WickedHope: Poems

2.3k · Dec 2014

The Ocean Is Deep. My Shower Is Too Shallow To Drown In.

WickedHope Dec 2014

The Ocean Is Deep. My Shower Is Too Shallow To Drown In.

Framed Again
Somehow They're More Intriguing
I Don't Understand
Why
I've Decided To Abandon
The Thought Of You
And I'm Somehow
Drawn Back In

Done? Maybe?
(Written under time constraint... To be finished?)
- - -
Do you get it?

#love #metaphor #death #boy #water #unrequited #ocean #deep #drown #shower

2.3k · Mar 2015

(Wedding Dress? Take A Second Guess.)

WickedHope Mar 2015

(Wedding Dress? Take A Second Guess.)

Don't tell me your sins
I'm not your confessor
Don't tell me you're sorry
I'm not too forgiving
Don't feed me words
Like I'm starving for verbs
When it's authenticity
I've been deprived of

It's not a game of give and take
When all you can say is, "I didn't mean it"
Who do you pretend that you are
That you can stand here and ask me
"Do you believe in soul mates?"
"Will you take me home with you?"

We're far from a clean state
By now you and I are old fools
Who never get tired of this slow dance
Where I make myself the victim
And you get to hold the knife

(I keep parenthesizing.)
About a piece of my past
that lives next store to me now.
He wants what we "used to have,"
calls me his soul mate. Ha.
- - -
And for the record, the 'white dress =
wedding dress' jokes were never funny,
this I what I get for being different I guess.

2.3k · Sep 2014

Teaching Me To Salsa

WickedHope Sep 2014

Teaching Me To Salsa

I just had a memory
Of you skipping
Past me
In the streets of Brazil
At one in the morning

I just had a memory
Of you dancing
With me
In the streets of Brazil
At three in the morning

I just had a memory
Of you dipping me
Close to kissing me
In the streets of Brazil
At four in the morning

A tired, lopsided grin...
My legs like jelly...
Staring into your would-be, should-be green eyes...
At one, three, and four.
... Whatever happened to 2 a.m.?

#love #memories #iloveyou #dancing #bestfriend #missyou #twoam #brazil #salsa #wyd

2.3k · Nov 2014

"Real Or Not Real?" (10w)

WickedHope Nov 2014

"Real Or Not Real?" (10w)

Everyone is fake.

*I just want to find someone real...

Are you real?
- - -
(If you get the title, I love you.)

#love #life #alone #relationships #reality #real #insanity #10w #thingsiwriteonmyarms

2.2k · Aug 2021

Yesterday (10w)

WickedHope Aug 2021

Yesterday (10w)

you
made
me
beg
for
you
...
and
you
walked
away

I hate it when I don't get to be the cat.

#love #break #used #game #10w #yesterday

2.2k · Nov 2014

Lied

WickedHope Nov 2014

Lied

you took
everything
i ever threw at you
in perfect stride
how was i
supposed to know
that it was
all
a lie

Rethinking old things.
Again.

#trust #pain #fake #hurt #liar #selfharm #lie #secrets #catchme

2.2k · Jan 2015

Sugar, Spice, Rats, and Head Lice.

WickedHope Jan 2015

Sugar, Spice, Rats, and Head Lice.

I wish I was the one

who prepared

your meals,

so

I could spit in them.

If only you ate.
We're a couple of anorexic *******, aren't we?

#food #ana #disgust #spit

2.2k · Dec 2014

Please Try And Remain Calm

WickedHope Dec 2014

Please Try And Remain Calm

When he is hundreds of miles away
When he is right in front of you
When he forgets to talk to you
When he simply says hi
When he kisses another girl
When he surfaces in your memory
When he encourages you to meet new people
When he wants to meet up again
When he has to go back
When he forgets you as days turn into years
When he speaks to you less than his family does
When he tells you he loves you
When he introduces you as his friend
When he introduces you as a girl he used to know

Wow... writing this made me wicked sad...
About one guy or more...? Whatever, it doesn't really matter.
- - -
Guys, I'm so ******* lonely. I think the holidays are making me worse. :(

#love #lonely #boy #him #unrequited #he #calm #losingit #iamtheforgotten

2.2k · Nov 2014

It's Not Air Freshener

WickedHope Nov 2014

It's Not Air Freshener

Please
Don't spray
Your cheap **** all around
Like it's air freshener
I actually wear perfume
Classics: Yves Saint Laurent, Coco Chanel, Oscar de la Renta
I pay good money to stand out
So don't make me smell like you
And your cheap *** perfume

I hate people who coat their whole body in perfume/body spray, especially when there are people RIGHT NEXT TO YOU. Like, could you ******* go somewhere else please? Or maybe put that on at home?

