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WickedHope Jan 2015
I play with fire
I drown in rain
I scream please help me
Someone take this pain
"People I care about need to stop dying," says the suicidal one.
WickedHope Sep 2014
She wakes up late
With only 4 hours of sleep again
She wears only black and white
Hoping to fade away like an old memory
She starts to be sick
Why is she like this
Nothing is wrong yet
So why is she trying to cough up herself
She heads to school a cloud brewing
Over her head hatred lies
Her life it's pursuing
Can't eat all day
Lies and says she's okay
Accepts hugs
That's proof that something really is wrong
Her openly seeking physical affection
She sees him a few times today
The boy she wants in passing through halls
And caught a brief glimpse of the girl he loves
Rarely seen nowadays
Then she sits in class with a boy she doesn't understand
The boy she needs was there too all along
Never far when it matters
He gives her what she needs
She loves him so much
Come the 4th hour in
Somehow she turns around
Pain for laughter
Unknown comfort found
In case anyone actually cares.
(Side note: Not including private, unlisted, and drafted poems, this is my 100th posted poem. Yay and stuff, I guess.)
WickedHope Sep 2014
She wakes up late
With only 4 hours of sleep again
She wears only black and white
Hoping to fade away like an old memory
She starts to be sick
Why is she like this
Nothing is wrong yet
So why is she trying to cough up herself
She heads to school a cloud brewing
Over her head hatred lies
Her life it's pursuing
Can't eat all day
Lies and says she's okay
Accepts hugs
That's proof that something really is wrong
Her openly seeking physical affection
Completely out of the norm
She sees him a few times today
The boy she craves in passing through halls
And caught a brief glimpse of the girl he loves
Rarely seen nowadays
Then she sits in class with a boy she doesn't understand
The boy she truly needs was there too, all along
Never far when it matters
He gives her all she needs
She loves him so much
Come the 4th hour in
Somehow she turns around
Pain for laughter
An unknown comfort found
My day. In case anyone actually cares. ;P
WickedHope Nov 2014
My Response to Ember Evanescent's 10 Poets Challenge (incase you're incapable of reading titles I'll be momentarily redundant)
These are some of my favourite poets on the site, some of whom I know in real life (from B.H.P) others who I have discovered and come to know through the site these past few months (A.H.P.).

In alphabetical order, I'd like to pay tribute to:

A Sickening Love ~ skilled poetess and my extraordinary friend who writes heartbreakingly relatable poems. She gives me strength, always.

Andy ~ my first ever like and follow, I may be somewhat bias towards you, putting you here. He has such a beautiful, independent style.

Deafening Silence ~ the reason I joined this site. I've been poem-stalking them for years on Poem Hunter, and when I saw them on here... well, I felt prompted to join, so here I am. I am 100% in love with their work, and am also 100% frustrated because they've not been on since I joined so I haven't been able to tell them they inspire me so. (Sorry this is way longer than the others, I rambled some.)

Gavin Barnard ~ posts work that I can relate to. He has a very passionate writing style and I highly recommend reading him.

Kay ~ is the love of my life. Just kidding. But Kay is my rose, she has been the peer-writer I have looked up to for as long as I can remember. She is so talented, I hope to be half the writer she is.

konr ~ I get so excited when I see a new piece from konr. He has such a way with words that he leaves me breathless. Every. ****. Time.

Layla Thurman ~ writes my thoughts most days. I'm not joking, she's incredible.

Thomas King ~ is someone who, like konr, I look for his pieces and get completely wrapped up in his artistry. Utterly addicting.

True Courage ~ makes a statement with each piece he writes. I am a huge fan, highly recommend.

WM ~ is a genius. Please go read Walter's work, he is so talented. Huge fan of him.

