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Tamara May 18
Rexie was his name,
I met him on my tumblr page.
He's similar to Ana,
but different in a mental way.
I never worried 'bout my weight,
but still he got ahold of me.
He whispered to me "start counting your calories."
I'd eat less and less,
I loved the feeling that came with it.
I googled 'side effects of starving yourself.'
That's what came up,
I ignored hair loss, osteoporosis, death.
It's like a drug, that's what he said,
Thats how the addiction began.
Always tired,
Brain rewired,
Kilos dropping,
There's no stopping.
Now the vision of the scale plummeting makes me feel something.
Rexie's always gonna be with me,
Maybe soon I'll realise
His goal is to ****** me.
Until then,
I can say,
Rexie is my best friend.

Ps. Why is there a feminine stigma around starving yourself.
Jay Apr 13
The cursed number
In bone and blubber
The taste inescapable
My thoughts are nonsensical
Shrink it further
To be skinny I'd ******
The burden of weight
All myself I hate.
Rebecca Apr 7
Ana has made her debut once again.
Telling me that I’m not
pretty enough.
skinny enough.
worth enough.
All I want is to look like other girls around me.
To grasp the affection from lovers.
But how do I expect myself to grasp love if Ana is taking every ounce of myself with her.
I don’t even have the strength nor energy to grasp the protein shake that’s been flung right in front of me.
I know Ana is toxic but yet her burning words sound so sweet.
Too sweet.
Her burning words keep me burning countless calories.
Giving me only enough energy to listen to her.
Ana has made her debut once again and I am once again begging her to leave.
My hands shake
With the memory of the gag
Or was it the blade
Either way
They shake

My whole self shivers
As a constant cold
Seeps through my many layers
All the blankets in the world
Well never stop my constant shiver

My stomach shoots with pain
The kind of pain you can't shake
Though I know it will eventually go away
Is it bad
That I kind of long for that pain

My throat begins to burn
While my tooth enamel decays
Because stomach acid really is a strong thing
Flushing the toilet
Where my last meal swirls away

I have a really bad headache
That never goes away
But sooner or later the pain will begin to fade
But its my thoughts that provide the most pain
Even more that this pounding headache

Sometimes it all goes blank
And I wish I could stay
There in that blankness, always
Where my mind is clear
And the pain is miles away

But all this pain is worth it
Because at the end of the day
I'm left with a skeleton body
And my best friend Ana
Who will never leave me, there's no way
Did you see that girl who was skinny as can be
Showing us all that she had a sickness she couldn’t see
Chasing death on the trails
She runs to stop feeling full
Wish she could see that she is sick as can be
As everyone else can see

Wishing that she could see if she was skinny as can be
So she avoids the food in fear that they will see the fat
that she can see
but she is skinny as can be
and sick but she cant see

Hungry to the point that all she can see
Is that this could make her skinny as can be
only dreading the next meal that she "doesn't" need
so sick that see can't see
that she really is skinny as can be

" oh I'm not hungry you see"
her favorite words to say when others can see
that she is skinny as can be
Her so called friend Ana who doesn't want her to see
that she is sick and will never see

So she'll keep counting the calories and hoping they don't see
The fat that her and Ana can see
She'll keep running those trails
But death has nearly got her by the heels
Because she is sick and can't see
Jay Feb 9

I've known you for a while,
And at first I was afraid.
I didn't know what you'd do
Or whether you could help me.

Now I don't see why
Everyone I know is so
Pressed about me
Being friends with you...

I don't know why
they don't like you.
They try to keep me away
From you and your help.

You're a kind person,
And you've helped me.
You make me happy.
You fix my problems.

I hope you can explain
Why people don't like you.
Lydeen Nov 2020
Counting... Always... Counting.

A cup of herbal tea, maybe with some sugar.
If I feel up to it.

Maybe some soup, grilled cheese.
If I can stomach it.

Dinner. Whatever mom makes.
My only supervised meal.

Tired, all day... Every day.
Drowning in college papers.

The curves I worked so hard to get back...
Well. They're nearly gone.

Protruding hip bones,
Protruding collar bones,
Boney fingers,
Pale skin,
Fantastic figure and pretty ribs,
Cold toes and bad circulation.

Heart murmurs... Shaky breathing... Migraines... Exhaustion... Confusion... Lethargy... Weight loss

Shaking, Shaking, Shaking...

Gotta go make a cuppa, warm up a bit.

But... what's left for me to be healthy for, anyway?

I'll take a bath to warm up instead

Being home all the time isn't doing me well... If I die, blame Miss Rona for her ****** attitude.
Ryley Wren Oct 2020
It is a word
That means
and total
and joy
It explains
a feeling
of immense pleasure
this feeling
I know
when I touch
my bones
and hard
beneath my skin
it's not as if
I reach through
and find them
between the sinew
and skin
No, they rise
to meet me
as every day
I eat a little less
and each day
the bones
so pale and white
they show
just a little bit more
My collarbones
start to press
against my skin
as if pressing
through paper
my ribs
against my skin
so delicate
or at least,
they will become so
my hips
will jut out
just a bit more
and my stomach
better than flat
it is concave
it only becomes so
when i lay down
but perhaps
if I run
an extra mile
then tomorrow,
I will see them
each day
I go to work
religiously counting
calories, bites, chews
cups, pounds, ounces
I carefully measure
each aspect
of who I am
because I am not
who I want to be
but I will be
If I control
what I do
then I can control
Who I am
And if you can see
the sunset
between my thighs
and the mug
between my fingers
on a cold morning
sipping coffee
black and bitter
I will be good enough
for just a moment
a breath
a fleeting second
in my eternity
I will be okay
because I am enough
Myrrdin Sep 2020
My bones are too hollow
To hold my worth
My body is a chapel
I am begging to crumble
I hold holy water
In my collar bones
As I kneel before a mirror
I am praying to be emptier
Heaven tastes like ice water
I want to meet my maker
In a gown that doesn't fit me
The scale is an altar
I sacrifice my body to
Lord knows I know how to fast,
Am I holier when I'm hungry?
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