#people #no #perfume

2.2k · Sep 2014

Hearing

WickedHope Sep 2014

Hearing

Forget medication
Forget alcohol
Forget cigarettes
Music is enough
To make me remember
To help me forget

I am depressed.

#suicide #alcohol #drugs #depressed #music #selfharm #smoking #addicted #inhalants

2.2k · Jan 2015

Better Off Dead, You Say? Why, Yes.

WickedHope Jan 2015

Better Off Dead, You Say? Why, Yes.

im unstable and crazy
and panicked and angry
and all of the terrible things

im foolish and weak
and frightened and bleak
and all of the terrible things

im annoying and reckless
and deadly and worthless
and all of the terrible things

die die, death by suicide? die die, death by suicide?
die die, death by suicide? die die, death by suicide?
die die, death by suicide? die die, death by suicide?

stop stop stop stop

#crazy #me #nothing #worthless #******* #stopit

2.1k · May 2015

Smudge

WickedHope May 2015

Smudge

A smudge
appears in the corner
of the eye,
of the view,
of sight.
Wipe away
the tear-less dripping drop.
Amethyst coated
fingers nervously working
to achieve perfection,
hoping that no one payed attention
to the flaw,
the flaw that is one among many,
the flawed that is one among many.

Maybe her make-up is smudged,
maybe she sees herself as one.

A sad piece that came out of a good mood.
I'm just not going to question it.
Normally don't even wear make-up.

#beauty #perfect #human #appearance #mirror #makeup #flaw #secular #smudge #skindeep

2.1k · Oct 2014

Carve Me A River

WickedHope Oct 2014

Carve Me A River

tranquil
blue
seas
are
over
rated

i prefer red rivers

flowing
from
my
wrists
and
hips

#hurt #bleed #selfharm #river #triggered #makeitgoaway

2.1k · Jan 2015

HP Bullies Are Getting Old (Dear LoveCraft (2.0))

WickedHope Jan 2015

HP Bullies Are Getting Old (Dear LoveCraft (2.0))

So apparently I'm a troll.
Funny, most joke I look elvish.
I think 5'6 is too tall to be a troll,
I could be mistaken though,
Afterall I've never had the displeasure
of meeting one in person.

So apparently I'm a troll, not sure why.
I think it has to do with some stuck up guy.
Can't we all just get along?
I just want to write and not be accused
of things that I'm not.
I think I'm done here, hope it's not too long.
I end with a sigh,
because I'm tired of this already.

You heard of Love Craft?
No? Well,
1) they're spamming, 2) they're attacking non trolls and 3) they are starting to come up with ******* reasons (like having 'too many' followers) to call people trolls.
I'm just sick of them. It's fine to make posts venting/warning about trolls, but I think they're taking it too far.
No, I don't support the real trolls either, I've had my share of complications with Carvo and Dov.

Do you guys think I'm a troll?

**Alright, now he's attacking Ember Evanescent because she defended me. He's officially ****** me off beyond belief now. What the **** man? She's wonderful, don't take your **** with me out on other people!! Yeah, people, BECAUSE WE'RE PEOPLE NOT TROLLS!!!! LEAVE EMBER THE **** ALONE!! I feel sick.

****He appears to have found some reason. Thank you, LoveCraft, sorry you feel offended by me. I'm glad you appear to be leaving the non-trolls alone now.
- - -

#old #really #bully #elf #lovecraft #trolls #stopattackingpeople #youdone

2.1k · Sep 2014

The Misfit

WickedHope Sep 2014

The Misfit

don't pity me
for my misfortune
nor question my
happy boredom
you need not understand
my joy at your upperhand

#misunderstood #content #freak #misfit

2.1k · Oct 2014

Don't

WickedHope Oct 2014

Don't

don't

grab me

control me

shove me

force me

don't

i'm not a toy

i'm not yours

i'm not okay

i'm already *b r o k e n

Living in fear because you thought you were entitled.
And even now, it always gets pushed too far by someone new.

