Here I type and placate a plan.
"Should I ask for people to give me a hand?"
"No," I say, leaning in my chair,
"Begging for reads on Hello Poetry is too much sadness to bear."
DOO DOO DO DA DO DO bing*
HOT POCKETS ARE READY!!
i feel like i'm rotting
from the inside out
i just really wish
not everyone would doubt
i'm rotting, can't you see?
he hurt me
The flower in the garden
will one day be gone
it may be beautiful now
but it wont last that long
So like a flower one day we will see
In the end, How broken we would be
You saw me
I saw you
You went up to see me
I smiled back too
You asked me how I’ve been
I said I’ve been great
Then your tears started to pour
You said you regretted everything..
You regretted pushing me away
When I kept on catching you
You regretted hurting me
When I was the one always saving you
You looked at me, crying
Shaking and looking scared
“I regretted losing you when you were the only one who genuinely cared”
Those are the times
Where mornings seems shorter
And the nights seems longer
Those are the moments
Where you lay in bed
With nothing but thoughts
Thoughts in your head
Feelings in your heart
Sometimes even just wondering
Why everything fell apart?
Sometimes you’ll just feel empty
You’ll just feel tired
You’ll feel like being happy
Was a facade you always lied
Sometimes you’re just there
Laying in bed
No thoughts in your head
Sleepiness wasn’t knocking on your door
Seeing times passes by more and more
You lay there with your eyes blinking
Staring at the ceiling, thinking
“Why is this happening to me?”
“What was happening?”
“What’s wrong with me now?”
“Where did I go wrong?”
You start to retrace your memories
From the very beginning
You start to think back about those times
Even some bad endings
That’s where the tears starts coming
That’s where your eyes starts blurring
You didn’t know what was happening to you
You didn’t know if the sadness you felt was true
Was it the sadness you kept for so long?
Or was it just because you were tired of being strong?
You didn’t know
But you laid there
Just letting out your emotions with this cry
Without even knowing why
But as you finish crying
You started thinking
Now you’re staring
Not knowing what you were looking
But you felt empty once again
And the cycle starts over again
Finally comes to you
Your eyes now feel heavy
Your mind feels light too
But you know that was already too late
You accepted your fate
Sleep was always came slow
So now it was morning again
And the night became another
Another day goes by
The happiness subsides
Leaving a cold, unforgiving world
In its wake
I'll finally know what it feels like
To enjoy waking up
To enjoy life
Today isn't that day
Maybe tomorrow, maybe never...
I was a liability,
A wrecked one,
Even before you.
Carrying my hurt alone
Was oh so painful.
But the moment I met you,
You took away the weight
Like magic in your soul,
A baptism in your eyes.
You helped me heal the pain,
You gave me the love I never got.
You wrapped my wounds
And kissed my scars
But then you became one
When I realized I couldn't have you.
You filled the gap I've had all my life
Just an innocent friend
But I loved you more than that.
And the life you gave me
That you thought was healing me
Starting killing me.
I love you too much to ever let you know
That I crave your presence
But you're my vice
So I call you up
And let you think you helped
(I needed you)
Even though it's followed by ***** and blades.
Now this childhood pain
That left me scarred and broken
Is ripped wide open
From every anticipation that came true.
It was never gone
Just hidden under the love I thought I could have.
Now this love
Is more painful than death itself
But I can't let you know
Every time I called you when I wanted to die
And you held me so tight
Desperately trying to heal the child inside of me
I left wanting death even more
Because all I ever needed was you.
But I can never have you.
Can I still call you?
I don't feel so well right now.
I wonder how much longer I can go on like this
When is sick sick enough
I know im not right
I know I need help
But I fight with myself on how bad I really am
In my world 60kg isnt low enough
Whats wrong with 55kg?
Is a day without food guilt enough to have some the next?
Or will I yet again draw that blade across to remind myself that I gave in?
When is enough enough?
It's late, late at night
But i can't even think of sleeping
Thoughts are swirling in my head
Leaving me numb, almost weeping.
Two of my closest friends
Have found their way into my heart
In a way that neither of them expect
It's tearing me apart.
**** this, I'm done.
Two people in my heart at once, as amazing as C and B are, is just too much for me to handle.
The darkness hides in plain sight
It has realised that i won't fight
Reaching fiercely as i might
My outstretched hand can't touch the light.