I'm writing my feelings down,
to let people know how it feels to be me.

I'm now on a trip alone.
Going to the end of the world.
The gate only opens for those already dead.
This will be my last time seeing your face again.

I’ve wanted to say sorry for everything I've done to you.
But not even a single goodbye could find its place between us.
I felt nothing as I drove past you.
I didn't even look, I wanted to but I couldn't.

I'm now on my way so I can wait for you.
It's gonna be a long time waiting for someone you didn't even want to love.
I only felt the warmth of my thoughts when thinking of you.
But I couldn't find a place for you in my heart, only in my mind and imagination.

As I look out the window in the bus, I only see death.
As I look at my own reflection I see myself crying, hurting myself till I close my eyes and just fade away.

It was my life I saw in my reflection of the so sad looking window.
As I look down I see my future under my feet, black  and nothing.
It's under my feet because I crushed it and left it to never see light again.

I'm at the destination soon, just thinking about wanting to see you again before I leave.
I desperate called your name and broke out of the bus that worked as a barrier to my heart.
I ran and ran just thinking how much you mean to me.
I really needed you, all this time I didn't notice my feelings was trying to break the distance between us.

I wanted to tell you everything about how I feel, I wanted to hear your mouth say it too.
I'm still running from my death, the time wasn't right.
As I got to where I left you, I saw you standing and just waiting for someone, me.
I stopped up and tears rolled down my face, you kissed me and said “I'll always wait for you”.

The kiss I've wanted for such a long time, I finally got it, It feels too good to be true.
“I love you in life and in death” were the words I only could say, “I already know” were the words that you said.
Let's never let death and life separate our love from our hearts.
We need to know what we really feel or else you'll regret every little thing you didn't do.

I’m slowly breaking apart.
Missing piece after piece.
Disappearing into nothing.
Seeing my happiness fading.


I’m dead inside.
My feelings is nowhere to be found.
I'm searching after them.
Getting lost on the way.


I don’t know where I stand anymore.
I can’t seem to find the light at the end.
The path I’ve been walking seems so familiar.
It’s a new path, but an old memory.


I’ve created a way for others.
Someone have to walk first to mark a way.
When I get through it, I can guide the others.
So no one can get lost when searching again.


My mind is filled up with thoughts.
Coming from my long lost heart.
I feel warmth and a little relieved.
I know where to go.


I can finally come home.
It’s open, and welcoming me with a smile.
I ran as fast as I could before it would close.
Just as when I got there, it disappeared.


I fell to the ground.
Just sitting with nothing on my mind.
I’ve forgotten why I thought it were real.
No one would ever welcome an abandoned soul.

Take my heart and keep it for a little while.
I trust you not to crush it before time.
You did it anyway and crushed me with it too.
But it kept beating for your sake and my addiction.


I was sad.
The only emotion I had left.
You took my love and used it on someone else.
I’m empty, I’m dying, I’m never gonna use my heart again.


I used the rejection to see the red blood, warm and beautiful.
Dripping down, rushing down like on a rainy night.
Making pools of blood I could drown in.
I had abandoned love for my own sake.


My heart is never gonna beat ever again.
I used all of my own love for my addiction, that I started using yours.
But I’ve stopped, I should’ve been happy instead of hurt.
I’ve been suffering, I need someone to love me again.


Love, Love, Love.
It’s the only thing on my mind.
I’ve searched everywhere for someone to use.
To put me back in my normal state.


You killed my feelings forever.
You used me, like I used you too.
Emptied me from all there were left to use.
I’m me, but rotten and dead inside.

You swam in the ocean of tears.
You stayed in the forest of death.
You ate the fruit of hatred.
You killed the one of love.
You spoke the words of hell.


Kept all of the tears in one place.
Protected the nature of death.
Kept eating all hatred.
You killed the one that you love.
Only you can bear the words from hell.

I smile when you smile.❤
I laugh when you laugh.☀
I go when you go. - - -
I die when you abandon me.*✖

Time* *stood still.
Death has already been here.
Forever *nothing.

I won’t notice the lies.
But I don’t even know the truth.
Between your so violent behavior.
That you forgot who you are.


I won’t ask you to change.
Only you can ask yourself and do it.
But you’ll might lose me before it ends.
Or I’ll might lose you forever.


Show me the love you gave me at first.
Your soft and enjoyable side.
With laughs everyday and smiles.
I thought that this would never change.


I wanted you to notice the harm you’ve done to me.
I wanted you to remember our first love.
This isn’t love anymore, it’ll never be like that again.
You showed me everything about you.


