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Aug 2022 · 1.7k
Taboo And You
WickedHope Aug 2022
It feels like betrayal to say your name
     So I don't
          I don't say it out loud
               I don't identify you
                    It feels crooked
                         It feels wrong
                    To maintain normalcy
               I spit it out
         It feels acidic
     After choking it down
I want to be here
    I'm addicted to you
         But saying your name
              When it was his too
                   Isn't a romantic confession
                        Just an adulterous taboo
Mar 2022 · 240
I Do.
WickedHope Mar 2022
I promised I do
But I do not
I do not want to be alone anymore
I do not want to wish for your snores
I do not want to eat alone, drink alone
Pray, cry, scream, fight alone
I do not want to sit in this empty house that no longer feels like home
I do not want to use my hands to hold myself, to touch myself
I do not want to spend time with anyone else
I do not want to wait here for you
I promised I do
But I do not
I do not want to miss you
But I promise I do
**** this ****.
Mar 2022 · 268
Apocalyptica
WickedHope Mar 2022
The end is nigh
But it seems funny
When we're high

Will it end in fire
Will it end in ice
Either way
I hope it's tonight
WickedHope Mar 2022
Engines rush past
Blurs of siren sounds and racing red
To the source of the blast
A house is in flames
Ashes fall like rain
The only sounds are crackles and snaps
They aim their hoses
Donning helmets and all
But they cannot combat the blaze
Then a sound from within
Maybe a laugh maybe a cry
Someone brave runs inside
Shouting "I won't let you die"
Climbing and leaping through a seemingly sentient inferno
But they find her there on the floor
Naked save for soot covered limbs
Resting within flames
Crumpled and melting she smiles at them
Used matches raised high she laughs
"You can't **** those who are dead"
As the ceiling caves in crushing their heads
Title is a line from Home by Gabrielle Aplin
WickedHope Mar 2022
What's always caused me dread
Is the empty half of the bed
Long days turn to longer nights
When I'm alone putting out the lights
I have been greedy since my first taste
Of sharing with another that sacred space
Afterwards as I've lain
It's not been the same
My laughter is gone
My smiles all wrong
And your arms were the pinnacle
Your absence has me near cynical
Sometimes I feel as though I am dead
Reaching out to the empty half of the bed
WickedHope Mar 2022
Take me to the days where we laid ourselves down in the grass
And you smiled at me like I was the only person who mattered
Before any of the suffering blossomed colorfully on the surface
We would talk for countless hours that felt like mere minutes
My favorite memories of growing up all have you
You made me into a woman
You will always be the one who held my heart first
I will love you always.
You will always be the one that saved me.
Mar 2022 · 694
I don't lie
WickedHope Mar 2022
I don't lie
Because
When I'm drunk
I can't
I can't lie
I forget how
Or
I **** the consequences
The truth
Has so many consequences
When it follows
A lie
A white lie
Can still land
Like a falling star
Looking so pretty
Up in the sky
But crushing us all
When it lands
Knocked down
By the truth
Don't ask me
Anything
If I'm drinking
Because I'll say it
Wrong
I'll say it
Honest
I'll say it
Crudely
Rudely
Quite un-prudely
And I'll laugh
Like it's funny
To hit you
With the two edged sword
Of reality
Not realizing
I'm gripping
The blade
With my own two
Hands
Coating us both
In enough
Honesty
To honestly
Drown us
So
I don't lie
Because
If I say it
Sweetly sober
Then
We're spared the
Careless calamity coming out crass and crapulent colored lips
Tearing open
Naked truths
I can never
Rewrap
WickedHope Mar 2022
She's fine she's fine she's fine
Don't ask her cause she'll lie
She isn't sure who she is anymore
Been playing pretend so long
Who knows what is real for sure
She never sleeps
Because when she sleeps she's alone
And she never cries
Because when she cries she admits to pain
And she always smiles
Because if it reaches her eyes then it looks real
She's fine she's fine she's fine
Just don't look too deep inside
What if we weren't important to anyone and could just lay facedown in a cold body of water?
What if we got them all to miss us so they'd know pain like we do?

