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Jan 2019 · 11.2k
Love is
Julie Langlais Jan 2019
The sun and moon sharing the sky
Their love radiating from opposite edges of life's greatest masterpiece
When looking up at the amazing beauty of the sun and moon out at the same time on opposite sides of the sky.
There is nothing more powerful than that connection.
Mar 2018 · 537
Julie Langlais Mar 2018
As a kid, I felt lost
Unsure of the whys of my life
Unsure of my journey
I was a salmon swimming against the currents
Trying to fight life with the strength I was given
This was my flow
until I reached stillness and happiness
I was now a young adult floating in peace
Far from where I started
I felt accomplished

The quiet lake became an ocean before I could even glance at the wonder
Unfamiliar and vast
I found myself lost once again
Breaking through the waves of life
Unsure of the whys
But believing in the journey

Until one day, the deep urge to go home
To that stream where the currents were strong and familiar
For the first time in my life
I stopped swimming,
I had to go back to the mud
where my roots remained untouched

Now here I am
In nature’s water
I understand that home is not a place
Home is the current that leads me
I now swim with the tide not against it.
I stopped asking why
And started looking up
Where I can enjoy the sky
Basking in the beauty of this moment
I am trusting my path
Exploring moments without destinations

Jl 2018
Feb 2018 · 1000
Julie Langlais Feb 2018
I coloured your heart red
while you shaded mine blue

Jl 2016
Mar 2017 · 1.2k
Loving you
Julie Langlais Mar 2017
My love runs behind you
hoping for you to slow down
So you can see it's real
Not just a mirage of your past heartbreaks

Jl 2017
Mar 2017 · 705
soul music
Julie Langlais Mar 2017
Kissing you is place where our souls dance to the lyrics of love

Jl 2017
Feb 2017 · 507
Julie Langlais Feb 2017
you wake my sleeping heart to an acoustic of bliss

Jl 2017
Dec 2016 · 337
We are
Julie Langlais Dec 2016
the sun heats your passion
dreaming of birds flying

trees tell my story
the ocean holds your heart
earth is your soul
You are the universe. 

Jl 2017
Dec 2016 · 881
Listen with your eyes
Julie Langlais Dec 2016
I look up to see wonder
exploring the view with listening eyes
while swimming the sky
I admire the moon in the backdrop
and discover my reflection

Jl 2017
Jul 2016 · 779
Julie Langlais Jul 2016
a love
vividly transparent to each other
where our souls kiss when we aren't looking
where we never feel alone together
Jl 2016
Jul 2016 · 936
Clouds & Stars
Julie Langlais Jul 2016
You will meet clouds of people
Who enjoy you superficially
Give you moments of forgettable memories

You will meet stars of people
Who shine bright in your life
Touch your soul
Share their sparkle
And inspire you to be more

But If you open yourself to our universe

You may even meet the moon
Who will completely
Change your outlook on life
Who will light up your soul
Share her elegance
Reflect her vision  
And feed your spirit

Jl 2017
Jul 2016 · 484
Fly with me
Julie Langlais Jul 2016
Walking side by side
You've been my all
In our wonderful journey
With heartbreaks and love
overcoming struggles
Laughter and flooded tears

I am no longer a caterpillar
But a butterfly
An empty void
Searching for the acceptance
Of my broken
To love and appreciate
It's dark beauty
That lies hidden from the world

I can't keep walking with you
In this mundane path of solidarity
The loneliness numbs my wings
I need to taste the air above us
I need to soar to the sun
Find a soul
Who will love my broken

I have evolved
While you remained the same
You will forever live in my heart
Hoping you find a caterpillar  
Who can walk by your side
While I find a butterfly
To explore my shadows

Jl 2017
Jun 2016 · 560
Breathing Under Water
Julie Langlais Jun 2016
I breathe to live
However I find myself struggling
To catch my existence
Almost like it's not natural for me
I've seen too many things
To conceal the damage
I wonder how life would be
Inhaling clean air
My mind suffocates my breath
Which is why
I live my life
Breathing under water
Jl 2015
Jun 2016 · 1.7k
First Kiss
Julie Langlais Jun 2016
I close my eyes
Waiting for you to meet me
In this moment
Tasting your breath
Drawing near my cheek
Holding me with your lips
Melting my heart
Letting you lead
I fight gravity
To open my eyes
Studying your stillness
To stare in your soul
I follow the colors tracing your eyes
Inviting me in
As my butterflies escape
Through the creases of my lips
I smile in hope
For you to come back for more