#broken #fear #pain #stop #no #scar #dont #sexualassault

2.1k · Nov 2016

Plug me in to the sun.

WickedHope Nov 2016

Plug me in to the sun.

I deleted my life
and I hate my new programming.

#broken #******* #deadinside

2.0k · Dec 2014

An Ornament

WickedHope Dec 2014

An Ornament

|
|
- you-
draped
*me   all over
your greenery and
left me in the background
as  scenery,  treated  like  an
inanimate object, but some
decorations*    have
feelings

Supposed to look like an ornament...?

#love #abuse #neglect #christmas #ornament #youneverreallycared-didyou

2.0k · Dec 2014

Can We Be Okay Someday?

WickedHope Dec 2014

Can We Be Okay Someday?

If I promised not to hurt you,
                                    would you trust me not to?
If I told you I was sorry,
                                           would you believe me?
If I called you tonight,
                                          would you listen to my
                whimpers and whispers?

Surprise, I want you.

#love #heartbreak #trust #listen #whisper #tonight #promise #someday #whimper

2.0k · Oct 2014

Hell, In A Shell

WickedHope Oct 2014

Hell, In A Shell

sometimes i just sit here

and it's like my soul went away

i feel so empty, void of light, of day

just a blinking case, shell

containing nothing but a living hell

#hell #empty #me #shell #mymind #livinghell #myhead

2.0k · Jan 2015

Secondhand Kiss

WickedHope Jan 2015

Secondhand Kiss

the rim of your beer can
tastes like your stale cigarettes

I don't know... It happened, so I wrote it.

#love #kiss #lust #smoke #drink #cigarettes #beer #taste #secondhand

2.0k · Nov 2014

My Life Is Dominoes

WickedHope Nov 2014

My Life Is Dominoes

I look back
Now, and I can see how it all
Set up, to fall apart.
Looking back,
Dominos lining up to fall,
Standing tall at the start.

New piece in my old style.
Based on syllables and rhymes.

#regret #end #loss #fall #apart #never #start #dominoes #lookback

2.0k · Jan 2015

I, i, I

WickedHope Jan 2015

I, i, I

I wear baggy clothes so that I can feel skinnier.
I reread all of the notes I've saved almost every night.
I write really loopy because it's hard for me to let go.
I close my eyes and imagine things, constantly.
I paint with black because colors are too interesting.
I rub my face when I'm stressed, or I claw at my skin.
I wear my hair over my face so I can't see people staring.
I hate liquid eyeliner, insincerity, and pomegranates.
I love being in the rain because it stings, cleans, drenches.
I want to either die young or marry young, always have.
I try to walk everywhere I go so I can lose more weight.
I wish I remembered how to be happy.

Some things that don't matter.

#happiness #i #me #****** #wickedhope

2.0k · Oct 2014

Twenty-First Century Girl

WickedHope Oct 2014

Twenty-First Century Girl

hi
nice to meet you
i'm just a ****** object
***** of her innocence
(or should i call myself it
to complete the analogy)

#girl #*** #woman #object

2.0k · Feb 2022

Vampire Bites Are Never Sample Sized (And Neither Is Time With You)

WickedHope Feb 2022

Vampire Bites Are Never Sample Sized (And Neither Is Time With You)

Hands on my throat always crushing me down, putting me out, and turning me on
I don't know how you got here but won't you stay and laugh dear
Know one needs to know what we do when we're alone
She don't even miss you and he will never know
Intoxicatingly delicious, so much so it's suspicious
How can you taste so good when the flavor's all wrong
Not sure what I'm doing but I promise I won't stay long
Pin me, choke me, bruise me colorful until I'm pacified
Scream until your throat bleeds every time your heart beats
Necromancy not love, just enough to pretend we're alive
Our fingertips glow in red hot brands leaving us hissing
Cut open from sharp tongues clashing and kissing
Leave through the window never the door
Or you might knock again and ask me for more