I want to **** George.
Mar 2022 · 1.2k
Am I WickedHope Or Are You?
WickedHope Mar 2022
You are still my stars
My song
My night sky
My lullaby
You never thought we could be enough
But moments like this
You remind me why I fell in love with you
You make me want to go back
Just to feel it all again
Before the hope left
And I became Wicked
I was so awful. But you were too.
I guess that's just what youth is.
Thank you for the compliment, you always had a way with words.
WickedHope Feb 2022
I hope you know how much of my heart you hold
You didn't always let me in
But I saw you
But I see you
I know you
You were who I wanted to be
Sometimes I still wish I was more parts you than me
I don't know if you remember that night
Or if the drugs washed it all away
But I have been sober since the second he touched you
Since the second he said he wanted us both
I was so angry
Only for a moment at you
Because I never told anyone what we did
But apparently you had told this monster
Then he made you cry
Then he grabbed the wheel
Then with words and laughs slurred he tried to crash as we went over and over and over the speed limit
I was so angry
I will never watch anyone hurt you
So I'm sorry I made you cry
You are my sister
The only one I've ever really had
I am so angry
I made you cry
WickedHope Feb 2022
Take me to the place the nothings go
At least there i won't be alone
You can't erase the past etched in stone
But you can erase the 'yets' that remain unknown
Yet what we haven't done yet
The beauty of a blank page
The freedom to grow
The freedom to make shape retake break
Break free
Free to be a nothing that is perfect
Not because what is done is gone
But because of what could be
Not erased
Unwritten
This is the story of me
WickedHope Feb 2022
nothing bites into my bones the same as your eyes each time I have to say goodbye because **** if my shriveled black little heart doesn't ache at your brilliant heart of gold muffled and dulled by the miles and time zones I lay awake every night hoping for five minutes of just us I lay awake every night so that I might get the first of you when you wake up I am desperate and greedy and for you always needy because you are the light in my life I hope you stay lit I need you to pull through this because if you don't then I die with you no matter what's next with you I'm alive if there's no you then I won't try I can't try you are mine and I am yours you are my only and I am your always and nothing will change how you saved me from normalcy and fallacy and the **** cowardly life I was determined to lead I gave up on everyone and especially myself I let them break me before I got to you and if I had known you were waiting then I'd have waited always and forever for you too but it's my turn to and I'll wait wait wait ten thousand days if I have to just please come back because that can't be the end I can't handle the loss or I'll be buried with my dead but for now I will wait forever and always for you because I didn't when you first needed me to
Miles Away - MFM ft Kellin Quinn makes me fall apart

I miss my husband.
WickedHope Feb 2022
I remember
Deliberately trying
To accidentally
Let you see me naked
Because I thought you could understand me
Sometimes I wonder if you could have
If I hadn't dangled happiness in front of you
And then let it melt away
Into cold, empty, longing
I didn't learn my lesson until after I had left a long trail behind me
Slick and shining under a sad lover's full moon
The silver light reflecting on the blood
And shattered shards sharply slicing
The footsteps that followed mine
I didn't stop to think how
Blinding tugging on heart strings
Would bring down the web connecting us all
Oh baby baby
. . .
Sorry for the dumb **** I did 'cause I was bored. Again.