Jl 2016
I recently found something I wrote about my first kiss with my now husband, and decided to turn it into a poem.
May 2016 · 897
Aging Process
Julie Langlais May 2016
Feeding your mind with knowledge,
quenches opportunity to inhale wisdom.

Squeezing wisdom into a humble reflection, ripens your mind.  

A mind connected to growth,
provokes insightful sophistication.

The abundance of one's progress becomes obvious to the cultivated mind.

A clear open mind inspires your full aging potential.

Jl 2016
Wine reference to our mind
It always tastes better with the proper aging process.
May 2016 · 563
Julie Langlais May 2016
I'm depleted
From getting chased
By terrifying nightmares
Haunted by darkness
Lurking in the shadows

Jl 2016
Wishing I didn't have to live with the demons released inside me as a little girl.
May 2016 · 958
Julie Langlais May 2016
I was your victim
Your offspring
My beats echoed with you
You claimed my heart
Threw it in your meat grinder
Used the minced remains
To cooked yourself a meal
Slowly savoring it
Chunk by chunk

Jl 2016
Julie Langlais May 2016
Like two scorpions in a bottle,
The two wolves continue to fight.
One holds never-ending dominance
Relentlessly mocking and scolding.
The slanderous one, better known as the chief
The master, better known as my back bone.

The other wolf; the sufferer,
Facing the horror of the fire.
Like luscious, vibrant air filled with beauty and self-worth
With the intensity and beauty of a glowing golden sun,
Glittering as it beams among the surface of the waters.
The lustrous one, better known as my daydreams
The lovely one, better known as my pure naked self.

Like two scorpions in a bottle,
There was a fight between evil and good.
The winner; the one the operator chooses to feed,
The winner; a display of my blindness.
Blindness, lacking the sense of sight; sightless.
Blind to the naked beauty and worth of the lovely wolf,
The starving wolf.

Like two scorpions in a bottle,
The two wolves continued to fight inside of me.
The delightful became liquified into dark raw evil,
Leaving me drowning, gasping
Gasping the slightest bit of that air of self-worth.

(C) Emily Mckusker 2016
This was written from one of my grade 11 students, who struggles with anorexia.
Her poem touched me; I had to share it with my HP friends.
She has given me permission to post it publicly.
Apr 2016 · 1.1k
I Feel This
Julie Langlais Apr 2016
A place where
We truly feel other's words
In unison
As they shake our core
Spill some tears
Marked by goosebumps  
Unwrapping their truth
Facing reality
Of similar feelings
We hold inside
We are not alone

Jl 2016
Inspired by a poem, I recently read here on HP
Apr 2016 · 5.5k
Julie Langlais Apr 2016
The moon is out
At her usual time
Only the sky is bright
Blended in white clouds
A blue background
Kissed by the sun's rays
on the other side
As the moon enjoys
Her unexplored view
She is blown away
By all the natural colors
Vibrant and alive

I am,
Fascinated by this image
The sun and moon
Share the sky
In the spring
The love that radiates
In contrast
As they beam in unison
In circular beauty
A moment in the universe
That proves us
We are all connected
In some way
Our very own
On display to teach us
Significance of our existence

Jl 2016
I noticed this beautiful image on my run. I felt overjoyed and excited to write about it :)
Apr 2016 · 3.3k
Kiss Me Goodnight
Julie Langlais Apr 2016
Each time I tuck you in
I am anchored
With love
My eyes allow you
In my classified space
You land in my head
For the slightest moment
Wanderlust hits
Swimming to my edges
Nourishing my stream
Ending with my heart
As it sings in joy
Inviting you in
Where my damaged soul
Floats in dark isolation
Her pain is paralyzed
In your presence
You love her perfectly
Without expectations
Holding her hand
Guiding her
On your journey  
She is fed  
By the glow  
you spread
Now feeling alive
You bring her back
Deep inside my heart
Less bruised
Kiss her goodnight

