"So how are ya?"
Fine, I guess. I've been feeling really good and rlly happy the past weeks, but I'm so anxious. Like everything I built will just collapse and make me fall in a dark hole again. I actually didn't self-harm for over a month, so I'm kinda proud of myself.
A "poem" every day.
Anxiety and hapiness
A "poem" every day.
we once watched a movie together
where the protagonist obsessed over the social constructs of beauty.
she'd chant relentlessly
i'm happy when i'm beautiful
when i'm beautiful
beautiful - -
or was it the other way around?
i'm beautiful when i'm happy
whatever it was, i just wanna say
i miss being beautiful with you.
If you're looking for a reason not to **** yourself tonight, this can be it.
Sometimes, we feel as if nothing matters.
We all do.
So i made a list of a few of my own reasons,
13 Reasons Why
I'm still alive.
And hopefully you'll change your mind.
Those moments you feel happy, and nothing but lucky.
And you wish nothing will ever change.
I will try my best.
Reason 13, the only true sentence i ever wrote.
I don't think you're the reason.
These lies made me feel just as bad as I said.
No, I don't do drugs,
No, I don't love you.
Yes, I need help.
No, I don't want help.
Yes, I want to be the one to speak her name as mine.
Yes, I know that that will never happen.
No, I don't know what is happening to me,
Neither do I know If I want to continue my life,
This is the end,
I never knew such things existed.
"Love at first sight."
And I'm still not completely convinced.
You're all I've been thinking about the last few days though.
I'm so ******* confused.
Don't even know what I'm feeling.
People would call it 'Love at first sight'
It has all the symptoms though.
Or whatever you want to call it.
But again, I'm still not entirely sure.
I don't feel anything at the moment itself.
But when we both turn around,
And walk in the opposite direction.
I can scream from hapiness.
Because it's not love.
But what is it?
I'm writing a small poem every day, about how I feel or the world around me. This is #2
I wish for him to smile
so those handsome wrinkles will grace his face
so his eyes would shine again - not bruised by pain
so his lips would curve in that nice way
so I know he's happy - at least for a second, please!
Cause every pain he feels - is my own disease...
and they never knew
they were lost stars,
building their empires
after many lost wars.
What is this concept
We eternally search for?
Why is it so hard to find?
[check my wallet…nope]
Do we end up settling for second
As a close first,
Purely as consolation?
Or do we keep on searching
Keep on sailing the trepid ocean of life
For that perfect storm?
I can gladly say
That I have found it
I found this rare jewel
They call happiness
As he thinks of her]
As a kid, I felt lost
Unsure of the whys of my life
Unsure of my journey
I was a salmon swimming against the currents
Trying to fight life with the strength I was given
This was my flow
until I reached stillness and happiness
I was now a young adult floating in peace
Far from where I started
I felt accomplished
The quiet lake became an ocean before I could even glance at the wonder
Unfamiliar and vast
I found myself lost once again
Breaking through the waves of life
Unsure of the whys
But believing in the journey
Until one day, the deep urge to go home
To that stream where the currents were strong and familiar
For the first time in my life
I stopped swimming,
I had to go back to the mud
where my roots remained untouched
Now here I am
In nature’s water
I understand that home is not a place
Home is the current that leads me
I now swim with the tide not against it.
I stopped asking why
And started looking up
Where I can enjoy the sky
Basking in the beauty of this moment
I am trusting my path
Exploring moments without destinations
You're an almond joy
A smooth stone in soft flesh
A blank stone sparrow
In crooked wire mesh
You looked over your shoulder
And ignored their descriptive hairs
Dancing with compliance
Giving never selling wares
What unbroken ****** skin
Around your eyes, thy
Eyebrows never meeting, stretching
Happy faces to the sky
I hoped richer feelings
Might comply to your dream, yet
It was laid on shallow and
Cracked and poorly set
Still despite your fret dancing
Your shakes and swoons so full
Graceful, hopeful, ruby bright
Fell dirtied, scratched by gravity's pull
Despite your new company,
Jackal grins that never start
Hope, not one can rival
The sweetness of a young heart.