For BK MS AL AM GB JS JJ AJ MO SC KB AK JR EK KJ and all the ones I was too numb to note...
But not S&J, because somehow, at least once, I made the right call
WickedHope Feb 2022
Blue eyes
Smart lies
Sink into my core
Ten years later
And
You still get to me
A sudden electric connection
That still stings
So good
From the executioners chair
My drafts are like a trashed hotel room scattered with small remnants of you dotting the aftermath
WickedHope Feb 2022
if i had the room to breathe
i'd tell you what i really think
if i had the sense to leave
i'd run away before you blink
but i'm not in charge
haven't been for a while
i let you back in
greeted with my smile
you make me into nothing
just a puppet to be worn
pull my strings or cut them
make me wish i wasn't born
they all think i'm crazy
what you do to me
feels better when it's hazy
when i'm numb and can't see
i'm itching begging screaming
with need for sweet release
let the dead things spill out
let them leave me please
i'm shakey sickly scared
to be back here again
addict trembling holding
the beginning of the end
i miss the feeling of clarity
of acute euphoric lust
the bitter sting of reality
making all the noise hush
a sticky sweet sadistic lullaby
calming all my bones
the one time you don't touch me
the one time i'm alone
i will always lose
with you i cannot win
red rivers run high
with the tide of sin
..
i cannot live like this
i can't i can't i can't
please please make them stop
i need them to stop i don't want to stop and that's worst part
i want to fall of the cliff so my body matches my heart
its unbearable and i cannot tell a soul
if they really knew me they'd all turn and go
Feb 2022 · 210
Is This Hell?
WickedHope Feb 2022
The devil is not a man or a demon in disguise
The devil is his kiss pressed between your thighs
He's got you screaming "Oh God," as you unravel on his tongue
A pretty little picture pinned beneath him when you come
A draft I can't bring myself to finish
WickedHope Feb 2022
Rip my heart out
Lie to me again
Nothing feels as good
As you ******* with my head
You say forever
But then you walk away
I'll show you who's leaving who
If you were smart you'd stay
I've crossed you not once but twice
Let's make it three times
I'm done being nice
You said I was pretty in pink
But you prefer me in black
I'll wear red to your funeral
And nail the coffin with a laugh
I've cried before
Over boys, girls, and men
Mostly for myself
Cause I'm still not dead
But for you my tears are frozen
My chest numb with the cold
Pebbled, tight, and hardened
My true heart of ice not gold
Feb 2022 · 125
Free fall hungry
WickedHope Feb 2022
I broke my heart,
But you broke my mind.
And he broke my body
Just a little at a time.

Don't shed me no tears
When I'm not alive.
Cry for me now
Not when I've died.

Pretty little poison
With no parachute.
Free fall hungry,
With nothing to lose.

The Earth can't hurt me
If we never meet again.
One little tragedy,
A means to an end.
Feb 2022 · 556
Not Even A Gemini
WickedHope Feb 2022
You lie to my face the same way you lie in our bed
With a face carved by angels and a heart made of lead
WickedHope Feb 2022
You whisper into my ear at record pace
I could walk away but it would only start a chase
I whimper as you grab me and pull me back by my hair
Desperately I cast sideways glaces to avoid meeting your stare
I feel you pressing against me
Cocking
Your head in time with your gun
I hate how you always get me
Soaking
Trying to drown out my hearts thrum
Casting my thoughts to the angry tide
Needing to avoid your wild rides
Your highs too high and your lows bottomless
It's been years and I don't see a way out of this
You huff a laugh against the column of my throat
My mind within an ocean praying for a line or a boat
The cuts have been too deep
Your blood's mixed in with mine
I wish I could find peace through sleep
But you're still there behind my eyes
George, George,
my dear, my dear...
Come any closer
and I'll **** you, I swear
WickedHope Feb 2022
Hands on my throat always crushing me down, putting me out, and turning me on
I don't know how you got here but won't you stay and laugh dear
Know one needs to know what we do when we're alone
She don't even miss you and he will never know
Intoxicatingly delicious, so much so it's suspicious
How can you taste so good when the flavor's all wrong
Not sure what I'm doing but I promise I won't stay long
Pin me, choke me, bruise me colorful until I'm pacified
Scream until your throat bleeds every time your heart beats
Necromancy not love, just enough to pretend we're alive
Our fingertips glow in red hot brands leaving us hissing
Cut open from sharp tongues clashing and kissing
Leave through the window never the door
Or you might knock again and ask me for more
Let's have an affair
XOXO George
WickedHope Jan 2022
I'm so glad you never knew me then,
When I wrote out my pain
With more than my pen.
Bravado and brandy,
Always going dancing.
It was fun until it wasn't.
I was fun until I wasn't.
I was young until I wasn't.
I'm trying to de-age,
Find some youth,
Grasp some juvenile joviality,
Iron out the wrinkles despair and desperation
Have etched into my face.
I wonder if I met you then,
Would we have ended in the same place?
I was sprinting in a marathon of my own design.
I know you could have kept pace
But would we have had the time?
You say you would have died
And that means I'm meant for you.
But are you sure that loving me,
Even in the Now,
Isn't killing you too?
For all my faults, you're the only one who stayed.
WickedHope Nov 2021
I've never cried in front of you
Because I thought you needed to see me be strong
But that was a mistake