(Also, if you care, two of my favorite classics:
Christina Rossetti & W. H. Auden)
Welp. Here it is.
Just so you know, some of these I knew I HAD to put, but I felt so bad for leaving so many out. I love all of you!
(Unless of course I hate you... but otherwise,) You're amazing! :)
WickedHope Sep 2014
Life spirals around me
And I am stationary,
Completely solitary.
WickedHope Sep 2014
The same old routine
isn't the same
without you there.
WickedHope Oct 2014
I am a giant ball of thought, fright, and worry.
WickedHope Sep 2014
I push you away
But I want you to stay.
I ruin every good thing in my life.
If I asked, would you stay with me tonight?
WickedHope Nov 2014
I'm sorry I hoped for conversation
Sorry I want us to be a good thing
I've never been part of a good thing

I bought you a bouquet of flowers but they died before they ever bloomed
Waited alone for you for hours in the freezing cold but you never did show
Tried to get your attention but had to talk myself out of another detention

I'm sorry that I can't stop thinking about you
I only wanted us to maybe be happy together
No longer just 'one' and 'one' but united as 'two'
WickedHope Nov 2014
it doesn't take much to shut me down

one word from your mouth and i'm crying
in the bathroom third period
looking at my reflection
praying no one walks in

one look of disgust across the cafeteria
and i have to be excused
i have 'business' to attend to
good thing i don't eat
because i wouldn't have been able to keep
the food down like my stuffed emotions

one condition and i'm crushed
by the lack something i wasn't even owed
Another "day" poem. This one is shorter than the last one I did, back in... September... I think.
So here's my day, given the off chance someone cares.
WickedHope Feb 2015
One month.
I'm still waiting
For myself
To find a way
To **** this up.
I think I'm getting there.
WickedHope Dec 2014
I just want someone
to be the other half
of my something.
Title and poem are dumb.
Loneliness is real.
WickedHope Sep 2014
What I would **** to have your eyes locked on mine again.
WickedHope Aug 2014
how can i feel so out of place
when i am inside my own skin
WickedHope Sep 2014
How is it that
what I am most afraid of
is what I crave most?
What is this feeling?
Is it pain or is it healing?
WickedHope Jan 2015
They tell me I'm ugly

She says I look ridiculous

They tell me I'm fat

She says go **** yourself

As if I don't know

As if I don't want to
Forgot how much I missed school.
WickedHope Feb 2015
At two in the morning
I told you I'd
Locked myself in the closet
I couldn't bare to listen
But you knew the walls
Were thin

You told me to wait
And you'd take me
From this place

At two in the morning
You pulled up
I climbed out my window
And ran to the street

Italian rock bands
In your speakers
Drowning out the house

I was just 15 you an "adult"
And I had a boyfriend
I didn't love
Though none of it mattered
None of that mattered

As we passed the
I choked on a cry
And you stayed silent

Pulled up to your place
At two in the morning
Air hockey tournament
In your basement

I was safe
Happy twentieth, best friend, Two AM, brother, father, salutatorian, college man... My Two AM.
You've always been there when I need you most.
WickedHope Dec 2014
She said I'm skinny.
He said I'm ****.
She said I'm smart.
He said I'm sweet.
I said I'm sorry.
But I'm not sure any of them are me.
WickedHope Feb 2021
Whisper to me without words
Give me an eternity in an instant
Show me a new galaxy in a glance
Dazzling constellations contained in your eyes
Like a nebula, exploding, expanding with each moment we share
Kaleidoscope colors
Glistening and changing at a pace that feels like fireworks
But looks like stars
Stare into my soul with those hazel-green eyes
For my husband. I miss you so infinitely that I do not have words to describe the emptiness that is where you belong.
WickedHope Apr 2015
She sings the sea calls to me
But I can hear the wind that howls
Unfurling above her sea
I am not really trying to write lately, but when I sit down and do,
it sounds so... well, ******.
WickedHope Sep 2014
Always thinking of you
Never sure why
Dreaming and hoping you
Really might care
Even if I am insane
Waiting with hope

Maybe you feel the same?
WickedHope May 2015
You float in at my highs
And at my lows,
Making me laugh, cry,
Making me want to grow.
*I can't thank you enough.
For telling me where angels come from
For helping me figure out how to give art heart
For being someone I can fall back on even though I am afraid to hurt you
For reminding me what faith was
For being someone I could imprint who I am on your skin
For remaining kind when you realized I had no idea what I was doing
For choosing other girls so I never had to lose what I have with you
For making me cry tears of joy more than anyone else
For being homeless for a week
For showing me what is possible
For being a godsend
For being you
WickedHope Sep 2014
Don't forget about me
My dear
As I drown here
In tears

