On a wooden table nested between purple flowers
A little cup of coffee sits
By a window perched on a bar stool
Fiddling with the cup, in the palms of her hands, sits a girl
She woke up this morning in a hurry to meet you
Took 3 buses to get to you
Because you made plans weeks ago, but you never showed up
And now this girl is left hopelessly thinking
“What’s the rush to being rejected?”
The barista came by, asked her if she was waiting on someone
No one important
because waiting on you is like reading the same paragraph three times
And never understanding a single word
They asked her if she’d like another cup, anything to eat
She can see the pity in their eyes
They can see past her faux smile
She doesn’t have an appetite, but accepts another cup
They filled it to the brim
Maybe its warmth will fill the cold inside her chest
I feel like a burden of dread
I feel like a burden in people's lives
I feel like people are forced to care because I am alive.
I feel like a fuckin' burden
Unwanted and no ones best friend
Jealousy to my friends whom are oh so close.
Times have changed, I'm not at close to them as I used to be.
The people I want to care, don't really care at all.
I feel left out and rejected.
I feel like a burden of pain
Unmotivated and no will for anything.
My dark mind races through thoughts and I feel them all pour into me at once.
I feel like a burden
A burden of dread
“Hindi kita iiwan, pangako yan”
Ito ang mga huling salitang binitawan
Binabalik-balikan ng aking isipan
Hindi na alam kung alin ang imahinasyon sa totoo
Pero ito pala ang totoo
Nagmahal ako ng todo at nadurog ako
Nadurog na tila isang salaming
Tinitignan mo lang para ipaalala sa sarili mong gwapo ka
Matapos nito ay babalewalain
Maniwala ka sa’kin nagsimula kami sa magandang istorya
Isa akong prinsesang noon ay napaniwala ng tadhana
Nahulog sa matatamis niyang ngiti
Nahulog sa malalambing niyang mensahe
Nahulog sa kaniyang malamig na tinig
Nahulog ng walang sumasalo
Nadurog sa pagbitaw mo
At dahil na-ikwento ko na rin naman ang mga ito
Lubos kong ikasasaya kung mauunawaan mo ako
Sana maintindihan mong mahirap ang makalimot
Sana maintindihan mong sariwa pa ang sugat
Sana maintindihan mong hindi mabilis ang paghilom
Lalo na kung sa puso ang tama nito
Sana maintindihan mong ayoko nang mahulog
Dahil basag na basag na ako
Sana maintindihan mong hindi ko pa kayang
Sa takot na muling masaktan
Sa takot na hindi masklian ang labis kong pagmamahal
Sa takot na muling ipagpali sa iba
Sa takot na maiwan mag-isa
Naiintindihan ko namang handa kang maghintay
Na sa akin ka nakabatay
Pero tigilan na natin ‘to
Tigilan na natin ang kalokohang ito
Dahil hindi ko na kayang magpanggap
Na kaya ko na
hindi ko na kayang magpanggap
Na wala akong nararamdaman
Dahil hanggang ngayon nasasaktan pa din ako
Ang sakit sakit pa din
Kaya tigil-tigilan mo na ang pag-asang yan
Dahil minsan na akong nilamon ng sistemang yan
Minsan na din akong tumambay
Sa lugar na tinatawag nilang ere
Ngayon pa lang sasabihin ko nang
Wala kang pag-asa
Siguro dahil hindi pa talaga ito ang panahon
At hindi ikaw ang inilaan ng panginoon
Siguro kailangan mo munang ayusin ang sarili mo
Dahil kahi anong pili mo
Hindi nauutusan itong puso ko
I used to watch her a lot
In pe class one day
She was running
And she jumped right next to me
And there must have been a draft
maybe it had to do with my breathing
but her baggy shirt flew up
and she wasn't wearing a bra
Only half the girls were at this point
And I saw her nipple
She rejected my advances
Later in the year
But she couldn’t make me unsee what I saw,
When you’re about to break down.
And your heart is scattered.
The tears won’t even come out.
And feel too lonely to even care anymore.
It was too late to change.
All the little time we shared.
I regret everything and every single detail.
I hate you, but that’s not my true feelings.
It was your mistake.
But also mine, because I let you in my life.
It’s my fault for not seeing your true side.
It ended up hurting me.
I won’t ever look at your disgusting face.
But I want to see your smile that would fix everything.
Thinking about everything.
I can’t stop wanting to see you, I need you
When you can't even speak normally like always.
You need to look away and change the subject.
I was shy, but maybe too open minded.
But my feelings has now broken down.
It’s time to part ways and look forward.
Maybe we’ll see eachother again, as strangers.
And not thinking back on the past.
Still I wish we hadn't met at all.
I am cast out
For no one cares
What I am thinking about
Love is overrated
And I do not deserve any of it
For I have done too much wrong
To be forgiven
I'd like to be loved
But what is that to you
You simply care
About nothing but yourself
You say things that burn a whole in me
You tell me to be
Someone I am not meant to be
You make me see the things
No one should ever have to see
Why can't you be more caring
And just love me the way I am
Instead of just staring at me
And pointing out my mistakes
Rejected and alone
I look for a home
But turn up emtpy
And completely unknown
Then you my father
Took me in again
Only to beat me
And put me in pain
For I am worthless to you
And deserve to be
Without any hope
To have or see
Having taken my last strike
I am dying from being alone
My whole entire life
If only I was loved
Then I would have something to strive
I'm better off alone
Drifting in the bottomless sea...
I tried to be someone splendid,
I tried to change every feature of myself.
Dear I tried so hard being something I wasn't;
Someone that you could fully love,
So you would never leave me.
Don't you see?
I wanted to be your everything.
I tried to be everything that you wanted,
I wanted to be the very best like no one else was.
I tried deleting all my flaws,
But they came back secretly in my sleep.
I did everything I could physically and mentally,
To make you happy.
I tried to be your everything,
What I fool I was.
on restless breeze
autumn leaves scuttle
in misted web
limbs long held
what rivers ran
streams of hope
rapid raw desire
beating twin tunes
now just a scent
on yonder cloud
as yet another