You forgot I have feelings
You forgot I am fragile
So so fragile
So so breakable
You can break anything if you try hard enough

But I let you think I was composed
All this time
I hoped it would give you strength
All this time
I hoped it would give you freedom to grow
I now see my flaw
I have always played pretend a little too well

My best lies were always the ones I never spoke
You believed my silence meant I was well constructed
I wonder if I'll ever be able to make you see
That the exposed and crumbling foundations cancered by mold and rot
Are not a trick nor a lie

I wonder if you'll ever start to believe me
When I repeat that you were always the good one
You were always the good one
You're the good one
You're good
JJ let me know if you ever see this
Cause I'm pretty sure you ******* hate me
Which is fine
But I've always loved you
WickedHope Nov 2021
Watch out for the monster under your bed
It's dark and sharp and will fill you with dread
It licks you when you bleed
and eats up your screams
Whispering ugly little words that clog up your head

It's hungry and desperate and watches closely
Waiting for a moment to destroy you - mostly
It laughs when you cry
Begging "just let me die"
Watch out for the monster creeping and ghostly

The monster steals away bits and pieces of you
It prefers when you're angry but will settle for blue
It gobbles your tears
And plants new fears.
One day you'll see that you are the monster too
Oct 2021 · 1.5k
Stop, Drop, And Run
WickedHope Oct 2021
I think my addictions are addicted to me.
It's a mutual symbiotic parasitism.
I've taken up drinking,
hoping that will push them away.
But it's like lighting a fire
and trying to put it out with gasoline.
And God I'm soaked.

I want to cut it out.
Gunpowder is better than gasoline, right?
Oct 2021 · 651
Second
WickedHope Oct 2021
Why are you so ******* scared of me loving you
Was it her using you to fill his void
Or the second she
Who used you to wait for him
Are you scared of who I could be
Or who I am
I gave you second second chances
I let you choose first
And I'm still not sure why you cast me aside
You turned me into a shadow of she and her
Stealing what I could get
I gave you until the last second
For a second second chance
But when it came to me I barely got a second glance
Now that we are different and another warms our beds
Do you ever even for a second wish it was me instead
I don't know why you let me go when you still wanted me to stay.
WickedHope Oct 2021
Your kiss leaves an acid ring that devours my skin
This isn't what I had in mind when you asked me to sin

Your taste is like cold ash sitting on my tongue
You said swallowing fire was supposed to be fun

You tore me apart and never quite pieced me back together
Now I'm hooked on your burn and I'll need it forever

Running your fingers down my arms I lean into your touch
But you always back away and laugh claiming I want too much

I'm addicted to the way your hands mar my flesh
I'm chasing your love like I'm chasing my death

If I could leave you I would but I'm masochistic
If I escaped your torture I know that I'd miss it
George never let's go of me and I don't even know what I want anymore.
Please walk away so I don't have to.
Oct 2021 · 1.2k
The Empty
WickedHope Oct 2021
Open spaces
Make me
Claustrophobic
The void
You opened up is
Smothering me
There is too much
Nothingness
And it is
Squeezing me tightly
Choking me
With emptiness
Stuffing it
Down my throat
I'm filled with it
The Empty.
I can't.
Please stop asking me.
I can't do this anymore.
Sep 2021 · 3.5k
Black Widow
WickedHope Sep 2021
Do you miss her
The Hell's Mistress I used to be
Pretty smiles
Prettier lies

******* you with my eyes
Skinning you with my words
I miss the power that came
In lying to everyone
This angelic facade is suffocating
I miss slipping off the mask
And slipping into your head
Making you my puppet
Then getting bored
And making you wish you were dead
Shoving my knife in your back
When you came
Walking into my life like it was yours
Following my breadcrumbs
Swallowing them whole
Who would have thought
You can hide arsenic so well
With just a hint of sugar
And a short enough skirt