Jl 2016
This is how my kids say goodnight each night without even knowing it.
Julie Langlais Apr 2016
Last year
Your husband hammered
Your loving heart
And stopped it
Unable to shock it back to life
It cracked with soundless thumps
Depressing through your body
You walked along
Hoping for a cure

I feel you
Alive in strength
Your heart plays  
Drumming melodies
From across the pond
Beating with life once again
Recently melting in
Warmth of opportunity

My dearest friend
I see reality
The clouds hovering
Behind his sunshine smile
I smell vultures hiding
Waiting near by
Til you fall in his bed
In moments after
When you will be lying alone
In your thoughts
Feasting on your glued heart
A heart you fixed on your own
You are built on resilience
Believe that this is
A simple attraction
Ready to evaporate
Into the gloom
Spilling rain of hope
Revealing the rainbow
Shining bright
For only your eyes
To spark with

Jl 2016
Inspired for a friend who is going through a hard time with the single life, hoping to find the love she has to give. One day at a time my dearest friend, you will find the love you are searching for.
Mar 2016 · 1.9k
Memory Loss
Julie Langlais Mar 2016
Jotting everything down
Lists and dates
NAMES Names names...
I know your faces
But I can't remember
Adding to my confusion
Forgetting simple things
In my daily routine
Question marks
Screen my thoughts  
What was I doing?
I ask myself
Entering a room
Where am I going with this
What was my point
Oh ya!!

Jl 2016
Mar 2016 · 1.3k
Julie Langlais Mar 2016
Four letters worth all the wealth you need.

Jl 2016
Mar 2016 · 8.2k
This Is Me
Julie Langlais Mar 2016
I am a mother, a wife
A friend, a teacher
I seek happiness
I love deep
Only souls not faces
Always loyal
I don't judge  
I love to help
I see good in everyone
Which makes me naive at times
I am open to all
Hoping for a world
Where everyone fits
Labels don't exist

I latch to rules
Anxiety demands
I suffer from OCD
Always chasing order
Shackled by disinfection  
I am comfortable in control
Leading the way
I seek to inspire
I believe in others
I am honest with my feelings
I value experience
And learn from them
I reflect on my day
Always trying to improve
I search for meaning in conversations
Enjoy learning new things daily

I play sports
Love music  
Enjoy Art
Express myself in writes
Fascinated by abstracts
Reading words to gain insight
The grace in movement  
The beauty in visual artistry

I love to re-discover nature
The acoustics of birds
Waterfalls and rain
Kissing falling snow
Connecting with our majestic sky
I love the stillness
Each morning brings
The dew sleeping in the emerald
The lacquered canvas
Of quiet lakes
In something so vast

Yoga is my philosophy
A healthy
And spirit
My destination is
The pursuit of enlightenment  
In my life's pain
I am coming out of the spiral
Enjoying my journey
Seeing straight
Swimming the unalome
I feed my soul
Hoping IT can lead me
Leaving my ego in my wake

I remain unfinished
I continue to wear masks
Sometimes to hide
As I fear rejection
As happy as I seem
As lovely as I am
My soul has a shadow
Hidden inside
My essence traced
By shaded light
I am a survivor
Broken in places
Finally accepting my true self

Jl 2016
My first "this is me" poem was from my skewed perception of my teenage self.
I like this one more :) it's more optimistic ;)
Mar 2016 · 416
Smile In Love
Julie Langlais Mar 2016
I gaze upon your rest
I take the time
To examine your beauty
Your kindness
The sweetness you hold
And I,
Smile in love

I stroll my eyes
to your little hands
An imprint  
On the walls
Inside my head
And I,
Smile in love

I see your face
And remember
Memorizing in awe
Precious late night feeds
Following your growth
From that infant
You once were
And I,
Smile in love

I am thankful
Each night
I can find
Comfortable peace
Fixing my broken
As I watch
Smile in bliss
In my sundown

