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Ren Feb 10
Ever since that evening,
I've come to realize that nothing I do will matter.

That evening, when you coaxed me into leaving everyone.
You told me that a better opportunity would never come, and I believed you.

So, that evening,
I followed your plans, I gave into your whispers.

You dropped capsules into a paper bathroom cup.
My hands were shaking.

You gave me the poisonous cup, turned the handle on the sink.
I filled it with cold water.

And there was the moment,
where I doubted the necessity of it.

Your hand grabbed my cheeks, sharp nails digging into my skin.
Screaming, shouting in my face.
"****** kid, worthless child! Do as you're told!"

I broke away from your grip,
downing the bitter liquid.

Only stopping to refill the cup,
chugging down the rest of the dissolved pills.

You walked me back to my room,
tucked me into bed.

Bade me farewell.
Told me there'd be consequences if I woke.

For an hour, I couldn't stop shivering.
My vision was blurry and splotchy.
My lungs burned with every breath until I finally fell asleep.

But, your plan had failed.
The next morning, I woke.

I spent the day laying around, barely eating.
Trying to get over sickening nausea and stomach pains.

Somehow, my body had gotten rid of the toxins
You're still here, I can't rid myself of you.

Ever since that evening,
I can't drink out of a paper cup without gagging.

Ever since that evening,
I've come to realize that nothing I do matters.
Written as if addressing depression.
Elizabeth Zenk Dec 2018
the way to numb the pain.
love is the novocaine,
the laughing gas,
the painkillers.
the mind melters
it takes your greatest aches and lets them disintegrate.
once love leaves, it decimates.
it decimates
Gopika Krishna Oct 2018
A loner that kills pain,
physical pain and for some
a drug for joy, for calmness.
Magical, as a single strike eliminates all the pain.

The loner once struck me into a deep sleep,
where I was floating, like a dream
calmness or a silent blissfulness
I don’t know what this loner made me feel
I just know that it was beautiful.
Silence, silence all over
and then a sudden interruption,
my friend’s panic stricken voice
calling me, waking me up.
Looking up I found her scared eyes,
scared, as in whether I was dead.

A fear outspread that day,
people who loved me feared the loner,
there was solidarity in their fear,
fear of losing me.
The loner was banished, once and for all.

Days passed, years passed,
pain was calmed using wrapped pills.
It never gave the calmness,
the blissfulness like the loner.
He is gone for so long now.

Today, as my body starts to quiver with pain,
I heard his voice,
a soothing voice, asking me
asking me to open the cellar
“Take me and I’ll put you out of your misery”

As I opened, I saw the loner
beautiful in blue.
I took him and all of a sudden
I found contentment in this strike after so long.
Calmness flooded in me once again,
I found happiness in this silent blissfulness.
Silence, silence all over.
But this time my sleep didn’t get interrupted,
for this time it was now and forever.

Dolo, the loner,
now I’m yours….forever.
imehsahdehahs Mar 2018
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Donna Jun 2017
I had bad headache
So I took a nurofen
And silenced a fly
Bethany G Blicq Jan 2017
someone once told me

that we are all addicted to something

something that takes the pain away

what if we are addicted to something

that brings the pain closer and closer

than ever

we may not all have an addiction to

pain

but some of us do

and we hurt ourselves too many times

sometimes the very thing we expect

to take the pain away

is that which brings it even closer
Written in 2017 (first poem of the New Year).
Bethany G. Blicq
Viseract Aug 2016
People hurt
Perfection is impossible
Efforts are put into both

No such thing as a perfect life
You can wish to be better, perhaps you can
But nobody can be the best

I tried to be the best
I wanted to be the best friend a guy can be
I have failed in this conquest

I placed efforts into Hippocrates Oath:
"First, Do No Harm"
Yet without meaning to I harmed anyway

Not just myself
No, this isn't me, me, me
As it always (usually) is

This is for my mates
And my friends
Difference being the genders involved

Mates are male,
Friends; female
Notice both start with the same letter?

That's me,
Organising things into some such logical order
To prevent falling into complete and utter chaos

It's a fixation of mine,
It just so happens it's also the way my mind works
Which even I, at times, fail to understand

My own mind; a concept, an idea,
One that at times fails itself
One that find self-harm acceptable, even understandable

I am such a hypocrite,
Instead of Hippocrates it's Hypocrites Oath:
"First, believe you won't do harm, believe it's bad,
And then do it anyway".

Some of this makes sense to you, Reader, I assume
Assuming that, of course, you can assume to know
What I assume you assume I'm talking about

Still following?
Okay, then I'm just rambling
Talking for no reason other than that I hate silence

I hate silence almost as much as I hate myself, at times
Silence is empty, like what I feel frequently
A genuine smile is a smile I wish to wear
(Not just to the Formal night I will be attending next year)

But how does one smile
When one has seen the truth of this world?
Cold, calculating and cruel, vicious and relentless

There is more wars then there are words to stop them
Only one world to hold these wars,
That at times words help to start

Not just talking about actual wars, either
Arguments that become full-blown hatred
Pain dosage as high as the painkillers to prevent them,
If not, higher...