I'd say you did this
But I'm not really sure
All I know is
I don't want to exist anymore
Vale, amicus mei.
WickedHope Dec 2014
     that constantly run through my mind and fill my vision
     I can't get enough
Canisters and bottles
     that bring me peace when I'm done dealing
His hands
     that make me shake with desire and terror
Hello Poetry
      -- now I have somewhere to put everything
Connor Jessup and Finnick Odair
     because I'm a fangirl
     and it follows me everywhere
Sunsets and starry nights
     that I can't stop drawing
     -- always
My religion and beliefs
     -- I'll never sell out
Here's a handful.
- - -
In response to Stardust's #myaddiction challenge.
WickedHope Jan 2015
I'm addicted to having my heart broken

Sometime while he's groping my chest
He rips my heart out of it

I live for being lied to

Keeping my eyes covered staying blind
As to only rely on his words

I'm crazy about being a game piece

To be handled and moved wherever he pleases
For toys are meant to be played with

Mostly though
I'm addicted to having my heart broken
WickedHope Sep 2014
as i sit here

approaching two in the morning

i think of you

and what i'd like to do

and stare

at the drink in my hand

i'm bagging and sniffing again

i don't know how

you got so far away

so distant

time zones apart

but years spent together

fallen and dark

i'm lost without you
WickedHope Sep 2014
A rock dropped in the water

The ripples looked so beautiful

I just wanted to swim

To hold that beauty

So I dove

Forgetting to breathe

I thought drowning

Was supposed to be peaceful
WickedHope Jan 2015
What if                              



WickedHope Sep 2015

break me

WickedHope Aug 2014
Don't look,
Don't speak.
Stay young,
Stay weak.
A picture in a frame,
A doll on a shelf.
Your looks can bring you fame,
Just deny yourself.
Feminist professor inspired.
WickedHope Oct 2014
part of me* wonders what it's like to smile and mean it
part of me is afraid of everything
part of me doesn't care
part of me has never traveled beyond internal thoughts
part of me misses him
part of me wants to be alone
part of me wishes that were true
part of me will never have a home
part of me lives deep within and hasn't been seen
part of me might risk it all
all of me  is in love with you
Just some dumb, honest rambling...
WickedHope Nov 2014
As your tongue laps
It's way down my front
I sigh with boredom
We're so overdone
WickedHope Nov 2014
I'm shaking, I'm cold, I'm lost...
I am all alone.
WickedHope Dec 2014
will bring me
to feel
less lonely
I've no one to kiss at midnight.
- - -

- - -
- - -
WickedHope May 2015
Your pointe shoes still hang at your window
Your trophies still top your bookshelf
Your certificates are all there, filed neatly
Your jar of compliments is on hand to read

So stop forgetting who you are
What you're worth
Think of the tears you dry
Think of the smiles you're thrown
Think of your "sisters" who want to be you

I love your hair like hay and your eyes like midnight
I love the curve of your waist and the crooked smile
I miss the the laughter that you gave everyone
I miss the safety that you provided for the wondering

I miss the girl before the scars
On her body and on her heart
Just another Thursday.
WickedHope Oct 2014
He reassures me over his plate of food that I'm not that insane

He  reminds  me to consider medication
I      remind    him that it's my life
He  reminds  me to consider eating food again
I      remind    myself I need to hide it better

He  reminds  me that I have good inside
I      remind    him that I hurt the ones I love
He  reminds  me that I've been worse
I      remind    him I've been better

He  reminds  me about how I ruined us, but that's past
I      remind    him that I ruined us in the first place
He  reminds  me we were naive
I      remind    him that it was never a game to me

He  reminds  me I have a future
I      remind    him that I have a past
He  reminds  me that I have a present
I      remind    myself that I shouldn't wait, should act
Want to do something sometime?
Or just hang out or something?
(God, I'm so bad at this... but I want more...)
WickedHope Sep 2014
So you want to forget?
You have a drink.
Or six.
So you want to get high?
You roll your own.
Light up.
So you want to feel alive?

All you little amateurs,
Let me show you.
Come join me
In my chemical chemistry factory,
Or my suicide surgical stand,
Homemade scalpel in my hand.
I can help you.
I feel the opposite of alive.
If I was brave, I'd take my life.
WickedHope Dec 2014
Magazines tell me how
I am.
School tells me how
I am.
"Friends" tell me how
I am.
Instructor tells me how
I am.