Jl 2016
This poem was inspired by waching my kids sleep. As I watched my daughter, I noticed a smile while she dreamed something pleasant, I imagine. Made me at peace to see her happiness. I must be doing something right, if she smiles in her sleep :)
Mar 2016 · 833
Our Moon
Julie Langlais Mar 2016
Her soft silhouette
Etched in the dark sky
Shining bright
She hangs alone
In her paradise
Her Curved profile
Brushed by
A peaceful halo
She watches over
Her sleeping children
Snapshots of stillness
Without Worry
Pulling her down
From her peace

Dreamy eyes all on her
Modest she remains
As she hopes to transcend
Her beauty
To her lost children
The lonely souls
Who lie in bed
Fixated on her empire
Our queen of the night

Jl 2016
Mar 2016 · 1.1k
Mother, a letter for you
Julie Langlais Mar 2016
After so many years, It’s time I hold you accountable.

You were never a mother to me
That's why I never referred to you as one
I called you Helen
You were an adult who lived in the same house as me
That's how I saw you
I was numb to you
No feelings
Nothing but terror

I was scared of you
You hated my face
And I feared yours

I don't think I ever loved you  
I never felt warm when I saw you
I felt hostility
I tried to stay out of your way
Dodging your shadow

You never hugged me
You never kissed my boo boos
I never wanted you to

What type of messed up mother-daughter relationship did we have?
You defined our detachment
You made us this way
I obeyed your deranged relationship rules  
You never once told me you loved me
I never knew that word existed until I was older

You *****!
You never played with me
I'm still furious
You were never there
When I needed you
You did nothing a mom was supposed to do
You did not protect me
You did not give me a safe place to live
You beat me
You rejoiced in torture games
You varnished my body
To the ground you stood on
Making me feel less than human
Your mouth detonated bombs inside my ears
Exploding in isolation
I'm still cleaning up the debris it left behind
You neglected me every day
All you cared about was your drugs
Oh, and your men..

I remember you shoving me into the wall
Making an imprint of my body
I looked down to see
Your fingers tightly grasped around my collar
As I stared at your hands
I sadly watched you let go
You let me fall into the hole in the wall
Made by my body
And walked away
Never looking back
So I had to crawl myself out
And sweep the chalky dust off
A ghost lost in existence

I hate that I am angry right now
My heart is racing
Not hurting, just racing
I am closing my eyes in disgust
That’s what I feel for you
You left me for dead so many times
Begging for the ****
To end my suffering
But I always woke up
Fighting for my life in your hell

You were filled with poison and illness
I hate that I come from evil
I hate that you gave birth to me
I hate that I was dependent on you
I hate everything about you

I was just a kid
Small and scared...
Did you ever truly look into my scared eyes?
Eyes begging for your love
Did you ever stop to think?
What you were doing to me
Why didn’t you stop?
Why were you so twisted?

Guilt haunts me...
Where the **** was your guilt
If I come from you
Why am I so sensitive?
Guilt ridden?
Aware of basic principles ~ right and wrong
Where were your principles?
I don’t know....................

How did you get away with it for so many years?
I was left to fend for myself
I was starving
The pain in my stomach
The embarrassment of being so small
Broken bones...
Shattered heart
Why didn't you hold me?
Just once

You always told me I was your least favorite
The ugliest
I believed you
I couldn't look in the mirror without hating my flaws
Even when I was older
I didn’t look for my reflection
Especially if someone else was looking in the same mirror
I would notice all their beautiful features
Heightening the ugliness in my face
I would compare their faces to my hideous one
You manipulated me
Mind-****** me into seeing a beastly image
I still sometimes struggle with this
Despite how beautiful people say I am
I make an effort to believe them
But I do wonder and question it

You hid in your room
Only came out to hurt me
You tortured me like a prisoner of war
Knocking me out
Left me in a puddle of blood
Asked me to clean my mess
When I woke up confused
Blood lingered in my mouth
Instead of rejecting
It happened so often
I got used to *drinking it

Grew to like the taste
Biting and chewing on the insides of my mouth
Until I tasted blood
Became my daily routine