The lovable side, and soft side. I loved you.
The playful side, and wild side. I liked you.
The cold side, and mean side. I stayed.
The violent side, and evil side. I was only there.


You pretended, to love me and not to hurt me.
I pretended, to care.
All those personalities of you.
Were sides of you that never existed.

When you’re about to break down.
And your heart is scattered.
The tears won’t even come out.
And feel too lonely to even care anymore.


It was too late to change.
All the little time we shared.
I regret everything and every single detail.
I hate you, but that’s not my true feelings.


It was your mistake.
But also mine, because I let you in my life.
It’s my fault for not seeing your true side.
It ended up hurting me.


I won’t ever look at your disgusting face.
But I want to see your smile that would fix everything.
Thinking about everything.
I can’t stop wanting to see you, I need you


When you can't even speak normally like always.
You need to look away and change the subject.
I was shy, but maybe too open minded.
But my feelings has now broken down.


It’s time to part ways and look forward.
Maybe we’ll see eachother again, as strangers.
And not thinking back on the past.
Still I wish we hadn't met at all.

I use the word* “love” *as a drug for my emptiness inside.

Into my ears.
Out of my mouth.
Listening.
Telling.


Into my eyes.
Inside my mind.
Seeing.
Keeping.


In my hands.
Under my feet
Taking.
Crushing.


Locked faces.
Open scars.
People.
Hurting.


Things they do
Thing I do
Remembering
Fooling


I know them.
I can use them.
Those.
***** Little Secrets.

It were a lie.
I could see your lips forming the words.
Before you would let them go into my ears.
It were a disgusting sound from a wonderful person.


I acted like I didn’t hear that gross lie.
Instead I heard the voices inside your mind.
Telling me everything about you, your past and future.
They gave me a vision of my future with you.


I was lying on the floor, black blood everywhere.
It wasn’t my blood, but your’s.
Sneaking in my veins, of my precious red blood.
I felt like you, I thought like you… I died like you.


I hated that lie you told me.
“I would never harm you, ever.”
It traveled around my brain, into the deepest places.
For it to stay and holding me awake.


My ocean of thoughts.
My sea of tears.
My pools of blood.
My grave of fireflies.


I died by your hands.
By your feet.
In your blood.
In your mind.

I see things no one else do or even could.
I hear them too, whispering in my ear.
They’re haunting me in even my dreams.
But the one vision would never appear.


Eyelids closed, blocking off everything.
It’s a part of my life, my body, my mind.
Still I never even noticed it.
It was making me more and more blind.


One day I woke up, it was dark and freezing.
I got overwhelmed with a beautiful flashback.
It gave me the ability to see.
To see the blackest black.

Going to the same place.
Staying there for a long time.
Waiting for you to come by.
And place your body besides mine.


I would talk to myself.
Imagine it’s with you.
Placing my hand where your’s always were.
Not together anymore like we used to.


Still waiting for your warmth.
Making my whole body melt before your eyes.
You would whisper in my ear “I’ll stay”.
Hugging me until the sun would rise.


I don’t know how long since I’ve seen you.
With my hands playing with your hair.
Telling each other things none ever have heard.
The precious times we would share.


The bell inside my head rang.
Reminding me of your sorrowful fate.
I stared into the ground.
I knew I couldn’t just stand and wait.


I ran while calling your name.
The tears blurred my vision to see.
I fell.
Deep down the Memories of you and me.

I don’t know what to do anymore.
I've been running all my life.
Not even once did they catch up.
But the end of my time is near.


I can feel their presence.
Sneaking from corner to corner.
Hiding in the deepest space of darkness.
For only the blind eye to see.

Turning around after the light.
Seeing shadows in the corner of my eye.
I always keep repeating the same mistake.
I’m forever trying to escape.


They held my hand through tough times.
They would be there for me.
But now they left me like everyone else.
They did it because of my bad habit.


Watching me in dark times.
Hitting me till I can’t stop bleeding.
I hate them, but they love me.
I could never understand it.


I always tell the truth.
That’s why it’s me getting left behind.
Like a piece of rotten flesh.
No one would ever come near me.


I could fall deep down into isolation.
For only my body to wither.
Bones sticking out from my skin.
Laying in my own tears, regretting it all.


My heart would slowly crack and turn my eyes to ice.
Turn my blood to nothing.
They told me to take care of their friends.
They forced themselves into my life.


I could never understand what all these things were.
I was drowning in them.
Felt like a new person after the party.
A Party Of Emotions.

Here I stand.
Looking down.
Ruling over land.
Head with crown.

Gained power.
Death to all.
Away in a hour.
I can never fall.

Bird over insects.
Cruel annihilation.
Outcast of objects.
New creation.