Do you miss her
The Black Widow in my web
Eating you alive
To fill the void inside
I love it when the words write themselves for me.
- - -
I'm so sick of this tbh.
WickedHope Sep 2021
Your whispers follow me
Tickling my soul
The same way your face
Tickled mine when
You didn't shave

I don't remember
How your arms felt
Keeping me wrapped up
And held together against you
I'm falling apart
You aren't here
To help gather my pieces

Your laugh still plays
Like a broken record
A repeating track
Creaky and fading with each replay
When it stops
Then you'll really be gone
WickedHope Sep 2021
You laugh
My anxiety strangles me
You laugh
I am too big taking up too much room
You laugh
I long for days when nothing I did mattered

You leave
I wish I could go too
I miss KB and 2am, looking at me and reading my mind.
WickedHope Sep 2021
Here I am again
Cracked and broken
Heart ripped open
By the claws on the ends of my fingers
They are never coated in blood
A tidy sort of chaos
A mess-less, gutless dissection
Hollow space resides within
Emptied of everything
Shall we count the scars
Or will that bore you
To hear of the surgeries that came before
The operations and treatments
Self directed and self prescribed
By a med school dropout
Disgusting derelict defect
Split neatly into near halves
Tethered by a final pathetic stitch
That I am longing to rip
Free
I hate myself.
WickedHope Sep 2021
Let the flames lick over my skin
Until my eyes roll back in my head
Cause you know I like the pain
Tip my head back as the demons crawl out
And their ink mingles in with the burns
The cartography on this canvas
Is littered with ashes and holes
Caught in wildfires and never spared or unscathed
Unleash the heat and I'll be engulfed in your rage
I like the way you hit me
Each scorching breath you take hitting my face
Choking on the smoke I caress the blaze
Razor sharp yet soothing to sink into
Drown me in this inferno
Cause you know I like the pain
Burning flesh never smelled as sweet as you and me.
Sep 2021 · 4.8k
Being Dark, Sourly Morbid
WickedHope Sep 2021
Tie me up
Leave me
Hang me
**** me
When it ends
Maybe
I'll choke
On the
Noose
Around my neck
When it ends
Maybe
I'll choke
You choke me
But
Never enough
I keep breathing
I literally cannot take this.
WickedHope Sep 2021
They say girls like something shiny
And that may very well be true
Bigger is better but I'll take tiny
No matter the size I'll make do

Of course I have my favorites
Or those meant for special occasions
Getting dolled up I want to savor it
Adorning myself prematurely for my sins

Perhaps they get jealous of each other
So maybe I'll take them all out for display
They sparkle perfectly making me stutter
Stroking each longingly before we play
When I get this numb I know I'm supposed to be scared but I don't remember how.
WickedHope Sep 2021
If I was any more of a *******
I'd dare you to hold the knife closer
Feeling you press hard against me
Making me wet
In crimson threads
Staining my neck
Why can't I just being ******* normal.
Why can't you stop being a massive ****.
Sep 2021 · 1.9k
Winter Has Burned Me
WickedHope Sep 2021
All blood is precious
Blasphemy to spill
But some when it's let loose
Has a delicious, intoxicating feel
I used to think you were just rude,
but I guess you're a ****** too.
WickedHope Sep 2021
Not really into necrophilia
But my kink's you