You kicked in my ribs
Kept me up for nights
You threw me around like a rag doll
But I wasn’t your only target
I watched you assault my little sister
Trying to defend her
Getting your anger directed towards me
Sometimes it worked
But sometimes…
I had to helplessly squint in pain
As you beat the **** of her

Why were you filled with such anger?  
Hatred in your soul-less eyes
Smiling in my suffering
The satisfaction you had every time you hit me

You thought my boyfriend was cute
So you decided to take him
You wanted to make sure I had nothing
You never got me a birthday cake
Or even acknowledged my birthday
I had to sneak into your wallet
To find my Medicare card
To know when my birthday was

You never did anything nice for me
Except once
One pathetic time
I have one nice memory of you
That’s on you

I think of an alternate ending for you
I wonder how life would be for you and me
If you were still alive
Would you have cleaned up your act?
Made an effort to be a mother?
Would I forgive you
If you changed into a kinder, caring person
I’m still not sure
A part of me hopes I would
While another part of me hopes
I would have disowned you
I didn’t forgive my father
I am happy he isn’t in my life
So I most likely would have done the same to you

I escaped you at the age of fourteen
You died when I was sixteen
You were ***** and beaten to death
How brutal is that
Was that karma?
No way!
No one deserves to die that way
I hate that you died that way
I went to your funeral
It was surreal.
My momster was gone

I guess I should say thank you
For teaching me four important life lessons

You taught me how be to independent
Which helped in my success  

You taught me about the destructive pitiful life of drugs
Which helped me stay away in my weakest moments

You taught me to hate a life of poverty
Which helped me pursue an education

You taught me about the effects of child abuse and neglect
Which helped me gain empathy for others

You always told me I was nothing....
Ask anyone in my life today
They will tell you the exact opposite
I AM your perfect contrast
You were nothing!!!!
Not me
I made something of myself
Trying to prove you wrong
Your belief that I was a loser
A nobody
A worthless dumb-***
The right push
I needed to rise above your abuse
Driving me to succeed

Thank you for never believing in me
Turns out
I didn't need you after all
You did not raise me
I raised myself
I taught myself
You didn't break me
You made me stronger

© Jl 2016
Mar 2016 · 3.3k
The Useless Leader
Julie Langlais Mar 2016
Someone exploiting their position of power is viewed as insecure and ignorant, for thinking that's how you lead a successful team.
People don't respect a useless leader.

Jl 2016
Good leaders  are respected and followed out of trust and respect. If you force people to follow you, most of them will not perform to their best abilities.
That's just my opinion.
Mar 2016 · 2.2k
Art Evolution
Julie Langlais Mar 2016
Art rests inside the vision of creativity
Art comes alive with that interpretation
Art is cultured from craft
Until a masterpiece has evolved

Jl 2016
Mar 2016 · 1.8k
Life as we know it
Julie Langlais Mar 2016
The monotony of life

As crazy as it sounds
It gives me purpose
When I steal
A moment for myself
To enjoy my hobbies
It increases my appreciation

I do love what I do
Which helps
With motivation
Of my...

Waking up
To the sounds of my alarm
Pressing repeat
5 days a week

I find meaning
In what I do
An inviting challenge
Each day
Bringing new layers
Varied scenarios  
Frequently hectic
Sometimes stressful

Always a fresh day

To some
I hop along
In the dull clouds of life

While, I find
I swim along
In my stream of stability

Jl 2016
Mar 2016 · 550
I Only See (10W)
Julie Langlais Mar 2016
I only see beauty when my eyes look your way.

Jl 2016
Mar 2016 · 2.0k
Anxiety Menu
Julie Langlais Mar 2016

Wrong Tons With Me Soup
cooked worry
seared in a teary onion broth

Hors D'oeuvres
Slow Roasted Fear
fresh over-analyzing
crushed with loneliness

Main Course
Stress Salad
tossed with insomnia
marinated in a vertigo dressing

General Trouble Chicken
battered uncertainty
gloomed to perfection
sitting on steamed danger
stir fried in an overwhelm sour sauce