Death to I.
Wrongness I’ve done.
Can’t even cry.
It’s no more fun.

Life has always been too short, for us to stay.

I'm forgetting the time we had.
So I can remember my own path

I can’t carry on with this.
It has me stricken from tonight.
Far down the dark abyss.
The fear is what I fight.

I’m falling down and never hitting the bottom.
I no longer have control of my soul.
Everyone has me forgotten.
My heart is just another endless hole.

It locked me up from the inside.
I’m trapped in my own skin.
My mentality is horrified.
It’s like my other evil twin.

I can’t escape my reality.
I’ve accepted my fate.
It’s just how it’s meant to be.
I’m now filled with aggressive hate.

The world I disappeared from.
Erased memories of my existence.
The voices told me to come.
I could hear them from a distance.

They kicked out my soul.
They made me strife.
Never again can I become whole.
My body is just another Vessel of Life.

Holding on to the last piece.
Before it turns to ashes.
The fire will forever increase.
Dancing fire clashes.

Laying on the cold ground.
Only the fading light remains.
It always have me spellbound.
Cold blood running through my veins.

Making me so sleepy.
But keeping me wide awake.
The vision goes in so deeply.
It’s making my eyes break.

Still I keep holding on.
It’s my reason to be alive.
If it goes out, my life would be gone.
Hope is how I survive.

What if it’s just a dream?
Have I made the wrong decision?
It’s the same place per diem.
Is it just a fake vision?

I can’t wake up from the dream.
No matter how much I try.
Even how much I scream.
I know I’m ready to die.

But the light frees me.
From the closed eyes.
Now I live to see.
The so beautiful sunrise.

Running as fast as I can.
The only opportunity I’ve got.
I knew it before it even began.
I won’t ever get caught.

Breathing heavy and fast.
The weather has turned bad.
Sought shelter in a house I almost passed.
Now when I think back, I feel so sad.

My tongue is forever away.
They took my reason to speak.
They’ve haunted my astray.
I’m wasting time being weak.

They caught up to me.
I feel like running forever.
It’s a circle...You can’t be free.
My reason to be alive is what they’ll sever.

It’s going around in my head.
I don’t know what they are.
They’ll stay till I’m dead.
They’ve locked me up in a jar.

Keeping my soul till the end.
Shaking the container from the inside.
My emotions is what they distend.
Nowhere to run or hide.

Feeling the presence of my life fading.
The nightmare is only about to begin.
My mentality is what they’re breaking.
I know I’m Haunted From Within.

Needles under my nails.
Spoons behind my eyes.
You notice all the trails.
I wish you wouldn’t realize.

Robe around my neck.
Wild fire burning my skin.
Why did you have to check.
You don't have to win.
.
My cutted fingers lies everywhere
Blood is flushing out.
Why did you have to care.
“Die your *****” is all they go about.

Now you have to go through the same.
Ripping every hair out.
This is not just a game.
They won’t hear even if you shout.

Now I’m not alone because of you.
Even though you cared.
You can see out of my point of view.
Death is what you dared.

Life is our drug we all share.
While death is our remedies.
We all share the same nightmare.
Now I lie with our Dead Memories.

Finding the love of your life.
Never thinking of their true selves.
Never seeing the hidden knife.
Only seeing ourselves.

Never acknowledge the bad side
After everything you’ve done.
I’m no longer the one to decide.
I’m no longer allowed to have fun.

Smiles turns to cries.
Minds turns to stone.
Eyes turns to ice.
We’re all just another clone.

You can't hide the truth from me.
I’ve known it all along.
But it’s too late to be free.
I can no longer be strong.

You came to my house to say goodbye.
Left a present of our memories with a bad smell.
I knew everything was just a lie.
The only thing you gave me were dead flowers from hell.

Taking one step out of the door.
My anxiety is getting worse.
Why isn’t it me they ignore.
Why won’t anyone just disperse.

Can’t escape the cold eyes.
The judgement follows you.
Humanity is not something you can customize.
Everyone sees me as taboo.

I wish I could just disappear from people’s eyes.
I wish I couldn’t hear because everything is too loud.
Then people won’t notice my cries.
When they do I’ll just be hiding in the crowd.

Hands placed gently on the clear water.
Seeing my blurry reflection from the disturbance my hands made.
Hearing a sweet voice calling from a distance, it’s my mater.
My mother is making my long and pitch black hair into a braid.

Sitting on the swing tied to an old apple tree.
Looking at all the colours in the sky, of the sunset.
I dig in the dirt by the tree, so I could find the long lost key.
The key to the place I never can forget.