Not breathing.
Sep 2021 · 282
Who Do I Think I Am
WickedHope Sep 2021
I close my eyes
You stare back at me
Down at me
Like I'm someone
And no one to you
I don't know which
Reality do I belong in
Everything is blurry
You tell me I'm yours
The slap across my face
Guarantees it's true
I open my eyes
The tears sting
As they slide over
The newest bruise
Adding a fresh pop
To the patchwork quilt
You made me
I hate that I want to see you.
WickedHope Sep 2021
It's not fair
That you got to brand my mind
And walk away
Making me think
It was my idea
But the scars don't lie
Time hasn't healed
It's ripped wounds open
I can't believe I ever loved you.
Sep 2021 · 3.0k
Gambling Debts
WickedHope Sep 2021
don't worry baby it was just a game just a game i know how much you like those i know how much you like the pain and the tragedy and the mother ******* insanity why else would you talk to yourself so much why else would you **** everyone else as often as you **** yourself we know you're self aware don't play stupid even though you really are stupid if this is the game you choose rattling pills like dice hoping at least one of us will be nice but sorry sweetheart that's not how it's played no one loves you that's why none of them have ******* stayed but don't worry at least you have the voices in you head for ******* company i know playing the game is no fun when your alone so just keep tally until we're done and don't worry i won't tell any of them how much of you is really real and how much is pitch black sin you paint brightly to conceal baby don't cry when i'm here just because you want to die if you hate me so much then why don't you ever leave if you hate me so much then why do you garden with me if you hate me so much then why give me ******* roses you know i pluck the petals and watch them decompose baby why play the game if you can't stand to loose you don't have to stomach it if you choke yourself on ***** but that's never been you that's not the ******* good **** that you crave but drink it any way and choose any bottle for the chase baby it's so funny how sad you pretend to be when we both know the scary part is you don't feel a **** thing so let me help you remember how deep the losses can go baby just remember not to let them show
I'm not your ******* baby. ****.
Sep 2021 · 1.3k
Just Say No
WickedHope Sep 2021
who would know
   burns so sweet
      stings like salt
         reach so deep
            head tipped back
        twisted little girl
who would know
   fingers curled tight
      red stains faded
         nails deeply embedded
            tooth shredded tongue
        broken little girl
who would know
    who would know
        do you know
Get out of my head
Get out of my head
Get out of my head

I hate that I'm even considering it. I hate that I want this. I hate that I love this. I should really have just killed George.
Sep 2021 · 1.6k
Just One Taste
WickedHope Sep 2021
Torn flesh haunts my nightmares and daydreams

My sanity slips away on crimson puddles that stain my thoughts

Numbness I used to fight with pain has morphed into a nauseating depth I want to fill with a scarlet flood to drown out the feeling
I feel so broken I want to **** myself.
WickedHope Sep 2021
w h y ' s
h a v i n g
o      n      e
a  d  d  i  c  t  i  o  n
l   e   f   t
s e e m
h   a   r   d   e   r
t h a n
h  a  v  i  n  g
s   e   v   e   r   a   l
WickedHope Sep 2021
You burned me  
We smelled like Mary and Jane
I laughed hard
Dug my nails in deep
As I writhed in pain  

I was too quiet
But I screamed too loud  
You didn't care
We were like fvcking kings    
Living in a cloud

You tied me up  
So I could stay resting in bed
Lied to me
Betrayed by a kiss too is how  
Jesus ended up dead
How do I stop being a fvcking *****
Aug 2021 · 1.3k
Sorry I Like Death
WickedHope Aug 2021
I hate that what I want from you
Is something you don't want to give me
I hate that I look at other faces
And I graphically dissect what ifs
WickedHope Aug 2021
I
Wish        
Abuse                
Was      
As
         Easy
                  To
                  Identify
            ­    In
         The
Act
As      
It              
Is        
After
WickedHope Aug 2021
Autumn is kissing the swamp maples
and God it feels like foreplay
The air is hinting at the frost to come
and it dances on my tongue
and crawls down my throat
The breeze grips me
like fingernails down my spine
My toes curl and my breath fogs
as I drink down the taste

Possessing a lover can be a feeling so addictive
and I've never know a lust like this
Aug 2021 · 750
Dead Things Don't Die
WickedHope Aug 2021
At times I feel like I stole something
             If you rotted
If you have laid yourself into the earth
             Just know that
You made my soil far richer than I could have
             You are the reason I bloomed
Gavin,
I have not forgotten.
Aug 2021 · 296
Hotter
WickedHope Aug 2021
I'm on fire
I'm burning and boiling
Melting apart piece by piece
My feet sink into the floor and I'm sweating off finger tips and teeth
I'm drowning in hellfire
Gulping down molten slush
That is somehow cooler to my touch
I'm all dried up and a puddle simultaneously
Scoop me up and drink
I'm thirsty.
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