Choked Volcanic Eruption
mountain of OCD
topped with whipped depression
glazed with self-loathing

prepared with frothy guilt

(C) Jl 2016
Mar 2016 · 692
My corner
Julie Langlais Mar 2016
Hiding in my spot
Where no one can find me
Glazing over
To stare into dead space
Emptying the trash living in my head
Sitting here
In a ball
Holding my knees
Just maybe
I can cradle my own heart
A place reserved for me
Without thought
Appearing like a robot
Getting lost in my shut down
Exploring oblivion in my insanity
Amnesia is a better alternate reality
While I reboot in my corner

(C) Jl 2016
Words taken from my teen years
Mar 2016 · 635
Mother’s Lovers
Julie Langlais Mar 2016
Allergic to her countless lovers
Coming and going
Assorted faces
Strangely similar
Always the musician
Infested in drugs
Touching her
Kissing her
Grabbing her  
Pushing her  
Treating her like a desperate animal
Exposing their mating calls
In my panorama
My young troubled eyes
Shot in permanents
An exhibit to suppress

She begs their affection
While rejecting my attention

© Jl 2016
Words taken from my teens
Mar 2016 · 1.8k
Julie Langlais Mar 2016
Follows my inhale
Embraces my exhale

Sleeps my thoughts
Restores my mind

Honours my body
Heals my heart

Balances my nature
Shines my light

Welcomes my warmth
Accepts my spirit

Cleanses my essence
Respects my soul

© Jl 2016
Yoga saves my life each time I step on my mat
Mar 2016 · 1.3k
Moments After
Julie Langlais Mar 2016
I hate her so much
Ruined after this torture
Cuts clinging to
My bed sheets
As I lie here
With Blistered eyes
Letting her win...
I'd rather die
She will not get the best of me
As I soak my cheeks
With tears that don't belong to her
I am not her prisoner
Drops that I own
They come from
Loathing my identity
I swim deep in my own animosity
Wishing I didn't exist

© Jl 2016
Words from my teen years
Feb 2016 · 2.3k
Lost Treasure
Julie Langlais Feb 2016
Some of us are fractured
Stubborn scars that just won't heal
But here's the thing
I've recently discovered
We survived by shielding our souls from monsters
We managed to stay beautiful
Despite our ugly life
We are special gems
Like no other
We have profound empathy  
Seeking happiness in helping others
Our love glides the length of the sea
As deep as its bottomless kingdom
If you ever fall in love
With someone like this
Commit to never losing this precious treasure
This remarkable woman is a priceless pearl
An irreplaceable gift

© Jl 2016
I was thinking of a warrior queen on HP when I wrote this.
Feb 2016 · 1.7k
Julie Langlais Feb 2016
My temples pummel out
A throbbing skull
Drumming on my edges
Cracked bruises
Hidden underneath my hair
No one sees my pain
Feeling dismissed by perceived delusions
Neglect brings forth intensified loneliness
A mystery unable to solve
Potential brain damage
Resting in purgatory
Along the coastline of denial
Where I appear all right
Until another concussion
Drags me to this tide
Wanting to end my life
As I drown to the chilly depth
Wondering why my husband
Hasn't thrown me a life jacket
He tires of my imperfections
As do I….
Severity thrown under
The boat of exaggeration
No one understands my head's sensitivity
Not even me

The judgements of being weak
Of not being careful
Arguments against enjoying life
I am brought to a surplus of cries
Aching sobs swim
In my damaged head
I'm confused and lines are blurred
I'm scared and can't remember

Noises storm
Inside my ears transmitting corruption

Comatose movements
Ambushed by swelling spastic vibrations

Blinding light
Striking serrated razors between my eyes

Weighted head
Seeks detachment from its guardian

How I wish people saw this concussion for what it is

© Jl 2016
Feb 2016 · 818
Julie Langlais Feb 2016
I am a snow ball
Melting into a liquid puddle
By the thirsty air feeding on me

© Jl 2016
Feb 2016 · 464
Soul Mates
Julie Langlais Feb 2016
Soul mates are branches that stem from our timber
They are necessary for our survival
Focusing on one specific attachment can be lonely
We have several extensions of varied types

Lovers are everyone's favorite
High atop
The most charming branch
Providing us with
Decadent nourishment