I don't know what to think of myself,
Or this world that I live in
I've contemplated suicide on multiple accounts
Too "*****"to follow through...

But I have never done it, left, that is
I tried many, many, many times
But something... pulls me back

It's friendship. Family. Honour and Loyalty
I cannot leave those precious few I have
Until they themselves are gone

As long as everyone keeps living,
I guess I have to as well
Thank you for reading
*If you made it this far...
just had to get that out of my system. if you read the whole thing then thank you. If you got halfway through and got bored, or had a meeting to attend, a friend to befriend again... understandable. But I thank you all for your patience or (im)patience.
Viseract Jun 2016
"Truth hurts, so we all take painkillers called Lies."
Martin Narrod Oct 2015
How can we tell if anyone is at home?

I wish you had come in a box, I'd open you now
A tin can would be too small unless we were playing dares.

I don't accept these terms. We could have been arrested together
And then we'd have another piece of paper with our names on it to enjoy.

The letters I've been sending you are shorter.
I prefer when our names are closer to each other.

That copper lithograph you made and the limited edition prints,
Those are still so ******* rad.

You left that white leather bag with the gold hardware at our apartment,
Iridescent purple crochet needles, what appears to be the beginning of

An autobiography you must be putting together. I'd be lying if I said I washed and folded your clothes. I only folded them.

How long will someone's natural perfume stay on clothes?

I don't delete some period's.
Sometime's the worst punctuation is the kind that stays forever.

I miss you more than the addiction to painkillers I kept up until
Two months ago. I've been making the necessary upgrades.

They don't have a word for how much you mean to me.
A monogamous flightless bird that serves at the pleasure of its mate

Was the closest I came to showing you not only that I'd carry you
So you didn't have to walk over the scalding lava, but that

These limbs are fitted for your form. My legs will never grow weak.
Beautiful extraordinary things adults do with their mouths

For hours and hours and hours if they like.
After lips move and speaking does not require voices, whispers, or tells.

Waking up with my arms wrapped around your leg, My head laid
In the valley of your belly button.

Everything great of me was incubated with your body in our time.
It seems we shucked everything good from your tiny body

Until you lied yourself into believing you weren't worthy of such
Immense happiness and pleasure. You have not put me away.

Your lies were lies, if only to reinforce cognitive distortions.
Being brilliant and beautiful is the curse we agreed.

This venom is three years young and flying first class, one way, with four Checked bags, rocking forward to urge time forward.

What will bring the smiling back?

The temple mounds and eyelids sewn into the lines where lips
Greeted the fantastic strands of gleaming threads in your birth crown.

I have pictures of our pictures.
I have shoes for my shoes, and their tongues are hanging out.

We introduced each other to cool. I introduced you to your body
And for three years we ****** six times a day at least.

I wear your California necklace and studded leather cuff always.
Still nothing and no one could ever come between.

Heavy flow, blood letting, and mainstream apostrophes, and
Still we are bending time and making up gravity as we go along.

We became the Villains we hoped we'd become,
But the monster that is ripe on my skin is glowing.

This is the fight I'm not going to let up on, I will not sit down until your Cappuccino with agave and steamed milk is ready for you in bed.

You wait on me like a polaroid whose shadow looks to be a ghost
But ends in contrast and a lack of exposure.

I drank the poison too and left enough for you to use.
hurt britniwest addiction punctuation forever oxy opiates painkillers birds dreams dreamgirl mygirl mydreamgirl exposure photo photographer writer writing publish shadow selfloathing confusion jimihendrix  sanfrancisco sf california chicago hangingout tongues lips mouths kissing kiss ******* **** crusader warrior trials elliottsmith  paloalto lava true life nonfiction poem poet poetry beauty extraordinary tiny funsize lifestyle style mate wife come lost disappeared shoes gender apostrophes menarche periods period 20 mainstream jetstream private blood heavyflow Villains villain poison agave coffee cafe espresso sittingdown sleepgirl girls beauty lovers' spit beehives broken social scene portolavalley thebayarea the bay sfbay waiting waitingtodie waitingtolie neverforget infinitememories autumn fall winter photographicmemory recall nostalgia britniwest martinnarrod
Baylee Sep 2015
Painkillers intended to numb the pain
But they numb the heart from beating.

Administered to the ill and injured
Resulting in worse illness or injury.

An injury to the heart beat
To the collapsing lungs,
The vital components of life.

Without the medications,
The symptoms return
Full-fledged.

But with them, the ability
To function normally
Is absent.

The question at hand is
Whether it is better to suffer
From pain or numbness.
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