Let's have an affair
XOXO George

#love #affair #painful #unrequited #choke #lust

2.0k · Sep 2014

I'm Captivated

WickedHope Sep 2014

I'm Captivated

I inhale you deeply
You wake me up
And make me sleepy

My hands all over you
But it's okay cause
Yours are on me too

Arms and legs tangled
Look at us, together
Broken and mangled

As I first taste you
I decide to sample
Each piece, so new

You are wonderful
Idiosyncratic
My kind of wonderwall

Yeah, this just kinda happened so... :"

#love #romance #moments #wonderful #intimate #wonderwall #peculiar

2.0k · Sep 2014

10 Words You Need To Understand

WickedHope Sep 2014

10 Words You Need To Understand

I push you away
But I want you to stay.

I ruin every good thing in my life.
If I asked, would you stay with me tonight?

#stay #10w

2.0k · Sep 2021

Winter Has Burned Me

WickedHope Sep 2021

Winter Has Burned Me

All blood is precious
Blasphemy to spill
But some when it's let loose
Has a delicious, intoxicating feel

I used to think you were just rude,
but I guess you're a ****** too.

#blood #selfharm #suicide #addict #drowning

2.0k · Dec 2014

Look At Me

WickedHope Dec 2014

Look At Me

I used to be able to look at you and you'd know
You used to beg me to stop
You used to make me stop
You were the only one

But I just looked at you and you looked right back
You looked at me like I was a crazy person

At least you finally figured it out, I guess

Darling KB... I'm so gone.

#look #iwanttodie #mylifeisfallinapart

2.0k · Dec 2014

It's 70°F And Freezing (5w)

WickedHope Dec 2014

It's 70°F And Freezing (5w)

Why am I so lonely?

I just...
Hate myself for being so lonely,
it's pathetic.

#lonely #alone #pathetic #cold #freezing #hot #5w

1.9k · Sep 2014

First Kiss

WickedHope Sep 2014

First Kiss

She was delicious
Something else
I never knew how girls could taste
She's still beautiful
Those moments we shared

She refuses to admit
Our chemistry
She's straight
I am too
But I'm not ashamed
Of the confusion
In our shared past

Not ashamed to admit
A girl was
My first,
Second, and
Third kiss

I thought I was lesbian for a while, which really conflicted with my Catholic beliefs. I'm straight, now I'm sure, but I still love everyone who isn't ;)

#love #kiss #first #gay #past #friendship #lesbian #catholic

1.9k · Aug 2021

I Still Day Dream About Gouging Your Eyes Out

WickedHope Aug 2021

I Still Day Dream About Gouging Your Eyes Out

Everytime you
Whispered
In her ear
The car swerved
Each time
You slid
Your fingers
Over her shoulder
I grew unnerved
You looked
At me
And said
Your fantasy
Was between us
I never hated you more than then
She sobbed
I cussed
I hope
Someday
You know how it feels
To want to
**** a man
And drive away

Please don't drink and drive,
But for ***** sake please dont drink and hitchhike.

I hate that she told you.

#assualt #**** #drunk #hitchhike

1.9k · Dec 2014

Shadows That Erase

WickedHope Dec 2014

Shadows That Erase

Meet me somewhere dark,
and I'll try to shake
the trauma induced erotophobia
long enough to be
worth your while.

Meet me somewhere dark,
and I'll be so invisible
that I'll be comfortable being seen.
And don't worry,
I bite, hard.

Shh, not real.
Let's just pretend
none of this is real,
just like I'm not real.
Shh.

#need #lust #dark #shadow #forget #shh #seen #fwb #erotophobia

1.9k · Mar 2015

When You Wonder Too Much The World Around You Becomes A Diseased Cactus That You Find Yourself Incapable Of Pruning

WickedHope Mar 2015

When You Wonder Too Much The World Around You Becomes A Diseased Cactus That You Find Yourself Incapable Of Pruning

I* a *m d e e p l y
p e r t u r b e d .