Friends chosen to bud from our essence
Hanging out in the middle
Providing the perfect view
Of our reality

Family often taken for granted
Sometimes forgotten at the bottom
They are closest to our roots

Souls never get lost
Some naturally slant without blooming
Simply a glimpse
A memory perhaps
Some choose to break free
From our beauty
Sometimes certain souls
Are just not meant to be
While other branches
Remain timeless
Don't lose hope
Some connections
Have yet to be discovered :)

© Jl 2016
I believe soul mates aren't  just reserved for lovers. I believe we have all different kinds of soul mates. People you click with and get you :)
Feb 2016 · 635
House Guests
Julie Langlais Feb 2016
Moving on means
When you pop up
Linger now comes to visit
Without pain and melancholy

© Jl 2016
Feb 2016 · 856
Torture Sessions
Julie Langlais Feb 2016
Time to think
Of what is happening
Ambushed in my own head
The worst kind
Of planned pain

I'm deflated to the floor
Fixated down
Each whip
Hammering at my back
Tasting the wood
I start to count
Adding up the licks
Like electric shocks
Forming patterns in my head
Finding logic in numbers
When she will tire?
This session's termination
Seeking a hint of hope
In her shortness of breath
Whipping the same mark in consistency
Until my skin is tarnished
An obvious sequenced rule
Once my skin becomes raw
The sting takes a turn
To a sharpening burn
numbing quiets the scald
Pain I bare
Until I hear my
Little brother's screams
Punishing my core

My heart beats out
Through my shoulder blades
Begging for my mother to hear it
Our rhythm once connected
Now detached
Unable to hear it's plea

Captured by this creature
Who lives in solitude
Her rotten soul  
Living in her own reclkless world
Where no one belongs

It's over finally
As she wanders away
Ordering us to remove our mess
A collection of carnage
And sweaty weeps
Dehydrated in my cloth of depression
Erasing the abuse
Where I retreat
To my bed
And expel cries
For my ears alone
Protesting against my weakness
Refusing to show her
How much she hurts me

© Jl 2016
Words from my teen years
Feb 2016 · 948
Julie Langlais Feb 2016
A needed car ride
Don't fear
You are the driver
Taking her on your road
Through the winding bends of your head
As she sits next to you in the passenger seat
Following your navigation
Keeping you from driving off the cliffs

© Jl 2016
I have a therapist, but HP is definitely my immediate therapy :)
Feb 2016 · 7.0k
Delicious Donut
Julie Langlais Feb 2016
I contemplate
I buy it on aromatic instinct
The fight emerges
Don't eat it!
You're not even hungry!
I sit in my head
While the words debate
The palate ultimately wins
My hands follow orders
The sweet melting chew
Savory icing
Made for my mouth
I close my eyes
Taste buds dance
Pure enjoyment
A moment has escaped me
In my candy land
Until it's gone
A guilty pleasure
Plagued stomach
Churning to
Disappointed intestines
An alien
They don't quite understand
As it has no nutrients or vitamins to absorb
Sending the lipids and sugars
Away to live as fat
Surrounding areas I dislike most
I look in the mirror
And I imagine where that regretful donut went.

© Jl 2016
The donut here is a representation of fast food in general.
Feb 2016 · 464
Julie Langlais Feb 2016
Your heart has holes
From the knives of past
Stabbed in maliciousness
Punctures that remain
Help in compassion
Trust in loyalty
Bonded in pain
All the good sent your way
seeps out of the holes in your heart
Nothing can ever stay

© Jl 2016
Helping someone who can't see the problem is usually their biggest problem.
Julie Langlais Feb 2016
Stage 1
I'm tired of being wrecked
My heart beats in my head
I'm tasting my thoughts
So fresh
My mind is racing
A marathon I never signed up for

Stage 2
I'm sick of being crippled
I'm stuck between two walls
But now I can't move
The walls fade away
Into snowing noise
Static Siberia  

Stage 3
I'm bothered by defeat
Sole in this somber corridor
I see my comfy bed with plush linen
Summoning me
With taunting plea
I unfold in my blankets
concede to the voice
The corrupted trap
My wrists and ankles, shackled
Squirming to flee
I can't retreat
The night owl snarling inside my ears
I slam my view

