Submit your work, meet writers and drop the ads. Become a member
unnamed 4d
To be them; To see them- that is what this is. My aching bones beg for mercy but I will give them none UNTIL I AM THERE IN MY HEAD ON MY SKIN IN MY BODY they cry out for forgiveness. I will give them none. Why grant life to a dead thing?
unnamed 4d
My sick twisted gaze
On the women and the men
Thigh gaps, finger bones, ribs.
Thinspo: short for thinspiration. Inspiration to be thinner, photos of thin people in poses which enhances their thinness.
unnamed Sep 2022
DIY
Crafty, they say, He's getting crafty
crafty with my lies and my made-up meals
crafty with my sound-blocking tactics
crafty with hiding the burning lines of white and red.
Baking, they say, He's getting into baking
baking my binges
baking my restriction
baking my omad
baking my sad-looking low-cal low-fat low-sugar low-carb high-protein
'meal'.
Crochet, they say, He's getting into crochet
crocheting ankle warmers to make my legs look skinny
half-finger gloves in an attempt to curb the permafrost that has begun to
knit itself around my bones.
Healthy, they say, He's getting healthy
as i workout until i faint
and do sit-ups until i have bruises on my spine.
fruit and veg and vitamins take priority
and suddenly i have taken an interest in running.
little rant about my ed
- Patroclus
unnamed Sep 2022
ana
they can't see, they can't see
that it coats my bones, bulges against my skin;
those little yellow bubbles
that make me want to give in.
Gracie Anne Oct 2021
Yesterday I looked at myself in the mirror
And although I tried to take the advice given to me by my therapist
I was unable to find a single thing I might even just tolerate about myself.
Instead, my mind and heart raced each other, trying to see who would win the prize of defeating me
as I scan my naked body for each and every inconsistency and insufficiency.

You see my first memory of self hatred comes from a place most people could not predict.
Imagine me at six years old standing in the shower, so proud of myself
For finally graduating from the bathtub I had associated with childhood.
I had just finished reading “Falling Up” by Shel Silverstein.
And out of the more than 400 poems by this poet one stuck to my brain
Like peanut butter on the roof of my mouth after eating a PB&J.

Now if you’ll forgive me for getting off track for just this moment
I’d like to read you this poem entitled “Scale.”

“If I could only see the scale,
I’m sure that it would state
That I’ve lost ounces...maybe pounds
Or even tons of weight.
‘You’d better eat some pancakes-
You’re skinny as a rail.’
I’m sure that’s what the scale would say…
If only I could see the scale.”

If you’ve ever read a poem by Shel Silverstein you’d know that each of them
Are accompanied by an illustration.
This particular poem is positioned next to a drawing of a person standing on a scale
Unable to see the number because their stomach juts out just far enough
To block their view of the information that scale is providing.
I remember looking down at my naked body
Only to realize that i also could not see my feet.
My childish, growing, prepubescent tummy obstructed my view of my toes.
And I remember thinking for the first time, “Wow, I am fat.”
And that same feeling has followed me throughout these subsequent years.
Throughout elementary, middle, high school and beyond.
My dysmorphic perspective has been a shadow of which I could not shake.
And try as I might, deep down I knew that this was my fate.

I started restricting what I ate starting in 6th grade.
-I counted calories lost and gained and measured my size by the tightness of a tank top.
I watched videos of people like Eugenia Cooney,
and inspired myself through the photos I saw of
Emaciated girls kept alive by feeding tubes.
I was 12.
-I was diagnosed with Ee Dee En Oh Ess in the summer of seventh grade.
EDNOS is a catch-all eating disorder characterized by the characteristics you lacked
To be able to gain the coveted name brand DSM-5 diagnosis of anorexia.
-This I considered to be my failure.
To not qualify because of a lack of being underweight was all I needed for motivation.
So I doubled down on my efforts to lose weight and by the age of fourteen
I had finally achieved that which I so...craved.
I was the best. The skinniest. The one people whispered about in the halls and I had all the attention I could ever dream of getting.
And I was happy.
Wasn’t I?

Skip ahead to now and you will know my comeback story.
Seven years of weekly therapy, numerous psych ward stays, and one near-death experience
I can finally say that I am at a stable and healthy weight.
I continue to despise my body, but now I have the tools and mechanisms to be able to fight off the demon I had nicknamed “Ana”.
-And while I still cannot say that I truly love myself the way I am,
Slowly and steadily I continue to improve.
And I hope that one day I can look into that mirror, take in all my flaws and still be able to tell little 6 year old Grace…
“Sweet girl, you will be okay”.
Tamara May 2021
Rexie was his name,
I met him on my tumblr page.
He's similar to Ana,
but different in a mental way.
I never worried 'bout my weight,
but still he got ahold of me.
He whispered to me "start counting your calories."
I'd eat less and less,
I loved the feeling that came with it.
I googled 'side effects of starving yourself.'
Euphoria.
That's what came up,
I ignored hair loss, osteoporosis, death.
It's like a drug, that's what he said,
Thats how the addiction began.
Always tired,
Brain rewired,
Kilos dropping,
There's no stopping.
Now the vision of the scale plummeting makes me feel something.
Rexie's always gonna be with me,
Maybe soon I'll realise
His goal is to ****** me.
Until then,
I can say,
Rexie is my best friend.

-T
Ps. Why is there a feminine stigma around starving yourself.
Jaicob Apr 2021
110
The cursed number
110
In bone and blubber
110
The taste inescapable
110
My thoughts are nonsensical
110
Shrink it further
110
To be skinny I'd ******
110
The burden of weight
110
All myself I hate.
skinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinnyskinny
Rebecca Apr 2021
Ana has made her debut once again.
Telling me that I’m not
pretty enough.
skinny enough.
worth enough.
All I want is to look like other girls around me.
To grasp the affection from lovers.
But how do I expect myself to grasp love if Ana is taking every ounce of myself with her.
I don’t even have the strength nor energy to grasp the protein shake that’s been flung right in front of me.
I know Ana is toxic but yet her burning words sound so sweet.
Too sweet.
Her burning words keep me burning countless calories.
Giving me only enough energy to listen to her.
Ana has made her debut once again and I am once again begging her to leave.
Samantha Cantu Mar 2021
My hands shake
With the memory of the gag
Or was it the blade
Either way
They shake

My whole self shivers
As a constant cold
Seeps through my many layers
All the blankets in the world
Well never stop my constant shiver

My stomach shoots with pain
The kind of pain you can't shake
Though I know it will eventually go away
Is it bad
That I kind of long for that pain

My throat begins to burn
While my tooth enamel decays
Because stomach acid really is a strong thing
Flushing the toilet
Where my last meal swirls away

I have a really bad headache
That never goes away
But sooner or later the pain will begin to fade
But its my thoughts that provide the most pain
Even more that this pounding headache

Sometimes it all goes blank
And I wish I could stay
There in that blankness, always
Where my mind is clear
And the pain is miles away

But all this pain is worth it
Because at the end of the day
I'm left with a skeleton body
And my best friend Ana
Who will never leave me, there's no way
Next page