#fear #anxiety #thoughts #if #stress #wonder #disease #disturbed #perturbed

1.9k · Oct 2014

Restless, Settle, Destroy

WickedHope Oct 2014

Restless, Settle, Destroy

if anyone cared
maybe i wouldn't be here
this limbo, this in-between
there's nothing left to do, nothing to be seen
just waiting for the day
i have enough and make it go away
how liberating and terrifying
will that last breath feel on my lips
broken, hiding - i'm already dying
for now i settle for a quick fix

#suicide #broken #depression #alcohol #drugs #destroy #*** #selfharm #helpme #fuckingwhy

1.9k · Dec 2014

Infuriating Intoxication (17w)

WickedHope Dec 2014

Infuriating Intoxication (17w)

Some          times
I    want    to    kiss    you
as   much   as   I   want   to   knock
your        teeth        out,
darling.

Supposed to be in the shape of lips. Whatever.
You infuriating intoxication.

#kiss #abuse #hit #teeth #intoxication #biteme #infuriating

1.9k · Nov 2014

Icicle

WickedHope Nov 2014

Icicle

****** freezing.
That's what I am.
Ice cold
To the touch.

Icicle heart
Skin cold as snow
Lips that are blue
Arms that can't move
Feet frozen in place

I can't love you
Can't feel you
Can't kiss you
Wouldn't be able to touch you if I tried
I can't even take a ****** step closer

I am frosted over
Praying for someone
To come along
And thaw me out

He was so close, so ******* close.
And he had to ******* leave...

#love #need #ice #help #abandoned #cold #someone #frozen #thaw #incapable

1.9k · Jan 2015

No Good, Too Good

WickedHope Jan 2015

No Good, Too Good

What are the things that you wish to remember about me
You better write them down before they all slip away
I keep having this recurring dream recurring nightmare
That you forget about me or remember only the bad
Or only the good but not me never all of me for who I am

Shh, keep talking and maybe your tongue will fall off. Hahahahaha.
What what what what. Blood.

#good #bad #wrong #forget #remember #me #nothing #3am

1.9k · Dec 2014

Christmas Present (Challenge by Creep That Loved You)

WickedHope Dec 2014

Christmas Present (Challenge by Creep That Loved You)

All I want this year is
Just a little bottle
Or a little jar
With a little something
To make me a lot forgetful
About you
Because I'm tired
Of memories
About you
Christmas or otherwise

Andrew, why?

#heartbreak #sad #hurt #forget #high #christmas #bottle #inhalants #alliwantforchristmas

1.9k · Aug 2015

You're A College Student Now

WickedHope Aug 2015

You're A College Student Now

When you pack and unpack
And move into your dorm
What will you do
With the memories I tucked into your hand
With the hand I gave you to trust
With the smile that you always summon from me
With the words I made sure you heard
With the heart I've given you

Will you bring them with you
Or leave them for your brothers to pick through

I just want you to be happy.
I love you and I believe in you. You've always been so smart. You can do this, even if you are afraid you can't.

#love #future #boyfriend #change #college #bestfriend #uncertain #whatnow

1.8k · Dec 2014

Happy thoughts? (10w)

WickedHope Dec 2014

Happy thoughts? (10w)

Some                   times
when                  I use

kni                                        ves,
I am                                imag
ining                 your
jugular.

Don't ever touch me again.
EVER.

#blood #10w #game #scar #knife #violent #torture #sexualassault #areyoustillintoplayinggames

1.8k · Sep 2014

Taste

WickedHope Sep 2014

Taste

I want to taste you
feel you
bite you
be with you
on you
under you

I want hands
everywhere
holding
grabbing
pulling
closer
closer

the intimacy
I wish to share
heat of your breath
heat of your touch
I will never get enough

I want to taste the *** on you.
But you are too far away for me to grasp onto.

#want #desire #**** #*** #more #give #intimacy #**** #texts #mmm

1.8k · Oct 2014

Ridiculous Relief

WickedHope Oct 2014

Ridiculous Relief

When you finally reply to my messages,
Why am I so relieved I could cry?

#relief #text #ridiculous #stupidfuckinggirl

1.8k · Mar 2017

Breathe Me In Like Your Last

WickedHope Mar 2017

Breathe Me In Like Your Last

Breathe me in like your last cigarette,
because you swear you're going to quit,
as the smoke swirls past your head
and heads east.

Drain my cup like the last coffee
you pour yourself, even though it's 11 pm
and you really should go to bed soon
because you never sleep enough.