Can't I just be

With no comparative quality necessary?
Bleh. Don't know why.
- - -
Gonna dedicate this to Kay, my "Rose."
WickedHope Dec 2014
Every time he says go **** yourself
I can't help but laugh at him
Not because it's preposterous
But because how could he know
How many times I've already tried

Every time I look at myself
I count up all my sins
Wishing my life were less boisterous
Wishing I had somewhere else to go
Maybe death -- I live like I've already died
WickedHope Aug 2014
one word,
shattered the
silence like a mirror.
seven years of
bad luck has nothing,
nothing on this.
the isolation and separation
never failing
to hit their target.
WickedHope Mar 2022
You are still my stars
My song
My night sky
My lullaby
You never thought we could be enough
But moments like this
You remind me why I fell in love with you
You make me want to go back
Just to feel it all again
Before the hope left
And I became Wicked
I was so awful. But you were too.
I guess that's just what youth is.
Thank you for the compliment, you always had a way with words.
WickedHope May 2015
A delusional, desperate high
Where I seem to have
Made more of a stranger
Of the boy with the blue eyes
I'm sorry.
Please talk to me again.
WickedHope Dec 2014
Your words are
           Laced with lead,
                       And I sink further
                                        Into the abyss of my heart
                                                                 The more you drape over me...
Any volunteers to fish me out? ... Yeah, I wouldn't for me either, it's okay.
WickedHope Aug 2015
I remember
when you promised
I could fall asleep
your shoulder

Does that still hold true?
Title are Taylor Swift lyrics.
Long story. Short poem.

"I do recall now the smell of the rain..."
-T .Swift (Again. Like I said, long story.)
WickedHope Dec 2014
They reminded me
                            of all the ways
                                                you've      b  r  o  k  e  n      my      h  e  a  r  t
            and I should find
                                           someone new
                             but I can't seem
                                                    **to       l­  e  t       g  o
WickedHope Dec 2014
I'm not going to beg you to stay
I'm not going to sob please don't go
I'm not going to say you're too young
I'm not going to pretend it can all just be fixed

But I want you to know
I'll miss you everyday, like I already do
I'll pray for you everyday, like I already do
Some near four months ago now, when I joined this site
          you were my first like and follow
          you made me want to write, you still do

You are a comfort and an anchor
I only wish I could be the same for you
You are like my brother, but not, because you'd never hurt me
You make me feel like smiling and
          I wish I could show you my smile, give you my laugh
          give you back all the things you've given me

Late August this guy who called himself Magicath started following me
          and I thought it was the greatest thing ever
But what was greater was getting to know the Playlist Of Souls
          behind the screen name

Andy, I'm not going to ask you to stay for me, because no one's
          been able to do that before,
          never mind like this
But for you to stay
          is my own tearful, secret wish

I love you, darling.
- - -
Challenge by Demonized Angels. #thisisforandy #anewreligion
He's really bad, guys.
- - -
# cancer # hope # always # missyou
WickedHope Jan 2015
Crystal Blue
Trained on my back
I can feel you
I wish I could feel you

Would you let me
Do something out of character
Or would it push you further away
Sorry about my anxiety, I know how much of an inconvenience it is for you.
- - -
I've missed his glasses.
WickedHope Dec 2014
- you-
*me   all   over
your   greenery   and
left me in the background
as  scenery,  treated  like  an
inanimate object, but some
decorations*    have
Supposed to look like an ornament...?
WickedHope Sep 2021
Not really into necrophilia
But my kink's you

Not breathing.
WickedHope Nov 2014
I'm a dork,            a freak,
                pathetic,             quiet,
    loud,              obnoxious,
               loyal,                 concerned,
self absorbed,      afraid,
              disconnected,     preoccupied,
      and more.

  My bookshelf spills
              onto the floor,
                           into my closet,
      covers my mattress.

                           I spend more time
            RPing in forums
      than I do
                      talking to people
                I actually know.

                                                       I have this
                                                      weird accent
                                                                ­             that doesn't belong
                                                      where I live,
                                                                ­             it gets wicked strong
                                                       when I'm upset                 or tired.

My entire wardrobe is
a walking reference
                                             to novels,
or something else.

I wear hats... a lot.

I bring books,
and notebooks
         to events
I'm supposed to

                                                     ­          I

I snort
       when I laugh,
               really loudly.

I                     d             a             y             d             r             e             a            m.
There's more, but I don't want to talk about sad or dark things right now.
- - -
What on earth am I doing anymore?
Idk what the hell this is, sorry.
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