Because I met you there, sitting on the overgrown rock.
Looking down on the clear water, not a single disturbance were.
He gave me the key to his heart, only I could unlock.
Our nose began to bleed, both concur.

We laughed till we began to cry, now laying in silence.
Sharing each others our nightmares.
Never a blink of shyness.
His hand is going through my long thin and black hairs.

I woke up lying on the cold grass with dew.
My eyes see black but I know I’m covered in red.
Not only you but now it’s me too.
That woke up dead.

Laying in my bed.
Sleeping and dreaming.
About things I left unsaid.
My heart's still beating.

Waking up dizzy and sweaty
Stepping on the freezing floor.
My head feels heavy.
I slowly open the door.

Stepping out of my room.
Where I’ve been locked up.
Still night, is what I would assume.
I feel like I’m about to throw up

Walking down the creaking stairs.
Step by step, an unpleasant sound.
Down to all the unawares.
The touch of the cold concrete ground.

I can’t stand up anymore.
As I stretch my hand.
I collapse down on the floor.
This is not how I had planned.

I need to wake up from this gross nightmare.
I don’t want to have a single regret.
There’s a secret I need to share.
Before I forget.

Will I ever be the same?
Why would I even ask...
You’re the one to blame.
Will you ever take off your mask?

So I can look directly in your eyes…
To find your hidden word.
Seeing through all the lies.
My vision's getting blurred.

I’ll ask another question.
Will you ever be the same?
No answer, only an emotionless expression.
I shouldn't have accepted your game.

It’s time to tell me.
The word none have ever heard.
Please, let your emotions free.
Now, not deferred.

Meeting your eyes.
You’re telling me i’m too stressed.
I just wanted to hear it, instead of lies.
I think I’m just…
Obsessed.

Covering up our mistakes with excuses.
Always judging.
Never perfection.

Covering up our bruises with clothes.
Always hiding.
Never smiling.

This life…
Doesn't seem so bad?
Will you ever know me?
Will you ever know my feelings?

Our faces is covered.
Covered the same.
Never shown others
That…
We All Wear Masks.

Leaving your home for a time.
Going on an adventure to mysteries places.
Always ending up a chyme.
Seeing all kinds of faces.

Meeting supernatural beings.
Defeating the evil character.
Doing things that always has meanings.
Always free of an inheritor.

Finding the love of your life.
And living happily ever after, and always extending?
Even in their afterlife?
Why never A Horrible Ending?

She’s following you wherever you go.
You can’t escape your own fate.
She will always know.
I can’t think straight.

I’m sinking deeper into my mind.
Forgetting everything.
She’s making me blind.
I'm getting controlled by her string.

Seeing things that isn’t there.
I’m confined in her hypnosis.
Like a world of despair.
She sees herself as an apotheosis.

Looking at your own reflection.
Seeing her evil shadow behind you.
She won’t accept your rejection.
She has control over me with a voodoo.

But she knows I need her.
Together we are the dangerous confusions.
She makes everything I see blur.
She is The Goddess of Illusions.

Protecting the words from slipping out.
Keeping them deep inside where it’s almost forgotten.
What is it? Is all they go about.
My mind of emptiness is almost rotten.

My tongue is tangled from all the promises I couldn’t keep.
But I swear on my life that I won’t break this.
Because of you my mind is never asleep.
I have always failed every remiss.

The last time they asked I finally gave an answer.
The answer that wouldn’t mean a thing.
I could feel their anger.
When I said it were just a Secret about Nothing.

The tears are rolling down my face.
It won’t stop because of you.
You’ve never been there for me in first place.
You won’t let my voice through.

I’ve always wondered why.
Why I couldn’t love you.
You were always the bad guy.
Love between us is taboo.

The tears rolling down my face is dry now.
It stopped, not because of you.
I’ve ever wondered how.
How I’d hate you.

You said you loved me a thousand times.
But you were too slow.
You asked me if I could love you in a lifetime.
But my answer was only no.

You with the sweet smile.
Looking anywhere but at me.
Wanting to meet your eyes just for a while.
Your eyes is always the escapee.

Your words are cutting deep in my flesh.
Your voice is surrounding me.
My tears of pure blood is fresh.
I didn’t want to see your reality.

You with the cruel smile.
Looking directly at me.
I never want to look in your eyes of hostile.
Your emotionless eyes makes me flee.

Looking deep into my soul.
Telling all the lies.
I no longer have control.
Of those cold eyes.

Waiting for the night to come.
Waiting for the light to disappear.
Waiting for the cold to make me numb.
Waiting for the thick mist to clear.

Waiting for the new day called tomorrow.
Waiting for the tears to dry.
Waiting for you to say hello.
Waiting for you born in gemini.