Color between my lines like you tried
to show your little sister, when she stole
your colored pencils and scribbled
all through your sketchbook.

Give me the kind of attention you give
sunset on the beach,
because someting about it makes time stop
and brings you peace.

Love me,
even though the only time you ever thought
love just might be more than a façade or a con
left you detached and empty.

Love me,
because I promise
I'm already trying
to love you.

Verbs.

#love #life #relationships #beauty #bad #me #habits #wickedhope

1.8k · Dec 2014

Change And Decay

WickedHope Dec 2014

Change And Decay

The spring breeze blew
The summer haze heated
The fall leaves left
The winter frost froze

The summer haze heated
Lost fish tried to swim
The winter frost froze
Weary travelers turned to dust

Lost fish tried to swim
Fog retreated into itself
Weary travelers turned to dust
Time stopped counting

The spring breeze blew
Fog retreated into itself
Time stopped counting
The fall leaves left

#life #death #fall #nature #change #seasons #decay #pantoum #doyougetit #shutupplease

1.8k · Dec 2014

I Want The Sky to Hold Him Like I Couldn't ~ In Loving Memory Of Andy~

WickedHope Dec 2014

I Want The Sky to Hold Him Like I Couldn't ~ In Loving Memory Of Andy~

Why isn't the sky crying?
When the most beautiful soul has reached up to meet it?
Shouldn't such an embrace bring tears?
Or sunshine?
Why now, is all black and quiet?
Traffic continues when my heart has stopped.
The sky holds the love of my heart
That I never could.
And I'm crying,
And the sky is quiet.
I just hope the sky knows how lucky it is.
And I hope my love, my darling, can see me from somewhere
And know how much I love him still.

Please like and repost this, this is probably the only time I'll ever ask.
Andy was extremely important to me.

#love #death #loss #thisisforandy #anewreligion #ripandy #legendsneverdie #angelgainedhiswings

1.8k · Jan 2015

Cast Iron and Hands

WickedHope Jan 2015

Cast Iron and Hands

I hate me, I hate me, I hate me
For being so jealous, possessive, angry
Why do I ruin everything
By claiming each as my own
Why can't I just let things go
I lead myself to further pain
I keep saying "my" and "mine"
And expecting a long time
I don't, don't want to share
I don't, don't want to care
Not even fair, when I act this way
I'm the one who'll never stay
I keep setting myself up to fail
Punishment in my own twisted jail

I make people my whole world
I orbit someone like they're my sun
But it's cold, being left in space
They never wanted me in the first place

****** poem about ****** me.
- - -
I'm in the midst of a violent outburst.
Thought this would help me stop.
It didn't.

#******

1.8k · Jan 2015

Pink Poinsettia

WickedHope Jan 2015

Pink Poinsettia

Pink poinsettia petals
Are really just leaves
What makes them so rosy
Or the red ones bleed

I think they are quite like me
All year round my mother
Grows them in our house
Most days they must stay inside
I do the same, in here I hide

Leaves green, on occasion wilting
My smile white, I'm always faking
Potted plant, forced to grow
On one, set path chosen for it
By my mother like she does for me

Pink poinsettia petals
Are really just leaves
What makes them so rosy
Or the red ones bleed

I like the stanza that I repeated, it's from the original version I wrote, I lost the rest though. I tried to re-write it but... I'm not pleased in the slightest.

#life #winter #me #grow #parallels #poinsettia #imaplant #sorryicantwritelately

1.8k · Sep 2014

Wax

WickedHope Sep 2014

Wax

Sometimes I wonder who actually cares
And then I laugh at myself bitterly
Because if I don't give a ****
I have no right
No right
To ask you to care
So I'll just hold my wax
Up to this candle
And melt away
Until I'm no longer recognizable

#suicide #helpless #alone #selfharm #addict #nope #****** #ideservetodie

1.8k · Sep 2014

Impromptu

WickedHope Sep 2014

Impromptu

He thinks I'm crazy
When I stop while we're in the supermarket
Because I love this song
I choreograph
And he starts to laugh
At my spontaneity
Yes I might be crazy
Even more so lately

;P

#love #girl #dance #stupid #boy #crazy #dancer #spontaneous