Stage 4
My milky eyes are bleeding
I'm zooming again
Fleeting faster
Things are blurring
Sensory overload
I fall to the ground as my legs buckle
I look up to see..
The finish line!
I hardly stand, treading towards it
The last traces of energy
Escaping me
Yawns of hope
I just want to sleep

Stage 5
Only to find out I'm in a dessert
The finish line, simply an empty mirage
Sadness of lost hope
Disheartened and frustrated
I find myself racing
Repeating my cycle of marathons
Until morning catches up behind me.
Still running inside my tired mind

© Jl 2016
This is my midnight marathon, keeping me from sleep.
Feb 2016 · 1.1k
The Masked Fisherman
Julie Langlais Feb 2016
On his lonely boat
In an ocean filled with broken fish
Surviving at the depths
Waiting to be rescued

The fisherman waits
Examining the fish below
Waiting for his time
To use words of kindness and care
In the form of a hidden agenda

These lost fish
Desperate to find light in their darkness
They spot a sparkle at the end of his line
They observe the beauty and go to that glimmer
The goodness the fisherman is showing
They bite into his masked perception
And realize they are getting reeled
In disbelief as they get hooked closer
He snaps!
The bait out of their mouth
This kind fisherman now owns them
As they live in his bucket
Among other young fish
Controlled by him
He, who loves to play games with their fragile minds
To feel powerful and whole
As he feeds them weakness
Deviously devouring their soul
Piece by piece
Until only their skeleton remains.
One managed to escape his asylum.  

As he casted his line
Back in the blue of hope
She watched his lines
Filled with glitter
Nearing another
How does she warn the lost fish in her sea?

© Jl 2016
Spreading awareness on all types of abuse.
Feb 2016 · 2.7k
Koala Bear
Julie Langlais Feb 2016
I see my baby
Running up towards me
Her arms open
Flight in motion

She holds me tight
Her eyes goodnight
As she lets her body
embrace in my jolly

I look down
Her cheek roun'
kiss it with love
Everyone speaks of

I feel her toes curl
Squeeze me tighter in swirl
I Cuddle her heart
Remembering her start

Her arms around my neck
Begging for one more sec
Increasing her hold
As she senses my unfold

I correlate
Work can wait
This is what I live for
Precious moments galore
A purest love to share
With my koala bear

© Jl 2016
I was saying goodbye to my daughter before going off to work one early morning. She made my day, and had to write about her embrace :)
Feb 2016 · 545
Head vs Heart
Julie Langlais Feb 2016
Riding a roller coaster
Ups and downs
Twists and turns
Emotions riot

The heart feels
Up close
Nearing behind  
The head forgets

Ride with them
They are at war
In healing
Your broken heart

Center needs holding on
Mind prefers the push
My heart always wins..
How about yours?

© Jl 2016
Not your typical Valentine's Day poem.
Just thinking about the people who have broken hearts on this day.
Feb 2016 · 976
Julie Langlais Feb 2016
This temper that lives inside
Storms out unexpectedly
Like a monster unleashed
Ignited by stress

Spilling Anger
Yelling in irritation
Sensing my mother
Lurking in my shadow
A vile aftertaste still lingers
Forced fed by her poisonous venom

Until I realize
I'm roaring
Splashing my screams onto
My loved ones
Making them cry

The beast has taken over
From the depths
Where my momster
Lay her eggs  
Waiting for them to hatch
And be released
In shame and guilt

The last thing I want
Is the mirage of that
Ghost haunting
My babies

The creature that resides
Hidden from the world
To protect against  
The carnivores who feasted
On my innocence

Now breathing to exhale my scare
Away from my young's oxygen
One breath at a time until
The monster's ghost
Has settled back
Deep inside my oppressed soul

© Jl 2016
My kids were really testing my patience one evening, as they pressed on my last nerve, I fell over the edge. I yelled at them, sent them in time out, and then sat in guilt while I heard their cries. I'm usually a very laid back quiet mom, but loses it sometimes. That time I yelled louder than ever before, and felt horrible after. I wrote this in that moment.
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