me" You have the same issues, depression, bipolar, trust issues, and failure to commit, it's pretty insignificant, but it's lurking there, in my head. Scratch that it all races through my veins, and I'm surrounded by it, as everyone I know is infected by it too.

It commitment even real? As far as I know, it's something I couldn't even imagine. I have these people trying to get at me, claiming, "Let it be just me and you baby" but every time I fall for those lies, I can't help to start chasing a different one, more and more.

Picking up that bottle seems like second nature. Along with my issues, I was blessed with addiction, that's racing through my veins more than commitment isn't. I'm told not to let it get out of hand, after all I've seen what it does to people. But I can't help but find myself longing for the next time I can feel the warmth of that liquid as it slides down my throat. Longing for the next time I can place that skinny piece of paper between my fingers, lighting it as the smoke slithers down to find my lungs, inhaling to insure it's doing it's job, then exhaling to see the smoke dance around the air that's consuming me. Longing for the next time I can feel happiness. Longing for the next time I can punch something to release my anger, because we all know I can't do it creatively.
Is having self-pity
So much different than lying?
A poem every day.
Christina Maria Mar 2019
Closed inside a bubble of self pity
Thoughts of events gone wrong inside me
Trapped with no air to breathe in
Stuck in this reality for what it is believed in

c.m.l.
There’s nothing worse than a girl desperate for love:

A girl that pities herself enough to think she is so intrinsically broken
she couldn’t even connect with someone biologically destined to love her;
A girl stupid enough to learn that love is a reward that she must earn,
yet frantic enough to always work too hard for it;
A girl that overcompensates. Begs. Forces.
A girl that claims she ‘Doesn’t know what to do with love’
when it comes along, so that, naturally, she can smother it;
A girl who’s biggest fear is abandonment, yet is an expert on expecting too much;
A girl that’s waiting to be saved, but would tell you she doesn’t deserve it;
A girl that still obsesses over ways she has been bruised
when surrounded by people that have helped her heal;
A girl who’s self involved, with no sense of self;
A girl that cries. And cries. And cries.

There’s nothing worse than a girl desperate for love.
Infinity Jan 2019
I’m starving
Starved for security
Starved for salvation
Starved for serenity
The loneliness is tearing me to bits and pieces
I choose to scatter towards
Those who feign interest in the bits of me I dare to share
Florence says we all have a hunger
I must agree, for tears spring to my eyes at the words of her song
I’m starving for validation
Validate me!

5 4 3 2 1
It’s late at night, it has begun
I search for the saddest songs in my library
As sadness and loneliness create a cocktail
That slowly creeps into my bloodstream
Pumps into my heart
Spreads back into my body, mind and soul
Then the tears at the corners of my eyes spill onto my cheeks
And I drift into a dreamless sleep
Sarah Isma Nov 2018
I shouldn’t complain my loneliness,
because it is all self-applied,
The feelings i want to nourish,
They were all made up of such lies,
For it was i who imagined to be yours,
And it was i who longed to be loved,
The joy of wanting a partner,
I pretend to smile at you through a mirror,
I was foolish enough to let these emotions get to my head,
Although in some aspects I don’t think we have ever properly met,
In the distance of your glory all that i see,
Was another fate that was just not meant to be.
I guess i enjoy spending my saturday nights occasionally watching romantic comedies and reading jane austen, just squeezing my lonely heart unconsciously in pain, why do i enjoy it? I have no idea, but I can’t complain about it too much, if I’m able to dig this unnecessary thoughs up, then i should be able to fill back.
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