Waiting for the night to end.
Waiting for the darkness to die out.
Waiting for the sun to make me amend.
Waiting forever for you without doubt.

Waiting for the fear to hurt.
Waiting for the pain to ****.
Waiting for my world to invert.
Waiting for my sleeping pill.

I’ve been waiting for all my life.
For you to never say **goodbye.

She’s sweet and kind.
She’s smiling and laughing.
No one sees her frame of mind.
No one hears her heart cracking.

She’s beautiful and thin.
She’s popular and smart.
No one feels her evil twin.
No one sees her fake heart.

She loves her family and friends.
She loves animals and strangers.
No one notice her mind of cleanse.
Those around don’t feel the danger.

The time is near.
To see her other side.
Everyone feels fear.
They're afraid to be alive.

Sweet and kind changes to evil and cruel.
She have the laughter of the devil.
She is cutting the flesh with an edge tool.
The feeling of insanity is so special.

The ****** path she chose.
She is in a whole other world.
Smelling the black rose.
Her thoughts is swirled.

Black.
Red.
Light won't come back.
The victims of her bloodshed.

Her heart remains enclosed in darkness.
The colour of her mind is pitch black.
She is truly heartless.
She won’t and can’t turn back.

Her life was just a plain cover.
This is her true colour.

Black* *sky and dark *night
gives stars a shining light.

Thinking.
Sitting.
With my hand on my right cheek.
With my feet on a freak.

Queen.
Unforeseen.
Feeling alone and ice cold.
On the uncomfortable throne.

Waiting.
Suffocating.
The one I can call king.
The loneliness inside.

Seeing.
Hearing.
Suffering of my people.
Screams in fear of the lethal pain.

Feeling
Kneeling.
The smooth and soft skin.
Under the mighty crown.

Sleeping.
Keeping.
With pain and fear.
The stone I call a heart.

Torturing.
Smiling.
Until death ends it all.
When causing agony.

Vessel
Devil.
Of my victims tears.
They call me the Queen with the black crown.

When you fall down into madness you just need to hold on.
Hold on to my hand.
If you keep holding I won't let you fall.
I need you and you need me.

Holding tight.
Your hand in my hand.
Cold meets warm.
Like a summer night.

I’m above, you’re below.
Looking down, looking up.
Eyes meet and a smile on our lips.

You close your eyes and see only darkness.
You slowly open your eyes and see me.
I will always stay by your side.
Looking down and protect you.

But if I should lose my hand hold and you should fall.
I would jump to save you even if it means goodbye.
But that’s just IF and IF never happens.

Only our hands could touch.
Feeling each others body temperature.
We couldn’t be together.

The ticking time meant nothing for you and me.
As long you’re with me.
Happiness, sadness.
Is two diffrent things.
They're not meant together.

I’m scared to close my eyes.
If I do you might disappear.
You’re my sorrowfulness, I’m your happiness.
Hate, love.

I hate you for bringing me sadness.
You love me for bringing you happiness.
But I won’t give up, so just hold on.
Tight.

Night
Stars, silent
Clearing, moon, shining
Darkening around you, appearing in the horizon
Light, starless, disappearing
Awake, beautiful
Day

Life holds many sins and weakness.
Everyone has their own secrets.
But very few can keep them.
So many locked them deep inside their heart.
While the pain tears it apart.
People smile to hide their sorrow.
People laugh to seem happy.
Life is just a lie.
Life is just a dream.

Many chose death over life.
Because no one realize how much they despise this so called life.
Some people think that if you die you wake up to a new life.
But what if you die in your new life?
Will the circle of life continue or will it stop forever.
You'll never know even after death.

Death is just like a flower.
When you are in a flower garden you always pick the most beautiful one.
But what if you see another one and just throw the ‘old’ away.
While it lay there it eventually wither and be forgotten.

Everyone is equal and most value the only life they have.
Some just throw it away so they can escape.
But will they ever see the good parts of life?
They’ll never know if they don’t believe.
The ones that is gone will never appear anymore.
The pieces remains inside people’s minds.
The memories they had together.
Even though not everyone loves the world they're born in.
But sometimes you just can’t hate the people around you.
Because they gave you so many good experiences in life.
I’m thankful for being alive.

I love the sky above my head.
I love the water in the lake bed.
I love the stars in the beautiful night.
I love the twilight before the sunlight.
I love the flowers of the garden.
I love the endless margin.
I love the chilliness of the breeze.
I love the freedom of the seas.
I love the taste of sweets.
I love the the silence of the streets.
I love the ones in front of me.
I love the carefree reality.