Erica C May 29
three times
one: i sit here on my friend's kitchen floor with a bottle of pills and a throbbing headache 'just take a few they're 200mg each you'll be fine'
i smile and nod, she walks out
i begin counting '200, 400, 600, 800, 1000...' all the way up to 2600
"what will 2600mg of ibuprofen do to me" i wonder
and i down the pills
hours later im fine
nothing
im not hurting
just numb once again as always
and i eat
then like usual, go puke it


~the summer before 7th grade~
just a little more dead inside than before
Half of the world I’ve built is in ruins.
My sanctuary is damaged past repair.
How can such vibrant feelings,
Just disappear into thin air?
There is not a single light as I fall,
Spiraling into despair.
You said you're dead inside
but you make me feel alive.

You said you can no longer feel
but what if i feel for you?

You made me feel alive
in a time where i felt dead inside.
AD Snail Dec 2017
I am silent, no words come out,
I am silent, no thoughts come in,
I am silent, no way of stability.

I am so silent in my mind,
I simply forget to speak.

They say because I am so silent outside,
That the inside of my mind must be loud,
But the real issue is I'm far to quiet either way.

Far to quiet to be alive,
Its like my depression finally won out,
Because not only did I get myself to shut up,
But my brain has finally shut down.

I am not fully here or there anymore,
I am lost away amongst the fog,
Someone come get me, I am sick of the silences.
boringwonderland Dec 2017
the rain used to be my favorite
the sky was crying with us
until I got swallowed up by it
my bones crushing with each trick
no seatbelt
thought I wasn’t going to live
I was ready to say goodbye to this world
but when the car finally stopped I was still alive
I started screaming why
I could smell blood and soil
I thought it was finally by time to say goodbye
police, ambulance, and a helicopter arrive
“mam have you been drinking or are you on any drugs”
glass in my hair
I felt like there was no air
it was getting hard to breathe
my whole body was broken
mostly my heart
they should’ve left me to die
- sorry about the car
is there always a rainbow after the rain?
Luna7464 Nov 2017
It seems I have given up on life,
let my shadow control my steps.
To walk this life on Earth
And to finally escape its depths

My heart still beats
But I died nonetheless
My eyes still open
But I died nonetheless
My lungs still inflate
But I died nonetheless
Having no desire
for crying
or trying
And I died nonetheless

So bury me
in the grave of my miseries
and I will sleep
forever
in
chaos.

~h.m
Trixia Oct 2017
I thought I found love,
I thought permanent happiness came,
it was all rainbows
and the bright sun,
not noticing the blue skies,
the gray clouds,
the madness of this world,
I saw beauty in darkness,
I saw wars on light,
firing guns and stabbing knives,
life is like airplanes with bad engines,
even with all your efforts to be a good pilot,
it will all come crashing down,
love was like falling into a never ending cliff,
always falling,
never landing into something too great
but our dreams.
Our "almost" will always haunt me,
our memories will always be my favorite moment,
the looks we share
and feelings will never be forgotten,
for it is a wound,
that healed but scarred,
and left a marking that in this moment,
I became yours,
and you became mine.
Today was good,
but tomorrow is unexpected,
you'll never know what will happen,
sometimes what you expected,
isn't really going to happen.
When you look at me,
I can’t breathe,
the world stops,
and everything becames slow motion,
but is it right to love someone,
who doesn’t even know you,
for years I’ve been waiting for you,
all I ask is for you to be a part of
my life,
because you my love is my light,
that burns the bridges of my all mighty trust,
and now our story ends,
I have lost you,
forever.
The worst the of loving someone is the day you lose them.
Ashtyn Lucas Oct 2017
Explicit

I'm sorry I'm not the daughter you wanted
I'm sorry I'm a shitty sister
I'm sorry that I'm depressed
And cry a lot

I'm so sorry I don't do everything you ask
I'm so sorry I'm not perfect and pretty
I'm so sorry that I put such a damper on your lives
And that I'm tired

And antisocial

Please forgive me for being a human being

I'm really sorry I even exist

I wish I could just disappear
To make it easier for everyone
Seen as I'm such a horrible person
Seen as it's impossible to be nice to me

Impossible to deal with me
Impossible to love me

I'm so fucking sorry
I'm so fucking sorry
Carter Ginter Sep 2017
I'm sitting there reading your letter
And crying because
I didn't know I didn't know I didn't know
Take a hit.
I didn't know I was so bad
Take a hit.
I didn't know I hurt you so much before
Kiss her kiss her kiss her
The voices whisper
But I don't want to
And I feel like the voices are just my thoughts
That I transform into other sounds
To avoid my own responsibility
Take a hit.
I didn't know how heartless I was
I thought I did my best to make you happy
But you cried yourself to sleep
I didn't know I didn't know
You begged for my attention
I didn't know
Take a hit.
I want to blow my brains out
Because my chest is so empty
I feel my decaying heart turning to stone
Take a hit take a hit
I didn't know
I didn't..
Kiss her
I'm fine.
I see the pain
Has marked my face
I am nothing
If not a disgrace

The lines that I
Have long drawn
Make me tired
And so I yawn

I look at all this mess
There is no outcome
And so I guess

This is just how it is
Nothing else to this

But I hate that thought
That these relationships
Are simply for nought

I don't want to believe
That this is true
But that's how it seems
Judging by the view

But maybe the view is wrong
Maybe I need to look
For a little bit longer
And maybe the outlook will change

I long to be close
To a human soul
And have each other
Truly know

The inner workings
And the outer show
But instead in my heart
The distance will grow

I am unsure
If its worth the risk
I am not pure

Perhaps that is why
Everyone will fly
Away from me
When they see
Who I really am
And my life is a sham
I am not me
Or who I want to be
But i long to grow
And to show
The world all my work
To let them all look
What the demon took
And see how I went on
And continued living
But yet no one know
And so I am alone.
Random nothingness my poems seem to be getting worse and worse the more I write.
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